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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2005, at 18:22:32
As I reflect on how increasingly isolated now, I wonder at how easy the internet makes it for me to be isolated.
I almost never shop, except at our small local grocery store for that day's groceries. Or the local pharmacy. Occasionally I'll venture a bit further out. But if it's something I can order over the internet, likely I will.
I go to drive thru fast food. Or I might pick up takeout.
When I'm in public, my gaze is usually averted and I carry my own bubble with me.
I avoid social situations IRL like the plague.
Going out for anything at all is getting to be more and more an ordeal. And I spend more and more time in the safe bubble of my house.
It's not that I care particularly. If I cared, I'd change my life. I'm just wondering how much today's society makes the choice to be a hermit such an easy one.
Posted by anastasia56 on February 6, 2005, at 23:19:39
In reply to Isolation in the internet age., posted by Dinah on February 6, 2005, at 18:22:32
you could be me. i go to the grocery, not meeting anyones gaze. go to the bank and use the ugly teller outside. i buzz in and out of other errands, never fully plugging in to anyone along the way. If, in the midst of my travels, i stop at hava java for a cafe au lait, i trade barbs with hiram. and then i'm off. my days are made up of 'sound bites'. short, fragmented conversations designed to let just a little show thru. then home again to converse wordlessly with my dogs who know me better than most people.
ana
Posted by partlycloudy on February 7, 2005, at 12:39:17
In reply to Isolation in the internet age., posted by Dinah on February 6, 2005, at 18:22:32
My mum is the original luddite. She's also a master at keeping herself isolated from the world at large. She has no answering machine, no computer (goodness, no), no video or DVD, maybe 4 CDs. No newspaper. No television news broadcasts, only a nature program or a movie. She listens to the radio. She reads books. She goes to church. She writes letters and collects postage stamps.
My point being that it's just as easy to keep yourself isolated without the internet. Of course, she is also sedentary, which worries me endlessly. Somehow it bothers me not a whit that she keeps to herself - I just want her physical health to not be the victim of her isolation.
Posted by 64bowtie on February 7, 2005, at 13:17:27
In reply to Isolation in the internet age., posted by Dinah on February 6, 2005, at 18:22:32
(((Dinah))),
John Bradshaw, who has his practice in Houston, says this moving away from church and religion in recent years has caused alot of this loneliness and isolation. "Its like throwing the baby out with bathwater", he says. He suggests this is why 12 step meetings and group therapy almost become a religious experience for some.
It occurs to me that there is a pattern here. You, (((Dinah))), also don't like and can't stand group therapy. I submit that you would be money ahead to practice, practice, practice, on all those poor defenseless participants in group.
Each week when you go home, any mistakes you might make in group are either not even noticed, or at least forgotten by the next week. Run an experiment... share something 'stupid' (on purpose) and just see if anyone remembers.
You will be dismayed that no one remembers! You are sublimely helping them get outta their own heads and risk themselves by their own outreach. So, they aren't well yet, and are stuck in their own heads, and don't focus on your stuff much; well; goodly!
Now, turn this around. Share something of yours that's unresolved. 2 or 3 folks will offer suggestions of how they handled the same problem. If you have a patience problem, the 'talky' folks will drive you crazy trying to help you. If you can remain patient, they will share their 'jewels' of wisdom, and engage you next week to see how things are.
Soon you will even develop friends and eliminate the chuckle-heads. I also submit that because the group is a revolving door, your 'interaction-appetite' that you have that has been placated by your close-in friends and family, will be sublimely added to by the group members, or acquaintences they might bring along.
The risk of this level of interchange is well worth the rewards garnered. Sorry if this sounds single dimensional. Its really not. Its outreach! You can replace loneliness by the 'cause-and-effect' of your outreach. Once it all begins, network, network, network!
Rod
Ps: I like to think I'm holding you and hugging you when I share here with you... (((Dinah)))
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:34:14
In reply to Re: Isolation in the internet age. » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on February 7, 2005, at 12:39:17
lol. I guess I was personalizing a bit. I like stuff way too much to isolate myself away from bookstores and clothing stores and the like. But since nearly everything is available over the internet or better yet, in catalogs, it rarely is necessary for me to leave the house except for groceries.
I forced myself out this weekend, bought way too much fabric I'll never use, and endured various socializing along the way. And realized why I seldom leave the house.
I just don't like it out there.
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:35:51
In reply to » (((Dinah))) » Re: Isolation in the internet age., posted by 64bowtie on February 7, 2005, at 13:17:27
I periodically consider it, Rod. And periodically am talked out of it by those who know groups and know me.
Maybe when I'm retired and being laid up from distress won't affect my job performance...
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:37:49
In reply to Re: Isolation in the internet age., posted by anastasia56 on February 6, 2005, at 23:19:39
What on earth would I do without my dogs?
I always said it was my ideal to grow up to be that suburban hermit, the dog lady. I guess I'm well on my way.
Posted by 64bowtie on February 11, 2005, at 1:10:04
In reply to Re: Group » 64bowtie, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:35:51
(((Sweetie))),
There aren't 'types of people' that do good group! Please fire your 'pit-crew'!
Armed with honesty, and a plan for what you want to get out of it, do group, and do it with gusto! I know you can. Your hesitance is that you think you've heard it all before. Well, this is the bone I want to pick with you. It's about vanity!
I was arrogant (vane-ignorance). I had a bachelors degree and I knew lotsa words and lotsa ways to say them.
So?
I didn't know how to get out of my own way, so I was a mess and didn't know it. I found the difference between control and management in group. I had to wait my turn and I wasn't allowed to give advice or mention someone elses 's**t' while I shared my 's**t'! My controlling nature was stifled, and I had to...........listen! (not just hear)
I learned how to share... I learned compassion... I learned that my worst 's**t' was somewhat angelic, meaning I was so messed up and entangled in my own 's**t', I couldn't see my own goodness for what it was, me!!!
Like I've said before, I'm here learning how to tell my story as I did in the 12 step groups, only with fewer and fewer and fewer words!
BTW, I'm done with my part of the bone.....lol
Rod
Posted by AuntieMel on February 11, 2005, at 8:48:03
In reply to Re: Group » 64bowtie, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:35:51
Rod's right. I never thought I could "do group" either. It just wasn't part of my nature, just as I'm a great tutor but a lousy teacher. One-on-one is where I do best.
But I ended up in a group anyway (a substance abuse thing) and I found it helped. It was a long time before I actively (for me) participated, but even at first I got a fair bit just listening. It's not as anonymous as babble, but it does help to see in the flesh that you're not alone.
Interesting aside. Though I don't "do group" well and the others seemed much more comfortable with it, I'm the only one to my knowledge that didn't relapse.
Posted by Dinah on February 11, 2005, at 16:26:50
In reply to Re: Group » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 11, 2005, at 8:48:03
I don't think that's the sort of group I'd have trouble with, if I'm hearing you correctly. It sounds more like a support group?
It's a process group that would probably not be so good for me. Paying to have a bunch of unqualified people tell me what's wrong with me would probably not sit too well with me. If I made it past week one, I and everyone else would probably be very sorry.
I barely let my qualified therapist tell me the truth about myself. I certainly don't let him tell me the unvarnished truth. He needs to sand, bevel, and varnish it before presenting it to me in an attractive package if he's to have any chance that I'll accept what he's offering.
I'm not particularly proud of it. But on the other hand, I'm not particularly ashamed of it either.
If people want the privilige of telling me something unflattering, they need to be willing to take the time and effort to prepare it properly.
You know?
Posted by AuntieMel on February 14, 2005, at 14:54:51
In reply to Re: Group » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 11, 2005, at 16:26:50
This is the end of the thread.
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