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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on November 15, 2005, at 16:13:38
I told Phillipa I feel like there is something bigger than me going on.
I am real calm about doing nothing .. I don't care if I hang a picture on any of these walls .. I don't care if I eat cheese and I get sick ..
I feel like I have no control anymore. I always came back up, ya' know.
I don't even care to try.
The odd thing is I'm so calm about it.
I am neither depressed or happy.
I never have company so I haven't been taking care of myself .. I'm tired of wasting time for nothing.
I even feel selfish, .. like I don't care about anyone else, and that's really unusual. I've always been such a people pleaser.
I can't explain it.
Is it possible that this new condo I am living in has some kind of negative vibes I'm picking up on??
Or, do I know that the end is pending, so why worry about anything and why do anything?
Oh well .. you all prob' think I'm just being dramatic. I'm sorry, of course you don't. I know a lot of you here are very caring. Thing is, I don't know what to tell you .. because I don't know what it is.
Has anyone ever moved to a place and felt like this before??? I think I've been here a couple weeks or more. I've lost all sense of time.
It feels like 'something's(?) just over.
bestwishes,cf
Posted by Deneb on November 15, 2005, at 16:53:53
In reply to I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring, posted by corafree on November 15, 2005, at 16:13:38
You're not being dramatic Corafree. A move can be a stressful event. How long has it been since you moved?
Is it possible that you are getting a little depressed?
Deneb
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2005, at 22:15:40
In reply to Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » corafree, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2005, at 16:53:53
Corafree, really don't know what to say. Except I've never been the same since moving from VA Beach and a job i loved to nc. Except since we've moved to Charlotte large city I think my options are finally going to get better. Because of the excellent medical care. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by corafree on November 16, 2005, at 0:09:27
In reply to Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » corafree, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2005, at 16:53:53
It's stranger than that.
I am planning on dying soon.
Someone else packed my things (it was like I was out of my body/mind, a robot).
Someone else pretended they were happy that their mother moved them 'like a chess piece' on a game board from one place to another (I am good at acting.).
Here now, I'm feeling the real me. The real me feels things are bad, inside my body and around me.
It's been 10yrs. My ex abusive husband divorced me and that's when I moved to my prior little condo.
I turned it into a comfort zone ... was working the first 2yrs and so could decorate and make it warm and homey(sp?). Then a couple yrs later, I started to be unable to go w/o missing work every once, a month or two. They put me on probation. My daughter needed me and my father needed me, and they wouldn't give me a leave. I was working hard and putting out great work, but on probation you receive no raises. After 3mos of not missing any work, at my review, she did not take me off probation. I quit. I filed and won compensation. I tried to more short jobs, lost them .. one because my hands shook, the other because they said I was not remembering directions. It was then I filed for SSD and did so w/ a mental health diagnosis.
My life really went through many stages there. Leaving it behind feels like another failure.
bw&tu,cf
Posted by allisonross on November 16, 2005, at 13:49:35
In reply to Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » Deneb, posted by corafree on November 16, 2005, at 0:09:27
> Hi, sweetie:
It's stranger than that.
>
> I am planning on dying soon.This makes me so sad to hear.
>
> Someone else packed my things (it was like I was out of my body/mind, a robot).
>
> Someone else pretended they were happy that their mother moved them 'like a chess piece' on a game board from one place to another (I am good at acting.).Can you make a conscious decision to be authentic?
>
> Here now, I'm feeling the real me. The real me feels things are bad, inside my body and around me.I think that is a good step. To recognize your feelings, and know them.
>
> It's been 10yrs. My ex abusive husband divorced me and that's when I moved to my prior little condo.(I may have told you) I divorced my abusive ex, and have been alone for 5 months (HATE it), I was married and endured 31 years of abuse.
>
> I turned it into a comfort zone ... was working the first 2yrs and so could decorate and make it warm and homey(sp?). Then a couple yrs later, I started to be unable to go w/o missing work every once, a month or two.Do you know why? Depressed?
They put me on probation. My daughter needed me and my father needed me, and they wouldn't give me a leave. I was working hard and putting out great work, but on probation you receive no raises. After 3mos of not missing any work, at my review, she did not take me off probation. I quit. I filed and won compensation. I tried to more short jobs, lost them .. one because my hands shook
Do you know why?
, the other because they said I was not remembering directions. It was then I filed for SSD and did so w/ a mental health diagnosis.
>
> My life really went through many stages there. Leaving it behind feels like another failure.We ALL have choices. Is that what you REALLY want to do (end your life), or is it that you just want PEACE in your life?
Have you thought of how your daughter would feel? ( I don't know who you have for family), but I am sure others would feel terrible, and blame themselves for the rest of their lives.
Is this the legacy you want to leave behind? At least for your daughter's sake, I hope you will get into therapy, call a mental health clinic, hospital, women's shelter, suicide hotline--- anyone
(If you've been in therapy before, and nothing worked; try one more time---even if it is just for your daughter's sake).
I am sure you can't imagine the horror she would experience, and blame herself for the rest of her life (that there was something she could have done)
My love and thoughts are with you. I wish I knew how to help, but I am holding you in my heart and prayers.
Ally
>
> bw&tu,cf
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