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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 21, 2003, at 17:53:15
I'm sick of being poor. I'm sick of leading a pointless life. I'm sick of being looked down upon by normal people. I'm sick of the fact that my university won't take me back. I'm sick of Medicaid... or should that be Medican't? I'm sick of being lied to. I'm sick of America. OMFG, I am sick of America.
No, this is not a suicide note. I just plain give up. A life that's not worthwhile is logically not worth living.
I wish all of you (those who have been kind anyway) all the best in life.
I would tell you that I love you all... but I'm afraid I no longer believe in love. Or any emotion for that matter, other than pure heartbreak, disappointment, indifference, and hatred. Well... perhaps not hatred. But only because one has to love in order to hate.
I would send each and every one of you every last iota of positive energy I have left in me, except that there is no positive energy left, and I've completely lost my faith.
All I have now is hope -- hope that when it's my time to go, there's nothing left after that. Perhaps if that worthless thing I used to call a "soul" actually existed, and if it were to die along with my body, then I could actually be happy. One can only hope.
Farewell to all,
Michael
Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 19:19:56
In reply to Too late for me, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 21, 2003, at 17:53:15
Michael,
It sounds like you have been beaten down too many times. It is so hard to keep getting up when there doesn't seem to be anything to get up for. It sounds like you are flat, emotionally, so that it is impossible to care.
I know that there was a time when I thought that things could not possibly get any better. Much to my surprise, however, I now see some possibilities and hope.
I wish you the best. The Babble boards will be here for you when you need them.
Posted by Sabina on August 21, 2003, at 19:58:10
In reply to Too late for me, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 21, 2003, at 17:53:15
i don't know if it will make any difference to you, but i'll tell you what's weird and amazing here to me: my perception of you has been one of this super positive, popular kind of guy here on the boards. you've made so many posts that have obviously helped so many people. you're always amazingly thorough and helpful.
i would think it would feel so good to have people saying things like, "you are the best!!!"
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030818/msgs/252751.html
to me, but i guess that's because i don't know what that's like. do you realize what a positive impact your words have had to so many people here?
obviously, though, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have problems so i guess it is possible for one to receive praise, complements, and positive feedback from one's peers and *still* be hopeless and miserable.
have you, by any chance, just crashed *hard* from a really productive period (a.k.a., just a trifle hypomanic)? i know you said you've had enough, and i'm so sorry for that. i know that feeling all too well.
i hope you will bounce back enough to keep posting. if not, i hope you will seek support elsewhere. i'm sure that whatever happens, you will continue being a wonderful, positive influence to those who you meet wherever you go. that's just your way.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:01:12
In reply to Too late for me, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 21, 2003, at 17:53:15
Although I know it feels like it can be sometimes.
Michael, did something happen?
You've been so helpful in your time here on the board, with helping Dr. Bob on the herb tips. It would seem hard to believe that your life is pointless. I wonder why it is that those who seem to offer the most, in the most unselfish ways, are also those who feel their lives are pointless.
If something did happen to hurt you, would it help to talk about it? Or do you tend to have mood cycling like I do? At the bottom of the cycles things seem pretty hopeless.
We're here if you want to talk.
Dinah
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 22, 2003, at 11:32:57
In reply to Re: Never too late » Ame Sans Vie, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:01:12
Thank you all so much for responding with such kind words. Things are better now. :-)
I'm just the type of person who tends to let anger/disappoint/etc build and build and build until the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back comes along... and I just snap. That's what happened yesterday. If I told you what it was that happened though, you'd surely laugh, lol (though if you *really* want to know, I suppose I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh, lol). It really is ridiculous in retrospect, but to me it was a pretty big deal.
I was having a big fight with my mom when I posted that as well... and I just hate fighting with her, so that was just the icing on the cake.
Once again, I can't thank you enough -- fallsfall, Sabina, and Dinah -- for being so kind to me and helping me to realize that maybe I *do* having something to offer. You'll never know how big a help that was to me.
Brightest blessings,
MichaelP.S. As for Sabina's suggestion that to seek support elsewhere, *never*!! lol I love these boards and all of the people on them (well, most of them anyway, heh) and I'd never leave... though I know my post yesterday sure made it seem like I was going to. I hope to still be "Babbling" at 90 years old. :-D
Posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 12:23:56
In reply to Re: Never too late, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 22, 2003, at 11:32:57
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2003, at 13:36:24
In reply to Re: Never too late, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 22, 2003, at 11:32:57
Hmmm, sounds perfectly normal to me. :) I too try to be reasonable and calm and then just melt down. And my meltdowns are usually directed at myself and involve suicidal ideation or self injury urges.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 25, 2003, at 16:06:38
In reply to Re: Never too late, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 22, 2003, at 11:32:57
Well thank goodness. I've always enjoyed reading your posts and pondering the different insights that you leave me with. I'm glad you... vented? expressed your depressed feelings? I had a temp relapse of depression this weekend and had no outlet (my computer is at work). But here I am, wondering today at the changes in my life, how I feel more alive.
Glad you are sticking around. :)
KDi in Texas
> Thank you all so much for responding with such kind words. Things are better now. :-)
>
> I'm just the type of person who tends to let anger/disappoint/etc build and build and build until the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back comes along... and I just snap. That's what happened yesterday. If I told you what it was that happened though, you'd surely laugh, lol (though if you *really* want to know, I suppose I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh, lol). It really is ridiculous in retrospect, but to me it was a pretty big deal.
>
> I was having a big fight with my mom when I posted that as well... and I just hate fighting with her, so that was just the icing on the cake.
>
> Once again, I can't thank you enough -- fallsfall, Sabina, and Dinah -- for being so kind to me and helping me to realize that maybe I *do* having something to offer. You'll never know how big a help that was to me.
>
> Brightest blessings,
> Michael
>
> P.S. As for Sabina's suggestion that to seek support elsewhere, *never*!! lol I love these boards and all of the people on them (well, most of them anyway, heh) and I'd never leave... though I know my post yesterday sure made it seem like I was going to. I hope to still be "Babbling" at 90 years old. :-D
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 26, 2003, at 2:26:27
In reply to Re: Never too late » Ame Sans Vie, posted by KimberlyDi on August 25, 2003, at 16:06:38
I'm really glad you enjoy my posts, as I really enjoy writing them. :-)
By the way, would you mind if I ask what part of Texas you're from? Just wondering because I live in Beaumont.
~~Michael
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 26, 2003, at 15:33:07
In reply to Re: Never too late » KimberlyDi, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 26, 2003, at 2:26:27
This is the end of the thread.
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