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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 15:59:20
I think I may have gotten myself into a semi-bad situation. Here's what's going on.
I moved in here in June. I thought she was working her own business, and she had just gotten divorced. As time passed, she started drinking, and then started smoking pot. Over the past couple of months, people have even come here to buy pot.
There is this guy, who doesn't like (hates) her kids, and he stays here sometimes for weeks or a month at a time. He also drinks and gets drunk. He's gotten into shouting / name-calling with my roommates kids.
Sometimes, when there is alot of alcohol in the house, I'll drink some. I usually don't get drunk, but I know I shouldn't with my meds. I just think that if I drink some of it that there will be less around for my roommate to get drunk.
Today, she worked at a friends's business... that's two days in a row, and she feels so happy, and looks so happy to have actually worked and earned some money. I feel happy for her too. I'm hoping that things will change and get better. Then she pours each of us a drink. She asked first, if I wanted a small one, and part of me wanted to say yes and the other part wanted to say no. We said yes. We don't know really why. There is a part of us who likes to drink though. We've been doing such a good job at saying no and now we say yes. I wish we didn't have any alcohol in the house.
Our case manager says that we'll be looking for a new roommate in January. I almost feel like I'll be abandoning my current roommate. We're kind of confused right now. We want our roommate to be happy, and she is happy having us with her but it's so hard with the drink and the man who stays here sometimes, and the pot. I've been offered pot, but I've been able to avoid that. I'm just confused and don't know whether to leave or stay. Someone gets hurt either way.Dee. confused.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:06:34
In reply to My roommate, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 15:59:20
Hi I don't really know you too well so Hi :) Have you asked yourself where YOU would be happiest? I kind of fear for your health with this guy being kind of mean to the kids and all.The drinking I do not know you to know if you had a drinking problem but drugs, booze and a guy who is into rage and at kids :( thats a sad way to live. What do you think? Could you stay friends and also move in with another room mate after the new year???
Posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 16:12:51
In reply to Re: My roommate » deirdrehbrt, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:06:34
Thanks. I did forget to mention that my roommate's kids are college age, but they're still her kids. Still, if he yelled at my kids that way, I would hope that I had the strength to tell him to get out. I just get really scared when people start yelling and stuff. I just can't stand being around it.
Would I be happier? I don't know... it depends I guess if I could actually trust someone that much again.Thanks for the response,
Dee.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:22:52
In reply to Re: My roommate » Fallen4MyT, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 16:12:51
Dee, I get scared too when people yell like that and people do not need to be like that really. I think (?) you may have an answer in your post when you say you get so scared...do you think you can live in that fear? And what if he turns it on you or your friend? I will pray you do the right thing for you. My hubby is a rageaholic so IF I had a way out I would take it. Good luck
> Thanks. I did forget to mention that my roommate's kids are college age, but they're still her kids. Still, if he yelled at my kids that way, I would hope that I had the strength to tell him to get out. I just get really scared when people start yelling and stuff. I just can't stand being around it.
> Would I be happier? I don't know... it depends I guess if I could actually trust someone that much again.
>
> Thanks for the response,
>
> Dee.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2004, at 17:03:21
In reply to My roommate, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 15:59:20
Hey there. I think your post would be about perfect to print off and show to her.
I know that I personally do not handle conflict and yelling very well at all because it brings back a lot of stuff for me.
If you could tell her what is on her mind then she may be able to give you some indication that either
(a) She can see your points and she would like to stop drinking and get back to work or
(b) She has no plans to change in the near future.If you know how she feels about the situation then it may be much easier to make a decision either way.
Living arrangements can be really hard...
Good luck with whatever you decide to do :-)
Posted by smokeymadison on December 23, 2004, at 17:06:35
In reply to Re: My roommate » deirdrehbrt, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:22:52
i had a roomamte for about 2 months who had bipolar disorder. she wasn't on any meds and our combined impulsiveness got us both into some weird and expensive situations. i love her to death, but she was always bringing guys home in the middle of the night and yeah, i didn't get any sleep. she decided to move in with her exhusband a few weeks ago. i am lucky, i guess b/c i didn't have to tell her i wanted her to move out. but i don't think that we would still be friend s if she were still here.
my point is, you should do what you need to do to be safe and healthy yourself and that if you want a friendship with this person it is best if you don't live together. tell her that you really do want to be friends and that it is hard when you live together. she will know that you do care and want friendship and will be less hurt. she probably will be hurt, yes, but the truth is best kept out in the open. goood luck!
SM
Posted by Angela2 on December 23, 2004, at 18:25:25
In reply to My roommate, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 15:59:20
If she isn't bothering you, why is it so bad to stay? Is she bothering you? I didn't read anything about that in your post. I mean we all have problems. Take Care.
-Angela
Posted by ghost on December 27, 2004, at 8:41:17
In reply to My roommate, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 23, 2004, at 15:59:20
dee,
i'm the queen of non-confrontation. is there any other excuse you can use to get out of this? you want someplace cheaper? a different location? blame it on a pdoc or T?
i do agree that you need to find a new place to live... it doesnt' sound like the ideal living situation. your roommate might not be a bad person, but she certainly isn't healthy for you.
good luck.hugs,
ghost
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