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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 1:57:32
I'm scaring myself for no good reason. Is it possible to kill off the memories without truly hurting yourself? I need ideas tonight.
Posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:10:33
In reply to Is anyone awake?, posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 1:57:32
Memories always hurt don't they. I wish I could kill some of mine. I don't know how. Try not to be scared. The greatest fear is fear itself. (I need to tell myself that more often).
((Daisy))
Sabrina
Posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:14:08
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » daisym, posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:10:33
Not true. The greatest fear is invisibility. Noone can see your pain. No one can hear you cry. They don't want to. They turn away.
Maybe they can see the mark on my soul...
Posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:17:05
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake?, posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:14:08
I can agree with you on this one. Do you think they don't want to or that we don't want them to?
Posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:25:06
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » daisym, posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:17:05
I don't know. Somehow, back then, I think they, she, my mom, didn't want to know. How could she not know? If it was my child, I would have seen the signs. But I'll never know for sure...
Does it really matter? She wasn't the one doing those terrible things. But I feel lost in the here and now. Because the more I remember, the more I lose her. So I pay again. And again. And again.
It would hurt so many people if this came out. And it is so old, it shouldn't matter anymore. But tonight, it is hugely painful. Why can't I just let it go?
Do people in your life know how you feel?
Posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:34:38
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » daisym, posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:17:05
Posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:49:06
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake?, posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:25:06
No, I don't believe anyone in my life really know or understand what I feel.
I am so sad that you you are carrying this pain. Letting go, for me, is one of the hardest and most complicated things to do.
I am sorry I could not give you more constructive advice.
Sabrina
Posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:49:57
In reply to Thanks Sabrina. Good Night (nm), posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 2:34:38
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 26, 2005, at 3:53:04
In reply to Is anyone awake?, posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 1:57:32
> I'm scaring myself for no good reason. Is it possible to kill off the memories without truly hurting yourself? I need ideas tonight.
<<< You saw the "Spotless Mind" Jim Carrey movie! ("Oh no!", she says, "Here comes Rod with another fistful of wisdom!"....lol)
Hi! Howayah DaisyM? Ahem....
1. Any bad memory can be extinguished by seeing it for what it is and giving up what it feels like!
2. Your gut has no "traction action" without feelings!
3. Your gut is betraying you when you hold onto memories with bad feelings attached!
4. Sight is wonderful at updating information without depending on feelings.Now, aren't you glad you asked?
Rod
Posted by antigua on January 26, 2005, at 5:38:09
In reply to Is anyone awake?, posted by daisym on January 26, 2005, at 1:57:32
I'm sorry I wasn't online last night to talk to you. Sounds like things are pretty rough. I know what you mean about your mother; I'm going through some of that right now. The more I understand about what happened, the more flabbergasted I am by her behavior at that time, and the more I lose her. Everything is a net loss at this time, there are no positives, but have faith, Daisy. That's all I can say. Faith in your yourself, your T and your kids. Put a little something special in your pocket today and keep it near to remind yourself you will be o.k.
best,
antigua
Posted by Daisym on January 26, 2005, at 12:28:57
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » daisym, posted by saw on January 26, 2005, at 2:49:06
Sabrina,
Thanks for hanging out with me a bit last night. I didn't really need advice, I just need to reach out to someone. I'm glad I found you.
It sounds like you are in that invisible place too...I'm sorry for that. You are right, letting go is complicated and painful and very disruptive. I wish I had done this work in my 20s, I guess I wasn't ready. I'll tell you and you tell me -- push through. We can't feel this bad forever.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Daisym on January 26, 2005, at 12:30:13
In reply to Oooops! You saw the Jim Carrey Spotless movie! » daisym, posted by 64Bowtie on January 26, 2005, at 3:53:04
Rod,
You are a unique person, to say the least. I shake my head and smile. Thank you for reaching out.
Daisy
Posted by Daisym on January 26, 2005, at 12:36:19
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » daisym, posted by antigua on January 26, 2005, at 5:38:09
Thanks Antigua, I WILL put something in my pocket. I hadn't thought of that, but given the stress of the next few days, I think I will put the little picture my therapist gave me where I can reach in and just know he is still with me. I need to think of something that reminds me of my babble family too...any suggestions?
The mom stuff is way hard. And for some complicated reason, my feelings and connection to my therapist get all tangled up in my feelings about my mom. Perhaps it is the inability to really protect me from the memories (or back then, the abuse) -- even though he is a 1000 times more supportive and WANTS to hear it, not pretend like it never happened. I don't know.
As far as keeping the faith, I'm trying. I don't want to question God as to why this happened, I just want to know, "where was He?"
I'm bring my lap top as I travel so I can at least stay connected to you guys. Thanks for the support.
Daisy
Posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:22:47
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake? » antigua, posted by Daisym on January 26, 2005, at 12:36:19
Hi Daisy,
I wish I was online last night, too. I think I was lying awake anyway. I'm glad you will have your laptop with you when you travel. Travel is stressful enough as it is. Although maybe a change of scenery will be refreshing?Hmmm, what to bring to remind you of Babble...well, there's always a picture of Dr. Bob. But maybe we can start a hugs to Daisy thread and everyone can post on it. Then you can print that out and carry us with you. Kind of like an autograph book.
As far as seeing the mark on your soul...Daisy, your beautiful soul shines through in your posts here. There may be scars and even wounds that are still painful. Maybe even more painful at the moment, as they are being inflamed by memories. But you are a beautiful soul.
Believe that, and please believe that your T sees that, too. No one can ever get tired of beauty.
(((Daisy)))
gg
Posted by anastasia56 on January 26, 2005, at 16:52:00
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake?, posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:22:47
letting go and forgiving is the hardest thing to do, but ultimately the only thing we can do, for ourselves.
anastasia
Posted by daisym on January 27, 2005, at 0:36:04
In reply to Re: Is anyone awake?, posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:22:47
Thanks GG...you made me cry. I brought my "B" is for Burt sesame street button but *I* know it really means "B is for Babble" :)
My therapist worked out times with me to touch base everyday I'm gone and he gave me "permission" to step out of the session of traumatized toddlers. Sometimes the work I do results in triggers, especially right now. And he left me a voice mail while I was on the plane reassuring me that my anxiety about being far away from him was normal but that we were still connected, etc. So I think I'll be OK.
I still love the idea of that hug thread...
((((GG)))
Posted by daisym on January 27, 2005, at 0:36:49
In reply to ((((daisy)))), posted by anastasia56 on January 26, 2005, at 16:52:00
Posted by daisym on January 27, 2005, at 0:38:50
In reply to ((((daisy)))), posted by anastasia56 on January 26, 2005, at 16:52:00
I agree with you. I don't know about the forgive part though. At least not yet.
I just don't know how yet to get past it.
Posted by anastasia56 on January 27, 2005, at 19:58:56
In reply to Re: ((((daisy)))) » anastasia56, posted by daisym on January 27, 2005, at 0:38:50
i hear that. give it time.
This is the end of the thread.
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