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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:05:55
Every day I go to the gym. I always see very attractive women. But I don't know how to talk to them? I always revert into myself and send out all the wrong signals. I can tell they are interested. But. I'm like a walking zombie. I just walk past people and try not to atract attention. When I do try to get someones attention, which is never, I just over do it, look at them till I frick them out, but still never get close enough to start a conversation. But if I am close enough I just avoid them. Its very weird. It like I'm frozen, with no personality. Afraid to make contact. Must be anxiety? Always happens in social situations. I avoid conversation. This has been on going for some time, like a few years. Maybe I think I'm not good enough. People have tried coming up to me and say hi, I just run away.
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 16, 2004, at 22:26:47
In reply to Problem, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:05:55
hi,
have you tried to become very aware of your personal dialog as this is happening,,
what are you saying to yourself that keeps you so distant?
sebastian,, whats the worse thing that could happen?
try finding out the colour of her eyes (eye contact)
what shampoo you can smell off her(getting closer)
try guessing her name ...see if you are in the ball park...
?
i know i would find a man nervous to talk to me very sweet...
be yourself,,be nervous
j
Posted by All Done on March 17, 2004, at 1:56:26
In reply to Problem, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:05:55
Sebastian,
Would it be easier for you to approach a woman if you had a specific reason to talk to her? For example, if you're at the gym and you notice she goes to specific classes or uses certain machines, maybe you could ask her a question about those things. That way, if she just wants to respond to your question and leave it at that, okay. Or, better yet, maybe it will successfully open a dialogue between the two of you and you can find out more about her.
You seem like a very nice and friendly person. I hope you're able to find the courage to talk to the women you'd like to talk to. They will be very lucky when you do.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by TexasChic on March 18, 2004, at 15:39:35
In reply to Problem, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:05:55
Oh, I've so experienced that. Its social anxiety. I'm not totally over it, but I've come a long way. The hardest part was taking that first step and talking to someone. Even if you come off totally lame, most people will comiserate with your nervousness. If they don't, they weren't worth talking to anyway. It helps to have some small talk memorized too. You might start off with just a 'hi'. Decide before you go you are going to say 'hi' to 3 people, then just work up to more as you feel more comfortable. You can scare yourself by thinking you have to be a sparkling conversationalist. Just start small and make goals for yourself. It works!
Try to remember these are people just like you, and their opinions of you are not as important as we make them out to be. Its just our minds playing tricks on us, making us think we must have the acceptance of EVERYONE. That's just not going to happen and there's nothing we can do about it. Once you let that go, life is so much easier.
Good luck!
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