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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on December 1, 2005, at 18:04:37
The day after Thanksgiving I started throwing up and didn't stop until Tuesday. It made me so mad because this past weekend I was supposed to get together with a few people from work (including cute boy). Two hours before it was time to go, it started. I already had my outfit picked out and everything! I was like, no, no, no! I haven't hung out with cute boy in so long because I skipped bowling the time before last, and then last time I ended up playing pool with another guy and didn't really see him either. All I can do is hope this made him realize how much he misses me when I'm gone. Well, tomorrow a small group of us is supposed to go out, including cute boy, so we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!
-T
Posted by Poet on December 1, 2005, at 22:10:35
In reply to :-( I've been sick (whine), posted by TexasChic on December 1, 2005, at 18:04:37
Hi Texaschic,
Cute Boy should have brought you chicken soup. Tell him that. He'll of course, respond with that he will next time...even when you aren't sick, he'll stop by.
I wish you luck, luck and more luck.
Poet
Posted by Phillipa on December 1, 2005, at 22:56:58
In reply to Re: :-( I've been sick (whine) » TexasChic, posted by Poet on December 1, 2005, at 22:10:35
Good luck Texas Chic. And Poet is right chicken soup from scrach he should have brought you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Angela2 on December 2, 2005, at 19:13:26
In reply to :-( I've been sick (whine), posted by TexasChic on December 1, 2005, at 18:04:37
aw, I'm sorry you've been sick TexasChick :-( I hope you are feeling better now. Throwing up is the worst.
Posted by ClearSkies on December 2, 2005, at 22:04:31
In reply to :-( I've been sick (whine), posted by TexasChic on December 1, 2005, at 18:04:37
You realize we expect a full report about Friday night!
Sorry you had such an urpy time with your flu. I love that word - urpy. It means that you feel like you're gonna hurl or poop your pants, maybe at the same time.
I bet you didn't know there was a term for that feeling!ClearSkies
Posted by TexasChic on December 5, 2005, at 20:09:54
In reply to Re: :-( I've been sick (whine) » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on December 2, 2005, at 22:04:31
Friday night was complete drunken lunacy. It was kind of crazy, but pretty d@mn fun. I spent the whole night laughing. Before I could drive home I had to stop somewhere and eat and wait around a while. I don't usually drink that much and drive. I'm terrified of getting a DWI (my sister got one). Anyway, all went well, but nothing progressed with cute boy (although we laughed together a lot). I know I've gone back and forth about him, but I really think maybe its time to let it go. Its been so hard because I work with him and he apparently does want to be friends. But if he wanted more, he would have shown it by now. I realized it when he talked for 30 minutes or more today to the new, gorgeous, 21 year old girl in our department at her desk. I was like, you know, it just goes to show he could be doing more to progress the relationship if he really wanted to. Plus I was jealous and cried a little and realized the whole thing was kind of ridiculous on my part. I can't figure out the best way to go about getting over him. I always think I should just avoid him, not look at him or talk to him, but that always backfires on me. It's like I'm being negative and it makes me depressed. Plus, no matter what I tell myself, I know I'm secretly hoping he will have some kind of reaction. Gr-r-r-r!
I know what I need to do is get out and actually meet guys somewhere other than work. There's so many things I would like to begin in order to make my life better, but for some reason I just don't do it. I think I must be procrastinating because of fear of change or something. Let's see, there's the yoga tapes I bought a year ago and have never watched (and I LOVE yoga!), cleaning my apartment (I really do want to live in a pleasant environment), going for walks and/or getting a bicycle to exercise in the nice area I now live in (where I lived before was way too ghetto to walk around in). My pdoc wants me to start therapy again, I guess that would be a step in the right direction. I'm trying, its just so easy to lay around and dream up the perfect life, without actually living it. I'm 35 years old! I'm kind of freaking out about the fact that I'm that old and don't have a real life yet! I want a relationship, sex, something to do other than watch tv! I guess I've got to suck it up and do what needs to be done. I'll never get those things sitting alone in my apartment. I'm in a weird mood tonight. I need to change something, and soon. Thanks for listening.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on December 5, 2005, at 20:34:38
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by TexasChic on December 5, 2005, at 20:09:54
I have to tell yall about the conversation I had with the married guy that's always hitting on me. He was part of the group that went out, and we got to talking, and I said something about how when I'm bowling with the guys, I get self conscience because I feel like they're all looking at my butt. He was like, what's wrong with your butt?! Then he went into how he just doesn't get white guys (he's Hispanic) because they don't like girls with a big butt. He said he was talking to some (white) guys at work about it, and he was just blown away by their preference for small butts because EVERY one he know's likes big butts. Of course, I could have been offended because he was obviously saying I had a big butt, but instead it made me actually feel better about myself. I'm a size 16, so I know I'm not skinny, but I know I have good qualities and do get some attention from guys. I gained weight when I quit smoking, and hope to lose it eventually, but its nice to be appreciated as I am. I don't know if I would have ever felt this way if it weren't for this guy. Life is weird.
-T
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 6, 2005, at 19:48:50
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by TexasChic on December 5, 2005, at 20:09:54
:-(
yeah it sound slike cute guy is not happening. how bout online dating? Or finding some singles things?
And about your list, I have one too. We all do that, dont beat yourself up over that. Try just one of those things. your social situation at work has changed a lot over the last couple of months hasnt it? For the good, right? Grab a single girlfriend and get drunk at a bar. ok maybe bad advice but....you do meet people that way lol
I agree that getting away from work people may be a good idea. JOin a club/group? book club?? Yeah book clubs are a great place to meet guys!
Posted by TexasChic on December 7, 2005, at 20:33:44
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone » TexasChic, posted by rainbowbrite on December 6, 2005, at 19:48:50
For the past three days I've haven't spoken to or even looked at cute boy. I've done this before only to get really upset, but this time somehow its different. I think its because I've stopped thinking about something non-platonic happening, and have started thinking about how if he wants to be my friend he's going to have to get his sh*t together. These past few days have made me realize that I've been putting out all the effort. This is such a pattern in my life, I can't believe I didn't see it. Whenever I meet someone I like, whether friend or something else, I just get really passionate and excited, and want to do everything I can to make that person happy. I end up neglecting myself, which I don't even realize, and that ends up driving people away. I guess I appear desperate. Anyway, he hasn't tried to initiate conversation. I feel like he's keeping his distance, like he doesn't know what's wrong with me. I just know now I'm going to have to see an effort on his part to be friends if things are going to change. I'm certainly not going to force my company on someone who doesn't want it. Its good to get back to my independent frame of mind at work, rather than trying to fit in. I just listen to my headphones all day (while I work), read on breaks, and talk to anyone who initiates conversation. The people I've become friends with seek me out, and I see now that's what the difference is between them and him.
I'm going to try to start making some goals for myself. I know I would not be so upset about cute boy if I had an outside life. The situation is somehow motivating me. I guess I'm still figuring it all out.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on December 8, 2005, at 18:41:39
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone, posted by TexasChic on December 7, 2005, at 20:33:44
Still ignoring cute boy, nothing from him yet. I said thanks when he handed me a printout today, but that's it. I realize I may never get a reaction from him at all, and I'm prepared for that. But I feel better about myself for not trying so hard anymore. I feel like I'm saying, "Hey, I deserve better than this. If you want to enjoy my company, you have to show me you're worth it". Why waste my time, you know? I'm still walking a fine line between feeling good about myself and being upset about the whole thing, but I'm definitely headed in the right direction. I will have made progress when I can stop ignoring him and just not give him much thought whatsoever. I'm working on that.
I'm going to work on getting started on my new goals when I off for x-mas, begining with cleaning my apartment. I know that will make a huge difference in how I feel. I also want to start doing yoga again. I have a bunch of tapes I bought to do yoga at home, but have never watched. Another thing I've thought about is taking up knitting. I know it sounds a little cheesy, but I think it will give me something constructive to gear my OCD tendencies towards. I hope I can follow through with my goals this time. I feel like I'm more motivated than I've ever been before. So wish me luck!
-T
Posted by ClearSkies on December 9, 2005, at 7:27:20
In reply to Ongoing saga..., posted by TexasChic on December 8, 2005, at 18:41:39
> I'm going to work on getting started on my new goals when I off for x-mas, begining with cleaning my apartment. I know that will make a huge difference in how I feel. I also want to start doing yoga again. I have a bunch of tapes I bought to do yoga at home, but have never watched. Another thing I've thought about is taking up knitting. I know it sounds a little cheesy, but I think it will give me something constructive to gear my OCD tendencies towards. I hope I can follow through with my goals this time. I feel like I'm more motivated than I've ever been before. So wish me luck!
>
> -TI justed started taking yoga classes again, and bought a needlepoint kit.
Great minds think alike?
Posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 15:40:23
In reply to Re: Ongoing saga... » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on December 9, 2005, at 7:27:20
> I justed started taking yoga classes again, and bought a needlepoint kit.
> Great minds think alike?
>Maybe 'you' put that in my head! I've had some esp type experiences, do you think it could reach from Florida to Texas? Hm,m,m. ;-)
Let me know how you do with both.-T
Posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 16:43:31
In reply to Re: Ongoing saga..., posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 15:40:23
Well, today I went on with the not talking to cute boy, even when several of us all went out to lunch together. Afterwards, back at work, he said the first and only thing to me in a week (keep in mind we sit next to each other). He showed me his fortune cookie. It said, "God will give you everything you want." I couldn't help but laugh. He was like, 'If it comes true, I may have to start believing in him". Then I went back to ignoring him. But he's heard me say in reference to someone else that I can't be rude to someone's face if they're being friendly. So who knows what he thinks.
I figure it breaks down to this: he is either (1) completely oblivious, (2) doesn't know what's wrong with me and is afraid to ask, or (3) he's been ignoring me on purpose to try to give me a clue he's not interested. I don't think it would be so bad if it weren't for the gorgeous new young girl that I keep seeing him talking to. I'm like, yeah, he has no problem talking to her.
Then later today I heard a co-worker & gorgeous girl talking, something about ages, (she's the youngest one in our department now), and it sounded like the co-worker said, "You'll have fun with (cute boy's name)", like they were going out or something. But she might have said, "We made fun of (cute boy's name) ", because we have always made fun of him for being the youngest. The latter makes more sense, but I sat there steaming anyway (it's funny how the logical part of your mind can know one thing, but the other part just won't listen). One thing I do know is I've heard her mention having a boyfriend. Plus, cute boy has made that coment about it not being a good idea to date co-workers. But the whole paranoia thing strikes and I start freaking out. I've tried to tell myself, even if they did start going out, I would just have to deal and move on. But I guess the not knowing for sure is what makes it hard.
I know this whole thing is completely stupid. I just thought maybe if I could write it out here, and read how stupid it sounds, it might help. I know I need to let it go. And I know later I'll wonder why I thought I liked him so much. This is kind of a pattern for me. But all that doesn't help me with the feelings of the here and now.
The other thing I heard today was cute boy talking to the other people we hang out with about going out somewhere. I heard them saying, "Maybe, we'll see". I didn't hear everything, but they always let me know about those kind of things. Anyway, I couldn't help but think if it does come up, and its just our group of five as usual, what am I going to do? Should I just keep not talking to him? Should I give it up in order to not make things difficult for anyone else (not that they've noticed)? Should I not even go? Then I started thinking, "Oh my God, what if he brings that girl!?!?" I'm tempted not to go just to make a statement if nothing else. But then I would have to explain to the others, and I don't really want to share this with them.
The other thing I've been worrying about is the next time we have bowling. I can't decide weather or not I should go. If I were to go, I would probably lose my resolve and just start talking to him again. But then I feel like I'm letting myself be used, like I'm good enough to talk to at bowling, but not at work. On the other hand, everytime I have a situation like this, if I end up going ahead and forcing myself to participate, I always end up glad I did. That's because its usually my paranoia talking, and it usually isn't right. There is still the small possibility that he has no clue what's going on, and doesn't realize he's been ignoring me. I don't know.
I just needed to write this out in order to think it through. Thanks for listening.
-T
P.S. On the way home from work I deleted him number out of my phone. It was my attempt to let this go.
Posted by TexasChic on December 10, 2005, at 18:44:25
In reply to Today, posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 16:43:31
Today went a bit better. I kind of figured out that what I need to do is not ignore cute boy, but to hold back going out of my way to try to get his attention. That's how I went about it today, and things felt much better. I don't want to do something negative (like ignoring him) because it only breeds more negativity. By staying positive and not trying so hard, I can keep my self respect and still be perfectly nice and sociable. I knew there was something not quite right about my plan, but I couldn't quite figure it out. Today, while talking to friends on break, I just acted normal when he came up and joined in. I realized that wasn't giving in to being treated badly, but just handling it in a more mature manner. Hopefully I can mantain this more mature attitude. We'll see...
Otherwise, things are okay. I had to work today because we had a couple of snow days this week. The temp went from a high of 80° one day, to 30° the next. That's typical for Texas though. The saying is, if you don't like Texas weather, just wait a minute. Its the only place where while in your car, you use the heater and the air conditioner in the same day. You never know how to dress either. I guess that's why even though its not as cold as up North, you never seem to be able to adjust to it. It ended up getting as low as 11°, which set a record here.
Snow days in Texas aren't the same as up North. It just means the streets have ice on them. Although they do sand the streets, its slow going. Plus nobody here has snow tires or the slightest idea how to drive on ice. You'll be driving along at 30 mph, trying not to fishtale, and someone will come up on your bumper, and pass you at 60 mph. Those are the ones who cause the accidents.
Its starting to warm up now though, so I'm happy. Talk to yall later
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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