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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on July 7, 2004, at 18:14:24
Hi guys,
I hope I'm not offending anyone with my sparce visibility here. I'm still going through lots as far as my last episode. I had therapy, it was rough. Many things are still difficult. I've been living a bit more than usual inside my head.I went to the doctor today, and emotionally it was taxing. Hearing "I have a few women patients who were severely ab*sed, and they are very much like you". They are words that are obviosly intended to be supportive, but the wounds are still very close to the surface, and it doesn't take much to irritate or open them.
My therapist wants me to join a support group for survivors of s*xual ab*se. Saying it here, or to a few select friends who I need to understand is one thing. Saying it in a group? That's so scary. It also means admitting it in a public way to me. I'm very good at denying things. I can get hit by a baseball bat across the face and not admit I'm hurt! This though is high stakes for me.
I'm scared again. This is real work, and I'm scared. I want to cry. I've figured that if I don't remember it, it's not exactly real. Blast the X-rays, blast the psychological symptoms; I don't remember it, it's not real. I want it to go away.
I've remembered a little bit though... some pictures. I could be doing it just to explain why my hips are both injured. Maybe it's not real. But my hips were injured before I even went to school. And there are other things that I can't explain.
Sorry... excessive reflecting. The main point is that I'm probably going to be a bit scarse for a little while. I love you all, but right now it takes alot of energy to do all I need and I don't have much left.
Dee.
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 7, 2004, at 20:36:06
In reply to Sorry I haven't been posting much., posted by deirdrehbrt on July 7, 2004, at 18:14:24
Dear Dee, Take as much time as you need. We will be here. I just want to tell you how sorry I am that someone hurt you in this way. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse.
I have been working on it since I realized it happened. I don't remember the actual incidents clearly but I was a baby when it started. Come to think of it, I always had problems with my hips....hummm?
I also had problems with my throat and mouth.
So I hope the best for you in the days to come. Please know that I am sending you postive loving energy. I am in the process of moving through all this. Things are changing for me. I know how painful it can be. keep in touch....when you are ready and able. Remember that you are special and that we love you here.
talk to you.
Posted by daisym on July 8, 2004, at 0:50:56
In reply to Re: Sorry I haven't been posting much., posted by Jai Narayan on July 7, 2004, at 20:36:06
No need to apologize. We all put our heads down when it gets really hard.
You are brave even to consider group. I can see the value of the support but I, like you, feel it makes it so much more real.
Take it slow and steady. Don't fight the pictures. Believe in yourself. You are unique. And you are not alone on this journey toward healing.
Posted by karen_kay on July 8, 2004, at 8:08:26
In reply to Sorry I haven't been posting much., posted by deirdrehbrt on July 7, 2004, at 18:14:24
sweet dee,
i can completely understand what you are saying dear. completely!!!!! when i started group, i told my therapist that this topic was specifically OFF limits! (and he basically kept it that way too!) but, luckilly, i have some very good friends who forced me to think about things that i needed to. just because i couldn't remember every detail didn't mean it wasn't causing disstress in my life dear.
please take care of yourself dee. please don't feel that you have to hide or run from anything. if you aren't comfortable talking about it in front of a group, please consider individual therapy then. and please do feel free to email me anytime dear!!! karen_kay12atyahoo
(((((((dee)))))))))) you really are an amazing, strong and wonderful woman. and i love you very very much. take care of yourself. and please email me, ok?
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2004, at 9:28:11
In reply to Sorry I haven't been posting much., posted by deirdrehbrt on July 7, 2004, at 18:14:24
Please don't worry about it. We all understand. The important thing is that you are taking care of yourself.
This is the end of the thread.
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