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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Colleen D. on November 6, 2004, at 17:54:01
I've had a washing machine that hasn't worked properly for over a month and my husband insisted it was okay for me to keep restarting it the way I have been by sticking my hand underneath it and applying pressure to the pulley to get the thing to go. Of course, I have had to do this each time it stops while cycling and what a pain in the can it has been. I thought I might lose a finger a couple of times. My husband always has plenty of money for beer, bourbon and smoke, but not for a new washing machine for our family of five. I quit begging him to buy me one and asked my mom and dad for a loan so I could get a new machine. My husband flew into a rage when my mom showed up to come with me and the children to get a new washer. He called her a f***ing b**** and tried to manhandle her out the door. I nearly called the cops. I told him I had consulted a divorce attorney and that something would be happening soon. He proceeded to smash the glass in the storm door and then took all his tools out of the car that my folks own and insure for him to drive to work. I drive the 1993 minivan we own because of needing 3 carseats and the room in it for the children. So now, according to him, I get to drive the old blue bomber which needs a new muffler because I have threatened to divorce him. He gets the van which by the way has a driver's side door that hasn't been able to be opened for 2+ months and I've lived with it because he can't afford to take it to a dealer to get it fixed for me. Whew!
Did I mention I got a new washing machine today from my parents and I need to find a job to earn the $1000 retainer to start divorce proceedings???
:-) Colleen
Posted by Toph on November 6, 2004, at 18:30:04
In reply to Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Colleen D. on November 6, 2004, at 17:54:01
I don't mean to be flippant, Collen, but to me it seems like you dropped the bum today!!! There is this theory about domestic violence that is all about power and control. This guy has it in spades. I'm sure you would have dropped him like a hot potato if it weren't for the kids. Kids always complicate these things. I hope for his sake he wises up soon, because what with your family as a support it sounds like you have an effective escape plan. I hope you discover soon what is best for everyone.
-Toph
Posted by verne on November 6, 2004, at 20:24:27
In reply to Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Colleen D. on November 6, 2004, at 17:54:01
Colleen,
I went through a divorce and later custody trial and just wanted to advise you to keep a record from now on - it can be like a journal. Making you drive the unsafe car is RETALITORY and when kids are involved it has a huge impact in court.
Although I'm a guy, I was in much the same situation. I won't go into the horrendous details but I can't emphasize enough how damaging retalitory behavior is in court.
I just wish I could have avoided the $13,000 in legal costs. Although I "won" it was like the village was razed to the ground to save it.
Take care and try to settle with the least amount of animosity and legal wrangling as possible. I've been there.
verne
Posted by AdaGrace on November 7, 2004, at 15:03:16
In reply to Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Colleen D. on November 6, 2004, at 17:54:01
I worry that he will treat your so much worse now that you have told him. Take care of yourself, and you know, you don't have to stay there until the divorce is final or even filed. Can you move out somehow? For your own peace of mind? I know you have small children and believe me I know that it can be hard to think about, but maybe you could move out or get him to move out since you did tell him what you were planning to do.
What do you think?
Posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 16:04:19
In reply to Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Colleen D. on November 6, 2004, at 17:54:01
You're so much better off without the bum, sweetie.
Posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 16:08:50
In reply to Re: Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by AdaGrace on November 7, 2004, at 15:03:16
And by the way I don't believe this man will ever change so in my opinion you're wise to not even try, don't even give him the benefit of the doubt he'll just shit all over you BUT he won't know he's doing it because this is who he is and he won't understand anything else. He's a ruined person, imo. If he goes to counselling becuase he's in personal pain, he has a chance. But don't put yourself and your children in any more emotional jeopardy, but if it does happen then we're here for you no matter what. :)
Posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 10:06:26
In reply to Re: Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 16:08:50
Colleen,
Don't leave the house, unless you inform the neighbors that you are taking the children to visit your parents. (Witnesses later)
Verne is right, everything turns into a battle. If you leave the house, his lawyer will try to say that you "abandoned" your husband and the right to "keep" the house will be granted to him and you will be asked to pay HIM off to keep a roof over your childrens' heads.
He will also try to use your mental health against you, so PLEASE see a lawyer and don't do ANYTHING that could be construed as "emotional".
I lost my home, my child, and my money. It no longer matters if you're the "mom", at all.
I am trying not to "scare" you- simply to help educate you-- Gosh, divorce is an ugly, ugly, ugly thing to go through, although the freedom from abuse is worth it in the long run...
-sunny10
Posted by Toph on November 10, 2004, at 10:39:18
In reply to Re: Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Toph on November 6, 2004, at 18:30:04
> ...to me it seems like you dropped the bum today!!! There is this theory about domestic violence that is all about power and control. This guy has it in spades...
>
The power and control theory is pretty universally held in domestic violence circles:http://www.ci.kent.wa.us/DomesticViolence/GeneralInfo/Wheel.htm
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
Power and control are dynamics in all kinds of relationships that arre dysfunctional, not just violent ones.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 11, 2004, at 18:28:21
In reply to Re: Well, I dropped the bomb today!!!, posted by Toph on November 10, 2004, at 10:39:18
"She Dropped The Bomb on ME"
This is the end of the thread.
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