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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 19:35:38
First of all, I want to tell both of you that I don't consider you newcomers at all. You've both been around a while by Babble standards. I hope neither one of you feels like people are cautious of you.
Every once in a while something crops up that makes me feel self protective. And every once in a while something crops up that makes me feel angry with Dr. Bob and disenchanted with the board.
But I enjoy meeting new people. I think that's one of the delightful things about this board. You never know what new friend will stumble across it tomorrow. And I'd rather err on the side of trusting someone who maybe shouldn't be trusted than not trusting someone who should be trusted.
So you're experiencing one of the rough patches. It'll smooth out again. Minus a few people perhaps. Which really saddens me.
Posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 21:47:49
In reply to Hannah and Sabina, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 19:35:38
Thank you so much, Dinah. It's really taken me by surprise these last few days how much this board means to me. Like the other day when I posted something about something-or-other, and you and Falls responded. I, who have such difficulty crying, just burst into tears when I realized that I had reached out and you reached back.
And now, things are so ugly that I fear I'm going to lose the one place where I feel like people understand what it's like to be me. I had no idea that I felt this way, but the idea of losing my safe place, and the idea that some people might not welcome and embrace me is really gut-wrenching.
I don't know, maybe it's that I'm starting my period that I feel so emotional. Or maybe it's that I've had several experiences over the last few days of feeling unwanted and like a misfit. Whatever it is, it's really painful and I feel so alone.
I feel kind of stupid for getting so worked up about a bunch of people I barely know, but you and so many other people have given me an incomprehensible amount of support and insight that I'm so grateful for. It's hard to communicate how a few kind words and gentle redirection have changed my life so much, but it's true. I don't think that I could be where I am in therapy (which is going much better now) if it weren't for your knowlege and encouragement.
I understand your current disillusionment with the board and Dr. Bob right now. I've felt stung a few times, myself, about other things. And I can't understand how this current situation has been allowed to happen. He's so careful to make sure people are civil, yet there has been so much biting sarcasm lately that it has me feeling afraid and unsafe. I know that there has been terrible, terrible anger and hurt, and the lashing out is understandable. But the banding together of some people, sort of gang-style, has me really flipped out. I guess it's because it reminds me so much of a similar situation I was in as a child where some girls at school were cruel and relentless in their ridicule and torture of me for over a year. The only difference is that I didn't do anything to deserve it. I kept begging and begging for their forgiveness for whatever mysterious thing I had done, but it just made things worse.
At least I think I'll be able to make something positive out of this whole board mess because it's brought that childhood experience to the surface and I've never dealt with it before. And I really need to.
Thank you so much for making a special effort to single me out for support. I sincerely needed that.
This must be terribly painful for you, too. You've got so much invested here--so much history with all of these people involved. Yet you seem to have kept a pretty straight head. You're angry and disillusioned, but still open to others' points of view, willing to consider forgiveness, and are able to empathize with everyone. I really admire your strength and courage in that. You are a remarkable woman and I feel privileged to share this board with you.
Hannah
P.S. Maybe I should make a public announcement, or maybe it's no big deal, but I feel like I want to tell you that Hannah is my daughter's name, not mine. My name is very distinctive and I'm terrified that my therapist is going to stumble across this board! There would be very little question about who I am! (Although I'm sure she'd recognize me anyway!) I hope it's not seen as deceitful--I think of it more as a "handle," like fallsfall. I hope you see it that way too. I just couldn't think of anything more creative when I registered.
Posted by fallsfall on October 7, 2003, at 21:59:04
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » Dinah, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 21:47:49
Hannah,
Even if others on the board are unreasonable, we can still meet here to help each other. It is hard to see posts, but not read them because you fear they will be hurtful - but I think it is worth the effort. We can still have our little lifeboat in the raging sea.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 22:03:14
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » Dinah, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 21:47:49
That means so much to me, Hannah. I was getting all ready to take a board break, and curl up and cry for a few days. (I'm sort of hormonal myself right now, too. That's been affecting me more than usual lately.) It helps a lot to hear that I helped you, in whatever small way, in your therapy. Psychological Babble is so special to me and I put an extra measure (perhaps too much) of myself into it. When I was trying to work out my therapy issues, it was so baffling to me. I read all I could and yet it still seemed like such a solitary struggle. This place was a revelation. And Psychological Babble has been terrific for me.
I was the designated picked on kid from sixth thru ninth grade, so I know what you mean. The frustration was immense. Nothing I did made any difference. Whatever choice in my behavior led to ridicule. And I couldn't manage the nonchalance that was the only true way out. It still affects my behaviors today, and is one of my recurring therapy themes.
No, of course I don't see your name as a deceit. My own name isn't Dinah, although I've begun to think of myself as much as Dinah as by my own name (which incidentally, I detest). That's one reason I rarely sign my posts. :) With Babble coming up frequently on search engines, it would be foolish to use your own name. I still get a shock when I look up transference or luvox and get my own posts as Dinah.
Thank you again for your post. It gave me a lift when I was feeling really down.
Dinah
Posted by Sabina on October 7, 2003, at 22:05:42
In reply to Hannah and Sabina, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 19:35:38
Thanks, Dinah. It's really cool of you to reach out to us especially during what I know is a very stressful time for you and many others here. I have extremely mixed feelings about all of this, the vast majority of which Hannah mentioned up beautifully above. When betrayal and mistrust enter an environment it spreads like a weed and annoys like chicken pox. The saddest thing is that it could have been prevented...in a number of ways. And now I've lost my sweet Chickle girl through the block she'd been predicting was imminent. I broke down and created a babble specific email account last month, also predicting such a day would come sooner or later. so you guys feel free to write me at sabina_babble at yahoo. and that means *any* of you guys who are disenchanted, want to rant, or talk...now or in the future. mind you, i'm not speaking to anyone who's wish and practice is to be cruel or disruptive to me personally. oh, and swearing is okay. ;)
Posted by Adia on October 7, 2003, at 22:08:32
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » Dinah, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 21:47:49
Dear Hannah,
just wanted to say that this place has come to mean a lot to me too and it is so sad to see what's happening and feel it is a bit unsafe at the moment...I too feel afraid of losing the safety I feel here?
I wanted to say that you can count on me (I know that's not much but all the same :-) )...You've given me so much in this time we've been here....
Falls and Dinah and others too...(THank you so much!!!) I feel so grateful ...
I've felt very safe here and understood.JUst wanted to reach out to you Hannah and let you know I hear your fear and I am here with you...
All my support,
Adia.> Thank you so much, Dinah. It's really taken me by surprise these last few days how much this board means to me. Like the other day when I posted something about something-or-other, and you and Falls responded. I, who have such difficulty crying, just burst into tears when I realized that I had reached out and you reached back.
>
> And now, things are so ugly that I fear I'm going to lose the one place where I feel like people understand what it's like to be me. I had no idea that I felt this way, but the idea of losing my safe place, and the idea that some people might not welcome and embrace me is really gut-wrenching.
>
> I don't know, maybe it's that I'm starting my period that I feel so emotional. Or maybe it's that I've had several experiences over the last few days of feeling unwanted and like a misfit. Whatever it is, it's really painful and I feel so alone.
>
> I feel kind of stupid for getting so worked up about a bunch of people I barely know, but you and so many other people have given me an incomprehensible amount of support and insight that I'm so grateful for. It's hard to communicate how a few kind words and gentle redirection have changed my life so much, but it's true. I don't think that I could be where I am in therapy (which is going much better now) if it weren't for your knowlege and encouragement.
>
> I understand your current disillusionment with the board and Dr. Bob right now. I've felt stung a few times, myself, about other things. And I can't understand how this current situation has been allowed to happen. He's so careful to make sure people are civil, yet there has been so much biting sarcasm lately that it has me feeling afraid and unsafe. I know that there has been terrible, terrible anger and hurt, and the lashing out is understandable. But the banding together of some people, sort of gang-style, has me really flipped out. I guess it's because it reminds me so much of a similar situation I was in as a child where some girls at school were cruel and relentless in their ridicule and torture of me for over a year. The only difference is that I didn't do anything to deserve it. I kept begging and begging for their forgiveness for whatever mysterious thing I had done, but it just made things worse.
>
> At least I think I'll be able to make something positive out of this whole board mess because it's brought that childhood experience to the surface and I've never dealt with it before. And I really need to.
>
> Thank you so much for making a special effort to single me out for support. I sincerely needed that.
>
> This must be terribly painful for you, too. You've got so much invested here--so much history with all of these people involved. Yet you seem to have kept a pretty straight head. You're angry and disillusioned, but still open to others' points of view, willing to consider forgiveness, and are able to empathize with everyone. I really admire your strength and courage in that. You are a remarkable woman and I feel privileged to share this board with you.
>
> Hannah
>
> P.S. Maybe I should make a public announcement, or maybe it's no big deal, but I feel like I want to tell you that Hannah is my daughter's name, not mine. My name is very distinctive and I'm terrified that my therapist is going to stumble across this board! There would be very little question about who I am! (Although I'm sure she'd recognize me anyway!) I hope it's not seen as deceitful--I think of it more as a "handle," like fallsfall. I hope you see it that way too. I just couldn't think of anything more creative when I registered.
Posted by Adia on October 7, 2003, at 22:14:57
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » HannahW, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 22:03:14
Oh Dinah!
In the little time I've been here you've been so supportive...Your sharing and acceptance meant so very much to me...and it helped so much in my therapy too...
I felt I was no longer alone with my feelings, all the confusion in therapy, my fears..You gave me lots of hope...
and I see how you care for this place and do so much to keep the harmony here. I am sure this must be hurting you terribly and I am so sorry.
Wish I could help...
Thank you for making me feel welcome, it's hard as a newcomer to start posting and feel safe and accepted...but you've made me feel very safe :o)
I am sorry this is happening, i wish there was something I could do to help...
Take special care of you,
Adia.
> That means so much to me, Hannah. I was getting all ready to take a board break, and curl up and cry for a few days. (I'm sort of hormonal myself right now, too. That's been affecting me more than usual lately.) It helps a lot to hear that I helped you, in whatever small way, in your therapy. Psychological Babble is so special to me and I put an extra measure (perhaps too much) of myself into it. When I was trying to work out my therapy issues, it was so baffling to me. I read all I could and yet it still seemed like such a solitary struggle. This place was a revelation. And Psychological Babble has been terrific for me.
>
> I was the designated picked on kid from sixth thru ninth grade, so I know what you mean. The frustration was immense. Nothing I did made any difference. Whatever choice in my behavior led to ridicule. And I couldn't manage the nonchalance that was the only true way out. It still affects my behaviors today, and is one of my recurring therapy themes.
>
> No, of course I don't see your name as a deceit. My own name isn't Dinah, although I've begun to think of myself as much as Dinah as by my own name (which incidentally, I detest). That's one reason I rarely sign my posts. :) With Babble coming up frequently on search engines, it would be foolish to use your own name. I still get a shock when I look up transference or luvox and get my own posts as Dinah.
>
> Thank you again for your post. It gave me a lift when I was feeling really down.
>
> Dinah
Posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 23:14:09
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » HannahW, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 22:03:14
> I'm sort of hormonal myself right now, too. That's been affecting me more than usual lately.
My ob/gyn put me on the pill every day of the month, so I don't usually have periods. But darn it, I ran out of pills before I got my script filled, and then it was too late. Now I have to have this period before I can start up again.
>It helps a lot to hear that I helped you, in whatever small way, in your therapy.
It was in no small way at all. I'm serious.
>Psychological Babble is so special to me and I put an extra measure (perhaps too much) of myself into it.
And thank goodness you do. Well, not the "too much" part.
> I was the designated picked on kid from sixth thru ninth grade, so I know what you mean. The frustration was immense.
Frustration is an interesting word to describe such an experience. That one's never even occurred to me because I was so caught up in the pain. Three years is a terribly long time (or was it four?). Was that all through middle school? How old are you now?
>Nothing I did made any difference. Whatever choice in my behavior led to ridicule. And I couldn't manage the nonchalance that was the only true way out. It still affects my behaviors today, and is one of my recurring therapy themes.
I still carry those deep scars too. I don't know that I can even call them scars, because they haven't healed over. Scabs, maybe, but not scars. And the Babble situation ripped off that scab, I think.
I eventually mastered the stone face, but it really didn't help. Or maybe at the time I couldn't keep it up for long enough. In any case, I'm an absolute master at it now, and it's sincerely screwing up my life. It's hard for me to be any other way. And if I can't show emotion, then people think I'm stand-offish and don't bond with me. It's the CENTRAL theme to my therapy right now. As much as it sucks, this really is a perfect opportunity to finally address the core reason for this defense mechanism. I've never told anyone about it except my husband. Isn't that stupid? I was the one abused, yet *I* feel ashamed.
>
> My own name isn't DinahLOL! That's hysterical! Here I was, imagining myself someday establishing a closer bond with someone from the board, finally telling them my real name, and having them being really upset with me for being dishonest!>
> Thank you again for your post. It gave me a lift when I was feeling really down.
It really gives me tremendous gratification that I can touch you. Oh, geez, here come the tears again....
Posted by Tabitha on October 8, 2003, at 14:54:50
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 23:14:09
My name isn't really Tabitha.
I have a little of that stone-face protection syndrome too. My brother was pretty mean all through my childhood, and at some point I learned the reaction that felt best was just ice. Show no pain, no anger. I still struggle with the belief that showing emotional reaction somehow makes me 'less' than the person triggering it.
I felt bad to see you and Adia getting affected by the conflict stuff here. I hope I didn't contribute to the unsafe feeling-- and if I did I apologize. If it's any help, I can tell you that this place goes through cycles-- it'll be peaceful for a while, then a big controversy gets stirred up, you think the whole place is going to crumble, then eventually it dies down again. Sometimes you just have to hunker down and wait, or stick to the safer boards for a time.
I'm glad you're here.
Posted by HannahW on October 8, 2003, at 15:05:17
In reply to Re: Pssst! Hannah! » HannahW, posted by Tabitha on October 8, 2003, at 14:54:50
> My name isn't really Tabitha.
This is killing me! (In a laughing, good way!) What made you choose Tabitha? Or can you say?
>
> I still struggle with the belief that showing emotional reaction somehow makes me 'less' than the person triggering it.That's a really good way of describing it. I've thought about it in terms of not wanting to give the person power. If someone can make me feel an emotion, they have power over me, and I don't give away that kind of power lightly.
>
> I felt bad to see you and Adia getting affected by the conflict stuff here. I hope I didn't contribute to the unsafe feeling-- and if I did I apologize.Thank you. I honestly can't remember who the people were (with the exception of one.) I'm going to try not to look at those posts again and enjoy the ignorance. Then I can carry forth with relationships with people, and forget all about the things they said.>
> I'm glad you're here.
That really, really means a lot to me. Thank you.
Love,
"Hannah" :)
Posted by Tabitha on October 8, 2003, at 15:24:18
In reply to Re: Pssst! Hannah! » Tabitha, posted by HannahW on October 8, 2003, at 15:05:17
Posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2003, at 17:57:07
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 23:14:09
Fallsfall isn't my name, either.
Posted by HannahW on October 8, 2003, at 18:29:18
In reply to Re: Pssst! Hannah! » HannahW, posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2003, at 17:57:07
See? And you're darned funny too!
:)
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2003, at 18:33:10
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » Dinah, posted by Adia on October 7, 2003, at 22:14:57
I'm sorry, Adia. I should have mentioned you too.
You know, you've helped me more than you could possibly realize. Other people and their therapists come to my sessions with me. When someone's therapist has done something untherapeutic, I get mad at my therapist. When someone's therapist has scared them, I get scared with my therapist. He thinks it's both amusing and a really good chance to explore transference in its purest form.
When you were afraid of what would happen with your therapist, I used your dilemma to talk to my therapist about my fears and then about overall themes in my life.
So you've helped me a whole lot.
Dinah
This is the end of the thread.
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