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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 19:00:39
- no job
- no irons in the fire (have been to depressed over the last few months to rattle enough cages).
- gawd only knows how long it'll take to find something if I do get the search back underway.
- few clues about what I want to do
- Am signing up to be a sub. It won't pay enough.
- halfway through cobra
- savings rapidly disappearing and that will be that.
- still have non-functional days
- profoundly unmotivated even though things are getting tight and I need to get moving
- landlord is very nasty and wants to raise rent a huge amount
- apartments are hard to come by around here and I don't have an income to satisfy a potential landlord
- Had to dump the equivalent of a month's rent and utilities into my poor little honda. Will need additional routine repair in 3,000 miles.
- About to start my new calendar year $1,000 deductible on out-of-network mental health (in network would be $5000) I can ill afford it.
- My pdoc is wonderful. I can't afford her. She's out of network and I get almost nothing back. I don't want to have to change doctors but...
- Therapist is wonderful. I can't afford her after the new year either.
- I should move because of the high rent, but not sure where to go and it would be destabilizing at the moment.
- My dad is being sweet and is helping me some. But even still, my situation is getting precarious.
- Moving in with family members not an option.
- I saw all these things coming...and somehow I didn't get it together and I am deeply ashamed.Anyone who's read my "bad day" posts has seen most of this before. It's just reaching critical mass. Okay, it could be worse. No one is shooting at me. I don't have to support anyone but myself. But still. As I walk around, everything feels completely unreal and dreamlike. I keep hoping I'll wake up.
I feel backed into a corner and I think there is only one way out.
Emme
Posted by galkeepinon on December 29, 2003, at 19:22:27
In reply to Things are getting ugly, posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 19:00:39
I know how you feel, sorry you're feeling that way, I wish I had the good ole magic wand for both of us. I just took my dog to the vet for what was supposed to be shots and a nail trim, now she's overnight with a bowel obstruction, blood in her stool, bloodwork, x-rays, and possible surgery-I'm heartbroken. She's only 2, and I feel horrible because evident;y she has just eaten too much of the bad stuff like squeak toys, cardboard, cloth, etc.. when the tears started flowing about her, it was like a domino effect. I turned to my mom and just said if I get drunk and take some pills will you take me to the ER? How selfish and hurtful of me! I owe my college $2400 because I dropped a class, which I still don't understand, my family is i n cahoots, I care so much about them, I had a really nice dream about my dad the other night that he came to me and apologized for not being there and I apologized that I cut him off a year ago, but that's a dream I know will never come true, chest pains for weeks, got the DX of BPD which I'm not too proud of, I feel like I have no friends, and to be honest I don't-no wonder huh. Who wants to be around a negative, depresed person, that's all I can be right now, I tell myself I'll let the tears flow, my pdoc is out of town, should I check myself in to a hospital or just grow up and be strong.
So I thought I would sit and write where at least no one has to see me physically but I can gfet some of this out. I hate to be negative, but I can't help it right now and is this really a chemical imbalance or is it just the way my life is going to be forever. I just tell my family they should put me, no, I should put me in a board and care because I'm obviously not dealing with life very good. So vulnerable, so frustrated, so lost, so sick of it all. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day-hangover or not. I have Tylenol 3 and I'll go to the store for the booze, maybe that IS just what I need!!!!!Hang in there Emme.
Kristen
Thanks for letting me vent, sorry to be such a downer, I don't mean to, I just think I've had about as much as I can take too. Maybe better tomorrow maybe not, oh well..> - no job
> - no irons in the fire (have been to depressed over the last few months to rattle enough cages).
> - gawd only knows how long it'll take to find something if I do get the search back underway.
> - few clues about what I want to do
> - Am signing up to be a sub. It won't pay enough.
> - halfway through cobra
> - savings rapidly disappearing and that will be that.
> - still have non-functional days
> - profoundly unmotivated even though things are getting tight and I need to get moving
> - landlord is very nasty and wants to raise rent a huge amount
> - apartments are hard to come by around here and I don't have an income to satisfy a potential landlord
> - Had to dump the equivalent of a month's rent and utilities into my poor little honda. Will need additional routine repair in 3,000 miles.
> - About to start my new calendar year $1,000 deductible on out-of-network mental health (in network would be $5000) I can ill afford it.
> - My pdoc is wonderful. I can't afford her. She's out of network and I get almost nothing back. I don't want to have to change doctors but...
> - Therapist is wonderful. I can't afford her after the new year either.
> - I should move because of the high rent, but not sure where to go and it would be destabilizing at the moment.
> - My dad is being sweet and is helping me some. But even still, my situation is getting precarious.
> - Moving in with family members not an option.
> - I saw all these things coming...and somehow I didn't get it together and I am deeply ashamed.
>
> Anyone who's read my "bad day" posts has seen most of this before. It's just reaching critical mass. Okay, it could be worse. No one is shooting at me. I don't have to support anyone but myself. But still. As I walk around, everything feels completely unreal and dreamlike. I keep hoping I'll wake up.
>
> I feel backed into a corner and I think there is only one way out.
>
> Emme
>
>
Posted by fallsfall on December 29, 2003, at 20:54:45
In reply to Things are getting ugly, posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 19:00:39
Emme,
What a list! That is too much for anyone's plate. I know that you work really hard at your therapy. It's not like you are a lazy person. Do you qualify for disability?
P.S. I know what you mean about being 1/2 way through Cobra... I don't even want to think about what will happen when that expires. They did extend my Cobra by 11 months, though, because I qualified for disability.
Posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 21:18:08
In reply to I hear you there, posted by galkeepinon on December 29, 2003, at 19:22:27
Hi Kristen,
I'm sorry about your poor dog! I hope she gets better! It sounds like you feel the walls crashing down too. sigh. I guess there's quite a few of us who don't feel like we're coping so well. I hope the venting helped a little. I'm not sure you're any more of a downer than I am at the moment. You wonder if you should go to the hospital or grow up and be strong. I think similar things sometimes. Logic tells me that the grownup and strong thing to do is to go to the hospital if you feel near the edge. Easier said than done maybe.
Any chance your dream about your dad could come through at all - do you talk to him? Would he be receptive to some good talking? Keep the lid on that Tylenol bottle. I forget, is it Fallsfall who encourages us to go for ice cream? Hang tight kiddo. Let's hope tomorrow looks a little better.
Emme
Posted by blink23 on December 29, 2003, at 21:29:08
In reply to Re: Things are getting ugly » Emme, posted by fallsfall on December 29, 2003, at 20:54:45
Sorry its not the best information someone can give someone, but you both are up set, and this might give a little light. Alot of other people with the COBRA insurance, who dont know about this plan. Yes i know that COBRA is expensive and HIPAA dosnt get any cheaper but its something to think about. I am an agent and have been for years, there is plan called HIPAA which is offered only to those who have used up there cobra. Call an agent in your area, By using them you dont pay extra..You just get the extra help from them that you need and they can point you in the right direction They may be able to help.. They say solve one problem at a time....right!!!!!
Blink23
Posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 21:54:40
In reply to Re: Things are getting ugly » Emme, posted by fallsfall on December 29, 2003, at 20:54:45
> Emme,
>
> What a list! That is too much for anyone's plate. I know that you work really hard at your therapy. It's not like you are a lazy person.Thanks! Sometimes it's nice to hear that.
> Do you qualify for disability?
>
> P.S. I know what you mean about being 1/2 way through Cobra... I don't even want to think about what will happen when that expires. They did extend my Cobra by 11 months, though, because I qualified for disability.I don't know if I qualify for disability. My therapist brought it up the other week and asked if my pdoc had ever said anything. It wouldn't surprise me if the two of them have discussed it. I hadn't even thought of it. I have a bunch of questions.
- Can you tell me what's required to qualify? I know my doctor would have to sign off.
- Is it very difficult to qualify?
- How long does it typically take to process?
- I imagine that what one gets isn't near enough to live on. Can you supplement it a little? Do you no longer qualify if you can manage to work part time a bit?The health insurance thing is a real worry. I'm wondering if Medicare would be better than my current plan. But then you don't have prescription coverage, do you? (I'm ignorant about these things.)
I'm thinking that if I can hold it together to try to work a little, that it'll look better to potential future employers (i.e. try to keep my career from vanishing entirely.) But I just never know what to expect from my body and mind, and I've been walking around feeling coldly suicidal over the last week. I've been too tired to do anything about it though. I'm not as desperately agitated and depressed as I've been at other times. But I feel at the end of my rope.
Emme
Posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 21:59:07
In reply to 1 thing might help, posted by blink23 on December 29, 2003, at 21:29:08
Posted by almondjoy on December 30, 2003, at 10:18:39
In reply to Disability? I have questions » fallsfall, posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 21:54:40
Hey Emme,
I've been on disability for a few years...you can see if you might qualify at http://www.ssa.gov and you can apply there too. going to the social security office if you have the time to sit around a bit might make the process easier too. you can find out where, how, and what you need to apply.
before you do that, ask your pdoc what they think about you applying (regardless of thier response you can see another doctor for your application or an appointed doc)
unfortunately it takes months to complete your application. i applied in july/august (i think) and got my first check in february of the next year, but i got a back pay check that covered may to feb, and started monthly. (ssa.gov says 90-120 days to apply) the amount you get is based on your bills
once i had everything in, i was approved easily, (i couldn't make it to the doc evaluation appt because i was being admitted to a state hospital) but i've heard its hard in general, and that alot of people who deserve it get denied. you can always get an attorney (many specialize in disability benefits and prolly don't make you pay upfront) to help you appeal if that happens.
the amount i was getting for quite a while was only $99 over the amount of my rent, but now i get enough to pay all my bills and have $200 left (not much, but enough) you can work a little and keep it, just make sure you know the amount you can make up to. if you make over the amount it counts as a trial work period, and once the amount of months is up, you stop getting a check (they send you a letter first)
uh, what else, medicare...i don't know if it's worth it. i forgot to pay, and don't have it anymore, but i think it only pays 50% of mental health, and you have to pay like $60 a month, and atleast last year, get no presciptions paid
the website has tons of info and you can call the 800 number tootake care
d
Posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 16:53:36
In reply to Disability? I have questions » fallsfall, posted by Emme on December 29, 2003, at 21:54:40
Disability is for people who can't work due to medical issues.
Going on Disability can help because then you have some income and don't have to survive the stress of working just to live. It can HURT because if you, like me and lots of other people, determine a significant portion of your self worth from your occupation it can make you MORE depressed to be on disability. This is a fine line to tread - your doctor should be able to talk to you about this. Going out of work is an emotionally traumatic thing. But, if being at work is making you sicker, then you might not have a choice.
There are different kinds of disability insurance.
I had a Long Term Disability plan at my work (and also a Short Term Disability plan). If you ever are asked if you want these - SAY YES. They usually are quite inexpensive to buy, but they are really helpful if you can't work.
My Short Term Disability covered the first 3 months I was out (I think it started at 100% of my salary and then went down to 80% of my salary). After 3 months Long Term Disability kicked in (this pays me 60% of what my salary was at the time that I was disabled).
The insurance company required me to fill out forms and have my doctors fill out forms to "prove" that I was disabled. I have found that if the therapist is a PhD (or equivalent) that they can do the forms, but if they are a MSW then you would need your general doctor or pdoc to fill out the forms. The question that the insurance company wants answered is "Can you work?". If you are finding it really hard to get to work, and that you can't function when you do get there then you MIGHT qualify. They are pretty strict about what it means to not be able to work.
The problem I have with LTD is that the policies I have had only cover Mental Illnesses for 2 years (whereas "physical" illnesses are covered until 65). While health insurance policies (at least in my state, and I think the USA now) have to treat "biological" illnesses (such as depression, bipolar, and others) the same as physical illnesses, LTD doesn't. First, LTD is considered a different kind of insurance and the biological/physical ruling applies only to Health insurance. Second, the policies I have had specifically list the "biological mental illnesses", call them "mental illnesses", and say they will only be covered for 2 years. UGH.
The second kind of disability insurance is SSDI or SSI. Almondjoy gave you the Social Security web site and I think she was generally talking about SSI. I get SSDI (not SSI), so I can tell you about that.
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/work/ResourcesToolkit/redbook.html has a good description of both SSI and SSDI.SSDI is payed out of the Social Security fund. Social Security is set up so that the amount that you get (either as a retiree, or as someone who is disabled) is based on how much money you have contributed to Social Security (also known as FICA) in your lifetime. If you haven't worked very many years (either because you are young, or because you took time off for any reason), or if you didn't make very much money when you were working, then SSDI won't pay you very much. If you have worked only a few years you may not be eligible for anything. The Social Security office can tell you what you would be eligible for if you qualify. (or you can send me an email and we can trade information - I might be able to tell if it would be worth your while... Babble fallsfall at hotmail.com) My SSDI income is enough to live on (though not in the manner to which I have become accustomed...) You can also get SSDI money for your dependent children when you are disabled.
SSI is for disabled people with limited income. The amount SSI pays is not based on your social security contributions.
SSDI won't start paying until you have been disabled for 5 months. They won't pay at all unless your doctor believes that you will be disabled for 12 months or more (or unless you have already been out of work for 12 months due to your disability). So, the first 5 months are not paid at all. The application process can take a long time (6 months, I think). So what happens is that if you stop working and apply immediately you find out if you have been accepted 6 months later and they give you one month retroactively. I THINK that the date they start with is the date of your disability, but it MAY be the date that you APPLY - I'm not quite sure.
I, too, have heard that many people are denied when they first apply. I was accepted on my first application and I know at least one other person who was, as well. But if you are denied, it is worth pursuing the appeal process.
You can work as long as you make less than their maximum ($580 a month as of 2004) and keep the money. Any month that you make more than $580 is called a "trial work" month. You can only have 9 trial work months in 60 consecutive months. After that, if you make more than $800 a month they figure you can work and they will stop your benefits. You can have as many months as you want at the under $580 level.
There are annual cost of living raises. If you do work and contribute to FICA while receiving SSDI, they periodically will give you credit for whatever wages you earned and give you more SSDI money.
My LTD requires me to apply for SSDI and then deducts what I get from SSDI from what they will give me. So right now I am getting 60% of my salary - but some of it comes from SSDI and some from LTD. When I get past the 2 year mark for LTD, then I will get just the SSDI part (which is a bunch less than 60% of my salary).
There are rules about if you return to work and become disabled again for the same reason within a period of time. I went back to work for 2 years and then went back out again, and I didn't have to go the 5 months without SSDI again.
Periodically they ask you and your doctors to fill out a bunch of forms to see if you are still disabled.
I don't do the medicare (you don't qualify for that until you have been out for 2 years on SSDI, I believe, anyway) because I COBRA from my old company (or could use my husband's health insurance). I believe that the prescription drug stuff that has been in the news would work for people on Medicare through SSDI. You have to make a contribution if you want Medicare B.
Other questions?
Posted by Emme on December 30, 2003, at 17:24:42
In reply to Re: Disability? I have questions, posted by almondjoy on December 30, 2003, at 10:18:39
Thanks. That was really helpful. I went to the web site. After looking at the eligibility section, I dug out my last social security statement. It said that I don't have enough work credits to qualify for disability. sigh. I was in grad school for too much of my adult life (separate degrees at separate schools, so it took a while) and TA salaries aren't huge. And then my job for the last four years was full-time but technically a fellowship, so there was no payment into SS. And I'm 38! This is scary. When I went down this path, this sort of ramification never even occurred to me! I figured I'd catch up financially with the rest of the adult world when I finished school. One doesn't count on getting whumped by mental illness.
I had lost several months after finishing my degree when I was both depressed and job hunting. It seems like I can at least hold on with difficulty if I'm settled in school or a job. But once I'm in limbo, the mood disorder gets worse and I disintegrate. So, no benefits for me.
Emme
Posted by Emme on December 30, 2003, at 19:05:58
In reply to Re: Disability? (long answers) » Emme, posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 16:53:36
Whew. Thanks for all the info. I'm going to have to read it all again to digest it. I'll probably have some questions. I didn't have any LTD (was on fellowship money). I know I don't have the work credits for SSDI. I'll have to read the web material on SSI. Thanks again.
Emme
This is the end of the thread.
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