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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
Too many things going on. I just want to rant a little, OK, a lot.
Therapy is finally taking a breather. It has been so intense - I have needed his approval, but he wants me to approve myself so he withholds. This is a good direction, but he went too far and I was falling apart. Monday I was able to convince him that he had to give me some approval or I wasn't going to make it - and he did. And I felt better - like I could start functioning again. Thursday was better. I asked what I needed to do to make sure I don't end up there again. He said that the two of us had to work on that. I can tell when it is feeling too much, so I'll be more explicit the next time - and I'm hoping that he'll listen to me and let up. I know that we will have to go through this needing but not getting cycle many, many times but eventually I'll get better at approving of myself and I won't need him to do it so much. So we talked about my rebellions (dropping out of college and marrying a man "beneath me" as far as my family was concerned). It was interesting because he sees a very dependent person who made some radical rebellious moves in her early 20s. He doesn't know that I wasn't dependent then. I was so strong - omnipotent - then. How could I be so strong then and so dependent now. An interesting discussion.
My daughter was home after school, but went to her dad's to eat dinner. On Wednesday she whined and complained that she felt awful and couldn't go to school. I could see no evidence of a virus or other sickness. But I know that her sleep schedule and eating schedule has been awful. She has said recently that she is only 15 - that she will do all the right things when she is older - so she is regressing a little (which is OK when you are 15). I pointed out that if she wanted me to take care of her that it would include limiting the amount of activity that she was doing as well as making sure she was eating and sleeping. That it sort of came as a package. I could tell that she really didn't feel good - so we made a deal. She would focus on eating - promising to eat at least one good meal a day, and preferably two(this usually means taking a lunch to school, and actually eating what a parent provides for dinner, and I promised that I would always have "real" food for her to eat). This will be good for me, too - I should focus more on eating well. Thursday she wakes up with very bad cramps - I give her Aleve, and finally get her moving into school at 11:30. Last night I had to leave the house at 9 to help a friend, and she promised me that it was no problem that she would get herself into bed - that I didn't have to worry about her (bedtime is 10). When I got home at 11:30 she was up. She had been doing laundry and chatting on the computer and she wanted me to help her fill out her W-4 form for work at 11:30PM. I told her to go to bed and we could look at it in the morning - she would just have to get right out of bed. She was livid that I wouldn't look at it at 11:30 PM when she had promised to go to bed at 10 and had missed 1 1/2 days of school already this week. Then she was tired this morning and was 15 minutes late for school - blaming it on me because I wouldn't discuss the W-4 at 11:30.
My friend was having a rough night and needed me to come remove a dangerous object from her house. I was annoyed because she had been told to get rid of it on Tuesday, and I was at her house on Tuesday and she should have given it to me then. But I love this friend dearly and I want so badly for her to find peace in her life. I really didn't mind going to see her and making sure that she was safe. We decided not to go to the hospital, and she took her evening meds so I knew that she would be sleeping soon. And we put her meds in the little boxes so it would be easier for her to know if she had taken them. And I loved her and told her a bedtime story to take away all the harmful thoughts. She called her therapist so she'll talk to her therapist in the morning, and this morning she'll call me when she gets up, too. I wish I could give her peace - but all I have is love and determination. So I give her those.
And earlier in the evening my sister called. She was recently diagnosed BiPolar instead of Depressed. As she started telling me about what she was working on in therapy I was amazed because the underlying family-while-we-were-growing-up issues that she was talking about were EXACTLY the same issues that I've been talking about THIS week. We could see that though we exhibit the symptoms differently, that the underlying issues are really the same (fear of doing the wrong thing and losing the parent's approval). It was a powerful discussion and let me know more clearly that some of these issues really were caused by real things that our parents did or didn't do. I guess that my sister and I hadn't realized how similar the underlying psychopathology was. So this caused some deep thinking.
I need to go to the grocery store so I will have food for my daughter to eat. I only slept for 5 1/2 hours and I'd really rather go back to bed. I feel like I'm just barely holding on, and I hope that today can be peaceful.
Thanks for listening to my rant. It helps to get it all out in bits and bytes. And it helps me when other people read what I write - just so I'm not alone with it. You don't need to help, or give advice (though I would be happy to get either) - I just need some containment - some holding - so that I can stay cohesive. Just knowing that someone else knows what is going on helps with that containment and keeps me together.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 13, 2004, at 8:11:58
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
Posted by Ilene on February 13, 2004, at 8:37:34
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
I read your rant. It was hard for me to follow, because I've been a zombie state. It may sound strange, but I think you have a lot of good things things in your life. You have a job. You have a sister (my sister is dead). You can help your daughter (I can't concentrate well enough anymore). You have friends.
I.
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 13, 2004, at 8:52:05
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » fallsfall, posted by Ilene on February 13, 2004, at 8:37:34
fall,
i read your rant..
you are a wonderful friend for being there for the ones in need (removing sharps)and for talking to your daughter...
i think you are doing a great job keeping things together and you need a pat on the back and a big party in your honour.
s
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 10:15:55
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
You are always there for everyone. And thank you for that. But don't forget to be there for yourself as well.
Is it too cold to swing? Or ice cream?
Posted by DaisyM on February 13, 2004, at 10:21:28
In reply to (((Fallsfall))), posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 10:15:55
It is never too cold for ice cream, just put warm choc syrup on top.
Sounds like quite a day and so many people who need you. I hope this helps validates how special you are to everyone.
I'm glad therapy was good. It is a long weekend so you needed that. Will you see him Monday, or skip?
I'm wishing you a peaceful day and healthy food purchases.
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 10:50:16
In reply to Re: (((Fallsfall))), posted by DaisyM on February 13, 2004, at 10:21:28
I know my son isn't off, and since I work by the hour, I'm never off. :(
Posted by Phil on February 13, 2004, at 13:49:50
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
Fallsfall, I've talked way too much lately. It just seems that we are all going through some incredibly difficult times.
My pdoc is much the same as yours but she came through for me at a crucial time this week.
All I can offer is love and support. Where ever you are, I hope you remember that I'd like more practice listening and less talking.
A lady out of nowhere told me a couple of days ago that those who walk with others in mind will find peace.
Of course I looked dumbfounded for a while but I finally caught on, I think.
I think being there for your daughter and saving a life is a pretty impressive days work. Thanks so much for sharing with us.
When I had been on this board a few months, a lady was having a very hard go. I posted
"The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide."
She ripped my head off!!! haha It was probably the first time Dr Bob sat back and started developing a civility policy.
Here's the rest, I love this poem:Loss and Gain
WHEN I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Posted by rs on February 13, 2004, at 14:39:56
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
Hi My Friend. You are a wonderful mother,friend and person. Send many hugs your way. Remember I care much. Hugs
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 13, 2004, at 20:39:43
In reply to Re: My Long Rant, posted by rs on February 13, 2004, at 14:39:56
Hey there.
You are certainly a wonderful friend. My brain isn't working well enough to tell you everything I would like, but I want you to know that you need some taking care of too.
You're amazing, and you you deserve peace.
Thanks for everything.
Dee.
Posted by All Done on February 15, 2004, at 0:23:19
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
Fallsfall,
It sounds like you are being so good for your daughter, friends, and sister and I know you have been so good for us here. Take some time to be good for yourself, too. Maybe a long bubble bath, good book, or (and) warm chocolate chip cookies (I'll make some for you, okay?)
Take care,
All Done
Posted by fallsfall on February 15, 2004, at 9:26:59
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » fallsfall, posted by All Done on February 15, 2004, at 0:23:19
I am trying.
I love warm chocolate chip cookies. Especially when they were made by a friend. Thanks.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 13:16:43
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
You are such a caring person, you know that????
You should....You're keeping it together. Look at what you have, and what you've accomplished. Look at your beautiful daughter. She's not such a beautiful and intelligent girl just by luck, you know. She has such an amazing mother who has helped guide and shape her to be who she is..
Just hang on. Take it day by day. When things get tough, look at all you have, all you've done. Listen to your daughter laugh. Look at your beautiful eyes. Step outside and see the beautiful sun shining down, and it's just for you!!!! It's the little things that keep us from going completely insane. Take advantage of them and stop for a second for a breather.
You're wonderful. Have I told you that lately. I really know you are. Thanks so much for everything, you beautiful and caring woman you! I really do appreciate your concern. You're truly wonderful :)
I honestly can't get over how caring and great the people on this board are.... Thank you, everyone... I'm feeling verklempt... Talk amongst yourselves.
Posted by fallsfall on February 16, 2004, at 15:13:43
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 13:16:43
Posted by mair on February 16, 2004, at 22:36:52
In reply to My Long Rant, posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 7:41:54
If you ever come up with the secret for getting a teenage girl to go to bed at 10 and eat halfway decently, please let me know. My just-16 year old drags around tired much of the time, but I can't seem to get her to be a little more organized enough with homework to get it done before 11:30. 10 sounds rather ambitious to me for almost any teenager.
Mair
Posted by All Done on February 17, 2004, at 14:39:16
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » All Done, posted by fallsfall on February 15, 2004, at 9:26:59
> I am trying.
>
> I love warm chocolate chip cookies. Especially when they were made by a friend. Thanks.I'm glad we can be friends. It means a lot to me that you called me that : ). Thank you!
Posted by antigua on February 17, 2004, at 17:01:42
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » fallsfall, posted by mair on February 16, 2004, at 22:36:52
11:30? Consider yourself lucky! My 15-yr old is up til 2 or 3 every night, no matter how I nag or cajole him. It's really tough to get him up in the morning! He crashes on weekends.
antigua
Posted by mair on February 17, 2004, at 22:02:32
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » fallsfall, posted by mair on February 16, 2004, at 22:36:52
My daughter is on vacation this week. Yesterday I came home for lunch (instead of eating in my office) because I felt a little guilty about stranding her. I needn't have worried since she was still sound asleep when I arrived at 12:45 - she finally emerged at 1:15 after 12+ hours of uninterrupted sleep. God I miss those days.
Of course if she cut out the upteen hours she spends instant messaging her friends, then maybe...
Mair
Posted by fallsfall on February 18, 2004, at 7:24:25
In reply to Re: My Long Rant » mair, posted by mair on February 17, 2004, at 22:02:32
Mair -
I started a new thread on teenagers. Mine isn't on vacation until next week. The question is whether I'll survive this week. Help!
This is the end of the thread.
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