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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on September 12, 2003, at 0:30:56
..Or leave your bed?
That sums it up so well for me...I have gone into 'hibernation' (ya..a 10 year hibernation!)...and I know much of it has to do with my horrid level of self confidence, and a rather bleak view of people and the world. I am very nihilistic, in that I have a dark view of the way people treat each other, their kids (d*** lucky they have a child..sorry...but I, uh, have some issues with that..). Everything is about selfish materialism, and there is this streak of anti-intellectualism, like people can't see outside of their own little worlds and neighborhoods. But..I can guarantee there are others like me on here, obviously. We've switched around a few meds to strike that 'balance' between all of the anxiety and depression. I do know the only way I can continue to fight social injustice is to getting myself feeling better. I left the house today for the first time in a week and a half...and of course it was to go to the doctor..heh. Never mind a career, dating, socializing...but ya I do gotta mind it, get myself back into the land of the living...and the land of the loving. "When??? Soon..!!...When is soon?"..heh. So, I bury myself in books and music, the only expressions that give me artistic happiness. Since I read the paper(s) each day, I have no use for a television, as most of what is on it is s***. (IMHO). I've got the band 'Coldplay's song 'The Scientist' playing, and man, deep, dark...and sad. My sweet aunt died yesterday of pneumonia...but she had terrible Alzheimer's disease, and was so lost and painfully confused, that I know she is now at peace. My poor father...that was his sister who died..and he has also been deeply depressed, and confided in me today that he seriously wanted to end his life in the past few weeks. So, I gotta be there for him...and he knows we need each other deeply, and I think that has been what has stopped either of us from ending it all. He really is my best friend. As dark as everything seems, that is truly a candle in the darkest hour.
Well..I'll shut up now...
Peace, always and forever,
Jay
Posted by octopusprime on September 12, 2003, at 10:57:47
In reply to Anyone on here who can't even leave the house??, posted by jay on September 12, 2003, at 0:30:56
Jay, I am very sorry for your loss. Even when death is expected, and signifies the end of suffering, it's still heartwrenching and bleak.
Please take care of yourself in your time of loss. Call on your family and friends to help your father, if you can. It's hard to be there for somebody 100% of the time when you are in pain, even if it is somebody that you love dearly.
Boy, do I hear you about social injustice and narrow world views. I remember, before I got depressed, I used to volunteer for a political party that had social justice as one of its founding core values. I went door-to-door during an election campaign, trying to get people to care and to listen. They would slam the door on me because Survivor was on! The nerve of some people.
I know how much energy it takes to fight the good fight, and how hard it is to do when you're feeling low. Please be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much. Maybe in time you will surprise yourself. There is something in facing death that made me personally want to rejoin the land of the living. In a time of sorrow we can grow and change in the most impressive ways.
Peace.
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 12, 2003, at 19:15:06
In reply to Anyone on here who can't even leave the house??, posted by jay on September 12, 2003, at 0:30:56
jay .it is so easy to miss the people we are looking for...
i thought you were going in a day program soon in hamilton?
week two for me...desided i was in the wrong place
(heard their mindless chatter about me)
jay i am so ...different...and cant seem to intergrate with the others..but dont want to because i am not "small,petty,..realistic?"
i would love to quote "poe" now...about people like us who feel so much more than others..but yet not"mad"..?
jay ..do your duties...be there because they need you...
dont ever forget there are people out there that would,will, be thrilled to just to converse with you....
j
This is the end of the thread.
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