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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on September 26, 2005, at 20:34:12
I'm not that significant but I wanted to apologize to those I may have offended over the past several months. I usually had to be quite drunk to post at all. I'm not typically a "mean" drunk but the combination of losing my inhibitions and feeling like a failure, brought out a kind of angry, bitter, streak.
I'm probably only doing this to get attention, being needy and having such a big ego and all.. I'm such a worm. My huge ego won't let me be just any ordinary worm. I'm a vile, rotten, two-faced, mutant worm. A misfit among worms.
Oops, got carried away wallowing in my self-loathing, shame, and guilt It's always about me. I still cringe with embarrassment over stuff that happened in my childhood when all witnesses have long since died. I actually turn red with shame and cover my face - and I'm alone!
Oops, sidetracked again by my favorite subject. Anyway, while I was drinking I sometimes got mean and argumentive, looking for trouble. I would deliberately try to provoke others while at the same time staying within the bounds of the civility code.
They would go to far, get warned or blocked, and I would congratulate myself on having laid such a brilliant trap. Of course, the next day I felt awful.
Now, I'm 70 plus days sober and still feel awful. I've never been much of a chatter or poster. Even now I find it hard to develop any sort of online relationship with anyone. I don't like emoticons and all the warm, fuzzy expressions of undying love.
Don't get me wrong. I aspire for love, I just don't trust talk about love.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I tend to keep my distance and don't know how to post in a warm, friendly, way. I will, at times, reach out (because I'm so needy) yet pull away (because I'm so withdrawn) leaving others confused. I want to be liked yet in the end just rub most people the wrong way.
Verne
Posted by wildcard on September 26, 2005, at 21:01:11
In reply to Broad Spectrum Vernicide for PWD, posted by verne on September 26, 2005, at 20:34:12
Well that was a huge step for u and we all do things we regret but yessterday is gone, tomorrow is promised to no one so just live for today! Hang in there and just read and post if u like. I never met u but ((((hugs)))) to u. We all are here for a reason. U are not alone.
Posted by KaraS on September 27, 2005, at 9:08:07
In reply to Broad Spectrum Vernicide for PWD, posted by verne on September 26, 2005, at 20:34:12
> I'm not that significant but I wanted to apologize to those I may have offended over the past several months. I usually had to be quite drunk to post at all. I'm not typically a "mean" drunk but the combination of losing my inhibitions and feeling like a failure, brought out a kind of angry, bitter, streak.
>
> I'm probably only doing this to get attention, being needy and having such a big ego and all.. I'm such a worm. My huge ego won't let me be just any ordinary worm. I'm a vile, rotten, two-faced, mutant worm. A misfit among worms.
>
> Oops, got carried away wallowing in my self-loathing, shame, and guilt It's always about me. I still cringe with embarrassment over stuff that happened in my childhood when all witnesses have long since died. I actually turn red with shame and cover my face - and I'm alone!
>
> Oops, sidetracked again by my favorite subject. Anyway, while I was drinking I sometimes got mean and argumentive, looking for trouble. I would deliberately try to provoke others while at the same time staying within the bounds of the civility code.
>
> They would go to far, get warned or blocked, and I would congratulate myself on having laid such a brilliant trap. Of course, the next day I felt awful.
>
> Now, I'm 70 plus days sober and still feel awful. I've never been much of a chatter or poster. Even now I find it hard to develop any sort of online relationship with anyone. I don't like emoticons and all the warm, fuzzy expressions of undying love.
>
> Don't get me wrong. I aspire for love, I just don't trust talk about love.
>
> I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I tend to keep my distance and don't know how to post in a warm, friendly, way. I will, at times, reach out (because I'm so needy) yet pull away (because I'm so withdrawn) leaving others confused. I want to be liked yet in the end just rub most people the wrong way.
>
> Verne
Hi Verne,It's good to have you back here! Congratulations on your 70 plus days of sobriety. You seem to have an impressive amount of insight into yourself and your condition. Not many of us are as brave or as open about our anger and negative feelings about ourselves. That knowledge and acceptance of it are the first step towards change. Not so easy I know but you are on the right path. We can try to help or at least listen.
K
Posted by Declan on September 27, 2005, at 10:21:21
In reply to Broad Spectrum Vernicide for PWD, posted by verne on September 26, 2005, at 20:34:12
Hard finding a shape that's OK with self and others? If you couldn't say anything you could agree with you'd be reduced to silence. It's a problem sometimes that everything is just a matter of perception. A punitive perception is best dealt with by acceptance and kindness. I liked your last sentence. I thought, that's me too. (No surprise there etc etc)
I always look for your posts though.
Declan
Posted by crazy teresa on September 28, 2005, at 12:58:04
In reply to Broad Spectrum Vernicide for PWD, posted by verne on September 26, 2005, at 20:34:12
Did that sound like Ernest? I gave it my best shot! LOL!
It's awesome that you've stopped drinking! Good for you!
We don't have to love each other to support each other. If you feel the need to be sarcastic or mean in the future, dish it out to me; I can take it. But you're gonna get it right back! ;~}
Did you know ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law? I posted a new rule that you have to pay me each time you post negatively about yourself. You owe me big bucks!
crazy t
Posted by verne on September 28, 2005, at 18:00:51
In reply to Hey verne! » verne, posted by crazy teresa on September 28, 2005, at 12:58:04
That Ernest guy has been talking to me from the tv for a long time.
You know what I mean?
Verne
This is the end of the thread.
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