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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 24 to 48 of 48. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 22, 2005, at 16:54:02
Hi Linkage
I hope you feel better soon. I don't think you should die yet...you look really young and you have a lot more to explore and experience.
Alexandra told me once, "death will come soon enough." That made a lot of sense to me. You should put death off if you're depressed because you're not in the right frame of mind to make such an important decision.
(((Linkage)))
Deneb
Posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
I recently had the pleasure of hearing Marsha Linehan speak. She is the psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Something she said struck me. She said, in her irreverent but honest way, that there is absolutely no research to show that *anyone* feels better after suicide. There's no proof.
Better to stick with the known than the unknown?
gg
Posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
> I recently had the pleasure of hearing Marsha Linehan speak.
AWESOME :-)
They wouldn't even show us the video :-(
Posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 11:56:14
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
That's a shame. Can you get them from a library?
gg
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:54:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
Dang. I've got them. I wish we could network somehow.
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:55:08
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:54:12
Just to play them to you, mind. Not to illegally share copyrighted information.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:33:32
In reply to Ummm..., posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:55:08
I'm not sure that the library has them. I think the clinical program has them to show to students. The DBT trainers said they had vid's and we asked to see them but they just put us off...
> Just to play them to you, mind. Not to illegally share copyrighted information.
Of course :-)
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:01:53
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
I certainly wouldn't expect there to be proof that suicide ends suffering, but there is proof that depression causes suffering.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:15:15
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
Sorry folks, I can't talk about this on the internet. I don't want anyone to find out, cause last time people found out I was suicidal it ended in the biggest embarrasment of my life that just left me **extrordinarily** more suicidal, on more drugs etc.
I cannot talk about suicide on the internet I don't feel safe to do so.
Linkadge
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:31:06
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:15:15
> Sorry folks, I can't talk about this on the internet.
Okay... Then how about talking about some of the stuff thats making you feel like suicide is an option?
Posted by Declan on August 24, 2005, at 18:06:38
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:31:06
I dunno if this is the usual thing, but in the last 30 years or so, the number of days in which I haven't thought abstractly about suicide (ie i can't stand this and so on) I could number on the fingers of both hands. Not the only thing I think about of course. There's lots of stuff like how beautiful everything is, what a privilege it is to be alive, how much suffering there is in the world, what a waste it all is, how interesting everything is. Tolerating ambivalence.
Declan
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 19:12:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 24, 2005, at 18:06:38
I'm tired of trying to figure out why I feel so crappy.
Linkadge
Posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 19:50:32
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 19:12:12
Linkadge,
I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy. I hope my Linehan comment wasn't insensitive. And I do understand about not wanting to talk about this on the internet. I know you know there's a difference between feeling suicidal and actively planning it. If you are or ever are in the latter category, I know you know how to get some help. I hope you have a plan for getting help should you need it, because sometimes in the moment it's hard to feel like there is anything else to do.At any rate, if I could wish your depression away, it would already be gone.
gg
Posted by Dominique on August 25, 2005, at 16:10:24
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Whatever your feelings are, when you feel that you are at your deepest darkest corner; know that somewhere, somehow, a little light is able to shine through. Even though we don't feel this way at times or most of time (speaking from experience w/ depression & suicidal thoughts), there is a small pathway to guide us there. Whether it be a friend, collegue, family member, religious being; there is a light flickering and trying to shine for you. All it takes is for us (the depressed) to take a step forward, rather than back, and begin that trail. There were days when I thought that I would implode with grief, over what I don't know; feeling empty, unloved & uncherished for the being that I was; hating my every breath and movement. But, there was a lightswitch for my strobe, yet I couldn't find it myself. I felt as if I were rubbing my hands along those dark walls, in search of a light source; yet couldn't find it. Thankfully, I saw a new doctor who realized that my agonizing depression/mood was not hormonal; but actual depression (which I hadn't been "labeled"). Medication, I thought was never going to be the answer. I fought what friends and family was telling me, and felt that if it was depression, than I could handle it myself. But, that was far from the truth. I fought it for years, until finally, I was put on an anti-depressant. Within six weeks of taking the prescription, I felt that I could actually smile again and not fake it. I felt as though I could slowly crawl out of that ditch of depression I had somehow found myself in, and get out of bed every morning. A year has passed, and I know in my heart that I should have been on medicine a long time ago. It takes some very loving friends and family to stand by you through your darkest moments. And you don't realize it, until your no longer blinded by the darkness.
Smiles
Posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 17:22:05
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Dominique on August 25, 2005, at 16:10:24
I am glad the medication worked for you.
I have been on all the new antidepressants and some of the old. They don't do much, and what they do poops-out very quickly.
Linkadge
Posted by Declan on August 25, 2005, at 18:13:39
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Dominique, posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 17:22:05
Is the light at the end of the tunnel the light of the oncoming train?
Declan
Posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 21:39:50
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 25, 2005, at 18:13:39
I've heard that one before.
Hoping the future will get better is too passive.
Somtimes my suicidiality is seems rational. Its like I've done the math, and the choice is my highest probability for a favorable outcome.
Its like I typed my life into a computer program and this is what it told me
Linakdge
Posted by Deneb on August 26, 2005, at 0:17:07
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Declan, posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 21:39:50
> I've heard that one before.
>
> Hoping the future will get better is too passive.People can control their futures to some degree. Maybe you could do the same?
> Somtimes my suicidiality is seems rational.
Me too. I still think it can be a rational choice, and it is a valid choice for some people. It is an extremely important decision though and shouldn't be made lightly. The problems is, once it becomes a choice, it gets to be a mechanism for avoiding life. I just think, "eh, I'll die soon anyways, why try?" But then I don't die and I make a mess of things. The fact is that no one knows when or how they will die. We should try to do the things we want to while we can. Maybe think of life as an amusement park...you don't want to leave without going on all the rides you can!
>Its like I've done the math, and the choice is my highest probability for a favorable outcome.
Isn't death aways the outcome? I say try to aim for as many positive experiences in life as possible. You still probably have many years left and no doubt many more positive and new experiences to experience.
I hope you start to feel better Linakdge.
Deneb
Posted by declan on August 26, 2005, at 2:10:05
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by Deneb on August 26, 2005, at 0:17:07
For reasons I'm not clear about, I think that a rational cost benefit calculation is generally not the right way to think about suicide. (Religious type viewpoint?) There are exceptions, like terminal illness and torture, or anything I guess that threatens your basic identity or something or other.
Declan
Posted by linkadge on August 26, 2005, at 7:18:53
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by declan on August 26, 2005, at 2:10:05
Religion takes a bad mental illness and makes it worse. All of a sudden my God given right to end my life is taken away from me.
That is true learned helplessness, when you're so scared of going to hell, that the only decent option in life is taken away.
Doesn't it just suck when fear keeps you from living and fear keeps you from dying ?
Linkadge
Posted by Dominique on August 26, 2005, at 20:13:06
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Dominique, posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 17:22:05
I went through hormone therapy. Doc switched name brands several times on me. I lost count over the 5 years I tried it. The drugs worked for a while, some just a few months if that, then crappiness again. Just hang in there. I know that it is tough; try to be strong.
Remember: a drough makes a tree's roots grow deeper in search for moisture; this then provides a stronger structure for the tree.
Smiles
Posted by Dominique on August 26, 2005, at 20:14:01
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 25, 2005, at 18:13:39
Only in bad dreams, or if you are literally walking through a tunnel; and below you are tracks.
Smiles
Posted by TexasChic on August 26, 2005, at 21:42:16
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 26, 2005, at 7:18:53
I know it sounds glib to say I know how you feel... but I do. I won't try to give you reasons not give in to this feeling, I think we each have to come up with that ourselves. But as one depressed person to another, I can tell you that I've been at the bottom, and now that I'm not there anymore (for the moment), I'm so grateful I didn't end it there. When you're there it seems so reasonable, but when you're not, you think, what was I thinking? I'm sorry the meds are being so crappy to you. I hope it helps to know I and others here understand exactly where you're coming from.
Posted by Declan on August 26, 2005, at 22:20:49
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by TexasChic on August 26, 2005, at 21:42:16
Fear of living, fear of dying.....I'm used to the first, and the second is the way out of here.
But I'm frightened of making more mistakes, having made more than my fair share.
Declan
Posted by TexasChic on August 26, 2005, at 22:32:24
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 26, 2005, at 22:20:49
> Fear of living, fear of dying.....I'm used to the first, and the second is the way out of here.
>
> But I'm frightened of making more mistakes, having made more than my fair share.
>
> DeclanBelieve me, you're not the only one to make mistakes. I've made some doosies. The key is to learn from them and not repeat them. I know that sounds obvious, but its easier said than done. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Most people are totally insecure, they're just good at hiding it.
This is the end of the thread.
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