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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:08:10
For a slight moment I realized that all you guys are in the REAL WORLD! People here are *real* people. Dr. Bob is a *real* person.
I think the feeling went away, but when I felt it, it was super strange!
It will be a neat experiment to get together in real life. Maybe that will drill the idea of *reality* into my head.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:19:26
In reply to Just realized something obvious for a moment, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:08:10
I don't think I live in reality most of the time...maybe that is why I do crazy things so readily...
I don't seem to realize that the things I do can be serious. I think I live in my own little world. I don't really feel "real" most of the time, like I don't belong or something.
What I think is all there is to my world. There seems to be little outside of my own world. How do I get into reality? I don't think I've ever really learned how to live in reality.
Is this normal? Is it normal to feel so disconnected from reality? I think maybe it might be dangerous to be so disconnected...because the laws of reality sometimes don't apply to my little world.
Can't find reality... :-(
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:29:06
In reply to Re: I don't think I live in reality, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:19:26
Today more than usual I've been seeing moving shadows out of the corner of my eyes. I keep thinking there was something, but there isn't anything there when I look. This is getting a bit freaky. Am I losing my mind?
Deneb
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 8, 2005, at 0:54:39
In reply to Re: I think I'm seeing things, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:29:06
Maybe you are having a reaction to stopping your med cold turkey. It would go back to taking it (since you have only been off for a day or so) and call your doc before you stop it again.
If you are sure that you want to go off of it, that's okay, but you should do it safely. I do not know enough abt this med to know if the experiences you are having could be related, but I would think that it is a possibility.
(I cannot stop myself from adding that you posted several times about feeling better on the med. Look up your old posts before making a final decision.)
Best,
EE
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 1:31:50
In reply to Re: I think I'm seeing things » Deneb, posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 8, 2005, at 0:54:39
> Maybe you are having a reaction to stopping your med cold turkey. It would go back to taking it (since you have only been off for a day or so) and call your doc before you stop it again.
I just took 0.25mg, half of what I was given. The moving shadows are not too scary, but are still unnerving. I don't want to make myself worse. I hope I can sleep tonight. I wouldn't sleep last night when I stopped it cold turkey. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived, or maybe I just gave myself hallucinations. :-(
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 3:19:55
In reply to Re: I think I'm seeing things » Emily Elizabeth, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 1:31:50
I'm confused.
I thought you were still figuring out whether they were helping you or not...
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 14:16:40
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 3:19:55
> I'm confused.
>
> I thought you were still figuring out whether they were helping you or not...http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051003/msgs/563921.html
Posted by holymama on October 8, 2005, at 15:20:53
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds???, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 14:16:40
It does sound like these could be side effects of not taking the full dose of risperdal. Did you see these shadowy things before you were on risperdal? How about the feeling of not being in reality? Is that something you have always experienced? Did you not have these symptoms when you were on the risperdal? It's good to pay close attention to what symptoms you have/don't have on any medications, even when you reduce the dose slowly. I know that I am super sensitive to small dose changes and have to reduce some meds sliver by sliver. Try to keep good notes on anything different that you feel. Even if you don't like this drug, you may be on others in the future and it will help you and your docotr choose a good one for you if you can really explain what each drug did for you and what you felt like when you went off.
Deneb, have you let your doctor know you are reducing the med? I really think you should, hon. Keep in close touch with him, even if he is not your regular doctor. Let him know what's going on.
~Autumn~
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 15:52:38
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds???, posted by holymama on October 8, 2005, at 15:20:53
> It does sound like these could be side effects of not taking the full dose of risperdal. Did you see these shadowy things before you were on risperdal?
I don't think so, not in the daytime anyways.
> How about the feeling of not being in reality? Is that something you have always experienced?
I feel unreal a lot of the time. It is something I've always experienced. It is worst sometimes than other times.
>Did you not have these symptoms when you were on the risperdal?
I didn't really notice.
> Deneb, have you let your doctor know you are reducing the med?
No, I did it myself.
>I really think you should, hon. Keep in close touch with him, even if he is not your regular doctor. Let him know what's going on.
I don't think I can really trust him. I don't think he can tell the difference between crazy thoughts and a crazy imagination.
Thanks Autumn for the adviceDeneb
Posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 17:22:22
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » holymama, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 15:52:38
Hmm.
Has your mouth ever twitched before for any other reason?
Maybe it has but you didn't notice it...
I really do think...
That one single episode of mouth twitching isn't really enough to conclude that the medication is of no benefit whatsoever...> I feel unreal a lot of the time. It is something I've always experienced. It is worst sometimes than other times.
derealisation.
happens sometimes in times of stress
(and exams are pretty stressful)I also get that feeling fairly strongly when I am adjusting to meds. For the first few days of being on an anti-psychotic typically. Just a few days and then the feeling fades. But if you are playing around with dosages, increasing and reducing, and not taking it at regular times then I guess your body won't desensitise to it and adapt. So... You are more likely to continue to experience that feeling...
> > Deneb, have you let your doctor know you are reducing the med?
> No, I did it myself.
Hmm. And next time you have an episode then what do you think he is going to ask you first? 'Have you been taking your meds?'. And then he is going to want to know why not...
Because its about helping yourself.
Or...
If you really do not want to take them...
Then tell him that.
Really.> I don't think I can really trust him.
How many times have you seen him?
Trust takes time...
But sounds to me like he is trying to help you as best he can...>I don't think he can tell the difference between crazy thoughts and a crazy imagination.
Can you tell the difference?
I'm not sure that I can...
I didn't think the meds were about 'crazy' thoughts / imaginings so much as your intense distress and the paranoid ideation that tends to accompany that.Remember...
Last time you were able to go and see your doc
And you didn't SI.
Maybe the meds helped you there...
Or maybe not...
But the only way to tell is to keep taking them and see whether there is a general improvement.I don't think they are likely to work wonders
But every little bit helps when crisis hits...
Posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 17:45:49
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » holymama, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 15:52:38
>
> I don't think I can really trust him. I don't think he can tell the difference between crazy thoughts and a crazy imagination.How do you define the difference?
gg
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2005, at 18:36:47
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 17:45:49
Deneb, you sounded much calmer on the .5 reseridol. And better able to concentrate. I agree that twitching of your mouth one time is not something to worry about. But if you are call the pdoc and tell him. Maybe this help you trust him if he says what you want him to say. Or maybe he'll say to stick with the medication. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Angela2 on October 8, 2005, at 21:08:00
In reply to Just realized something obvious for a moment, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 0:08:10
Don't you love realizations like that? They seem to make ya all warm and fuzzy and everything seems right in the world.
Posted by javableue on October 8, 2005, at 23:27:14
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » holymama, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2005, at 15:52:38
Deneb,
Have you spoken with your pdoc about your concerns? It would be helpful to tell him, and perhaps ask why he has prescribed this medication for you; his decision may not change, but in my experience, knowing that a doctor has even just heard my input can make a huge difference in my confidence in their judgement. I know I found it really hard to follow med directions before I knew my current pdoc was willing to work with me, and not just on me.
As for the twitching, have you noticed any correlation with stress? I've never had any twitches or the like linked to my medications, but I get wicked twitches around my eyes and upper arms when I'm under extreme stress, like during the exam period. I'm no expert, though, it's just a thought. If you're really concerned, you should contact your pdoc or pharmacist.
jb
Posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 0:33:34
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 17:22:22
> Has your mouth ever twitched before for any other reason?
I got twitching from Celexa and Zoloft. I don't recall twitching before the meds.
> Maybe it has but you didn't notice it...Perhaps...
It's kind of strange, but it seems like the more I think about the twitching, the more I twitch.
> But sounds to me like he is trying to help you as best he can...I don't think he really knows how to deal with me. He didn't give me any advice on continuing or stopping Risperdal. He basically told me that it is up to me...that I should stop if it doesn't help. I don't know if it helps or not. He said I should be able to tell by now because 2 weeks is more than enough time for a trial. I think it decreased anxiety in certain situations. I'm just really bad at realizing the effects of drugs. Maybe I don't know how to pay attention to myself and the way I feel.
> >I don't think he can tell the difference between crazy thoughts and a crazy imagination.
>
> Can you tell the difference?
> I'm not sure that I can...Me neither. It's just all really confusing. I really don't know what is up with me. I basically told my p-doc the same thing...I don't know what is wrong...you figure it out, 'cause I can't. Sometimes I feel like I'm faking things or something, but then why would I fake things when I'm by myself? Why would I not be able to control my thoughts? Why would I get so very upset? My suffering is real, for whatever reason, I don't know...
> I didn't think the meds were about 'crazy' thoughts / imaginings so much as your intense distress and the paranoid ideation that tends to accompany that.
My p-doc said they were for my "crazy thoughts." (my phrase, not his). He told me to exercise when distressed.
> But the only way to tell is to keep taking them and see whether there is a general improvement.I really really hope it can prevent stuff like that from happening (the distress, the SI and weird horrible feelings). If I knew it would prevent them, I would take it.
Thanks Alexandra, for reminding me why I decided to take it in the first place.
I'm going to have another go at it. I really don't want to have another rope episode again because of a false belief.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 0:38:09
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds??? » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 17:45:49
> > I don't think I can really trust him. I don't think he can tell the difference between crazy thoughts and a crazy imagination.
>
> How do you define the difference?To me, a crazy imagination is having crazy thoughts without being actually psychotic or totally believing them 100%.
I think most of my crazy imaginings have an element of doubt in them. If they didn't I wouldn't be here right now. It does disturb me to know that I believed in them enough to buy a rope and write a suicide note though.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 0:40:34
In reply to Re: uh, why did you stop your meds???, posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2005, at 18:36:47
> But if you are call the pdoc and tell him. Maybe this help you trust him if he says what you want him to say. Or maybe he'll say to stick with the medication. Fondly, Phillipa
thanks Phillipa, I will see my p-doc in less than 2 weeks. I'll tell him them. I should write things down this time, I tend to forget lots of things. Last time he left things up to me, not sure if he is able to give me much advice.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 0:47:01
In reply to Re: Just realized something obvious for a moment, posted by Angela2 on October 8, 2005, at 21:08:00
> Don't you love realizations like that? They seem to make ya all warm and fuzzy and everything seems right in the world.
My sudden realization was triggered by watching a CNN news clip with a segment with DocJohn talking about online behaviour. Seeing him talk "in person" was totally strange. I realized that I actually "talked" to him and he's a real person.
This sudden realization also made me realize just how much of a fantasy world I live in. It is really difficult for me to imagine this place as a real world place, with real live people.
Heck, it's even difficult to realize that the real world is the real world. I live in my head too much...waaay too much.
Deneb
Posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 17:42:08
In reply to Re: Just realized something obvious for a moment » Angela2, posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 0:47:01
Deneb, who is Dr. John. Heard that name here before. Was he here before I came or from another forum? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 19:00:28
In reply to Re: Just realized something obvious for a moment » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 17:42:08
> Deneb, who is Dr. John. Heard that name here before. Was he here before I came or from another forum? Fondly, Phillipa
Dr. John Grohol owns a website called PsychCentral. There is a self help support forum there much like this one.
Deneb
Posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 22:53:26
In reply to Re: Just realized something obvious for a moment » Phillipa, posted by Deneb on October 9, 2005, at 19:00:28
Deneb, I tried to go to Psych Central once and it said it wasn't there anymore. Is that true. Or did I do something wrong? I thought that's where Minniehaha went remember her? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by holymama on October 11, 2005, at 14:49:23
In reply to Re: Just realized something obvious for a moment » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 22:53:26
Hi Lostforwards,
It seems that everyone here agrees that you should contact your doctor. I think you need to be honest with yourself in that you have an illness with psychosis and your thoughts can get delusional sometimes. Thus, if everyone is giving you feedback that your thoughts are irrational, you need to trust that they are probably right. You need to learn to trust others' feedback if you want to find a way to be healthy. I know it's hard. I'm bipolar and I have had to let go of some of my independence and let my husband and family tell me when I start to go 'off'. I've learned that if I have a few designated people to 'trust', it relieves some of the burden of watching myself all of the time and wondering if I'm allright.
~Autumn~
This is the end of the thread.
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