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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 20:50:03
I'm hoping someone who has experience with my type of addiction can give me some pointers.
I really don't want to kill myself...even when I think I do, I think that somehow I don't think I will be 'dead' when I do. I don't really want to actually be dead, I just want to start over.
Anyways, I've gotten over some suicidal urges and now I'm sure I want to live, but yet I can't stop myself from reading pro-suicide sites and newsgroups. I'm getting support and detailed info for suicide, yet at the same time I'm actually much better right now. I even replied to someone's request for a suicide partner who lives in my province! Eeek...I'm afraid that someone will somehow convince me to kill myself now. How do I handle this???
Posted by gardenergirl on March 19, 2005, at 21:29:34
In reply to Addiction/obsession to suicidal thoughts, posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 20:50:03
That does sound scary. I think like any other addiction, yoiu need to try to make it difficult for you to access those sites. Can you block them from your computer? I know there are ways to do that. I know there are folks here who can help with that.
You could also set up a behavioral system where you reward yourself for time spent away from those sites and "punish" yourself for time spent on those sites. Maybe by paying a "fine" or snapping a rubber band on your wrist.
And it's a good insight you have about not really thinking you'd be dead. Because suicide, if done properly, will result in death. There are no do-overs. If you are looking for a clean slate, you CAN get that in life, but not in death.
Please take care of yourself. Tell you buddy that you changed your mind. Or that you will be a life buddy, but not a suicide buddy.
((((Shy_Girl)))
gg
Posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 22:07:00
In reply to Nikki or other computer savvy folks? » Shy_Girl, posted by gardenergirl on March 19, 2005, at 21:29:34
>Can you block them from your computer? I know there are ways to do that.
Even if I do get some software to block out those sites, no one in my family knows how to use computers and can set that up for me. If I blocked the sites myself, I will know the password etc. Hmmm...maybe I can make the password really difficult and forget the password :-P
Since I'm not in school at the moment, I really don't think I should get internet access right now at this vulnerable time. But really I need to learn to get pass this because I cannot just avoid going online...I'll need it for school.
> You could also set up a behavioral system where you reward yourself for time spent away from those sites and "punish" yourself for time spent on those sites. Maybe by paying a "fine" or snapping a rubber band on your wrist.
Maybe I'll try the rubber band idea...although it may backfire on me because pain is not always a deterrent for me. I used to cut and I enjoyed the release.
It's just so hard...it's such a rush when I read about a suicide method. In the past, I used to get almost euphoric just looking at a bottle of potentially lethal pills.
Thank-you (((gg))) for the suggestions
shy_girl
Posted by jay on March 19, 2005, at 22:44:47
In reply to Addiction/obsession to suicidal thoughts, posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 20:50:03
Hi...I am really sorry for what you are going through. Please note, though, that the atypical antipsychotics likely have anti-suicidal properties. I know this should be on the med board, but your treatment is failing you, and you need help asap. Please look after yourself...
Best,
Jay
Posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 23:40:27
In reply to Re: Addiction/obsession to suicidal thoughts » Shy_Girl, posted by jay on March 19, 2005, at 22:44:47
On Tues I had an appt. with my pdoc. She knows I have at times strong suicidal urges and that I am capable of overdosing. (I was in the hospital for an overdose of aspirin in Feb.) I suggested that maybe I should be taking more meds than simply Celexa (an SSRI) because my depressions are recurring very frequently. I asked about Lithium because I've read it reduces suicide. She said it wasn't for me at the moment. I'm not sure whether she meant that it will never be for me because I am not bipolar (although I do think that I'm tending towards the bipolar side of the spectrum because of my sometimes intense mood reactivity), or that it is not for me right now because I cannot be trusted to not take an overdose. I'm pretty sure my pdoc will not give me an antipsychotic. She doesn't seem like the medication type. She mostly provides psychotherapy...which I think is great because she sees me as a person and doesn't simply push pills. I think if I have an open mind and have some hope I can maybe think myself out of my suicidal obsessions...not sure if meds will do it...but it sure would be great if they could!
Thanks Jay
> Hi...I am really sorry for what you are going through. Please note, though, that the atypical antipsychotics likely have anti-suicidal properties. I know this should be on the med board, but your treatment is failing you, and you need help asap. Please look after yourself...
>
> Best,
> Jay
Posted by Susan47 on March 20, 2005, at 12:41:00
In reply to Addiction/obsession to suicidal thoughts, posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 20:50:03
> I'm hoping someone who has experience with my type of addiction can give me some pointers.
>
> I really don't want to kill myself...even when I think I do, I think that somehow I don't think I will be 'dead' when I do. I don't really want to actually be dead, I just want to start over.> Anyways, I've gotten over some suicidal urges and now I'm sure I want to live, but yet I can't stop myself from reading pro-suicide sites and newsgroups. I'm getting support and detailed info for suicide, yet at the same time I'm actually much better right now. I even replied to someone's request for a suicide partner who lives in my province! Eeek...I'm afraid that someone will somehow convince me to kill myself now. How do I handle this???
You just want to start over. You just said that. You don't really want to die? Well, maybe you could find a belief system that works for you, like, God exists and if I commit suicide I'll go to hell, do I REALLY WANT to spend Eternity in HELL?
Or, perhaps, there is NOTHING after death, NOTHING, this is all I have, this moment right here, right now, is all I will Ever Have.. what does that mean to me?
Think of ways you can Start Over... move, school, career, what? Caring for other people, taking risks and using the caring to help, finding out maybe what causes you to feel like you want to "die" and then helping others overcome the feeling too. Snap the band on your wrist to remind yourself of possibilities right here, right now. Maybe? If you suffer from depression, it'll be a challenge. Really. Just getting that rubber band on the wrist is, like, almost impossible. So maybe wait until the time you're feeling really good, and go, okay, now THIS is what I want always, get the rubber band on NOW and don't take that sucker off.
Posted by jay on March 21, 2005, at 18:59:32
In reply to Re: Addiction/obsession to suicidal thoughts » jay, posted by Shy_Girl on March 19, 2005, at 23:40:27
> On Tues I had an appt. with my pdoc. She knows I have at times strong suicidal urges and that I am capable of overdosing. (I was in the hospital for an overdose of aspirin in Feb.) I suggested that maybe I should be taking more meds than simply Celexa (an SSRI) because my depressions are recurring very frequently. I asked about Lithium because I've read it reduces suicide. She said it wasn't for me at the moment. I'm not sure whether she meant that it will never be for me because I am not bipolar (although I do think that I'm tending towards the bipolar side of the spectrum because of my sometimes intense mood reactivity), or that it is not for me right now because I cannot be trusted to not take an overdose. I'm pretty sure my pdoc will not give me an antipsychotic. She doesn't seem like the medication type. She mostly provides psychotherapy...which I think is great because she sees me as a person and doesn't simply push pills. I think if I have an open mind and have some hope I can maybe think myself out of my suicidal obsessions...not sure if meds will do it...but it sure would be great if they could!
>
> Thanks Jay
>Well maybe your best thing is to find another doctor. I honestly find psychiatrists the *worst* doctors, so I go to my GP for meds and a counsellor for therapy. Lose the narrowminded shrink, you have every right to.
Best,
Jay
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