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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
I had to leave my husband, for the last time. He has anger management problems and never takes his Paxil like he's supposed to. And when he doesn't, he doesn't love me. My husband only loves me on anti-depressants. It was SO HARD to say goodbye to his 4-year-old girl. I've been doing NOTHING but crying. I went back to my house, which has been abandoned since my last renter was $1,800 behind. The grass/weeds are up to my waist, there's no power back on yet, and my 2 pomeranian puppies and myself spent the night there. No lights, no furniture. And the last renter (I think) has been doing stuff to the outside of the house, like super-gluing the doors closed and knocking my mailbox over. I had to leave 2 windows cracked (no fence yet) when I went to work so my puppies could get fresh air in the house. I'm so scared he's going to poison them or steal them. I couldn't handle that right now. Life HURTS. I work with the soon-to-be-ex and he keeps sending me messages. Mean messages. I'm tired tired tired.
Posted by kara lynne on September 29, 2003, at 15:13:53
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
Kim Di,
I had no idea you were going through such a tough time. A huge cheer for your taking action on the side of yourself and your life--and your two sweet pomeranians. I know this is the hardest part but you have done it. You have taken the most difficult step, and now you will find support for it--as I did.Can you have a friend check on the puppies while you're at work? Call on everyone you can right now, for physical and emotional support-- it's essential that you have it. You sound like a great person and a good friend and I'm sure people would be happy to help you. I know it's so much harder to function when you're tired and drained from all of this. Try to rest when you can and get a few minutes to center and breathe.
Take it one minute at a time. If your husband sees that you won't tolerate his behavior maybe it will be the impetus for him to change. And if he doesn't it is the chance for you to have a new life, without the tyranny of his anger. It's probably hard to hear this from me because I've had such a tenuous hold on a similar situation, but hearing your story gives me strength as well.
I'll be sending love and good thoughts your way.
Kara
Posted by oeps7 on September 29, 2003, at 15:16:23
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
Kim Di,
I as sorry about what you're going through. If your husband has anger management issues maybe it is better that you are away from him. I hope he is not abusive to you because no one deserves to be treated that way. Please stay strong and know that there are people on this board to lean on for support. Are you talking to your therapist?
Take Care,
Mary
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2003, at 16:15:36
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
I'm sorry for the pain you're in, but it sounds as if you made the right decision. Is there a local support group you can turn to? This is a difficult time, and you might need some practical help.
Is it your ex-renter that you're afraid will hurt your Poms? The power should be back on soon so that you and your dogs will be safe. But in the meantime, is there family or friends who can check on you? And you might need some legal advice as well.
Good luck, and take it one moment at a time. Things can seem overwhelming if you look too far ahead.
Posted by Emme on September 29, 2003, at 17:47:06
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
Good grief. This is a terrible amount of stress/grief/misery for you to deal with. I hope you have some support system there to help you. And I do hope that you and your dogs will be safe. It sounds like you did the right thing getting away from someone with anger management problems. I just wish you had someplace more hospitable to go to. Take it one hour at a time and don't forget to breathe (as a friend used to tell me when life got tough).
Emme
Posted by octopusprime on September 29, 2003, at 22:44:51
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
KimberlyDi - I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Your soon-to-be-ex is not making things easier by leaving mean messages for you. Is it possible to block his messages even if you work in the same place? Do you have a trusted friend at work that can help you avoid him and keep him away from you until you get your bearings? I understand that you will need to contact your ex for the sake of your child, you might need help to set the boundaries of communication. Is there an Employee Assistance Program that can help you?
The other posters also have great advice and a supportive shoulder to cry on. You're not alone. I will ask the universal powers that be for a relief to your suffering and strength to carry you through.
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 30, 2003, at 6:34:40
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
That flood of support had me bawling this morning at work. 3:00am at work. God Bless you all.
Update: Couldn't get a cell phone because I had to stop my payment agreement on hospital bills the %^(^#$@#$&^!!!! insurance wouldn't pay and it all showed up as recent bad marks. Anyways, the cell phone company wanted to charge me a $750.00 deposit. Curses on them!!!!! <deep breath>
My puppies are okay so far and we all slept together on the floor.
At work, I had to go to my supervisor and ask for help. He's spoken with the owner and my soon-to-be-ex-hubby (STBEH). All help requests routed thru Supervisor. No emails to me allowed. STBEH has calmed down, for now. He goes in cycles of silence, calm, rage and threats, silence, pain and tears, repeat. I've never pushed him past 2 cycles before. I don't know if it escalates or abates.
I relapsed briefly with my drinking problem, not a huge surprise, but I think I'll be ok now. I'm seeing my pdoc today at 4:00 and I'm going to ask her for something extra, just for 4 days, to help me calm down at work, and sleep at night.
Electricity will be on today! hurrah!
It's early and I'm here at work. He calls me on the work phone because there's no one else here to answer the phone and he knows I have to. "Is there any way we can work this out?" I'm afraid to say no because then he rages that I must be having an affair. I tell him that there's a 30 or 60 day waiting period for a divorce for just that purpose. Let people think it over.
Gotta go. He's heading into work and now my stomach is tied up in knots.
Thanks again
KDi in Texas
Posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 6:52:02
In reply to Thank you everyone. Warning: semi-long, posted by KimberlyDi on September 30, 2003, at 6:34:40
You are doing a great job. And things are starting to settle into place (electricity is huge!). Talking to your supervisor was an excellent idea. Clearly he wants to you be able to function at work (and so do you). I think that STBEH's call this morning on the work phone violated the spirit of the supervisor's guidelines.
Keeping your own space so that you can think is so important right now.
Best of luck
Posted by oeps7 on September 30, 2003, at 10:09:17
In reply to Re: Thank you everyone. Warning: semi-long » KimberlyDi, posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 6:52:02
KimDi,
Please stay safe. You sound okay. The electricity is a plus, your two dogs sound wonderful.
Stay strong with the drinking problem - I know how that goes. I am glad you are going to your pdoc - make sure you tell her/him about your relapse that is important also tell her/him the full story of your husband's violent behavior - be careful. He sounds like he needs help - do not be a target of his behavior.
Mary
Posted by Sabina on September 30, 2003, at 22:47:06
In reply to Thank you everyone. Warning: semi-long, posted by KimberlyDi on September 30, 2003, at 6:34:40
i'm so glad to hear you're safe and hopeful today. i was just too much of a mess to write before. i will say that i also stuggled through a similar situation at one point and that Sprint will still give you a phone even if you have marks against your credit. they did so with me and only set a spending/overdraft limit on my account.
i'm glad you have your pups with you. i'm sure they're glad to be with you, too!
good luck and keep us posted. ((((((KDi)))))
Posted by madwand on October 1, 2003, at 17:24:49
In reply to I HURT I HURT I HURT I HURT, posted by KimberlyDi on September 29, 2003, at 9:25:58
Kimberly,
If this helps any, the paradoxical thing about leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is that one still grieves for it. When that happened to me I couldn't understand it -- I was supposed to be happy to be free of it.
Later I realized what was going on. There was a part of me that held onto that picture of what I had *wanted* the relationship to be like, even though I had been thoroughly reminded that that would not happen. Letting go of the relationship made that "real" in a very intense way. So my mourning the loss of the relationship was really my long-delayed mourning of the relationship that never was.
At least that is how it was for me, so I offer it up for what its worth -- I hope it helps a bit (although it might make more sense later when you are away from the first onslaught).
Be kind to yourself.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 1, 2003, at 18:03:31
In reply to Thank you everyone. Warning: semi-long, posted by KimberlyDi on September 30, 2003, at 6:34:40
[Posted by lioness on September 30, 2003, at 19:54:08]
> You sound like a very strong person. You should be proud that you are able to put your own safety and well being first. I agree with the person who said you may need legal advice, in regard to not only your former tenant harrassing you, but also your almost ex continues to harrass you. He tries to keep you engaged and involved in the abusive dance. You continue to be abused as you fear his reaction if do not do/say what he wants. I do not know how you can avoid him altogether as you work in the same place...that is tricky. I think you made a great decision in leaving an abusive, destructive relationship. I know it was not an easy decision, but those are usually the ones of greatest consequence.
> Wishing you love and support through these tough times and beyond.
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