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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
Hello,
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
I'm having trouble with my landlord, we share the same space except bedrooms! I think the line between our personal space is blurred.
He suffers from anxiety. This is obviously making him suffer and I try to be as compassionate as I can.However he has no-one to talk to apart from me! This means that I have to hear about every detail of his life and health problems. To be honest this is starting to annoy me alot. he is also really noisy as we are on different schedules, I have to get up early and go to bed at around 11pm. However he doesn't go to bed until the early hours and gets up in the afternoon. He makes weird disgusting noises related to his illness, which bugs me.
He is also obssessed with my rent and is always talking about it. He says he has no money, which makes me feel guilty! I pay my rent on time every months, always have!
How do I broach these topics tactfully, without making his anxiety worse? I am seriously thinking of moving out, because its making me feel all angry and I suffer from dysthymia, so its not good.
Any advice?
Thanks,
Jannjj
Posted by sb417 on November 29, 2003, at 21:46:14
In reply to Having trouble-not sure what to do?, posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
If you are able to move out and find another, better place, I think you should definitely do that. Your landlord's behavior is grossly inappropriate. He is violating boundaries. You are not his therapist. You are supposed to have a business relationship: You pay your rent on time, and abide by the terms of the lease. That's it. You owe him nothing else, and you are certainly not supposed to play therapist to someone who is not paying you to function as his therapist and confidante. I would find another place, but be careful and make sure you are not going from the frying pan into the fire. Make sure the new place really is better.
Posted by Elle2021 on November 29, 2003, at 22:03:09
In reply to Having trouble-not sure what to do?, posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
I agree with sb417, it's time to get outta there!
Good luck to you.
Elle
Posted by sb417 on November 29, 2003, at 23:49:23
In reply to Having trouble-not sure what to do?, posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
I've had some problems with bad/intrusive/inappropriate landlords over the years. After much trial and error, I've found that if you must live in an apartment, it's best to live in a large, multiple dwelling apartment building with many units (rather than a private house that's been converted into apartments). I imagine the laws vary from state to state, but in many areas, buildings with 8 units or more are subject to many more laws that protect tenants. If a building has less than 8 units, the landlords can do whatever they want. Also, if there are lots of other tenants, you can band together to get things done. If you're alone or with just a few other tenants, you have almost no rights. Granted, some of the private houses are more quaint and charming to look at than a big impersonal apartment building, but I've found the "charm" quickly fades when the landlord has no concept of personal boundaries. When I lived in apartments in private houses, the landlords invariably had too much time on their hands. Several claimed to be too "disabled" to work, but they were not too disabled to intrude upon, harass, and stalk their tenants. When you look for another apartment, you should interview the landlord just as he is interviewing you. Find out about him. Does he work? If so, where? Does he have a family? Does he have a life? If not, you will probably become the most interesting thing in his life and you won't have any privacy. If he "has a life," it won't be necessary for him to bud into yours. Remember: the landlord-tenant relationship is a business relationship, and it should stay that way. If a landlord wants you as a confidante or as a friend, he can start out by charging a friendlier rent -- or no rent.
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 30, 2003, at 4:56:30
In reply to Having trouble-not sure what to do?, posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
I'd move out. There might be another lonely guy with poor social skills out there who can live with him. _they_ are the ones compatible to live together, not you and he.
You'll be so much happier when you can find another place. I'd start counting the days.
Posted by fallsfall on November 30, 2003, at 12:52:15
In reply to Having trouble-not sure what to do?, posted by janejj on November 29, 2003, at 21:24:47
I agree with the others, move if you can.
But you said one thing that I wanted to comment on: He is also obssessed with my rent and is always talking about it. He says he has no money, which makes me feel guilty! I pay my rent on time every months, always have!
This is HIS problem, not your problem. You are abiding by the contract. He set the rent, you pay it on time. You are doing the right thing. If he has no money, then he should spend less or he should have set the rent higher - in either case it is HIS problem, not yours. You should not feel guilty when other people make poor decisions. He chose the amount of the rent - even if you negotiated, he agreed to the amount of the rent. You did nothing wrong.
As for the disgusting noises... I hope your new place is far enough away so you don't have to hear them anymore.
Posted by janejj on November 30, 2003, at 17:00:22
In reply to Re: Having trouble-not sure what to do? » janejj, posted by sb417 on November 29, 2003, at 23:49:23
Thankyou so much! Its been really helpful to get all your perspectives on this matter. Its hard to see things the way they are when you're stuck in the middle of it all.
I think its time for me to move on and find a better landlord!
Thanks again,
Jane
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