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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 24, 2004, at 16:01:17
I'm hitting another "up", right before the weekend. Anyone see a pattern forming here? Ha. Anyway, I'm bored out of my mind. My external email server is down, so I have no contact with the real world except through www., so I'm back babbling on Babble and I'm expecting this post to be a long and rambling disertation on the "right now this minute" of Scott.
Up and bored. Bad combination. I feel like every second is dragging on. I stared at the time display on my telephone a while ago. I swear it was 3:35 for 5 minutes before it changed to 3:36. It's maddening. I want it to be 5pm right now, this minute. I want to go home and have a beer and fire up the riding mower and do the lower lawn (which I have neglected for at least 2 mowings.... it won't be "mowing"... it'll be more like "haying").
This time I went from "normal" to "up" without the "low"... and I expect that it's going to be a pretty interesting experience this time because usually when I "take off" I'm doing it from a very low point. This time I'm already mid-range. It'll be interesting (and possibly disconcerting) to see if I peak out like last time, or if I break the gravitational pull of reality and create a new orbit around the earth. I suppose we'll see in a few days.I'm bored. I'm antsy. I feel like every muscle in my body is coiled and ready to move, to react to anything. I feel like an over-wound clockspring. I'm ticking way faster than I should be and I know that I could uncoil and make a huge mess (if anyone has ever seen a clock spring uncoil, you know what I mean).
I'm frustrated. Ring, phone, RING! If I was working I could at least concentrate on that. But the phones are dead, I have alreayd cleared my service order log, I have cleared all my pending orders, I've made my folowups... I'm bored and I'm bouncing and I need something to soak up the enormous amount of attention I could offer it (for about 5 minutes untl I was distracted and had to do something else) but I want something to do right now and this post is really all I have.
I took a call. It was balance confirmation. It took all of 30 seconds. I did nothing but recite a number that the customer already had. He could have looked it up online. He had it on paper in front of him. But, it gave me something to do.
Funny thing is, around 4:58 I'll hope NO ONE calls, and the que will fill up. For all of you who like calling businesses 2 minutes before they close, don't spend much time wondering why the rep is pushing you along. It's closing time. Time to go experience that timeframe that occurs between 5pm and 8am. It's called "off from work". Some people cal it "life". I'm trying really hard to have one. I'd prefer to enjoy it, thanks. And if you must call, make it at least 15 minutes so I get my half hour OT, anything less than that I "donate" to the company cause.
Where was I? It's hard to concentrate. (re-reading what I wrote). Well, I guess the rant about the calls to businesses wasn't really necessary. But it's there. Hope I didn't offend anyone.
I've lost my train of thought again. Boired. Bored bored bored. Did I ever mention that I have a 1990 Chevy Scottsdale pickup? It's nice. I mena, it;s a bit beat up (it's 14 years old) but it's a TRUCK... big ol' gas-sucking 350 V-8 4-bolt main with headers and glasspacs. It has that really sweet rumbling sound when it drives, and when I put my foot in it, she roars. I mean ROARS. I took it mudding a couple weeks back, and I was throwing rooster tails at least 20 feet high. I finally had to put it into 4WD, and when I did the tails stopped and the mud just parted. I had a blast. I really like that truck a lot. It's the first truck I have had since before I joined the Army back in 1988. I like my Volvo just fine, and it's an awful lot of fun to drive in it's own right, but that pickup is my townie redneck dream come true. I've always been on the fence between so many cultures. I have parts of many, but fully immersed in none. I have redneck friends, Metalhead friends, "Society" friends, but I'm never 100% part of them. I'm Scott... a Volvo-driving redneck who listens to Death Metal. Ha.
It's a bit closer to work being done so I'm going to wrap this up and just post it without a spellcheck or a proofread. I'm going to trust that I didn't use any bad words and that I didn't rage and go off about anything in particular that would get me in trouble. I don't know whay that idea bothers me so much. It's kind of like... I don't know. I can be a completely insensitive ass at times, and while I always try to be diplomatic in my approach in all things, there have been too many times where I have gone with emotion instead of logic and really laid things out a bit too bluntly. I haven't done that here yet, and I don't want to. I don't want a warning. I don't want to be blocked for a week. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I like Babble and I like the people I have met here. Losing this place would really stink. The meds board has given me a lot of information I would not have trusted elsewhere, because here th einformation is from a real person who is really using the medication as opposed to a theoretical opinion from someone who studies data from people using the medication. I respect and appreciate the people who do that kind of research, but it's always the people who live where thre rubber hits the road that I look to for actual experences.
I don't know what else to write here except that I'm bored and I want to get out of here and I'm bored.
This will be interesting to read tomorrow, I think. I wonder if there will be a tomorrow? I might not come to work. I don't have to, you know. I can take the day off. I have vacation time left. I can take a day off and just stay at the house. I could weed the garden and mow the upper lawn and sort the books I just bought and wash the dishes and do the laundry and vacuuming and mop the kitchen floor and fold the laundry and re-organize the drawers and then I would make myself lunch. Ha.
I'm hoping that I'm here tomorrow and that this has gone away and that it's just a little tiny thing going on and that I'll be here tomorrow and not worry about being a spaz all weekend. I have a few things I have to do and I can see myself wanting to do nothing but silly work like cut another load of kindling when I already have enough kindling for the next 2 winters. I wish I had my chainsaw. I have a lot of log-length wood that needs to be bucked and split and I need to get on that project. I had an old Jonsered that gave up the ghost, so now I want to replace it with a Husqvarna 395XP. I mean I really want one. But... finances are low and what I'm probably going to wind up with is some hoopdie from a yard sale and the (edited) will wind up costing me more time and money in the long run but it's how things go for me, never enough time or money to do something rightthe first time around so put a damned band-aid on the problem and then pay for it over and over and over as I keep replacing band-aids when if I had had the initial investment for stitches in the first place I would have got exactly wehat I needed and would have saved a lot of money to boot... but noooo, I'm a day late, a dollar short, and spend my life trying to catch up where if I was just a LITTLE more capable I'd be so totally set it isn't funny! I'm a hair away from sucess all the time, be it time management or finances or anything... I'm just (hold your fingers about 1/2 inch apart) THIS far away... ALL THE TIME.
Bah. Now I'm just annoyed and angry. I need that damned saw. I'll sell my ... uhm.. I can sell my ... *thinking*... I can work some overtime maybe. And Jon owes me some $$$, and so does Fionn, and I just had an eBay auction go off for $40 that my sister is paying me for... I can get the saw in a couple of weeks if I do this right and then I can tackle that pile. There's about 25 cord of log-length wood. I need about 7. I could sell the rest. It costs me $35/cord and I could sell it for $150 if it is bucked and split. It's a lot of work, but I like that kind of work and I am prett
I have a customer phone call. It's 4:59. I am not happy.
Posted by karen_kay on June 24, 2004, at 16:10:51
In reply to UP and bored, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 24, 2004, at 16:01:17
it was me calling :) see, it wasn't so bad, was it?
don't worry now, you'll be 'normal' scott in no time. promise!
funny, my friend (who i'm going to see this weekend) noticed i'm getting giggly and asked if fun karen would be joining us this weekend. she loves fun karen and takes every chance she can get to be with fun karen. perhaps we'll go see some comedians and i'll be asked to leave for laughing too loud? or talking too loud?
awww, but fun karen sure is fun.. hopefully i'll meet you there, in that 'fun' little world we call everyday life.
have a great weekend scott. and don't get too close to the fire.
Posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 17:18:24
In reply to UP and bored, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 24, 2004, at 16:01:17
Can't help, because I'm unipolar so I can only imagine what bipolar is like, but I will say that it's got to be something in the air today. I've been too restless to settle on anything today, and bursting into tears suddenly without any cause that I can identify. It really is horrible, and while I'm always glad for your company, I'm sorry you're suffering this way.
I'm sending you my best thoughts for that Husqvarna chainsaw, and for a really GOOD weekend. Keep us posted?
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 7:54:27
In reply to Re: UP and bored » Scott in Vermont, posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 17:18:24
but will probably be leaving soon. I'm breaking. This is not a "happy" up like I thought it was. It's a very angry and frustrated "up". A lot of things I have been glossing over and pretending were ok are coming back on me. I have been irresponsible, I have been neglectful, and I have been avoiding. Now, I'm in a corner and there's nowhere left to run. The only "exit" I have right now is the window, and I'm going to jump (don't worry, it's a metaphor!) then tuck and roll when I hit, and try running again.
I don't want to deal with this divorce anymore. I don't want to deal with lawyers and courts and subpoenas and (edited, long rant with lots of bad words). And I'm sick of pdocs and T's and lost time off work and meds and being such a spaz. This is NOT WHO I AM, Dammit. I was never like this before, why now? Yes, I know the data and I know it's genetic and I know I know I know but I'm sick of it all and I don't care.
I have a meeting to go to. After that, I'm going home. I have a lot to think about.
-Scott
PS- This post is NOT a cry for help, I am NOT going off somewhere to pull my plug. I need space and time and answers and solutions and resolution, but I'm not giving up... I'm just running away for a while. Run, Scott, RUN!
Posted by gardenergirl on June 25, 2004, at 8:00:00
In reply to Came to work, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 7:54:27
Posted by partlycloudy on June 25, 2004, at 8:12:17
In reply to Came to work, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 7:54:27
Scott, sometimes the hardest thing is just showing up. You have an awful lot to juggle and deal with, so an inclination to run and hide is, well; normal. I'm sorry about the legal loop-de-loops you are going through. Trying to keep up appearances while in the midst of that, plus the rollercoaster us Babblers unwillingly ride on everyday; I think you deserve a respite.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 9:51:17
In reply to Came to work, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 7:54:27
What am I going to do, go home and kick furniture? I'm staying here, at least for now. I have my cube, I have this computer, I have the phone... I have things to occupy me. I go to lunch in 40 minutes. I'll check the mail.
I want to scream and pull my hair out and run in a straight line until I'm physically blocked by an unpassable object. Then I want to kick that object until I pass out from exhaustion.
But instead, I'm just going to sit here and stew.
Posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2004, at 10:09:02
In reply to Staying at work, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 9:51:17
i'm sorry your day isn't fun, nor is it perfect. if there was soemthing i could do to make your day a little better, i would.
maybe you can blame this reaction on the meds? perhaps it's a side effect that will be leaving soon?
scott, tell me what to do to make your day better and i'll do it... maybe you need a road trip? would that help? oh, but wait! we're all coming to see you... hmmm, maybe that helps?
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 10:28:39
In reply to Staying at work, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 9:51:17
Time for a smoke break and check the mail. Whee. I love living on the edge.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 12:21:17
In reply to Lunchtime, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 10:28:39
Back.
This is the end of the thread.
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