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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
So my SO and I have to pay $3600.00 to get out of the lease, will lose our security deposit ($1300.00, one month's rent) and I will get the $700.00 pet deposit back after they make sure the floors are ok...Much better than the $22,100.00 they were threatening...
Anyway- My SO has already gotten most of his things out of the house; he just has some kitchen stuff and the desk (which I bought him!) to dismantle and move. He did this last week. Left dirty dishes in the sink while he was there- did no clean up at all.
I supplied all of the furniture in the house, the rugs, et cetera.
I have been there every night after work; packing and cleaning behind me as I go to leave the house ready for inspection. I do not have a truck- he does.
Ever since the termination meeting, he keeps calling me to make sure I haven't changed my mind and that he will be released from the lease contract. We both will have to pay $1800.00 to get out. He said that he only has a thousand for now, but that he'd pay me the other $800 as soon as he gets it- can I front it?!?
I want out, too, so I said ok, I'd front it. Then he asked me if I would give the $700.00 pet deposit to his mom when I got it, since she lent him $1000.00 to move in. Move in was first month's rent, the security deposit, and the pet deposit. He paid the first month's rent with only $300.00 of his own money, the other thousand from his mom's loan. I paid the security deposit and the pet deposit. And he wants ME to pay back his mom?!?! Is he nuts?
AND he thanks me for cleaning as I pack, but has not OFFERED to help at ALL. I should charge HIM half of what we would have paid a cleaning lady!!!
He offered to help me move with his truck on Saturday in front of the rental agent, then when we were alone he told me that he has plans to go to his friend's house on Saturday to practice their guitars! Guess he just wanted to look good in front of a third party....
He says now that he still considers me his girlfriend and doesn't want any other girlfriends, but that he needs to de-stress about the house before he even thinking about "us". He said that he needs some time, but that I should call him with an invitation for pizza and a movie "since you're the one with a place". So it sounds more like he expects to have a date and sex once a week. He says he thinks we would benefit "from a lesser relationship", and that we should start by dating, because we never did that since he moved here from another state for me.
And that's all well and good, relationship-wise. EXCEPT that I think he's lying because I was the one who set up our banking accounts online and I can see perfectly well that he has over $5000.00 in the bank. So much for "I only have a thousand to give you right now", and so much for "of course I'm not planning on moving back out of the state right away"....
So, as I said to you before- I doubt very much that any of my hope for an "us" matters in the slightest!!!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 14:44:08
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
sunny,
Sorry to peep in on this thread. But PLEASE tell me this is Canadian dollars????
By the way, I am so proud of you for deciding to do this!
Posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:57:24
In reply to Re: Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 14:44:08
american dollars!
Posted by pinkeye on April 21, 2005, at 15:11:22
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
Well, I think you should get this guy out of your life - forever. It will hurt you for sometime, but after a few months you will realize it is for your good. Just go for it. Don't do any of this dating wiht him anymore. From what I see, he is not worth it.
Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 16:12:03
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
What a total jerk, okay? This guy's got Loser, Loser written all over his forehead if what you're saying is true. Who signed the lease papers? Both of you? Or just you? I suspect there's a good chance his name isn't even on there, is it. Is it?
Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 16:13:59
In reply to Re: Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!! » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 16:12:03
Are you playing nice with him because you're afraid he's going to back out of paying any money? I always did that with me. Was afraid of their power. I screwed up my life. Don't screw up yours. Don't play nice anymore. Be powerful.
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 21, 2005, at 18:17:01
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
No, you should not give him the pet money. His debt is to his mother, as he didn't come up with his share in the first place.
IMHO, whatever it costs to develop financial separation from this man is a good thing. Whatever it costs, that's the cost of freedom.
Whether or not you do anything else together, you should no longer have any money ties.
Cut him loose, and see what he's made of. Put him to the test.
The preceding was the opinion of the biased poster known as....
Lar
Hugs, eh?
Posted by Tamar on April 21, 2005, at 18:56:49
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
It sounds as if he is trying to take advantage of you in all kinds of ways. How are you feeling at the moment about the posisbility of continuing to have a relationship with this man? Does that have a bearing on your financial decisions?
The only other thing I would mention is that if you are going to 'date' him, I would strongly advise meeting in a neutral place (not your new place) at least until you have sorted out the details of his therapy and/or couples counselling.
I know things are very hard for you at the moment. I'm sending you supportive thoughts. I really hope it gets better for you soon.
Tamar
Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 20:02:20
In reply to Re: Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 16:13:59
I have a lot of those, lately. Not paying attention closely.
Posted by alesta on April 21, 2005, at 20:57:35
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
hi sunny :)
i'm going through a breakup, too (and a sh#tload of changes). i hope you're doing okay. (you sound like you're coping fine, but just in case, i wanted to offer some support.) it will be all right.:) you deserve someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated..you know we're in your corner. be well and please take care of yourself, dear.take care,:)
amy
Posted by damos on April 21, 2005, at 21:50:52
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
There are some days when being a bloke seems to be about the lowest form of life there is, and this is one of them.
Sunny, I apologise in advance but the only thing you should consider giving this *man* is the 'bird', both hands, maximum attitude. GRRRRRRR!!!!!! 'A' isn't just for alpha and apple - double GRRRRR. Sorry.
I'd offer to come help pack and clean but you'd be finished before I got there :-)
(((((sunny)))))
Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 9:00:24
In reply to Re: Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!! » sunny10, posted by damos on April 21, 2005, at 21:50:52
I am furious about the money thing- unfortunately for me, I know where his psychosis regarding "hoarding money" comes from...
Damn- it would definitely be easier for me to just cut and run if I DIDN'T know this about him!!!
But I am definitely doing as Lar says and keeping the financial issues seperate from the emotional ones. It is definitely true that I find paying "the extra" worth my peace of mind...
And he has to do ALL the work if he wants there to be an "us". I am no longer even willing to "coax" him into thinking about what it is he promised to do. If he "conveniently forgets" that he promised to go to anger management classes and therapy, then it is completely obvious that I should "conveniently forget" that I love him.
It will hurt, but let's face it, I am hurting already...
Oh, and I have just received an email from the rental agent saying that I have to give her two cashier's checks.
1) one month's rent to her company $1300.00, and
2) May, June, and July to the property owner.
and that I "will get the pet deposit back once the property is inspected".Our original agreement was that we would sign over the security deposit to her company and give the property owner the May, June, and July rental amount and they would return the pet deposit I had paid.
So now I had to write her another email asking what will happen to the security deposit.
It's now sounding like they want $4900.00 in cashier's checks AND they keep the security deposit instead of the $3600.00 we'd agreed upon in her office, with the last $1300.00 already on deposit in the escrow account with them....
So now my SO has given me $1000.00 towards $4900.00?????!!!!????
I am being tweaked money-wise every which way. I hope that my email reminds the rental agent what we had agreed upon, but it's sounding like I am getting scr*wed again. Geez, who needs an SO, I'm getting scr*wed anyway!!!!! And they didn't even kiss me first....
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 22, 2005, at 10:28:30
In reply to Re: thanks, guys, for all the support!!!, posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 9:00:24
Good Lord, girl! I was convinced that you had to be talking Canadian currency here.
However, as much of a pian and heartache as this is, this is indeed the right thing to do. Please look out for YOURSELF!
(((sunny)))
Posted by AuntieMel on April 22, 2005, at 12:33:09
In reply to Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!!, posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 14:39:34
Hi again Sunny.
Don't forget you are dealing with a coke head and the drug will lie up one side and down the other when it comes to money.
And the money he wants probably would go up his nose, not to his mom.
So - my advice - for what it's worth is to pay the landlord whatever it takes (assuming you can) to get out of the lease with a clean record and don't give him a dime.
And, if it were me, I would also make any trying to work it out conditional on him paying you what he owes you for his part of the lease. The first part of any relationship is taking responsibility.
It sounds like you are way, way well on your way off the enabler track. Good work.
Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 13:58:32
In reply to Re: Hey, Suze, you're not going to believe this!! » sunny10, posted by AuntieMel on April 22, 2005, at 12:33:09
okay, she was mistaken, it's back to $3600.00...phew.
Yes, AuntieMel, I realize that he needs to do quite a LOT of things before I let down my guard with him...
1) pay me back the $800.00
2) treat me with respect when I see/hear from him
3) go to anger management classes
4) quit drinking and quit coking (these I THINK he's already started, but at this point, I won't trust that as FACT until at least a year has gone by!!!)It remains to be seen whether I will get the whole pet deposit back to begin with... for all I know, the rental agent will make that check payable to both of us! Then I'll have to fight to
a)keep HALF, and
b) argue my point that it's MY money to begin with and that HE borrowed from his mom, not "we borrowed"- I paid my own share and that for my pet all own my own.... sigh...
This is the end of the thread.
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