![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:36:32
All summer my flatmate has had people camping in the lounge. Not every night, but I dare say most nights. He asked if it was okay if the first one stayed for one night. I said 'sure, thats okay'. After a week I managed to establish that they had both known all along that she was going to be staying for a week and a half.
I said something to the residential assistant. It is one of the rules that you have to get prior permission to have someone stay and if they are staying for a while then they have to pay rent.
I said that I didn't mind if it was for a day or two. I wouldn't have minded a week if they had been upfront about it. But I was a little concerned he would have a procession of people living in the lounge all summer.
That has turned out to be the case.
It annoys me because I am a bit of a night owl. I get up to go to the bathroom or to go outside for a smoke and when someone is over I scrabble around in the dark because I don't want to turn the light on. Everybody wants to use the kitchen at the same time. I can't eat my breakfast in the lounge in the morning because there is someone in there snoring and all the curtains are shut etc.Hospitality? Maybe I am just selfish. I angsted a lot before saying anything to the RA. But it has continued all summer.
I wouldn't say it was okay for any of my friends to stay unless I had asked each of my flatmates about it beforehand. But thats just me I guess.
I dunno.
What do people think?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:41:22
In reply to Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:36:32
Well - I mean I wouldn't say it is okay for one of my friends to stay for a couple of days, or a week, or a week and a half, without asking them beforehand.
I don't mind it on occasion. Even if it was every Friday night I would probably cope.
But it is almost every night of the week.
One of my other flatmates 'left' only to proceed to live in the lounge (rent free) for the next two weeks.
Am I missing something here, or is this not on???
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 1:01:48
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:41:22
Hi Alexandra.
I think your flatmates are definitely not respecting you. The flat is yours as well as theirs, so you guys should make decisions about the flat jointly. I think that this is a good opportunity for you to practice asserting yourself and taking care of your needs. My opinion is that you should talk to your flatmates directly. You can set boundaries about what is ok and what is not!
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2005, at 1:08:58
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 1:01:48
> I think your flatmates are definitely not respecting you. The flat is yours as well as theirs, so you guys should make decisions about the flat jointly.
Thanks.
>I think that this is a good opportunity for you to practice asserting yourself and taking care of your needs. My opinion is that you should talk to your flatmates directly. You can set boundaries about what is ok and what is not!
Hmm. Um. See, I am bringing it up today because I am moving out tomorrow (insert blushing emoticon here). But I do want to be clearer on that (ie whether I should just chill out or whether I should be more 'hey you buggers it is my flat too') in the next flat. I don't think it will be so bad next time because they seem much stricter on visitors vacating the building by 10.30. And the entranceways are kept locked. Whereas the place I am in currently is more individual cottages and doors tend to be left unlocked etc. Easier for people without keys to come and go.
Thanks.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 2:21:53
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » PhoenixGirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2005, at 1:08:58
I'm glad you're getting out of there. I really hope the next place is better. If any similar problems come up, maybe you could handle the situation differently so you'll be more comfortable in your flat.
The thing is, if you let people walk on you, it becomes a pattern in all parts of your life. I'm the same way, and I used to be this way even more so. It's a hard way to live. When I assert myself, I experience such a wonderful sense of freedom.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2005, at 2:59:47
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 2:21:53
Yeah. I guess that I just couldn't figure whether it was unreasonable of me to be bothered by it or not.
My officemates said they wouldn't like it. But they aren't the most understanding of people unless it comes to people who they consider to be friends. They said I should make no concession. Turn the light on if I want to. Open the curtains in the morning. The funny thing is that they really would do this. But not me. I would never.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:28:17
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2005, at 2:59:47
Ugh, being assertive and direct...ugh ugh ugh.
But I can see how it might have helped. Or might have made things blow up.
But your flatmates are being very rude. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I hope the next place is a haven for you.
gg
Posted by Damos on February 20, 2005, at 17:20:52
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:28:17
Sorry to say it kiddo but it sounds like they just took your feelings completely forgranted. It just shows a complete lack of courtesy, consideration and respect for you. My space is really important to me as is my privacy so it would have driven me nuts.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 21, 2005, at 0:51:26
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:28:17
Thanks. Yeah. Blowing up. Not good.
Still the new lounge is out of the way right down the end of the hall. Two nice big imposing security doors before you can get to it too. Should stop people coming and going like they did at the last place :-)
I really am fairly antisocial....
Posted by alexandra_k on February 21, 2005, at 0:57:27
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by Damos on February 20, 2005, at 17:20:52
Thanks. Yeah, privacy is important to me as well. And one thing they really don't seem to bother with at all is insulation. You can hear people cough and sneeze. Yucko.
Still, should be better now. Hopefully. Met one of my flatmates. Nice indian girl. Hope the rest are ok. She has done her dishes so that is a good start :-)
It really is pretty bad that there isn't really any grad student specific accomodation on campus. There are enough and enough mature students to figure out areas or even allocate a whole hostel, but that hasn't happened yet. I was lucky to get a place at all and everyone else was already allocated so I wasn't really able to give them my usual QUIET, CLEAN, NO DRINKING (otherwise you typically have to put up with binge drinking most nights and vomit in the hallways) FLATMATES PLEASE.
(I mean you have to be verrrrrrrrrrry discrete with the old dope smoking anyways and I keep it well away from my living space. Don't sh*t in your own nest and all of that..)
Oh well. Wait and see, Alex... Wait and see.
Happy enough so far.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 18:36:48
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on February 21, 2005, at 0:57:27
OMG we have a cleaner.
No way!!!
Heh heh.
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 19:41:38
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 18:36:48
You mean someone comes in to clean your room?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 20:00:17
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 19:41:38
> You mean someone comes in to clean your room?
Ew, yuk no. Just the rest of the flat (ie communal living areas)
I got most freaked out at ANU when the cleaners went into our rooms to vaccum and deliver clean linen. I didn't know they would be doing that and my room was an absolute MESS. Lots of embarrased faces once we realised that one ;-)
Tidy rooms on Wednesday thereafter...
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 20:41:46
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 20:00:17
That's nice. Tidy and clean is always so nice to come home to.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 21:21:08
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 20:41:46
Yeah, and I am not fond of cleaning toilets...
:-)
Posted by Damos on February 23, 2005, at 21:22:21
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 20:00:17
ANU, that'd be Australias Nuttiest University right?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 22:22:46
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on February 23, 2005, at 21:22:21
> ANU, that'd be Australias Nuttiest University right?
Hmm...
How bout 'Australia's Naughtiest University'
They keep the porn distributors in business (well, them and the politicians) - didn't ya know ;-)But yeah, thats the one
Posted by Damos on February 24, 2005, at 16:22:48
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 22:22:46
If it was Australias Naturist University they wouldn't have to worry about picking up their clothes! It'd give a whole new meaning to hanging out at the bar though. Ohhhhhh YUK!!!!!
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 22:54:25
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on February 24, 2005, at 16:22:48
Hmm. No good for sunburn
Or those darn magpies.
Still, I suppose hats are allowed ;-)
Posted by Damos on February 27, 2005, at 16:15:13
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 22:54:25
Magpies, gosh hadn't thought of that. The early bird catches the worm could become a spectator sport!
Posted by AuntieMel on February 27, 2005, at 16:33:38
In reply to Re: Hospitality??, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 22:54:25
Do you have those awful blowflies like they do in Perth?
Posted by Damos on February 27, 2005, at 17:50:39
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » alexandra_k, posted by AuntieMel on February 27, 2005, at 16:33:38
Bloody oath we do! Bastards are big enough to carry away your cat :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 0:29:49
In reply to Re: Hospitality?? » AuntieMel, posted by Damos on February 27, 2005, at 17:50:39
Yup. Australians have all kinds of nasty bugs. Ew.
We don't, on the other hand :-)
Nothing poisonous (except the Red backed spider which is only really found in the bush).
No snakes, no croc's, etc.
Thats why flightless birds (moa and kiwi) survived in NZ. No natural predators.
Till the immigrants wanted to bring in animals to hunt.
Rabbits
Possum
Deer
Wallabies
Ferrets
Which all are working away at destroying the native bush.
And now there are feral cats etc.We have very small ants and flys indeed ;-)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.