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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on February 29, 2004, at 9:11:42
I'm not exactly sure where I should post this, but my therapist suggested that I might want to go to meetings for Adult Children of Alcoholics. I'm going to do some research on my own before I make a decision one way or the other, but I would love to hear from you guys. Do any of you have experience going? What do you think about them?
Any information and opinions are greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
All Done
Posted by Tootercat on February 29, 2004, at 10:12:45
In reply to ACOA meetings, posted by All Done on February 29, 2004, at 9:11:42
AD,
I don't know first hand about ACOA (or ACA) meetings even though I qualify, but I do know about AA meetings which are the "root" for all 12 step programs. I have been sober for 14 years. I attribute the quality of my sobriety and my general attitude in life to the principles and ideals of the 12 steps and the support from the other people in the program and how well I apply any of it. By that I mean you get what you give. It doesn't happen through osmosis. What has happened for me is that I have gradually stopped being a victim of the circumstances of my life and surviving and have become proactive in living life on life's terms.(I also see a therapist) The meetings are basically "free" ("we are self supporting through our own contributions"). A basket is passed around and if you can contribute that's cool but you don't have to. So you have nothing to lose by checking a meeting out. If you want to chat more about this let me know and we can maybe IM or email back and forth)
Toots
Posted by tabitha on February 29, 2004, at 14:19:27
In reply to ACOA meetings, posted by All Done on February 29, 2004, at 9:11:42
I went to CoDA, which is similar to ACOA.. it was a good general support group and had a nice social aspect-- I ended up with several long-term friends from it. My advice is.. you just have to go and find out. 12-step meetings vary tremendously in size, meeting format, and tone.. you might hate one and love another one, even if they're meetings of the same flavor.
Posted by All Done on March 1, 2004, at 9:46:58
In reply to Re: ACOA meetings, posted by Tootercat on February 29, 2004, at 10:12:45
> AD,
>
> I don't know first hand about ACOA (or ACA) meetings even though I qualify, but I do know about AA meetings which are the "root" for all 12 step programs. I have been sober for 14 years. I attribute the quality of my sobriety and my general attitude in life to the principles and ideals of the 12 steps and the support from the other people in the program and how well I apply any of it. By that I mean you get what you give. It doesn't happen through osmosis. What has happened for me is that I have gradually stopped being a victim of the circumstances of my life and surviving and have become proactive in living life on life's terms.(I also see a therapist) The meetings are basically "free" ("we are self supporting through our own contributions"). A basket is passed around and if you can contribute that's cool but you don't have to. So you have nothing to lose by checking a meeting out. If you want to chat more about this let me know and we can maybe IM or email back and forth)
>
> TootsI really appreciate your post, Toots. I probably do have some questions for you, if you wouldn't mind. But I'm at work now and probably should run. My e-mail address is alldone72 at yahoo dot com if you wouldn't mind giving me yours.
Thanks,
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 1, 2004, at 9:57:25
In reply to Re: ACOA meetings » All Done, posted by tabitha on February 29, 2004, at 14:19:27
> I went to CoDA, which is similar to ACOA.. it was a good general support group and had a nice social aspect-- I ended up with several long-term friends from it. My advice is.. you just have to go and find out. 12-step meetings vary tremendously in size, meeting format, and tone.. you might hate one and love another one, even if they're meetings of the same flavor.
Thanks, tabitha. I'm working on figuring out when and where I should attend. There are e-mail addresses listed for meeting contacts and I think I'm going to ask a few questions before I go.
Posted by All Done on March 8, 2004, at 9:37:55
In reply to ACOA meetings, posted by All Done on February 29, 2004, at 9:11:42
Well, I decided to talk to my sisters, who are typically supportive, about my intent to attend an ACA meeting. One of my sisters used to work as a psych nurse and she has had helpful advice for me in the past. Unfortunately, this time, both of my sisters were taken aback. The one sister said, "why? Because of *dad*?" Umm, well, yeah. The other, who was the nurse, said she had attended several meetings (not for her, but with patients) and she's come to the conclusion that she was not affected "at all" by our dad's alcoholism. She also said she's not in denial.
I realize our dad was not mean and actually became more open when he was drinking. Does this make a difference? He still wasn't around much. I just don't understand how my sister can say she wasn't affected at all, but now I wonder if I'm just looking too much into things.
I guess I'm just rambling and it's not like I was suggesting that my sisters go to a meeting themselves, it's just difficult not having their support and kind of odd because I though if anyone would understand...oh well.
All Done
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 17:24:10
In reply to Re: ACA meetings/family, posted by All Done on March 8, 2004, at 9:37:55
I do understand. My father drank pretty continuously until he developed pancreatitis from his alchohol consumption and had to pretty much quit or die. I'm not sure he's sure he made the right decision.
He drank from the time he got home to the time he went to bed, we couldn't take a day trip without a cooler of beer. Yet he was never drunk and altogether he was far more pleasant when he was drinking than when he wasn't. He's not a bad man, and he did his best for his family, and me in particular. He sacrificed a lot for us. But he's sort of like a two year old in a man's body and he can have some impressive tantrums. That was a lot better when he drank.
So I never really thought of him as being an alchoholic or me as having a problem from his drinking until my therapist asked me about his availability. And of course, he wasn't all that available. He was sitting at the bar (in our house) drinking, not interacting with us all that much.
I still have to admit I'm not sure how much of a problem it is. I really don't. I have this sneaking suspicion that my life would have been absolutely h*llish if he hadn't been a drinker.
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 8, 2004, at 23:28:19
In reply to Re: ACA meetings/family » All Done, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 17:24:10
Posted by All Done on March 8, 2004, at 22:10:59
Dinah,
Gosh, I *really* appreciate your post. Sometimes I think I manage to get frustrated and angry with my sisters before I think about their perspectives. It was really nice of you to share your story and it made me think about my family's situation and how we actually all have different experiences even with some of the same circumstances.
I don't want to bore you with the details, but in a nutshell, my sisters grew up with a "different" dad, so to speak. He was married to my sisters' mom and when she passed away (they were 11 and 13) he started drinking heavily instead of socially. From what they've told me, he mellowed out a great deal after he started drinking. So I definitely realize that my sisters and I had totally different experiences. No one even said my dad was an alcoholic until my mom said it and she would always tell me *we* had to get him to stop. She never said that to my sisters, just me.
In any event, my T said that many people can have the characteristics of adult children of alcoholics. I just have to determine how much (or if?) they are negatively affecting my day to day life. So, even though I see the characteristics in my sisters, they may not feel negatively affected by them. I'm going to talk to him about this some more and then decide if a meeting is right for me.
I feel like I'm just rambling, though. I could probably go on and on.
Thanks for giving me a different perspective, Dinah. I think now I can talk to my sisters about all of this in a different, better way.
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 9, 2004, at 7:51:41
In reply to Re: ACA meetings/family « All Done » Dinah, posted by Dr. Bob on March 8, 2004, at 23:28:19
This is the end of the thread.
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