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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 16:35:15
Hi Everyone....I think I got involved with a real problem guy, and I am not looking at things properly after my breakup with him...he's probably very sick but I am blaming myself and thinking I am the one who is crazy. He used me badly, introduced me to some really great but coarse sex (now that I look back, there was no tenderness at all), and now I am emotionally and physically drained. Can't seem to get any self-respect back at all, and I didn't do anything but love him deeply and give him my all. I have really lost my self esteem. Any advice besides all I am already read about distancing, realizing he isn't worth it, etc.?
Posted by partlycloudy on October 8, 2004, at 18:09:23
In reply to Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well, posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 16:35:15
how about be really glad you aren't with him anymore? doesn't sound like it was too healthy.
memories will fade but don't be ashamed of feeling. it's what us humans do best.
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:19:22
In reply to Re: Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well » moime, posted by partlycloudy on October 8, 2004, at 18:09:23
> how about be really glad you aren't with him anymore? doesn't sound like it was too healthy.
> memories will fade but don't be ashamed of feeling. it's what us humans do best.
> I am glad that I am not suffering under him anymore, keeping my mouth shut for fear of saying something that would make him break up with me. (God, listen to that!) But I can't help but wonder if I had TRIED a little harder to understand his (mental wounds) from his childhood and adult life, perhaps I would have helped him. I too suffered similar things as he, and I did think that one day he would notice, heal, and begin to love me. (Can't believe I actually wrote that all out - psycho, isn't it!)
Posted by boomarang on October 8, 2004, at 18:29:58
In reply to Re: Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well, posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:19:22
not to sound too moronic but 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink'.
you can't heal him or make him better or 'understand' him more and make everything ok. He is the only one who could have and can make that happen. Meantime, quit beating yourself up.
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:35:46
In reply to Re: Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well, posted by boomarang on October 8, 2004, at 18:29:58
> not to sound too moronic but 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink'.
>
> you can't heal him or make him better or 'understand' him more and make everything ok. He is the only one who could have and can make that happen. Meantime, quit beating yourself up.
>I know you are absolutely right. Wonder if he will ever realize the depth of his actions...three nights after he had me in bed and told me he would tell me if he ever wanted another woman, I caught him in bed with one. Actually, knew he was inside his house in bed with another woman. All this after we had seen eachother 24/7 for 4 months, shared our pasts, he introduced me to all his family, extended and then some, played with my heart and introduced me to some really good sex that I will REALLY miss. What a time this is.
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:37:07
In reply to Re: Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well, posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:35:46
And to finish my last thought, he also introduced me to his children, who I really love but of course cannot approach anymore for fear of what he will say or do. What a life.
Posted by 64bowtie on October 8, 2004, at 19:18:46
In reply to Bad BreakUp and Not Coping Well, posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 16:35:15
I would not be a friend if I tried to advise you here/now. I can instead say, you sound like you are doing a little better each day (my guess), so let me cheer you onward. Please take care and do some nice things for yourself. Please look fear straight in the eye and step forward, in defiance; fear will always back down.
And remember, no matter what! We believe in you even when you don't feel like believing in yourself.
Rod
(the owner of the 64 Chevy Pick-up with its lights on in the parking lot......lol)
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 19:59:19
In reply to Not Coping Well.... Advice??? » moime, posted by 64bowtie on October 8, 2004, at 19:18:46
> I would not be a friend if I tried to advise you here/now. I can instead say, you sound like you are doing a little better each day (my guess), so let me cheer you onward. Please take care and do some nice things for yourself. Please look fear straight in the eye and step forward, in defiance; fear will always back down.
>
> And remember, no matter what! We believe in you even when you don't feel like believing in yourself.
>
> Rod
> (the owner of the 64 Chevy Pick-up with its lights on in the parking lot......lol)Dear Rod...thanks so much for your reply..cracked up on the 64 Chevy with the lights on! Anyway, I talked with my sis tonite, she's at BC working on her PHD, she had me cracking up too...so now I feel doubly better. Plus she convinced me that he is "pathological", and when she first said that to me this past Monday, it made me cry. But when she said it tonite, it made me laugh. So I guess I am on my way. Running a 5k tomorrow AM so that will help too. Life is really a trip, isn't it? I just wonder if I will ever find someone I trust to spend the rest of it with. I really dread committing to a man only to have him see me grow old and gray and leave me. Already had 2 failed marriages and this horrible episode, not about to walk into it again. It really is true that you learn from these experiences. I don't expect to have it all on the up and up, I know maybe tomorrow, the next day or next month I could have a down day(s). But it really is the ol' pick yourself up by the bootstraps kind of thing. Yuck. And thanks!
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