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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
I go through all this work to not be socially phobic, and make so many attempts to be outgoing, then someone who has known me for only 2 weeks, (suite mate in dorm) was saying to me how he thinks I'm quiet. He didnt mean it in an insulting way, just matter of factly. And all he does is play Warcraft 24/7. Ruined the rest of my day. Maybe I really do just want to be left alone. I dont get it. A couple people who know me well say I'm real shy, and that Id rather be alone. When people say that they might as well give me a sword to fall onto. all I can do is type it here and hope someone else understands. Days left until pdoc intake appointment: 10
Posted by Dinah on September 7, 2003, at 1:14:15
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
Sometimes those off the cuff remarks hurt. Keep counting down the days.
Is it possible you are an introvert by nature? Have you taken the Briggs Meyers personality test? It and some other personality tests are available online. Maybe you'd like to get to know yourself a bit better while you wait.
Being an introvert is a perfectly legitimate personality style, although not widely understood in our society. Basically, an introvert "recharges" by being alone, while an extrovert draws strength from being with others. Neither way is inherently better than the other.
But in either case, if social phobia is keeping you from living your life as fully as you would like, the pdoc should be able to help you. Pdoc appointment is in only ten days.
P.S. I'm assuming from what you've written that you're in college. School life is rough in some ways. Hang in there.
Posted by fallsfall on September 7, 2003, at 7:27:24
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
I agree with Dinah that it is not necessarily a bad thing to be "quiet". It sounds like you are making a real effort to be social, and it sounds to me like you think that you have done a pretty good job at it. Can I guess that this guy doesn't know how quiet/loud you have been in the past? Or how quiet you would rather be? Everything is relative. If you are working on it and doing the best that you can, then I'd say you are doing fine. And the cavalry comes in 10 days. Good luck
Posted by Sebastian on September 7, 2003, at 10:53:05
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
You must be having a hard time getting into the dorm life?!
Don't try to be outgoing. Just let it happen if it does, don't let it worry you one way or the other.?!
Posted by kara lynne on September 7, 2003, at 16:24:19
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
Hi Nolan,
I hated college. I was the only person who brought her food back from the cafeteria into the dorm room to eat by herself.I would infinitely prefer talking to a thoughtful, quiet man than one who plays War-anything 24/7. I understand about the quiet thing too; sometimes people make that assumption about me when actually I just don't feel like participating in whatever it is *they* are doing. It's very hard for me to put on acts, but if people are talking about real things I'm right there. It's not that I am A Quiet Person, as diagnosed in the DSM whatever.
I'm sure you have a lot to give. Do you like reading, or art or music? It's a shame we have to put labels on people because we don't understand and honor the complexities of being human.
As I am always saying, I wish I could find more people from my planet!
You will find yours. Take care.
Posted by Sebastian on September 7, 2003, at 16:57:32
In reply to Re: youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by kara lynne on September 7, 2003, at 16:24:19
Ya! I never made many friends in collage, but at least I got good grades! Now I have a job and they don't, ha ha! No realy I spent a lot of time just avoiding people. I would eat in my car, go home for lunch, spend lots of time studying in the library or where ever. Never realy felt the need to talk to people because what I was doing was more important. Getting good grades to prepare for a rough job market.
Seb
Posted by janejj on September 7, 2003, at 17:22:17
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
Hey there,
You are doing really well by just making an effort, don't let someones off the cuff remark affect you!!
I don't know how old you are, but I assuming that you may be in your late teens early twenties. Confidence definitely increaes as you get older!
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, however alot of people will get the wrong impression and think that you're a snob cos you don't talk to them. Anyway there are advantages to being in introvert and an extrovert, and it takes all of us to make up life! Extroverts probably have an easier time though, especially when it comes to getting jobs.
Good luck and please don't be upset!
Janejj
Posted by Liligoth on September 7, 2003, at 20:13:11
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
hi Nolan,
it's only as I have got much older that I have developed some ability to communicate with other humans. Also Ive learnt to accept that being mostly silent & asocial is who I am & if it bothers other people that's their problem not mine. When I went to uni after high school it was torture trying to be friendly & sociable. Like someone else said in the replies to this thread: dont try to force it if it doesnt come naturally. I know it's hard now & people's comments hurt.
Posted by Susan J on September 8, 2003, at 12:32:39
In reply to youre kind of a quiet guy, posted by Nolan on September 6, 2003, at 23:34:00
Nolan,
> I go through all this work to not be socially phobic, and make so many attempts to be outgoing, then someone who has known me for only 2 weeks, (suite mate in dorm) was saying to me how he thinks I'm quiet.
<<I know what it's like when a supposedly innocuous comment busts you down. Sorry it hurts so much. But it *does* sound like you are doing a great job at trying to be outgoing. I'm introverted by nature myself, but I do have times I really crave human contact. That's the only time being an introvert hurts me. Otherwise, it's pretty darned cool. If I go to the movies by myself, there's no one next to me to ask stupid questions. And there's no one to dog the movie afterward that I just loved to death. And there are plenty of times when reading a book alone at lunch is infinitely more entertaining that listening to a bunch of shallowheaded knuckleheads talk about their goofy days. :-)So, it *is* OK if you want to be alone. And it's OK if you want tons of friends, or just a small group of good friends. And it's totally OK if you are not quite sure exactly what you want quite yet.
Attempting to be outgoing is great, too, because it helps you to develop the social skills you'll need if/when you want company.
And nothing is *ever* easy when school starts...
Good luck with everything.Susan
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