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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 16:53:18
I wonder how many there are up there waiting. Probably a few dozen.
It's just so d*mn depressing to think of another major change, especially since it affects my husband more than it does me, and he gets so difficult when under stress. I'd rather it be my burden directly, I think.
Naturally I want to step in and fix things quickly and I have to bite my tongue and realize that his family just doesn't operate that way. But it's so difficult knowing that x doesn't know, but y does, and whatever you do don't mention it to z.
It gives me an appreciation for my family where most news, once it left someone's mind, was shouted so loud that x,y,z and every neighbor on the block knew about it.
Posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 17:08:22
In reply to Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 16:53:18
Not sure I'm following you there. Is 'another shoe dropped' an expression I haven't heard before? Sometimes I feel as if English is my second language!
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 17:30:27
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 17:08:22
Explaining expressions isn't something I do particularly well, but I think that when something bad happens and you wait for something else bad to happen, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
There must be a centipede hovering over my family. :(
It's nothing catastrophic, exactly. Just really stressful.
I am angry with myself for being reluctant to discuss it on board.
Sigh.
Argh. Tried again, but I can't.
Posted by Tamar on August 8, 2005, at 19:26:48
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 17:30:27
> Explaining expressions isn't something I do particularly well, but I think that when something bad happens and you wait for something else bad to happen, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Ah, I see what you mean.
> There must be a centipede hovering over my family. :(
Argh! Tiny shoes, but so many of them...
> It's nothing catastrophic, exactly. Just really stressful.
>
> I am angry with myself for being reluctant to discuss it on board.Well, maybe it's quite private...
> Sigh.
>
> Argh. Tried again, but I can't.Wanna babblemail?
Posted by 10derHeart on August 9, 2005, at 0:50:30
In reply to Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 16:53:18
Sorry to hear that, Dinah.
That's all you need.
I can understand wanting it to happen to you directly instead. I mean, it's been eons since I was married, so that's hard to recall exactly, but it was much the same with my daughter, when she was say... ages 18-20 and still living with me. Always hated to watch her work out stuff her way with friends, college and other problems. But with a child, I suppose it's natural to want to rescue, long after they need or want it even. And so important not to...but oh, how I hated it sometimes.
If you change your mind about the board, we'll be here. If not, I'm an email away, too. Be good for me to get my mind off my own stuff, which lately bores even me to death.
PS - I didn't join in with the others, 'cause I'm always so late to every thread all my thoughts have been spoken...but I missed you here during your vacation, too. Babble loses something essential when you are away. We ought to compare California notes sometime...we may have slightly overlapped days on our trips there :-)
Posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 10:13:48
In reply to Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 16:53:18
Isn't devestatingly frustrating to feel incapable of dealing with things we are quite sure "normal" people handle w/ grace and charm all the time? I have this theory though that they might be smiling and laughing it off outside but inside all these dramas and traumas are burning holes and soon they'll simply collapse becuase they are so charred inside there's nothing left to hold them upright. Ok, that was more grisly than I meant it to be.
I'm trying to say that becuase we live feeling our emotional reactions to things, we are free of the inner, building burn and maybe that leaves us cleaner inside. Anyway, it's a thought...
Another thought is that while we think we can't deal with or make it through yet even more crap, we somehow always do. So, just breathe Dinah, becuase this too shalll pass...
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2005, at 11:08:14
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 10:13:48
It's that sandwich generation stuff, you know? My husband's an only child, and I'm not really an only child but am when it comes to responsibility. It was quite stressful when my dad and his mother were sick and then died, and it looks like another situation is developing. It's going to involve decisions that aren't ideal for anyone. And my husband is so responsible and tries so hard to do exactly what's right. And sometimes you just can't.
It just seems like I haven't quite recovered from my father's illness and death. In fact I know I'm not. I can't bear to think of picking up that burden again. And yet, our parents have done so very much for us all our lives that the burden *must* be picked up, whether or not we think we can.
Posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 11:58:35
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 9, 2005, at 11:08:14
Yeah,
In a way I feel that both my father and my brother and I were lucky he died in a sudden accident(my dad was hit by a car in '97)because there wasn't any of that exausting and overwhelming slow debilitation. He was here in all his totally alive wonderfulness and then he wasn't. And, while we did not get to say goodbye, we didn't have to bear witness to a slow fade either.
I watched my Mother deal with the slow process of her parents deaths and I know it was so hard for her...I know it's easier said than done but if you can try to stay in the moment dealing with or appreciating each small thing as it comes along and not projecting the fretting and angst into the stuff that hasn't happened yet, you might find it helpful...
Posted by wildcard on August 9, 2005, at 12:37:51
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 11:58:35
Oh Dinah-only when ur ready we'll be here! i'm another u can babble or email. I can relate to some of it...i've been watching my mother slowly die for 8 years now and it is one of the most helpless and scared feelings. Now my g-ma and g-pa are both very sick and i'm wanting to go to Florida for awhile to care for them but i have a dilemma(another story). I only want to remember them as they are but i know they need help so it's the least i can do. It's def. a reality check on what is really important. And Thomasin, i am very sorry for your loss. I know they are just words but i wanted u to know. Take care
Posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 14:33:06
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 17:08:22
Thanks wildcard.
Posted by Damos on August 9, 2005, at 17:20:10
In reply to Another shoe dropped., posted by Dinah on August 8, 2005, at 16:53:18
Wish I had something more useful to offer. But just know you're in my thoughts, and if there's ever anything, please don't hesitate to ask.
Posted by wildcard on August 9, 2005, at 20:31:28
In reply to (((Dinah, Thomasin, 10der, Wildcard))), posted by Damos on August 9, 2005, at 17:20:10
thank u Damos,that always brings a smile :)
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2005, at 16:03:15
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by Thomasin on August 9, 2005, at 11:58:35
I'm sorry about your Dad, Thomasin. There's a large part of me that still thinks that Daddies just aren't supposed to die.
Thank you for the reminder to stay in the moment. I guess I'm easily triggered to feel the crushing weight of that experience fall back on me. However, there's absolutely no reason to believe that it will be the same at all. I need to try to just stay present and see what happens.
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2005, at 16:05:58
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped., posted by wildcard on August 9, 2005, at 12:37:51
That must be dreadful, Wildcard. I'm sorry.
It's so hard to juggle everyone's needs and try to do the right thing.
Posted by Thomasin on August 12, 2005, at 12:25:59
In reply to Re: Another shoe dropped. » Thomasin, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2005, at 16:03:15
Atta girl! It's hard when we have these sort of filters that seem to make us semi OK in a situation or totally unable to deal. And there's no predicting which filter will fall until there you are brave and stoic or hysterical and fetal. Ever read any Anne Lamot? She's completely awesome...
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