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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
Too much Too much Too much
First, let me be very clear that helping Dee get into the hospital was a stress for me, but that my issues started long before that. I don't want her to feel responsible in any way for my meltdown. She should remember that I was in bad shape last week - Dee, do you remember Tuesday when I drove you to therapy??
Too many things are happening.
1. Finals week for my daughter - I let her sleep at a friend's house last night. On a school night, before a final. This is the child who doesn't get to school on time (actually, she is more likely to get there from her friend's house without a hassle than she is to get there from my house without a hassle. If she stays at her dad's she won't get there at all...). I made her call me when she got up this morning - and she did. So I do believe that she will get to school. But I feel like a bad mother to WANT her not to be here, and to abdicate responsibility for her getting to school.
1.5 Daughter has an appointment with a therapist on the 29th. She doesn't want to go and I am going to force her. Yes, I know that if she doesn't cooperate that the therapist won't be able to do anything. I'm hoping that she secretly wants some help and will let the help come to her. I'm trying not to think about this until next week.
2. I'm starting to understand just how depressed I am right now.
3. I'm trying to get one of my friends hooked up with another friend because I'm afraid that first friend is heading into a dangerous area (she will be hurt) and I can't keep track of it (both because I don't have the energy and because I can't handle the stress of this particular kind of danger). First friend thinks she is OK - but I want her to contact second friend so *I* don't have to worry about her anymore since I know I can't keep track of it. So regardless of whether she is heading towards a problem or not, I need her to contact second friend to solve *MY* problem.
4. Submitting therapy bills to the insurance company. I have 3 weeks worth of bills and the diagnosis are different. First one is 296.20 (Major Depression, Single episode, unspecified) - this is probably wrong - usually it is 296.30 which is recurrent rather than Single episode - not a big deal. The second one says 300.02 and 296.20. 300.02 is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He has never written anything but 296.30 or 296.30 in the past. I'm not disagreeing with him, but I wish he had said something about it so I wouldn't find out by reading my bills. The third says 296.30. I love consistency.
5. I've seen email in my junk folder recently that looks like a virus. The subject says that there was a mail delivery failure, but it isn't from my email provider. Inside there is a link to follow "if the message doesn't appear". I have deleted these, but haven't gone off to verify that this is a virus. I was IMing with a local friend this morning to let her know that Dee was in the hospital and she asked me a computer question. Her machine started behaving very strangely and she eventually turned it off. I asked her if she had had any email messages returned as undeliverable recently and (though it isn't really clear from her answer) I would guess that she ran into this virus. She is not running virus protection on her machine. She is not very computer savy and relies on Dee (and me, as backup) to take care of her computer issues. I told her I would email her later this afternoon with some information on the virus. The computer is her lifeline into the world. Do any of you know about this virus (is it a virus? can she run a tool to see if it is on her machine if she hasn't installed virus protection? The cost of virus software is prohibitive for her)? I don't have the energy to figure out what she should do.
6. So I'm trying to pay my mortgage and health insurance COBRA bills (that I usually pay on the 15th). I look at the COBRA bill and remember that my COBRA ends in October and I have to figure out what to do then. I MUST maintain health insurance (we'll probably switch to my husbands at that point - it isn't as good as mine which is why we've been using mine up 'till now) or I'll fall into the preexisting condition trap. I want to ask my old company if I can COBRA for longer, but today I don't have the strength to actually call someone I know and ask that. So I call the company that is handling the payments. She says that I'm OK until 05/05, that I started on 11/02, that I'm OK for 36 months. But I was laid off in 05/02 and I thought I was eligible for 29 months. She's confused, too. But she's going to look into it - even though I ask her to just leave the 05/05 end date, that I like that date. I look at this bill and the price has gone up 50% from the last month (from incredibly high to astronomical - but still less than my therapy bill for the month...). She is also confused about this. And says that she'll look into it and get back to me in the next day or two. [but I really, really, really want to know NOW - a little GAD, perhaps??]
7. My car is in the shop so I can't go anywhere. I need to make photocopies of my therapy bills to submit the claim. I should be able to get my car this afternoon (after they also do a 90K checkup for almost $500). I could use the scanner someone gave me recently to make photocopies of the bills, but I haven't really figured out how to get it to print at the right size. I did figure it out eventually a couple of weeks ago, but I don't think I have a lot of frustration tolerance right now. So should I try the scanner, or should I wait to get my car and find a photocopier? Usually I mail the claim on the 15th, so I'm a bit late.
8. I am worried about my dogs. I am giving them no attention and I think THEY are getting depressed. Patches may have a back problem, so I've been supposed to "keep her quiet" (right). I would break her heart if I took Sterling for a walk and left her here. I did that once when my daughter was home to keep her company and she went nuts even with my daughter home. I have a dear friend who walks them with me sometimes (and she gave me a ride back when I dropped my car off), I can't see walking myself (or even talking to her for 30 minutes). I'm almost tempted to call her and see if she wants to take them out WITHOUT me.
It does help to write it all down. I guess I'll pay my mortgage and the old figure on my health insurance (just so I have sent them SOMETHING - I can send the difference later if it really is 50% more).
Trying to breathe,
Falls.
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:56:12
In reply to AAAHHHH! (long, long rant), posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
The more recent COBRA bill has the older (smaller) amount, so I'm hoping for now that the one that was 50% higher was a mistake...
Paying bills,
Falls.
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 10:02:40
In reply to AAAHHHH! (long, long rant), posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
Sounds like too much too-muchness, Falls. Take good care of yourself, with extra self indulgence.
(((Falls)))
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 10:10:29
In reply to AAAHHHH! (long, long rant), posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
I can only help on the computer stuff..
the "returned emails" are nearly always caused by someone else having a virus.. it picks a "from" email address from their address book, and tehn send teh virus out.. so someone has your address in their address book, and as such, the failed messages are bouncing to you.
Without more info on yoru friends problem I can't dianose whether it is a virus causing her problems, but..
This site is a free online scan.. get her to run this and it will tell her if she has a virus
http://housecall.trendmicro.com/housecall/start_corp.asp
Then, she MUST have virus protection.. AVG do a free version that is very good.. that can be found here..
http://www.grisoft.com/us/us_index.php
Finally.. it could be Malware (spy ware, ad ware.. that kind of thing).. She can download AdAware to check for these problems here..
http://www.download.com/3000-2094-10045910.html?legacy=cnet
Just shout if theres anything else I can help with computer related!
nikki x
Posted by partlycloudy on June 22, 2004, at 10:26:18
In reply to AAAHHHH! (long, long rant), posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
Ow. You do have a very full plate. My only advice would be about the photocopying (I have the soul of a secretary). Wait for the car and get the papers copied like you would ordinarily. Otherwise, you'll be scanning those suckers for hours!
And, falls - you are no less a wonderful person for all your troubles. A good, responsible mom, a consiencious bill payer, and a very supportive friend, even while you were struggling.
(((falls)))
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 10:38:41
In reply to Re: AAAHHHH! (long, long rant) » fallsfall, posted by partlycloudy on June 22, 2004, at 10:26:18
Went down to the mailbox to put the COBRA and mortgage payments out for the mailman, but he came early. Put the letters in my pocket book so that I can mail them when I pick up my car. Put envelope with therapy claims in pocketbook too - will stop at the gas station and make copies (thanks Partlycloudy).
I took the dogs with me to the mailbox and we walked around the block. I figure that depression is worse for my dogs than back pain (at least I have pills for her for the back pain).
Friend1 said I could send Friend2 her email address so I did.
Thank you, Nikki!!! As I was walking around the block I was wondering if I had your email address because I knew you would know the answer. I'll have her do it one piece at a time so she doesn't get confused.
Judging Amy is on in 25 minutes. I have a chair reserved. Thanks, Dinah.
Still breathing,
Falls.P.S. I figure with Ilene gone for a little bit that you all need the minutia of someone else's life...
Posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 10:50:13
In reply to AAAHHHH! (long, long rant), posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 9:50:23
Holy cow! That's an awful lot to handle. You are most certainly entitled to a meltdown. What strikes me is how generous and kind you are in taking care of your friends even while you're feeling cruddy. You put a lot of energy into helping solve others' problems. I hope you'll be able to also do something to pamper yourself.
Don't feel bad about wanting your daughter to not be there. You're still keeping tabs on where she is and had her call you. You're overwhelmed and I imagine she likes staying overnight with a friend. And as you said, she's more likely to get to school on time.
I agree about waiting to get your car and then photocopying your documents. Think "path of least resistance".
For spyware I second the Ad-aware recommendation. Spybot Search and Destroy is also supposed to be decent. It's freeware also. I have both. Your friend should have a firewall. Windows XP has one built in. I forget if earlier versions do. If I get a chance I'll see what's out there in freeware.
Go ahead, ask your friend to help with dog walking. Simplify the tasks in your life as much as you can right now.
Eat ice cream. Don't forget to breathe. Hang in there. (((Fallsfall)))
Emme
Posted by spoc on June 22, 2004, at 11:57:32
In reply to Re: AAAHHHH! (long, long rant) » fallsfall, posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 10:50:13
Fallsfall,
Way too much, how exquisitely maddening/saddening. I hope soon "these things too shall pass." I also wanted to say that the way you presented Dee's situation sounded only like the warm concern of a friend, who was thinking about how nice it would be for her to receive the well wishes of the many people here who care about her.
Unfortunately, I too can only be of possible help with the computer related issue. Hopefully this and the other posted tips can be of assistance even beyond the current virus question, towards you and your friends protecting your equipment generally.
I wanted to mention that in addition to a virus using a friend's address book, you can also receive "undeliverable" messages as a result of spammer shenanigans. The good news is of course that in neither case do you already have a virus (your bulk mail/spam filter has probably in many cases seen through these items, and placed them there to spare you from ever seeing them). I mentioned that here, in the paragraph "Have you ever had this happen:"
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/358312.html
And I add my vote to the freeware already mentioned in this thread. I use Grisoft's free antivirus software myself, mainly because it takes up so little room. I really like it. And I use Spybot Search & Destroy too; but have found that freeware called Spyblaster from Wilder's software eliminates most spyware from ever downloading. The highly rated freeware firewall I use is ZoneAlarm.
The following online scanner sites may have already been posted, but for spyware there is a good one from the PestScan site, and for viruses (and maybe spyware too) there is a great one at Trend Micro called "Housecall."
All of the above should be readily found with Google, but let me know if you want the actual links.
Hoping things settle back down for you ASAP. Why do these things always seem to come in clusters!
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 12:44:20
In reply to Re: Update, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 10:38:41
Any problems we can try doing it with her real time with me on an instant messenger programme (I am sad.. I have MSN, Yahoo, ICQ and AOL *l*).. just remember I'm in England (currently on BST which is GMT + 1)!!
My email is nikkit at gmail dot com
Nikki x
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 13:01:49
In reply to Re: Update, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 10:38:41
Zone Alarm is an excellent firewall.. that can be downloaded at http://www.zonelabs.com/store/content/company/products/znalm/comparison.jsp?lid=ho_za
But I agree with fallsfall that doing each bit at a time is the best idea!
The XP firewall is OK.. but not really very good.. Should be switched on though before you start downloading everything else.. The XP one should be on by default. To check just go to where you would go to to bring up details of your active connection (I go via Control Panel, then Network Connections, then I click on my active connection). From there, click on the "Properties" button, then the "Advanced" tab, and then make sure the only checkbox there is ticked. When you're done, click on OK and it'll be switched on.
Ofcourse.. if she connects via broadband, using a router with built in firewall instead of a modem would be best idea ;)Spybot is also very good.. I run that along with Ad Aware as they each, occasionally, catch something the other missed.. But AdAware is much more user friendly I think, and easier for technophobes to use!
And then *laughing* We shall sort her out with a pop up stopper, to stop most of the awful pop ups and cut the amount of Malware she could get by a huge percentage.
Why do I enjoy saying this stuff so much??!! I need a life *lol*
Nikki xx
Posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 13:34:15
In reply to Firewall etc, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 13:01:49
> And then *laughing* We shall sort her out with a pop up stopper, to stop most of the awful pop ups and cut the amount of Malware she could get by a huge percentage.Hey, can I butt in with a question or two?
Got a favorite pop-up blocker and malware blocker? The Netscape popup blocker seems to be doing a pretty decent job on keeping the popups under control. But I'm always interested in hearing what's out there that's reliable and there seem to be a bazillion freeware popup blockers. And I haven't looked at things carefully enough to see which popup blockers simultaneously block sypware and can be used with Netscape.
> Why do I enjoy saying this stuff so much??!!
Cuz it's cool. :)
Emme
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 14:21:13
In reply to Re: Firewall etc » NikkiT2, posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 13:34:15
hey!!
I use the google tool bar with its inbuilt pop up stopper.. http://toolbar.google.com/ Its pretty groovy.. blocks pop ups great, and even counts them!! (I'm up to 2366!!) And I use the direct search box loads!!
Spyware Blaster is also fantastic.. It prevents spyware being loaded when it does try.. I've only been using it since weekend (after spending hours trying to get rid of a trojan!) but seems to be working great so far!!
http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.htmlI love free ware!!
And yeah, I think its cool!!!
Nikki xx
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 15:54:14
In reply to Re: Update » fallsfall, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 12:44:20
Made copies of my therapy bills at the gas station. Mailed COBRA, mortgage and therapy bills.
Saw Dee (see her thread above).
Watched Judging Amy (I thought it was a good episode).
Got hugs from one of the people I like hugs from the most.
My car needs rear brakes and 2 new tires in addition to its 90K checkup, and it won't be ready until sometime tomorrow.
Not as panicked,
Falls.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 22, 2004, at 16:25:50
In reply to Re: Updated Update, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2004, at 15:54:14
That's a heavy sigh you hear from me. take it easy, falls.
Posted by spoc on June 22, 2004, at 16:43:53
In reply to Re: Firewall etc, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 14:21:13
> Spyware Blaster is also fantastic.. It prevents spyware being loaded when it does try.. I've only been using it since weekend (after spending hours trying to get rid of a trojan!) but seems to be working great so far!!
><<<<<< I think you'll love it Nikki. Once I put it on and kept it updated, I realized that when I would scan with Spybot or Ad-Aware, they would no longer find much of anything. That pattern was so consistent that after awhile I even removed Spybot & Ad-Aware from one of my computers that I needed to save room on. Now I just scan it with the online scanners, and while they don't remove stuff, nothing worth removing is found anyway (and they provide manual instructions for anything that is). Of course, if you don't need to save room there'd be no point in removing the others.
I agree -- it's *FUN* to talk about this stuff (tell that to my friends tho, HA).
But more importantly, Fallsfall, so glad to hear things are looking up! : )
Posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 18:09:18
In reply to Re: Firewall etc, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 14:21:13
> hey!!
>
> I use the google tool bar with its inbuilt pop up stopper.. http://toolbar.google.com/ Its pretty groovy.. blocks pop ups great, and even counts them!! (I'm up to 2366!!) And I use the direct search box loads!!
>
> Spyware Blaster is also fantastic.. It prevents spyware being loaded when it does try.. I've only been using it since weekend (after spending hours trying to get rid of a trojan!) but seems to be working great so far!!
> http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.html
>
> I love free ware!!
>
> And yeah, I think its cool!!!
>
> Nikki xxLooks like Google Toolbar and SpywareBlaster don't work with Netscape. Bummer. A pox upon the house of Bill Gates.
Fallsfall - glad to hear things are simmered down a little for you. Keep breathing!
Emme
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 15:34:12
In reply to Re: Firewall etc » NikkiT2, posted by Emme on June 22, 2004, at 18:09:18
Hi,
OK, been doing some scouting around..
http://www.panicware.com/product_psfree.html
That site has a free pop up blocker that works with netscape.. and for $9.99 you can upgrade to a malware blocker too!!
best I could find I'm afraid!! This is a Micro$oft world we live in!!
Nikki x
Posted by Emme on June 23, 2004, at 16:25:26
In reply to Re: Firewall etc » Emme, posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 15:34:12
This is the end of the thread.
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