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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2003, at 3:56:44
In reply to mood disorders and adoption, posted by Lyrical13 on December 22, 2003, at 18:40:23
> HI
> My husband and I are planning to adopt a baby and we're really nervous because of his health history (juvenile diabetes) and mine. In fact both of those things are the reasons we decided to adopt rather than have a biological child. I have BP2 (I think...up until a month ago I thought it was depression/anxiety for the past 13 years) I also have endometriosis, hx of ovarian cysts and low blood sugar. I finally came to terms with the fact that it is too risky for me to ever go off my meds and it is too risky IMHO to conceive and carry a child while on meds, not to mention the very real possibility of post partum depression.
>
> My concern is that potential birthparents will not want us to be the adoptive parents because of my mental health history. I also am worried about even being approved to adopt because of it. Anyone have any words of wisdom?
>
> Thanks
> Lyrical 13
Posted by Emme on December 27, 2003, at 23:53:53
In reply to mood disorders and adoption « Lyrical13, posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2003, at 3:56:44
> > HI
> > My husband and I are planning to adopt a baby and we're really nervous because of his health history (juvenile diabetes) and mine. In fact both of those things are the reasons we decided to adopt rather than have a biological child. I have BP2 (I think...up until a month ago I thought it was depression/anxiety for the past 13 years) I also have endometriosis, hx of ovarian cysts and low blood sugar. I finally came to terms with the fact that it is too risky for me to ever go off my meds and it is too risky IMHO to conceive and carry a child while on meds, not to mention the very real possibility of post partum depression.
> >
> > My concern is that potential birthparents will not want us to be the adoptive parents because of my mental health history. I also am worried about even being approved to adopt because of it. Anyone have any words of wisdom?
> >
> > Thanks
> > Lyrical 13
>I am single. I spent one morning obsessively calling international adoption agencies (have you considered an international adoption?). I don't know anything about domestic adoption though. I imagine there will be someone here with actual real live experience with adoption.
Anyway, the message I got was, first of all, Chinese adoption is probably out of the question because they are fussy. But that adoptions from other countries were possible. With any medical condition, they will want a letter from the doctor saying that the problem is adequately controlled. One agency said they were currently handling an adoption for a couple where one them is manic depressive (didn't say BPI or II). They said nothing is guaranteed, but that I wouldn't automatically be ruled out either. It would depend on many things. So I considered that very encouraging. I wish you the best of luck with your adoption plans.
Emme
Posted by Lyrical13 on January 1, 2004, at 10:30:55
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption » Dr. Bob, posted by Emme on December 27, 2003, at 23:53:53
thanks Emme. I am hoping that someone has had a similar experience. Who knows when we will be parents. We've talked about adopting for years and are just now feeling ready to be parents (I'm 34, he's 36) Actually I've wanted a baby for a while but the time wasn't right. We started looking into adoption last winter and were planning to start the process Jan 2004 but last summer I wanted a baby so badly and wanted to get teh ball rolling. So we went to a meeting in Aug (had narrowed it down to which agency after much research)and then had a one-on-one mtg with the director of the agency. The next step would have been formal application but we decided to put it on hold for now. My husband has been laid off since May...this has been a pattern for the past 3-4 years...lots of time laid off. His job is related to the auto industry and we live in the Detroit area.....not a good time right now. Lots of people out of work. I think we have highest unemployment rate in US right now. I was very depressed this fall. Part of that was baby-related (I couldn't even look at anything related to parenting or adoption for a few months) It was compounded by the fact that Aug thru Jan is my bad time for teh past 10 years. So I don't know when we will be able to adopt. :( In the meantime, I am trying to find the right med combo to keep me stable and I'm getting closer to it all the time. Every year gets a little better. HOpefully by the time we get to a place where we can financially start a family, my mental health status will have been stable for quite a while. I guess it will happen when it's meant to happen but it is so hard to wait when people all around you have young children...I work at a school and there is always someone pregnant or becoming a grandma etc.....I am happy for them but it's hard to wait for my turn!
thanks for your good thoughts and well wishes
Lyrical13
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 2, 2004, at 1:37:37
In reply to mood disorders and adoption « Lyrical13, posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2003, at 3:56:44
[Posted by Lyrical13 on January 1, 2004, at 10:20:18
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption, posted by Karen_kay on December 22, 2003, at 23:39:37]
> Thank you so much! I appreciate the thought and the research you put into this question. Such a relief to hear of someone with same concerns as mine. I jotted down some of your suggestions re: letter (our agency said same kind of thing re: requiring a letter from pdoc and therapist). Also will check out that link. Now I notice that Dr. Bob is redirecting my post somewhere so I'll probably go there and re-ask the question. I'm new at this site and don't always know where to post my various questions! :) L13
Posted by judy1 on January 3, 2004, at 11:32:35
In reply to mood disorders and adoption « Lyrical13, posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2003, at 3:56:44
I have 2 children and am dxed with bp1, PTSD, panic disorder, etc. If you are physically able to have children and are concerned about being off meds, please don't be- I successfully navigated pregnancy and I have a history of being hospitalized for mania- and both my children are perfectly 'normal'. If you still want to adopt- Ukranian and Russian adoptions aren't as fussy, but they don't like a history of mental illness. So what to do- honestly?- lie. When you have your review with a social worker, I would not bring up your history. Is there a way to work around being off meds through a therp? or are depressions too debilitating? I know several couples who have adopted with one partner having a mental illness, and everything worked out. sorry this is so disjointed.
take care, judy
Posted by Lyrical13 on January 3, 2004, at 14:38:52
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption- lyrical, posted by judy1 on January 3, 2004, at 11:32:35
Thanks Judy
Actually, there are a few health reasons besides just the BP/depression. My husband is juvenile diabetic and I am hypoglycemic..pretty much guarantees us a kid with blood sugar problems, not that that's the end of the world but we really don't want to have to give shots to a toddler if we can help it. Also my husband is only 36 and has always taken very good care of himself and he's already had several surgeries for diabetic retinopathy (had sudden loss of vision in one eye, started with minor outpatient eye surgeries to deal with it then one eye hemorrhaged and he ended up having emergency surgery and having to lay face down or on his side for about 6 weeks so the retina could re-attach) wouldn't want our child to have to deal with long-term side effects of diabetes, etc. We also both have diabetes on both sides of our families....Also, my blood sugar has gotten increasingly more sensitive over the years...good possibility of gestational diabetes (my mom had it with at least one of her pregnancies) and possibly even permanently diabetic afterward (this has already happened with one of my aunts) Also have endometriosis and have 2 surgeries for that and ovarian cysts. They SAY pregnancy is a good temp cure for endo but the reality isn't always that way...my best friend had 2 very difficult pregnancies and she her preemie almost died (both are OK now) and now her endo is 10x worse. I know her situation isn't typical but it's still scary. I had toyed with going off meds for pregnancy but at this point adoption seems like the better option....For one thing..I'm 34, he's 36, not exactly spring chickens...still good age to parent...but I work at a school for kids with disabilities. Every single pregnant woman there is a basket case knowing what could go wrong...I'm already mid-30s...risk of Downs and birth defects increases with age plus I already have an anxiety problem....add baby anxiety on top of that..... Plus...hubby and I both have risk factors for infertility (endo, diabetes)..I absolutely HAVE to be on meds from Aug thru Jan. Hx of SEVERE depression for past 10 years. Then doc would want me off meds for a month before we started trying...would definitely want to be off meds for at least first trimester...so that leaves 2-3 month window for conception..... no pressure there!!!!!!
So anyway...adoption is really the best choice for us. I'm not going to give any more info than I have to, but the home study process is very extensive, detailed and nosy. We both have to have a physical, etc etc. (not to mention all financials, several interviews, letters of recommendation, criminal background check etc etc) Very intrusive process. Very stressful process. ON the one hand, I understand that they want to make sure we're going to be good parents, but on the other hand, biological parents don't have to go through all that! Maybe if they did, we wouldn't have some of the problems we have today with teen pregnancies, child abuse, child abandonment/neglect, etc. But I digress. None of the health info would be in the profile the birthparents choose us from but they would have access to ALL non-identifying info in our file...our home study info. So they could possibly get their hands on our health info. I guess if they were that far along in the decision process they would alreay really like us. Our home study info wouldn't be shown to every person who looked at our profile..just after someone picked us they have the right to look at it before they send their baby home with us.
Are your children all biological or did you adopt any? I know my husband and I would be great parents (though I have doubts when my depression is really bad..I can hardly take care of myself...I think"HOw on earth am I going to be able to take care of anyone else?"
But we've been getting better and better at catching the depression earlier and I feel like we're closer to the right combo of meds for me. This fall wasn't as bad as last year. Maybe next year will be even better. It would be such a miracle to get through that time of year and feel "normal". I can't even imagine what that would be like.
Well, anyway, thanks for your input and support. I appreciate it!
L13
Posted by judy1 on January 6, 2004, at 10:07:36
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption- lyrical, posted by Lyrical13 on January 3, 2004, at 14:38:52
Hi,
Both of my children are biological, but I seriously considered adoption before the birth of my youngest. Mostly I was concerned about my manic episodes, and I did in fact have trouble while pregnant but took meds (APs) to weather that storm and it didn't effect the fetus. I can understand your fears about your husband's illness- have you spoken to a genetic counselor? I have found them to be very helpful.
If you are certain you want to adopt- we went through a home study and they requested med records. I was careful to give only my primary dr's (who doesn't know of my psych problems), and the labs didn't test for the meds I was on. I did say I occasionally took benzos for anxiety in case that tested positive. It would be difficult to cover your husband's illness, although if his dr. could produce a letter that his illness was being properly managed, then I don't think it's a problem. Quite honestly I didn't stress over the home study (maybe it was the xanax!), it was easy to produce letters from friends, etc. and the social worker was really nice. We passed BTW.
If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them.
take care, judy
Posted by Lyrical13 on January 6, 2004, at 20:10:19
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption- lyrical, posted by judy1 on January 6, 2004, at 10:07:36
Thanks so much Judy. Your posts are very reassuring. I never even thought about leaving off my pdoc. I guess I'm just too honest! All my docs know of the meds I'm on..I have a lot of allergies..sinus infections, bronchitis and all that fun stuff so I want to make sure that all docs are aware of my meds to watch for interactions etc. There are some things I can't take regardless because I am either allergic or they hype me up and make me anxious (psuedophedrine e.g. which means I can't take any OTC decongestants...any decongestants for that matter) I wonder if I would still be OK with just having my GP fill out my forms? I mean, he's the one I would be going to for a physical right? Hmmm. Interesting thought....
Thanks again. L13
Posted by judy1 on January 7, 2004, at 10:29:26
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption- lyrical, posted by Lyrical13 on January 6, 2004, at 20:10:19
I'm usually a very honest person also, but when it comes to my mental health I guess I get a little selective- mostly because I see it hurting me (for example I went through infertility treatment, and I lied because I knew the fertility doc would not have accepted me in his program if he knew about my MIs). I guess the overwhelming desire for a child made me less than honest and I really don't feel particularly guilty
about it. I have a group of drs also (i have similar allergy problems to yours), but I have a primary physician who doesn't know about any MIs, although he knows I get anxious- and I really downplayed that. He's also the one who filled out the forms. best of luck with your decision- judy
Posted by Lyrical13 on January 7, 2004, at 20:25:04
In reply to Re: mood disorders and adoption- lyrical, posted by judy1 on January 7, 2004, at 10:29:26
I understand what you mean Judy. You're not the first person who has reported being less than completely honest when trying to adopt. I talked to another woman who was frustrated because they weren't getting any calls (to match with birthmom) All the bmoms wanted a mother who wasn't going to work and that this would be their first child. She was working part time and I don't remember if this would be the first. Eventually she changed her profile and said she wasn't going to work and were matched. Of course, she is working now. But I really don't have a problem with that. My friend at work who is going through infertility and now is trying to adopt is really frustrated for a similar reason. They've only been shown 6x in the past year. The agency worker said that most bmoms want parents who are waiting for their first child and stay-at-home moms in their 20s. Jennifer is in her early 30s, has a 4-yr old son and works part-time with a very flexible schedule. She goes to all of her sons field trips and is able to be there for every aspect of his life. And when she's not home, his baby-sitter is her parents and they live right next door to her. It sounds like a wonderful situation to me. But because they don't exactly meet what bmoms are asking for, they aren't even shown to them. She was thinking about lying too and I think I would have to think about that. When it comes right down to it, adoptive parents have to go through way more scrutiny and jump through more hoops to have a child that most bio parents. I know that my husband and I will be great parents..though I do worry sometimes about the depression but every year gets a little better and we're getting closer to the right med combo. I guess I'll have to be as honest as possible but just not offer any more info than I have to. Thanks so much for your support.
PS Good news...we have a possible advocate/help in finding a bmom. A co-worker of mine told me her brother and sis-in-law have adopted 3 children. They are very active in their church and everyone knows about their adoptions. They are frequently approached my women who are pregnant but do not want to raise the baby. They just talked to a woman who is due in April. She told Jennifer about it first but also told me today. I told her to give Jen first option because she had been waiting longer and was in a better spot right now to have a new baby but to definitely keep me in mind if that doesn't work out and for any future bmoms they hear about. My husband and I are very excited and are feeling a renewed sense of hope. Esp since this would be much less expensive than going through the agency. Keep us in your thoughts!
Posted by judy1 on January 8, 2004, at 12:48:58
In reply to honesty adoption, posted by Lyrical13 on January 7, 2004, at 20:25:04
that's wonderful news! please let us know how evrything works out.
take care, judy
Posted by Lyrical13 on January 8, 2004, at 22:57:11
In reply to honesty adoption, posted by Lyrical13 on January 7, 2004, at 20:25:04
Well, this birth mom decided to keep her baby after all. But my co-worker said that her brother gets approached by people interested in making an adoption plan a couple times a year. So it's a contact anyway...
Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers
This is the end of the thread.
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