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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
i am thinking about suicide a lot lately, and started planning mine tonite..i haven't wanted to mention it here..i feel like it is taboo, even here, potentially, to talk about, which is an unfortunate thing for people. talking about it could help prevent many suicides probably. so, i'm discussing it. i feel hopeless..and i feel like the only person left that was nice to me treats me like sh*t, too. like i never even knew them. i was already suicidal, though, before that...there's so much that's wrong with my life and will always be..
i have suffered for decades..i would never commit suicide without a long, hard, fight, to the limit, the very edge. but now i think i'm there. having the idea in my mind soothes me now. i am just not even myself anymore.
i don't post this so that i'll receive a lot of posts with ppl feeling like they have to say it'll be okay and everything..i don't want to do that to you people. i just need to say this. i think i just had to tell anyone here who reads this that i'm deciding to leave. to have someone know of my desperation. just to have that known. so i don't feel so alone.
i don't want to post here anymore because i have nothing positive or fun to offer anymore..i am just a shadow of my former self..and a melancholy one at that. i don't want to bring everyone down.
lol, even now i worry that this post sounds bland (the way i feel) and will bore the $%$ out of you guys :)..how ridiculous i am.
i have truly lost it..i am not insane or crazy. just finally had enough of the cards life has dealt me. i am in serious pain, and just want it to go away..
sorry for burdening the board with this post. you people on this board have helped me through so much.:) and made my life a little more liveable for a while.
amy
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 6, 2005, at 0:55:40
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
You can always talk to me about suicide. It is not taboo for me. I think about it almost everyday. I don't pretend to know how you feel, needless to say, you must feel really really horrible right now. I wish your pain can be diffused around so all of us can help bear some of it.
It must be hard to be so depressed all the time. You don't want to burden people and feel you are pushing people away? You can't push me away. :-)
> talking about it could help prevent many suicides probably.
I agree.
> so, i'm discussing it. i feel hopeless..and i feel like the only person left that was nice to me treats me like sh*t, too. like i never even knew them.
You feel like this other person doesn't care about you anymore? That must be difficult for you. Perhaps you depression is helping you think this?
> i have suffered for decades..i would never commit suicide without a long, hard, fight, to the limit, the very edge. but now i think i'm there. having the idea in my mind soothes me now.
Yes, thinking about it is sometimes a way to cope with life...a way to escape. Are you sure that is the only way to escape though? If someone could magically grant you everything you wished for, how would your life be? Is there anything you could do to help you feel better?
> i don't post this so that i'll receive a lot of posts with ppl feeling like they have to say it'll be okay and everything..i don't want to do that to you people.No, of course not. Your feeling are valid and I believe that you are in intense pain right now. I know that my words alone are probably not enough. I only hope to make you feel less alone.
> i don't want to post here anymore because i have nothing positive or fun to offer anymore..i am just a shadow of my former self..and a melancholy one at that. i don't want to bring everyone down.
You don't have to pretend to be all happy here. I like to feel all emotions. :-) It's ok to feel sad. Please continue to post, you made me feel very good when I was down. I know you are a wonderful person. There's no one else like you here.
> sorry for burdening the board with this post. you people on this board have helped me through so much.:) and made my life a little more liveable for a while.No need to apologize. Feel free to babblemail me about anything you want. I'm only starting to get to know you and I know it is selfish of me, but I would really really miss you if you left us.
Take care (((Amy)))
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 6, 2005, at 1:22:00
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
> i am thinking about suicide a lot lately, and started planning mine tonite..
Do you have the means for you plan? Perhaps you should make sure you don't have access to the means right now. Suicide is a very serious choice and you should never make any decisions when you are so upset.
Planning doesn't mean that things are over for you. You are not a weak person just because of this. I myself have several plans...all quite deadly...yet I'm still here.
I'm sure you can pull out of this as well. Don't be too hard on yourself. Please talk to us some more.
sg
Posted by All Done on May 6, 2005, at 1:49:21
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
(((((amy))))),
I'm sorry for all of the pain you're in. I can only imagine how much you're hurting and I wish I had some magic words to make it all better. Just know you're loved and cared for here. I'm glad you're talking to us and I hope you continue to talk. Maybe we can remind you what a special person you are. We don't want to lose you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Posted by partlycloudy on May 6, 2005, at 4:46:42
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
(((alesta))) I hope that today is a better day for you. I care about you, too.
pc
Posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 6:41:47
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
i am in a rush to post cause not allowed on computer now. i don't have the means currently and won't anytime soon. don't want to worry anyone. just needed to express my feelings. i think it helped some. thank you guys for caring.
amy
Posted by gardenergirl on May 6, 2005, at 7:21:41
In reply to Re: such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 6:41:47
Amy,
I'm glad you don't have the means. And I'm glad you are talking about how you feel. Hopefully, it helps you to feel just a bit less alone. I can hear your pain in your posts, and it certaily sounds like your current living situation is not healthy for you. I wish I could lift you out of there and help you to land somewhere soft and safe and just for you.I know that your access to the computer is limited. Please post when you can and when you feel safe. I have enjoyed seeing you back here. I missed you from before. And don't worry if you feel down and don't have anything cheery to post. We love all of you, not just your humor and fun.
gg
Posted by AdaGrace on May 6, 2005, at 8:45:15
In reply to Re: such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suic » alesta, posted by gardenergirl on May 6, 2005, at 7:21:41
Alesta,
I have been in the situation where I didn't post because all I had to say was negative. So I didn't post. Perhaps people thought of me as standoffish, but all I felt was selfishness. I wasn't able to post to any thread but my own. Wasn't able to offer help or advise, and didn't. I still go through periods where I am like this. Today however, I am in a helpful, talkative mood. So here goes.
I like you Alesta. I care about you. You seem a little panicy right now and that concerns me. However, I find it encouraging that you are talking. You don't have to have something positive to say in order to post here. Lord knows I don't often. But please think of this...No matter what you feel, what you are thinking, it is okay to express that. I don't think anyone on here would chastize you for it. I think talking through your problems is better than holding them inside. This is what drew me to this place to start with. Being able to talk to someone, anyone about what was going on in my life and not be judged for it was a great appeal to me. And also the privacy factor. I didn't have to tell this to my husband, I didn't have to tell anything to my family, siblings, friends.....and I was able to get my feelings out. That is why you should stay here. To have unconditional support, love, and friendship. Post when you can Alesta. I often am limited on my computer use as well. I understand. Take care Sweety. You are special in so many ways.
AdaGrace
Posted by AdaGrace on May 6, 2005, at 9:01:48
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
Posted by TofuEmmy on May 6, 2005, at 10:48:37
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
I saw your post last night, but couldn't reply. Your words sounded too familiar to my own thinking at times. You really spoke from the heart -- I could feel your emotional exhaustion.
It's so good that you posted. Talking about those suicidal thoughts can act like a release valve, letting the pressure and tension escape. Please do keep posting about your feelings. I hope you have T to talk about this IRL.
Take care, emmy
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 11:11:34
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
Of course you can talk about it. Many of us have been there and understand.
Your situation right now, from what I've read of your posts, sounds really unhealthy for you. I hope you can find a way to a safer place soon.
In the meantime, keep posting as much as you can, and talking to a therapist if you have one, and seeking out any other real life sources of support you can get. There are people who care about you.
Don't worry at all at the scales of giving and getting support. For almost everyone, they tilt one way or the other from time to time. You give support when you can, you ask for it when you need it. People understand.
Posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 15:00:39
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
you can talk about anything with us, sweetie.
That's what we're here for.
To listen and support each other.
Most of us have dealt with those thoughts before (more than once) and can support you while you move toward a healthier frame of mind.
I have thought about it more than once just in the last three weeks; you're not alone at all.
Type, type, type all you need to and we'll be here to listen and try to soothe, okay?
big, big smooches,
sunny10
Posted by anastasia56 on May 6, 2005, at 18:07:17
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
glad to hear you no longer in a position to fulfill this plan. This type of thinking has never (to my knowledge) been on your agenda before...don't start now.
if being in this living arrangement with your mother has brought you down this far this quickly that's scarey. When it comes to your mental health, you would be better off living in a box on the street than with her.
babble when you can. stay well (((amy)))
Posted by KaraS on May 6, 2005, at 19:09:13
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
I just wanted to reiterate that you are definitely not alone in your thoughts. Many of us have been there and are there now. Not all of us are as able to be as open as you are with what you're feeling but we can relate to it when it's written by someone else.
I wish I had the perfect solution for you but I don't. I wish I knew why so many of us have to suffer through so much. I can't promise you that tomorrow will be better but I do know that it's possible to come from where you are and turn your life around. I've seen it happen before. I just wish you could find a safe place to stay so that you could start to heal.
XXXXOOOO
Kara
Posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 21:23:43
In reply to such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide?, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
thank you so much, all of you..i know it isn't always the most rewarding thing to respond to a suicidal person, so i want you to know how much it means to me. my mood is much better at this time. i have actually been suicidal for many, many years, but never felt comfortable sharing it. still don't, really.:)
i think i was mostly very sorrowful yesterday at the loss of a relationship that meant something to me. and the despair was very deep and very painful. somehow, i don't know how, i woke up this morning and much of the pain had dissipated...i can't explain why my grieving period was so short and intense..
you guys are like angels, or miracle workers. the love here..i'm really feeling it..and thank you for making me feel completely accepted. i would say that i love you all but i get way too mushy for my own good sometimes..so..i'll just say thank you.
take care,
amy
Posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 21:26:21
In reply to Re: such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide? » alesta, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 21:23:43
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2005, at 22:44:56
In reply to Re: such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide? » alesta, posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 21:23:43
Alesta, I just found your Thread. I'm glad you're better today. Please stay safe and return to here as often as you need to. And even though we don't know each other my Babblemail is always open to you . Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 0:18:54
In reply to Re: such a downer,sorry..but can i talk about suicide? » alesta, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2005, at 22:44:56
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 8:09:16
In reply to thank you phillipa...i appreciate that.:) (nm) » Phillipa, posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 0:18:54
having another bad day. d%@@ my moods fluctuate a lot lately. i think there are more factors to this suicidal thing currently than i'm recognizing (i don't always like to self-examine). and that it takes time for wounds to heal. i'm just gonna take it one day at a time. no need to reply to this y'all..i aleady hold your love and support in my heart. it just helps me to put my emotional state out there. one minute i'm just fine and the next i'm feeling hopeless. maybe that's normal, i don't know. i'm sure my interactions with my mother play a part in that, but also the other overwhelming stressors in my life, i guess. anyway, thanks for just listening.:)
amy
Posted by partlycloudy on May 7, 2005, at 10:26:45
In reply to re, posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 8:09:16
i hope you have a peaceful day today. sorry it's not starting off so great. i'll be checking the boards later on if you want to talk.
take care, sweetie.
pc
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 12:10:07
In reply to Alesta, posted by partlycloudy on May 7, 2005, at 10:26:45
> i hope you have a peaceful day today. sorry it's not starting off so great. i'll be checking the boards later on if you want to talk.
> take care, sweetie.
> pc
thanks, pc..ok.:) i hope you're all right, too. i'm gonna be back on social a bit later when i have more time. not allowed on computer yet..thanks girl.:) i appreciate all your help very, very much...have a wonderful day..amy
Posted by sunny10 on May 9, 2005, at 8:59:02
In reply to Re: Alesta » partlycloudy, posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 12:10:07
This is the end of the thread.
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