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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
Her name is Jane. He has been smitten with her since kindergarten. He liked the fact that Jane wore dresses, while the other girls wore jeans and such. Now as a fourth grader, he finally summoned the courage to say "Hi" to her.(he is a bit shy like his dad) He even went so far as to ask his buddy Jordan, to ask Shelby, to talk to Samantha, and see if she would ask Jane if she likes him. I think somewhere along the line the chain of command broke down and he never got a straight answere. My son tells me that he has caught Jane looking at him on occasion. I am tempted to tell him to run for his life!(Just kidding) In fourth grade they talk about asking a girl "out". "Out"? I asked my son. What exactly does going "out" entail? He informed me that I surely wouldn't understand and left it at that. Now admittedly, it's been a while since I was in the fourth grade, but I don't recall asking *any* girl out till I was about 27.((I told you I was shy) Like most delusional fathers, I always considered myself fairly cool as dads go. But frankly , I'm not altogether sure I want my not quite 10 year old dating. He still climbs into his parents bed on stormy nights. I'm thinking " If he thinks a thunderstorm is frightening, I don't know that he is quite ready for the (what I always found pretty high up on the Richter scale of terror) prospect of dating!!" Fortunately I have recently learned that asking a girl out, in the fourth grade, is more a symbolic gesture, rather than an actual request for dinner and a movie. So with a sigh of relief and respite, I am now bracing myself for what will surely be a traumatic adventure (I think more so for males than females...please don't attack me on this :) ) for both father and son, as my boy flies at light speed toward rampant insecurity, untimely zits, jealously, fear, and all the other wonders that are called dating. Any advice?
Posted by tabitha on April 1, 2004, at 10:35:46
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
That's sweet. Maybe a date consists of taking take a teeter-totter ride together? Pre-pubescent love is adorable. No hormones yet.
Your post brought up memories of this kid who had a crush on me in 1st grade. I got his name in the christmas gift exchange (one dollar limit) and he was thrilled to receive a plastic tool set from me. I thought it was the weirdest thing that a boy liked me. Then I ran into him in college and he claimed not to remember having a crush on me at all!
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:48:24
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by tabitha on April 1, 2004, at 10:35:46
<<That's sweet. Maybe a date consists of taking take a teeter-totter ride together? Pre-pubescent love is adorable. No hormones yet.>>
<< Your post brought up memories of this kid who had a crush on me in 1st grade. I got his name in the christmas gift exchange (one dollar limit) and he was thrilled to receive a plastic tool set from me. I thought it was the weirdest thing that a boy liked me. Then I ran into him in college and he claimed not to remember having a crush on me at all! >>Now isn't that typical. Of course he remebered he had a crush on you. But admitting it would have (in his feeble mind)given you too much power. Men are pretty much PIGS!! ;)
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2004, at 11:12:10
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
Well, kid, you’ve got me kind of scared. Is this what I have to look forward to in a mere eight years? I’m glad to hear that it’s a symbolic gesture, though. We don’t need them growing up too fast.
Is it too early to have a discussion with him on how to treat the beautiful women in his life? Do dads have this talk with their sons? They should. I think it’s the perfect opportunity to tell him he should always treat the girls in his life with the gentle kindness and respect they deserve. Love them for who they are and love who they might become. Oh my, I’ve jumped on my soapbox, haven’t I? This is probably too much for an almost 10-year old. Then again, it would be simply reinforcing what I think he’s already learning each day from his cool dad :). Teaching by example, right?
Good luck, kid, and enjoy the thunderstorms while you can.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 11:29:16
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » kid47, posted by All Done on April 1, 2004, at 11:12:10
<< Well, kid, you’ve got me kind of scared. Is this what I have to look forward to in a mere eight years? I’m glad to hear that it’s a symbolic gesture, though. We don’t need them growing up too fast.>>
I'm guessing you have a one year old.(Duh!) Whoa....that's pretty scary too.
<< Is it too early to have a discussion with him on how to treat the beautiful women in his life? Do dads have this talk with their sons? They should. I think it’s the perfect opportunity to tell him he should always treat the girls in his life with the gentle kindness and respect they deserve. Love them for who they are and love who they might become. Oh my, I’ve jumped on my soapbox, haven’t I? This is probably too much for an almost 10-year old.>>Actually, I have just got him to understand that you CANNOT hit a girl even if she hits you first. (although at 9 that seems terribly unfair) He has a great relationship with his mom....so I am hoping he will glean some understanding about respecting women from that.
<<Then again, it would be simply reinforcing what I think he’s already learning each day from his cool dad :). Teaching by example, right?>>
hmm...are you jerkin' me? Did KK put you up to this? ;)
<<Good luck, kid, and enjoy the thunderstorms while you can.>>
Well put! Thanks
<<Take care,
All Done>>You too,
kid
Posted by Tootercat on April 1, 2004, at 11:36:05
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » tabitha, posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:48:24
Kid if I didn't adore you before .....you are a wonderful father not to make light of this. Love, even in the puppy stages, is not something to be ignored. At 9 I went to see "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" with my brother and this kid named Paul Chism. I had a crush on him and was thrilled when he lifted my hand and kissed it. That was all that ever happened but to this day I remember it.
Hugs,
Toots
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 11:44:11
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by Tootercat on April 1, 2004, at 11:36:05
> Kid if I didn't adore you before .....you are a wonderful father not to make light of this. Love, even in the puppy stages, is not something to be ignored. At 9 I went to see "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" with my brother and this kid named Paul Chism. I had a crush on him and was thrilled when he lifted my hand and kissed it. That was all that ever happened but to this day I remember it.
>
> Hugs,
>
> TootsI'll just bet Mr Chism remembers it too.
Hugs back atcha'
kid
Posted by Karen_kay on April 1, 2004, at 12:00:15
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
I think it's cute. Ask about her often and make him blush. Let him tell you about her, if he wants. And if she breaks his heart, let him know that she just wasn't his true love. OK, ok. Perhaps he's a bit too young for that. I'm not a parent, you know. I only have a dog and he's failing mathematics.
I don't ever remember having crushes at that age and must admit, I'm a bit jealous. Then again, I don't remember anything from that age.
Kid, you're a great daddy. Don't doubt that. He must be learning from the best. (And about that shy comment... You sure had all of us fooled!)
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2004, at 12:03:05
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » All Done, posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 11:29:16
> I'm guessing you have a one year old.(Duh!) Whoa....that's pretty scary too.
He's 21 months and the love of my life. Nothing scary about it...except everything :).
> hmm...are you jerkin' me? Did KK put you up to this? ;)
You think KK put me up to this? No way, pal! You think I'd do it just for her, anyway? Well, I suppose I *would* bend over backwards for her, but not this time, silly.
Have a great afternoon!
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 12:22:33
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » kid47, posted by Karen_kay on April 1, 2004, at 12:00:15
You MUST make your dog understand the importance of a good education. In this day and age a good grasp of mathematics is a necessity. How will he know how much to tip when he eats down at the doggy diner? Do you think he will be able to do his own taxes? I seriously doubt it! He will end up at some dead end job, probably in a junk yard or worse all because his *PARENTS* were apparently not willing or just too busy (probably yaking on the phone or something) too stress to that poor animal that he MUST take his education seriously. I am sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but as you can probably tell it is a (sorry) pet peeve of mine.
kid
PS My dogs are REALLY smart and get straight A's.....ptttht
Posted by Karen_kay on April 1, 2004, at 13:14:44
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » Karen_kay, posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 12:22:33
I've learned that in this world you have to work on the talents that you have and ignore (or make fun of)those you don't. So, my dog isn't a "rocket scientist." BIG DEAL! He's the most beautiful dog in the world.
I was just thinking about this today, after class. I'm not a 4.0 student. But, BOY OH BOY, do I have people skills. So, I need to put together an outstanding resume, follow up with a phone call, and *Shazam!* I can have any job I want (How's that for positive self-talk?). So what if I don't have a 4.0? I just need to make that one phone call and get that interview and I'm in. And I was thinking about dancing too. I CAN NOT DANCE! I can hardly walk! And men say, "Well, I'll make you look good." Imagine the surprise (and horror) when I get on the dance floor and I make them look very, very (VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY) bad! But, I was thinking this morning, when I started dancing in front of the mirror and saw the horror in my own eyes (and I've never seen such horror!!!), "Well, from now on, when someone asks me to dance and I decline I can instead say 'Let's talk instead.' (or insert verb)" I can't keep being sad about the things I can't do and instead focus on the things I do well (and there are many things I do very well, want a list??)....
So, back to my dog.... He's no brainiac. And he certainly isn't toilet trained. But he's the sweetest dog you'll ever meet. And he's so beautiful I fear that someone may snatch him up. As well, my boyfriend was pretend fighting me last night and "Buster Brown" came to my defense and pounced on my old man faster than ugly on ape. He was seriously upset. He started chewing on his bone, as if to say, "I'll show you what I can do." He may not be good at math, but he won't end up at the junk yard. He's much too pretty to be a junk yard dog. He'd be a super model dog instead (and they ain't always smart either)(I know, I know I'll get he!! for that one)....
Posted by greywolf on April 1, 2004, at 13:20:14
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
Kid:
I hate to be the one to splash cold water on such a pleasant discussion, but I'd be a little careful about how I approached this one. Too much attention from dad on a potentially embarrassing subject and he could develop a level of discomfort with the subject that might prevent him from coming to you when it really counts (I've seen it happen with my younger brother). Pay too little attention and you may not be able to stop him from growing up too fast, too soon. Nice choice, huh?
I have sons in the 3rd and 5th grades, and my girlfriend has a son in 3rd also. The 5th grader's so oriented on scholastics and lacrosse, he won't realize girls exist until high school. My 3rd grader is one of those striking kids that girls already flock to (whether their 8 or 80), and I have to admit to a bit of envy given that he clearly didn't get his looks from me--especially when some attractive woman fawns over him and abandons dear old dad.;) Fortunately, he's found a lot of other ways of getting into trouble, so girls appear to be way down on the list.
My gf's son, however, is a different matter. I don't know if it stems from being an only child of a single mom who was very open about her dating life, but he has a high degree of interest in the opposite sex. To the point where it's clearly at the front of his mind some days, and he makes it a point to talk about his "girlfriend". It's all harmless kid's stuff at this point, but I have expressed a concern that he may be trying to emulate what he's seen in adults. If that's the case, he's taking it more seriously than other kids his age, and that can lead into some issues you'd like to avoid until he's mature enough to handle them. With all the information out there about youthful sexuality, I don't want to be that parent who's expressing surprise that his 12 or 13 yr old is already experimenting with the opposite sex. Not that it can necessarily be avoided, but drawing from my own personal experience, an accelerated interest in girls can distract from development in other areas.
I would just let it play out and keep an eye out for signs he might be taking things a little too seriously. Having a little fun with the issue at his expense if things are a little too much for your taste is a good way of getting your point across, but both my brother and I remember when mom and dad good naturedly crossed the line and embarrassed us in ways they never appreciated.
It's fun being a parent, isn't it?
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 14:27:41
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by greywolf on April 1, 2004, at 13:20:14
Thanks for all your good input. I have a 21 yr. old daughter also, so I have been through a little of this before. Like yours, my son is waaaaay to interested in playing baskeball to spend too much time obsessing about girls. It was just a bit odd that this is the first time since kindergarten he has ever mentioned liking this girl. Hopefully it's just the usual boy hood crush. I used to be madly in love with Haley Mills (remember her) when I was about his age. Thanks again for your response.
kid
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2004, at 14:47:43
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » greywolf, posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 14:27:41
21 year old daughter? Hayley Mills? How old are you anyway, kid? You're sounding like a dinosaur. Well, Karen says I'm old at about 123. That would make you about 247, I think. She just must like old farts like us. Old farts, ha ha, get it? Farts. I crack myself up sometimes.
Posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:07:27
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
I bet the relationship at that age has more action happening among all those "collaterals" than between the two members of the "item". They are now THE THING to talk about. Today. Or maybe, if it lasts a long time, this week. Then, the talk of the town moves on to some other hot couple, I guess.
Posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:10:26
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by Tootercat on April 1, 2004, at 11:36:05
A good book to read, and own, btw, even for the parent of the one year old, is Deborah Roffmans, "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex"--she is so great at looking at sex developmentally and how to talk with kids about all this 'stuff'.
Posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:12:26
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » kid47, posted by Karen_kay on April 1, 2004, at 12:00:15
I remember having crushes starting around 4th grade. It got talked about amongst the girls and maybe some blushy flirting would happen. C'mon, doncha remember the valentines taking on new meanings at around that age?
Posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:17:27
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » Karen_kay, posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 12:22:33
You know, I bet that dog has perfectly wonderful mathematical potential, but what's his attention span like? I mean, can the poor dog focus on his math lessons long enough to really grasp the material? I recommend doing some observations--with a stop watch, time how long he is able to really pay attention without being distracted. My money's on the ADD. And if he's a Lab, make it ADHD. Of course, the other possibility is that he has some kind of hypersensitive sensory syndrome--you know, he is more sensitive than the rest of us to hearing things or smelling things, etc. etc. And finally, make sure the poor dog has had his bathroom break BEFORE trying to tutor him on his math problems, ok?
Posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:31:19
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » kid47, posted by All Done on April 1, 2004, at 14:47:43
Hayley Mills? I do remember her, and I think she was actually a little before my time but probably thanks to the Wonderful World of Disney, she was part of the scenery still when I was a kid, cuz I remember watching her in movies.
For me it was (blush blush) child movie star Kurt Russell--wasn't he in Oliver and in all those Disney movies?
And I wanted to BE Angela Cartwright (Lost in Space, The Sound of Music)--oh, that beautiful long black hair, and my mom made me cut mine short cuz it was easier to manage--you can imagine how infuriating that was for me.
And, circa 1969-70, it was David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, Donny Osmond, Michael Jackson, et.al. But by about 1971, these faded to make way for total worship of the Beatles, especially George, and Simon and Garfunkel, especially Simon, and of course, *sigh*, sweet baby James (ok, ok, I never outgrew that one).
Posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 20:30:38
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:07:27
Hi Noa. I always appreciate your insight and humor. Raising kids ain't for sissies, that's for sure. But I sure love being a dad. After 21 yrs you'd think I'd be getting the hang of it. Unfortunately kids generally don't come with a set of instructons. It's pretty much "on the job" training. Have a great day!! Thanks
k
Posted by tabitha on April 2, 2004, at 0:00:50
In reply to Re: childhood celeb crushes, posted by noa on April 1, 2004, at 19:31:19
Donny Osmond was my first celebrity crush. I thought his teeth looked like perfect white Chicklets-- in a good way. After that I think I had a thing for 70s Elvis. Jumpsuited sideburned Aloha from Hawaii Elvis.
Posted by shar on April 2, 2004, at 0:07:56
In reply to My boy is in love..er I mean like...., posted by kid47 on April 1, 2004, at 10:23:36
lololol!
My son is 33 (will be 34 this year). He has finally found a lovely, friendly, enthusiastic young woman with which to share his life. (There have been others, whom I've liked, but not with those attributes).
My advice is to 'join' your son in his adventure, and encourage him to be just and kind (I am sure he is already), and have that talk about the birds and bees and respect (for self and others), and then watch it all unfold, ready to catch him if he should fall.
I think it would be much worse to have a boy coming to pick your *daughter* up for a movie or whatever......then, you have to sit in the living room sharpening your Bowie knife.....
lol
Good luck, Dad!
Shar
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 2, 2004, at 8:11:38
In reply to Re: childhood celeb crushes » noa, posted by tabitha on April 2, 2004, at 0:00:50
> Donny Osmond was my first celebrity crush. I thought his teeth looked like perfect white Chicklets-- in a good way.
*wonderful image....
now who was I charmed by?
Was it Cubby from the Mouseketters...no. Captin Kangaroo...no.
Zorro....sometimes.
do dog crushes count?
Rin Tin Tin...definatly. *kidding* Lassie was so cool.
Bambi....okay now I am going backwards too far.
The black stallion....oh my goodness! BINGO!
Posted by karen_kay on April 2, 2004, at 8:53:44
In reply to Re: childhood celeb crushes, posted by Jai Narayan on April 2, 2004, at 8:11:38
The black stallion....oh my goodness! BINGO!
Are you aware you wrote that? If not, I'm making you aware. That sounds like something I would write, know it? Why were you attrcted to the horse? Have you talked to a therapist about this? I'll not discuss this any further, but I think I have a clue....
Posted by kid47 on April 2, 2004, at 9:52:05
In reply to Re: My boy is in love..er I mean like.... » kid47, posted by shar on April 2, 2004, at 0:07:56
> lololol!
>
> My son is 33 (will be 34 this year). He has finally found a lovely, friendly, enthusiastic young woman with which to share his life. (There have been others, whom I've liked, but not with those attributes).That's a great age. Old enough to have some life experience, but young enough to plan for a long and happy future.
> My advice is to 'join' your son in his adventure, and encourage him to be just and kind (I am sure he is already), and have that talk about the birds and bees and respect (for self and others), and then watch it all unfold, ready to catch him if he should fall.
Actually, at my son's school, fourth graders take a sex education class. So the father/son talk was more my son correcting a lot of my misconceptions and explaining things to me. :0/
> I think it would be much worse to have a boy coming to pick your *daughter* up for a movie or whatever......then, you have to sit in the living room sharpening your Bowie knife.....
My daughter used to tell me that her dates were all afraid of me.....like that was a bad thing. :)
> Good luck, Dad!
> SharThanks I'll need it.
Shar have as close as you can to a perfect weekend.
krafty
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