![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
Dont you hate it when you dont feel like talking and a stranger wants to talk to you.
Posted by B2chica on April 15, 2004, at 14:47:44
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i just say, "well, sorry- got to go" and just turn around and walk away. Otherwise i get aggressive, or angry.
I've heard it's not polite to punch people in the face....
B2c.
Posted by karen_kay on April 15, 2004, at 18:46:59
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
never :) perhaps you just haven't met me yet?
Posted by EmmyS on April 15, 2004, at 18:56:24
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
That would depend on the stranger. If the stranger seemed to be, say, mentally hmmm....tilted, I would love to lend them an ear, no matter what.
If the stranger was just enjoying the sound of their own voice and boring the POO outta me, I would tune them out.
If the stranger was on a bus, and her name was Karen Kay, I'd be enchanted, enthralled, enraptured, and would give her my wallet, house keys, and the contents of my 401K.
Emmy
Posted by spoc on April 16, 2004, at 3:15:59
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
> Dont you hate it when you dont feel like talking and a stranger wants to talk to you.
-------
Oh, there are times! For example, I live in an area where you have to take cabs a lot, and sometimes you get in the back of one and without ever looking at you or feeling you out, the driver goes to town with an often out-there rant about something or other. Makes no difference to him who's back there, you're just a captive audience. And maybe you had even needed to think and relax on your way to where you were going. In those cases I feel like interrupting and advising them that they are going to end up owing ME for services rendered!(Sometimes instead of being in A Mood, I just feel especially introspective that day. Maybe even an up-til-now-enjoying-it kind of introspective. Ever just so inside your own head that it's distressing or impossible to suddenly try to turn your focus outward? At times, even when it IS someone I know and like...)
In many cases starting to hack as if you have a nasty cold -- or worse -- might be effective (yet also more socially acceptable than a punch, B2c)! :- )
Posted by Stryker88 on April 16, 2004, at 5:20:37
In reply to Re: Small Talk, posted by spoc on April 16, 2004, at 3:15:59
There is this one guy who is a complete stranger who I see walking downtown and I am on my way to Starbucks or the grocery store and he acts like we have been friends for years and always says hello, but I dont feel like small talk all the time.
Posted by rainyday on April 16, 2004, at 7:12:33
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
> Dont you hate it when you dont feel like talking and a stranger wants to talk to you.
Strangers are bad enough, but I hate it when my boss tries to make small talk and she is full of herself and I am just an object to be talked to. Don't quite know how to get out of that one! My eyes glaze over and I get a silly little smirky smile on my face. Inside, I am screaming!
Posted by noa on April 17, 2004, at 8:35:21
In reply to Re: Small Talk, posted by rainyday on April 16, 2004, at 7:12:33
Yeah, I know that one. And on top of that, do you ever feel like the boss talk is keeping you from getting the work done that she is going to be pressuring you about tomorrow or the next day?
Or the kind of boss who went to a workshop on forming relationships with subordinates, on "being a real person" with them, on "face time", etc. etc. etc. only this boss has no real idea of what these things really mean and it comes out the way you described as basically using subordinates as audiences?
I understand your wanting to scream. :~)
Posted by noa on April 17, 2004, at 8:50:20
In reply to Small Talk, posted by Stryker88 on April 15, 2004, at 5:52:26
Yes, I get what you are saying.
Hey, you could try things like wearing earphones as though you are listening to music, or wearing a cell phone headset and looking like you are on the phone, maybe even holding the phone out so it is obvious.
Or, bring a newspaper, or just a section of the newspaper, with you and then when you get to that area where you feel likely to see this person, pull out the paper and pretend to be looking for something in it by holding it up and looking at one page, then turning the page, etc. until you pass the person. This way, it is likely to be covering your face, rather than folded efficiently the way it might be if you are reading a particular article.
For sitting situations, always have reading material handy and look engrossed if you need to avoid a talky stranger sitting next to you. For even more intense reading effect, photocopy an article--any article, as long as it's long enough to last the entire time you'll be stuck there next to a talky stranger--and bring a highlighter with you and go through and highlight words here and there throughout the article. You don't even have to read anything really! Just look like you are intently studying something. Even better if it's in a foreign language with a different alphabet! That way you also can fall back on pretending not to speak English if a really insistent talker happens to be the person next to you. Then you can just say, "I sorry" (accompanied by a plausible fake accent of indistinct origin, of course) and point to the article and shrug your shoulders to let the person know you really have to get back to work.
I'm sure some of the many witty babblers have lots of great ideas for evasion tactics!
:~)
Posted by noa on April 17, 2004, at 8:57:55
In reply to Re: Small Talk, posted by spoc on April 16, 2004, at 3:15:59
Sometimes, I've intiated a conversation with a cabbie and then have been very sorry because what I thought would have been a short friendly exchange has opened the door for something much more long winded. So I've learned to be very careful about opening that door!
I guess it could be worse! Just think of what it's like for an introspective cabbie with all those talky fares. I'm sure they learn how to tune out after a while, but it must be awful when they get the ones who insist on asking them a lot of questions in addition to talking their ears off.
On airplanes, I've had people tell me their whole life story! Sometimes it is interesting but other times it is a pain in the neck!
I like the coughing bit that you mentioned as a strategy--I hadn't thought of that one. Hey, to take it one step further, with the SARS thing out there, I guess one could always resort to a paper mask! That would definitely help set a boundary!
:~)
Posted by spoc on April 17, 2004, at 9:44:40
In reply to Re: Small Talk » spoc, posted by noa on April 17, 2004, at 8:57:55
> I guess it could be worse! Just think of what it's like for an introspective cabbie with all those talky fares. I'm sure they learn how to tune out after a while, but it must be awful when they get the ones who insist on asking them a lot of questions in addition to talking their ears off.>
-----
This is ironic, because I realize that due to my self-conciousness I've been on both sides of this one. Sometimes silence makes me uncomfortable, even though I have no need to talk whatsoever. When I first moved to this big city, I had probably been in a cab two times in my whole life on trips. And even then, with my host with me. So initially it felt very bizarre to me to get in a car with someone and say nothing. I would chatter even if I totally didn't feel like it! Bet tourists are the number one perpetrators of this!
---
> On airplanes, I've had people tell me their whole life story! Sometimes it is interesting but other times it is a pain in the neck! >
-----
Hmmm, since we probably don't want to be cruel enough to start hacking in this situation, some good strategies might be: beginning to yawn and comment on how you only got two hours of sleep, then at the first chance laying your head back and closing your eyes. But that could be boring. So other ways might be to bring reading material inside of some kind of binder that can make it pass for work you have to catch up on; or bring a Walkman with some "meeting" or "seminar" recordings you must listen to ("drat! I really don't feel like doing this now, but...")! ;- )
Posted by spoc on April 17, 2004, at 9:58:32
In reply to Re: Small Talk--evasion tactics » Stryker88, posted by noa on April 17, 2004, at 8:50:20
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.