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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 28, 2004, at 21:58:19
I met this guy a few months ago who, at first, I thought he was friendly and nice. I never had any type of romantic feelings for him, only the friendship type. He however, has developed a bit of a crush on me. When he flirts with me, I do not flirt back. He calls my cell phone and leaves LENGTHY messages. I do not return these calls. I thought that if I didn't respond he would take the hint (I have had luck with this approach before). However, after me not returning the calls, he writes me flowery emails demanding a reason for my non-communication. I ignore the emails also. How can I politely, yet firmly let him know that I am not interested in anything more than a friendship? I feel as if I have made my intentions painfully obvious.
Elle
Posted by tabitha on March 28, 2004, at 22:34:06
In reply to Letting Someone Down Easily..., posted by Elle2021 on March 28, 2004, at 21:58:19
If he hasn't picked up your hints, it might be time to just come out and tell him how you feel. Leave room for him to back out gracefully. Something like 'You know, I really value your friendship, so I don't want there to be any misunderstanding between us. (Pause) I could be mistaken, but I sense you're wanting more of a romantic relationship than I am. I'm really just wanting friendship.'
If he asks why, say you don't really have a reason, you just don't have those types of feelings for him. Don't say 'well I really like guys who are taller/better looking/whatever'. Even if he insists he wants to know the reason, you may feel bad if you're too truthful about it.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 29, 2004, at 4:02:00
In reply to Re: Letting Someone Down Easily..., posted by tabitha on March 28, 2004, at 22:34:06
Hey thanks Tabitha for responding. The advice you gave makes sense. (I can't figure out why I didn't think of that... :) ) I guess I will try replying to his email and saying what you advised about how I get the feeling he wants more than a friendship, but that I could be wrong. Thanks a bunch Tabitha! :)
Elle
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 29, 2004, at 8:48:17
In reply to Letting Someone Down Easily..., posted by Elle2021 on March 28, 2004, at 21:58:19
Email is always the best way. Like you, I always use the non response technique and it usually works!
As for your situation, I think the whole "I value your friendship BUT" thing stings. I have had it used on me before and it hurts for some reason. Maybe because I know the person who is saying it is not being sincere.
Could you just send an email saying that life is hectic now, you have no time for a lot of things, and take care? He has to get the hint from that! I'm a firm believer in letting someone save face and since he obviously likes you and you don't like him, I feel the friendship line may be a bit patronizing. But this is just me, I am very sensitive!
Posted by tabitha on March 29, 2004, at 23:46:01
In reply to Re: Letting Someone Down Easily..., posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 29, 2004, at 8:48:17
Miss Honey, I thought she did want to keep a possibility of friendship with him. I agree, an insincere offer of friendship is no good.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 30, 2004, at 10:13:55
In reply to Re: Letting Someone Down Easily... » Miss Honeychurch, posted by tabitha on March 29, 2004, at 23:46:01
You're right, I think she did want to remain friends. It's a tricky situation then if you really want to remain friends and the other person has a crush. Makes it hard for the other person. I have been the other person so many times!
Posted by tabitha on March 30, 2004, at 10:30:03
In reply to Re: Letting Someone Down Easily... » tabitha, posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 30, 2004, at 10:13:55
really? Somehow I have a gender stereotype here and didn't think guys used the 'let's be friends' line. Ouch. You know, if I had romantic feelings for someone I wouldn't be able to be just friends, because it would be painful and seeing them would re-activate my feelings. Somehow I keep holding out the idea that such a thing is possible. Wait, I do have a couple male friends that started as dates. They weren't gaga head-over-heels for me though, and they're both now involved with other women. They're pretty good friends. I also had one who no matter what I said kept flirting and hinting and making it uncomfortable for me and the whole relationship just felt like a power struggle between what I wanted and what he wanted, and eventually I dropped him. And another who dropped me like a stone when I said I wanted to be friends (and ironically we had been just friends for years before trying to date). It is tricky when you want different things.
This is the end of the thread.
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