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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maynerd on November 3, 2005, at 0:52:19
I don't know why I keep doing it, but I do. Once again I foolishly think that this person is different, they won't treat me like all the rest. Things always start so darn nice, lots of fun and conversations about a myriad of topics, adventures together, and so on. You feel safe telling me your problems, knowing that I always seem to understand and will listen without being judgmental; you never seem to be a stranger when you are emotionally down.
Then it happens, Maynerd goes into one of his manic or depressed episodes. You ask what is wrong, so I tell you the truth; "I am bipolar". Slowly but surely you do the same as everyone else, you gradually and circuitously quit coming around me; I am eventually no longer your friend. Sadly funny how it is one thing to pour your troubles freely on me, yet you are unwilling to be around me EVEN though I have never burdened you with my own.
I know I get strange during those periods of my life, and I am doing all that I can to hopefully make them less strange and more bearable for me. However, that is not a reasonable excuse to treat badly someone you called your friend. You did though, leaving me to once again pick up the pieces of my self esteem out of the mud and try to once again rebuild myself. Do I hate you? No, even though a big part of me really wants to. I feel sorry for you, sorry that you have to live such a pathetic excuse of a life that you must run away from anyone or thing that might make you have to face your own inner emotions. Yes, that's right, I called you a coward, accept the truth. You, like most Americans, seem to spend your whole life trying to avoid facing, acknowledging, or trying to understand your own messed up emotions.
Let me tell you this, just because I am bipolar does NOT imply that I am a lesser person, crazy, or any of the other derogatory labels you and others have used; nor does it imply that the way you treat me doesn't hurt like heck. What it does mean is that I am a person that feels, hurts, loves, and even cries just like you. What is the difference between us? I have to take medication to stabilize my thoughts and moods, and I am not afraid to face my moods and emotions.
So, good by 'friend', it was fun while it lasted. If it makes you feel any better you were able to make me good and depressed for a short while, but now my meds are starting to kick in.
Posted by fairywings on November 3, 2005, at 8:43:04
In reply to hypocrisy of a friend, posted by Maynerd on November 3, 2005, at 0:52:19
Hi Maynard,
Sorry you're going through this, it sounds really awful. The one thing that strikes me is that you're not your diagnosis, and if telling ppl your diagnosis hurts friendships, then maybe not sharing that would help. I know we don't want to be friends with ppl who can't accept us the way we are, but ppl are afraid of what they don't understand, and most ppl don't understand mental illness, they can't accept that it affects a friend or that it might one day affect them.
You're a good person with some problems that you can't help - like most of us here. I hope you start feeling better and the depressions lifts.
fw
Posted by Maynerd on November 4, 2005, at 12:40:40
In reply to Re: hypocrisy of a friend » Maynerd, posted by fairywings on November 3, 2005, at 8:43:04
Thank you for the kindness and supportive thoughts, they are greatly appreciated. I am feeling much better, both due to meds as well as releasing the bad energy that was trapped inside. I am a good person and it is indeed their loss if they choose to view me as my disorder. Hurts that someone I trusted betrayed that, but since it didn't break me I suppose that it will make me stronger the next time.
Posted by fairywings on November 4, 2005, at 18:09:51
In reply to Re: hypocrisy of a friend, posted by Maynerd on November 4, 2005, at 12:40:40
> Thank you for the kindness and supportive thoughts, they are greatly appreciated. I am feeling much better, both due to meds as well as releasing the bad energy that was trapped inside.
Hi Maynard, I'm glad you're feeling better. I hate when I get knocked down by something like that. Sometimes I feel I'm at the mercy of the way people respond to me. When I get a negative response, I take it personally, instead of seeing that it's often the other persons problem. I have trouble releasing those feelings too.
>>I am a good person and it is indeed their loss if they choose to view me as my disorder. Hurts that someone I trusted betrayed that, but since it didn't break me I suppose that it will make me stronger the next time.
Yeah, we should be able to trust people who we come to think of as friends. I feel the same way a lot of times. People I know, and have become friendly with will be friends with downright abusive people, or shallow people, or whatever, and then for one reason or another our friendship dies. I can never figure out how they can be friends with ppl who are so hateful, and yet I was a good friend, and it didn't work out. I know you're a good person, and you're right - it is their loss, and their problem. You aren't your diagnosis. You're a person with feelings, who's been hurt by ppl you trusted, and you got smacked down. It s*cks, I've been there, I understand.
There are a lot of good ppl out there, we just have to find them if we dare to trust again.
fw
This is the end of the thread.
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