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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lucybobcat on December 21, 2003, at 12:49:41
New here...I typed 'depression and relationships' into Yahoo and came here. Can any one offer me some reassurance that I am not the only one confused about what came first: am i having problems in my relationship because of my depression, or am I depressed because I have been slogging away at a relationship that is not so great? Or both! Is this chicken/egg question doing anyone else's head in? I don't know which one needs to be dealt with first! I am hurting my partner by letting him go through all this with me when I might leave him in the end anyway, and I'm hurting myself feeling guilty about making him miserable on top of my own yucky mental state. I am 22 and have been having big bad periods for about 9 years now. Maybe this is just another one and I couldn't bear to lose him for the wrong reasons. I've never been in a relationship when I've been depressed before so it all just baffles me. Yuck.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 21, 2003, at 17:02:12
In reply to relationships chicken and egg, posted by lucybobcat on December 21, 2003, at 12:49:41
Lucy,
My husband and I were on the verge of divorce before I started my individual therapy. I thought that my marriage was causing my depression, when in fact it was the undiagnosed depression which was hurting my marriage. It can go either way of course, but I'm certainly glad I got help before anything final was decided. My husband says therapy has worked wonders for me and our relationship. I agree.
Posted by 8 Miles on December 21, 2003, at 17:13:23
In reply to relationships chicken and egg, posted by lucybobcat on December 21, 2003, at 12:49:41
Well..................... I could go through the "20 questions" with you, but maybe, in time, that will come out if you stick around here. First, do know that you are by no means out-of-place here. Matter of fact, you probably hit the dart you threw in "yahoo" right in the bull's eye here. Unfortunately, in major depressive illness, and many other psychiatric conditions, we often DO "take it out" on others (or ourselves). This is not at all uncommon. What I'm curious about is have you ever seen a Pdoc or a couselor to discuss/treat your depression? If you have been having these "bad moods" since your teens, then it is *probably* not something that's going to go away on its own. If you care to share a little more, I certainly believe that you will find more than you ever hoped for from this board. Soon, you may actually be in the position to help someone else by telling how YOU dealt with this situation. Good luck and do let us know how things are going.
8
Posted by Karen_kay on December 21, 2003, at 18:45:25
In reply to relationships chicken and egg, posted by lucybobcat on December 21, 2003, at 12:49:41
I'd say that since you have been struggling with depression for nine years (you haven't been in your current relationship that long, correct?) that depression may be the culprit. Not to say that your relationship doesn't also have it's problems. But, I would suggest you find relief from your depression. Then, you can work on your relationship. It may or may not work out. But, if it doesn't you can't say you didn't do your part. And it wasn't from lack of trying. And your next relationship will start off on the right foot!
Good luck
Posted by lookdownfish on December 22, 2003, at 5:28:11
In reply to relationships chicken and egg, posted by lucybobcat on December 21, 2003, at 12:49:41
sounds like your depression lies a bit deeper. but i definitely think a bad relationship can make things a lot worse. eg, if you are not meeting each others needs or the balance of power is very one-sided.
This is the end of the thread.
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