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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on September 15, 2005, at 21:03:43
I'm so terrible ashamed of what I did to get myself blocked for the second time and even more ashamed of what I did after being blocked.
Maybe through time, people here will forgive me. I can't believe what I sent to Dr. Bob and Dinah and Gardenergirl at times...it was horrible.
I don't think Dinah got my e-mails, thank goodness. It was bad people...really bad, especially the ones I sent to Dr. Bob. I don't know how I can show my face anymore.
I don't know if he will ever forgive me. I don't think he will be joking around with me for a very long time.
:-( It is very sad.Deneb
Posted by wildcard on September 15, 2005, at 21:14:53
In reply to I'm so terribly ashamed, posted by Deneb on September 15, 2005, at 21:03:43
Deneb, DBob of all people understand mental illness and how some people react under extreme stress or emotion. i have RARELY seen him interact w/ anyone here as that is not what he does. he obviously cares or 1) he wld. not have this site for us and 2)he cld. permanently have blocked u if the emails were that offensive. u are letting ur mistakes of yesterday affect u today. all u can do is learn from them and apologize whether it is accepted or not, and move forward!! i know u have a kind heart but we all make mistakes so forgive urself and never do it again. ur friend,abbey
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 15, 2005, at 22:51:06
In reply to I'm so terribly ashamed, posted by Deneb on September 15, 2005, at 21:03:43
Deneb please try to forgive yourself?
Some of the things I've done when feeling desperate from what I see as rejection or feeling lost leave me reeling with humiliation.
When I recover I wonder what corner of the universe my mind was in at the time, it's so hard to fathom
I've not done anything like that in a long while as for me It's gotten so much better with time. No doubt it will for you because you are very conscious of what you are doing, and insightful into your situation.
I don't think Doctor Bob has much problem wiping the slate clean, he's seen so much here.
I don't know if that will help you, but I hope it does.
Posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:24:04
In reply to I'm so terribly ashamed, posted by Deneb on September 15, 2005, at 21:03:43
Deneb,
I'm curious about why you send such emails, especially if they bother you later on?I think, after it happens a few times, the apologies dmay not mean as much to the people who are affected. Probably....to get back in the good graces of the powers that be, changing your behavior in the future is the best way to go.
I obviously can't talk for anyone else, and I'm clearly NOT speaking for gg or Dr. Bob or Dinah. My observations are based on other experiences with other people. For me, if someone continues to hurt me or does something that bothers me...and apologizes every time... but keeps doing it again and again...I lose trust in that person.
I mean, I think you're right to worry about others' reactions. If you sent damaging or potentially hurtful emails to other people, it's possible that they COULD start to develop negative feelings towards you. (Again -- I'm NOT speaking for anyone here, only making observations on what I believe to be normal human nature!) So I think that changing the behavior is the best way to ensure that people have POSITIVE feelings about you & your emails.
That's my advice...take it or leave it! :)
JenStar
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 10:18:44
In reply to Re: I'm so terribly ashamed » Deneb, posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:24:04
> Deneb,
> I'm curious about why you send such emails, especially if they bother you later on?Don't know...poor self control?
> I think, after it happens a few times, the apologies dmay not mean as much to the people who are affected.I think so too.
>Probably....to get back in the good graces of the powers that be, changing your behavior in the future is the best way to go.
I agree.
> I mean, I think you're right to worry about others' reactions. If you sent damaging or potentially hurtful emails to other people, it's possible that they COULD start to develop negative feelings towards you.I agree here, plus I could have gotten into huge legal trouble. I think I could have gone to jail, yet I still did it.
You don't seem to understand my behaviour, and neither do I...it is sometimes extremely self destructive and hurtful to other people. I don't know why I do it. I could have gone to prision, but I still did it. Maybe I will go to prision yet, there is certainly plenty of evidence and I made no effects to hide my true identity.
I'm not sure I can guarantee that it will never happen again and it is a horrible thing.
Deneb
Posted by wildcard on September 16, 2005, at 10:40:01
In reply to Re: I'm so terribly ashamed, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 10:18:44
>U are on the right path. u see u do things that are hurtful to urself and others. that is a HUGE step, just keep taking those steps no matter how small they may be at first. U have acknowledged and apologized, now look ahead and be positive. i have found that looking back is negative a lot of the time unless u are remembering so u dont do that again. *it is only a mistake if u do not learn from it*. what u decide to do from here depends on u! forgive urself, let it go as best u can and be that funny Deneb we all love!
Today is the first day in the rest of ur life so make it a good one ; )
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 13:22:14
In reply to I'm so terribly ashamed, posted by Deneb on September 15, 2005, at 21:03:43
I think I can be manipulative, attention getting and dramatic a lot of the times.
Maybe all my posts are that way, I'm not sure. I think my posts above were that way. I try to be honest. Even when being dramatic I do actually get very upset when I say I am.
I would like to say I'm sorry, but if I don't stop someone told me that I wouldn't really be sorry.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 13:37:09
In reply to Re: I'm attention getting, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 13:22:14
Posted by wildcard on September 16, 2005, at 13:39:43
In reply to Re: I'm attention getting, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 13:22:14
There is nothing wrong w/ apologizing. i think the point that the person was making was that IF the behavior is repeated over and over again, the apology loses its affect. as an example, say u have a friend that says bad things about others around u and it offends and upsets u but they apologize each time. eventually, the apology isn't worth much b/c they continue. make sense? i believe u are sincere when u feel u have hurt others. just keep trying really hard to think BEFORE u say things instead of AFTER.
(((((hugs)))))
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 16, 2005, at 14:12:07
In reply to Re: I'm attention getting, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 13:22:14
> I think I can be manipulative, attention getting and dramatic a lot of the times.
>Deneb, all of us seek attention one way or another.
> Maybe all my posts are that way, I'm not sure. I think my posts above were that way. I try to be honest. Even when being dramatic I do actually get very upset when I say I am.
>I've never doubted that, probably because I know myself. There have been times in the past where I was in absolute gut wrenching agony, and though I knew my brain was overreacting, the agony was real. I remember being bewildered when I found out the nurses really though I could stop crying if I wanted too.
I would like to say I'm sorry, but if I don't stop someone told me that I wouldn't really be sorry.
>You can still be sorry, and say you're sorry, because you ARE. Whether or not it's accepted or understood is beside the point, you are sorry.
Having your brain just kind of go off on you is a really difficult thing to handle. And changing the behaviour is difficult, but yes, as most people don't understand, and for your own sake, it does need to be done.It's so hard because at those times, for me anyway, it was like a hallucination because my perception of reality was so off, but because it isn't a hallucination, I was expected to be able to control my reaction to what I saw or felt..
Sometimes I thought it would be easier if I had real hallucinations, then people wouldn't think I could just stop.Yelling at a flower and telling it to "bloom" doesn't work, it takes time, and effort, but it will happen. Meanwhile, if you feel bad about it, say you're sorry, some will understand, some won't, but that's the way it is with everything in life, and that's how you find people you can connect with.
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 15:14:12
In reply to Re: I'm attention getting » Deneb, posted by Gabbix2 on September 16, 2005, at 14:12:07
I'm getting different types of responses to my posts. Some say one thing while another says another...I don't know which to believe in. How do I find out which one is correct?
This is really confusing for me. I don't know what to think anymore.
Deneb
Posted by wildcard on September 16, 2005, at 15:20:45
In reply to Re: I don't know who is right...confused, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 15:14:12
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 16, 2005, at 15:46:11
In reply to Re: I don't know who is right...confused, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 15:14:12
I'm sorry if I added to the confusion. All I can say is that I was telling you what's been true for me, and in the past I've had similar problems to yours. Without the unconditional acceptance of some people, I'm not sure I would have ever gotten better. That's confusing too I know, because others are sure that acceptance will only encourage the "behaviour."
I think finding out what's correct for you will take time and effort.
I'm sorry that there is no definite answer unfortunately it's never that easy : (
The more you learn, the less you know..I'll be quiet now, or your head will likely spontaneously combust.
Posted by wildcard on September 16, 2005, at 15:55:04
In reply to Re: I don't know who is right...confused » Deneb, posted by Gabbix2 on September 16, 2005, at 15:46:11
>Deneb, i have never been in ur shoes so i cannot relate exactly to how u feel :( Gabbix2 sounds like she's been in a similiar place and knows better than i do. everything takes time so hang in there!
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 16:37:31
In reply to Re: I don't know who is right...confused » Deneb, posted by Gabbix2 on September 16, 2005, at 15:46:11
I would just like to thank the people who understand even though I do not understand.
I would also like to apologize for being attention seeking, posting inappropriate things, and always seeing Babblers as a group rather than as individuals. I know intellectually that each poster is different, but I don't think I really "get" it yet.
This is the end of the thread.
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