![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 36. Go back in thread:
Posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
In reply to Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 9:01:23
I just got my new computer from Dell so I couldn't respond until now. I started this thread because I notice how women dominate the Social board. I was, Susan, a little afraid to join in conversation here. It reminds me of the bar scene when you notice someone interesting and she's hanging with a group of women. It's tough enough to be rejected by one, but a whole group?
I've written several responses to your question asking me about women. I've had to erase each one as hopelessly sexist, juvenile, stereotypic or self-serving. Suffice it to say that I love women. They are my best friends and my wife has complemented my sorry existence in ways I never thought possible after my painfully failed marriage.
Again, I reiterate that women seem to be getting a lot out of congregating here on Social. Maybe some of you have thoughts on why men seem to prefer blooding each others' noses on Admin or comparing their stuff on PB rather than sippin' Margaritas here on Social.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 15:24:02
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Toph, you can talk to me, I will listen.
Posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 19:49:33
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Toph says:
"Again, I reiterate that women seem to be getting a lot out of congregating here on Social. Maybe some of you have thoughts on why men seem to prefer blooding each others' noses on Admin or comparing their stuff on PB rather than sippin' Margaritas here on Social."I'm thinkin' it's mainly 'cause men, in general, seem, to me, to be scared shytless of getting involved in this type of conversationalism and communication.
And I've been "one of the guys", uncomfortable and a misfit with the "typical" women all my life.
just plain tomboy jane
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:40:24
In reply to Re: Sisterhood » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 15:24:02
I don't want a lot, AdaGrace, I just want what everyone else here does, I want to be happier. I pretty much have what I need.
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and » Toph, posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 19:49:33
>
...it's mainly 'cause men, in general, seem, to me, to be scared shytless of getting involved in this type of conversationalism and communication.
>You're probably right, jpj, in general a guy can dismiss a dis from another guy as just some jerk, but when a women rejects him, well, that injures in a different way that is harder to minimalize. On the other hand, I've seen some guys here who have earned the respect of most of the Social Boarders and don't hesitate to jump right in. I guess I'm old fashioned, men should care more about wanting the respect of women.
> And I've been "one of the guys", uncomfortable and a misfit with the "typical" women all my life.
>
> just plain tomboy janeI bet you can spit, scratch and swear with the best of 'em, jane.
-Toph
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 11:22:05
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Can I share something about sensitive men? I know the reason I fell in love with my therapist is because he is a thinker and he knows deeply about relationship. That sounds wacky, I know, but there it is, imperfect wording and all. I love men like you. And I see them every day at work, at the theatre, on the street. I even see them when they're with each other (read two guys together) and they're always eager to relate to us women. But what I've noticed is that women turn men off because they're defensive a lot. Since my therapy I've been a lot less defensive and I've learned that men do have everything we do in the way of ability to socialize. I'm starting to gather the cognition that women actually expect men to behave in ritualistic, unthinking, unemotional ways and that's why they do it. Men really WANT to please us. We need to recognize that, and respond to it.
Aaaahhh.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:00:10
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
Add me to the spit and swear group. I don't scratch, though. I punch.
I've always had guys as friends. Very few girls. Not only do I trust the guys better to keep it 'close to the chest,' I pretty much prefer talking cars, soccer, current events, etc. over nails, fashion, and so on.
<speaking of which, I finally got the parts to fix the brakes in my opel gt and as soon as I charge the battery back up I can break it back in and get it inspected.>
Now I need to go gas up the truck and run down the road a piece to get pecans.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:55:23
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:00:10
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
In reply to women can scare me., posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 3:06:45
You girls are starting to scare me. Most of you are smarter than I, more organized than I, more considerate than I... now I discover you can beat me up, oh, and did I mention multiple orgasms?!! Seesh.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 20:03:05
In reply to Re: women can scare me., posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
Men have multiples too, or so I have heard.
By the way, I have turned to men for a shoulder and was shut out. Maybe they were the wrong men, maybe I was too emotionally attatched, but I got the feeling that men (those in particular) could not handle the crying jags......
Just my own psycotic self loathing perspective, definitely not trying to generalize.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:50:59
In reply to Re: women can scare me., posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
I'll bet your IQ is higher than mine.
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2004, at 8:24:56
In reply to Re: women can scare me - Toph, posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:50:59
> I'll bet your IQ is higher than mine.
Probably so Susan, if you're talking about Immaturity Quotient, that is.
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
In reply to Re: women can scare » Susan47, posted by Toph on November 15, 2004, at 8:24:56
Ouch, why on earth would you say a thing like that, Toph?
Posted by verne on November 16, 2004, at 1:08:15
In reply to Re: women can scare, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
I think Toph was referring to his "own" IQ and being self-deprecating. He was referring to himself, not you.
It's easy to misread that kind of thing. Language is a mindfield.
verne
Posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:11:03
In reply to Re: women can scare, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
verne's right, Susan, I meant that I had higher immaturity... and then proved it. Thank's verne for explanining.
-Toph
Posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 12:47:03
In reply to Re: men can offend, posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:11:03
I think the reasons we don't communicate amongst the sexes are twofold- both have been glossed over, but mentioned...
Men are highly competitive.
Women are highly nurturing.Men use intimidation tactics to indicate their alpha male status. (Pointing, yelling, growling, threatening, making fun of their opponent, et cetera) In this example, I don't mean the men are doing this in an intentionally "domestic abuse" way- it is merely an inbred way of communicating. As long as a "conversation" such as this one is between two equal males, the tactics are completely harmless (although they definitely CAN be harmful if any of those are used as control over their partner, which happens more than I like... I've been "controlled" by one such as this...)Women watch this and are either a little scared of the alpha male, or disgusted.
Women, on the other hand, are inbred to "take care of" "to soothe", to "ease burdens and sorrows". And our ever-changing hormones make it difficult to remain in a state of calm for very long (until lucky enough for full menopause- after we live through the hot flashes..) We are B****y, we moan, cry, et cetera. We show our weakness and we disgusts the alpha male. If we do not exhibit these tendencies, we are mostly treated as men, but that can be very scary as the "male" conversations start taking place and ultimately scares the bejeezus out of her! In 2004, however, our roles have changed immensely. We are expected to be able to do everything. We still ease everyone else's burdens, but have many of our own to deal with. So we turn to our "sisters' to help us.
Women are trying to be LESS sensitive to communicate with men, and men are trying to be MORE sensitive to communicate with women.
For myself, I'm glad that at least everyone here is trying...
My 2cents, for what their worth...
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 13:10:35
In reply to Re: women can scare » Susan47, posted by verne on November 16, 2004, at 1:08:15
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 13:15:13
In reply to Re: men can offend » Toph, posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 12:47:03
Hi, you said women are inbred but I think you might've meant that it's bred into women .... I know people who've been inbred and it's not a pretty sight, for the most part.
Posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 19:19:25
In reply to Sunny, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 13:15:13
nitpick nitpick- obviously you knew what I meant... I get too passionate to stick with proper English sometimes, I guess...
It's why my teachers always said I was better at poetry!.....Let's just ignore my faults and call them poetic license, shall we???!!!
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 19:28:59
In reply to Re: Sunny, posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 19:19:25
Sorry, Sunny, I thought I was being funny, oh I'm a poet and I didn't know it. Obviously, I knew what you meant. Kisses, make up.
Posted by sunny10 on November 17, 2004, at 8:43:25
In reply to Re: Sunny, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 19:28:59
I was laughing at the computer screen when I wrote that back! My SO was like, "geez, that's not group therapy online, that's the comedy hour!" so I had to explain to him about reading specific threads at specific times, 'cause sometimes humor is what you need, always lending a hand, sometimes reaching out for help.
I must say, he was totally impressed.
Posted by Susan47 on November 18, 2004, at 2:30:28
In reply to Re: Susan-= I knew THAT !!, posted by sunny10 on November 17, 2004, at 8:43:25
So here's a new subject ... have you ever tried Lindt dark chocolate in one and and milk chocolate in the other? It's awesom, then break it up and mix it with nuts, sweet and salty, and you have a taste of heaven. Don't forget the raisins. Mmmm.
Posted by just plain jane on November 18, 2004, at 19:36:31
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
Well, I COULD, I suppose, but, in my experience, it is that I refrain from the first two and am often hesitant to do the third that most impresses upon the guys that I am not
a)competitive
b)cruder than they
c)a guy
4)trying to impress them with my "guylikeness"
5)susceptible to intimidationI don't live by other people's rules
I live by the golden rule
and I only play the kinda games where we are all going to have fun.Pretty boring, eh?
just plain ol' jane
Posted by AuntieMel on November 19, 2004, at 16:12:23
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
So you are saying when a women rejects him that it hits harder? Like a kick in the groin?
Posted by AuntieMel on November 19, 2004, at 16:13:37
In reply to Spit, Scratch, and Swear » Toph, posted by just plain jane on November 18, 2004, at 19:36:31
I could have sworn the subject line said "scratch, sniff and swear."
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.