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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by noa on June 25, 2003, at 21:41:26
I feel a bit odd starting a thread, with all the tension here lately, but here goes.
Well, today was the last day of work for the folks who were let go. It was very sad. I got up this morning and decided to buy flowers for the people in my dept. who are leaving--1 retiring and 2 who lost their jobs. I was running quite late, which turned out to be good because I stopped at a store that doesn't open til 8 am. They don't always have flowers, but I figured I try them first because sometimes they do and it is an easy in and out kind of store. Well, today they had a huge bucket full of bunches of gorgeous sunflowers!! I have seen sunflowers in gardens and growing en mass in farmers' fields but I'd never seen them as cut flowers (except in the movie, "Dr. Zhivago"). They were perfect--big, bold, proud, bright, gorgeous. They were a hit with the people I gave them to and with others who saw them.
I also had my meeting with senior supervisor. I *think* I was able to get her to understand my pov, but I'm never entirely sure. It was not an easy meeting, but not a terrible one, either. But it was so clear that she and I just don't understand each other a lot. Literally. She was saying some things that I clearly didn't understand and she had to keep clarifying and vice versa. From now on I am going to start assuming I am not understanding her correctly and ask for her to explain more before responding.
I got emotional, but my language and thinking brain hung around well enough to get through it. I do not know what to do about my amygdala. Really. I seem unable to control getting emotional when in these confrontational discussions.
And then the tears, of course when my team-mate left. Sigh. It was sad. But, the good thing is that she has a second interview tomorrow and it sounds like a good job. Now I'm a bit envious, ironically!
She had a few of us over for dinner last night which was really wonderful. And yesterday, I attended a professional meeting which was good for me--stimulated my brain and I talked with some interesting people, and made a few contacts. Nothing that will lead to any kind of immediate opportunities, but at least a kind of opening to develop the contacts further. We'll see. And, funny thing--I saw my upstairs neighbor at this conference! I had no idea (and I'm sure she had none, either) that our professional worlds overlap! Small world.
Posted by tina on June 25, 2003, at 22:04:59
In reply to Sad, emotional day at the office, posted by noa on June 25, 2003, at 21:41:26
Sad emotional day but it seems like it ended on a high note Noa. I'm sorry to hear about the people leaving. I know what it's like when you get comfortable with people in your life and then they go away. I hope your friend gets a great job and maybe she can get you a spot too :)
I think you handled it all very well and at the very least, you have a better grasp on the dynamic between you and your supervisor.
sending hugs
tina
Posted by Tabitha on June 26, 2003, at 0:29:58
In reply to Sad, emotional day at the office, posted by noa on June 25, 2003, at 21:41:26
I love cut sunflowers. They wilt very gracefully too, their big heavy heads just bow deeper and deeper every day.
One idea about the supervisor, did you ever think of just deciding you're not really going to respond right away when you have these discussions? Then you don't have to deal with all the frustrations at once-- listening to her, figuring out a response, and trying to get your response past her misconceptions. You can just listen now, then respond later. I tried that once with a volatile discussion and I felt calmer just knowing I only had to listen right then.
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2003, at 2:56:33
In reply to Sad, emotional day at the office, posted by noa on June 25, 2003, at 21:41:26
But it sounds like you handled it beautifully. :)
I have the same problem with confrontations. I avoid whenever possible then break into tears. If you avoided that, you did well. Why are we cursed with those flaming amygdalas? Everyone gives me great advice about laughing it off, or not showing it bothers me, and I'm completely incapable of following it. Given your flaming amygdala, it sounds as if you did a stellar job and learned some things that might make it easier to work with her.
And as my husband often says about layoffs, "The retained shall envy the released."
Posted by Deb R on June 26, 2003, at 9:06:04
In reply to Sad, emotional day at the office, posted by noa on June 25, 2003, at 21:41:26
Hi Noa,
I remember seeing a huge paddock (field) of sunflowers one morning, all facing the sun.....later in the day when we were on our way back they were still facing the sun - had moved around following it - I didnt realise they did that! Sunflowers are so beautiful, what a lovely flower to give to your workmates.
Deb.
Posted by noa on June 26, 2003, at 22:11:07
In reply to Re: Sad, emotional day at the office, posted by Tabitha on June 26, 2003, at 0:29:58
Yes, in fact that is how I handled the first meeting about the sick days. Which is why we had to have another meeting about it--to follow up.
Posted by Tabitha on June 27, 2003, at 2:56:04
In reply to Re: Sad, emotional day at the office » Tabitha, posted by noa on June 26, 2003, at 22:11:07
wow, I remember that now. Maybe I got the idea from you without even realizing? it's coming back... the old memory works in strange ways.
This is the end of the thread.
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