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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 20:27:05
Hi All- I'm in the process of grieving my mother's death. She died April 8 after being diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer in November. From November to April, I basically just did what I could to get through the day as I watched her die. It was the hardest time of my life, with the exception of depression which is hard in a different way. For months there was no good news- it was the cancer has spread really far, the treatment's not working, she has six months to live. Nothing good happened. And then she died (God- I can't believe it's only been six weeks).
Anyway, over the last two days two good things have happened to me that made me happy. I was happy for like 5 minutes and then became extremely anxious. I'll give you an example. I'm in grad school and was freaking out because I'm running out of money but I want to take classes this summer to get through my classes faster. I thought I was going to have to get a job but I found out today that my financial aid package will cover me throught the summer so I can just focus on school. I was so relieved and happy.... for about 5 minutes and then I had a total panic attack and had to take an Ativan. This is the second time this has happened in as many days. It's like my brain, after six months of non-stop tragic news, can no longer handle good news. Does any of this make sense? Is it normal?
I remember this happening to me when I went through my initial experience with depression- I was incredibly depressed and I started meds and a few weeks down the line I had a pretty good day relatively speaking so I decided to treat myself and buy a bottle of perfume. I was happy for about five minutes and then had a huge panic attack. Has anyone else experienced this or am I insane?
Posted by monkeypaw on May 22, 2003, at 20:51:32
In reply to Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 20:27:05
Eight years ago this past Monday my Mom died. Aboout two weeks later I began taking Ativan. I have taken myself off of it many times, but find that I do a whole lot better with it. You are as normal as I. Hope this makes sense. I thought that there would never be a time when it would be alright to be happy. Your loss is fresh. I am sure that it hurts so bad. I know it does. The only thing that I can tell you is that I felt bad for moments of happiness. Why should I be happy my Mom is dead? This to shall pass. Try to remember what a great person she was. She had to have been or you would not feel the way you do. My Mom leaving me was not in the plans. But I still miss her as much as I ever did and have. Yet somewhere somehow peace came. It will come. Stop being so hard on yourself. Miss her. Lover her. She would not want you to be unhappy. Give yourself time to heal. You know the professionals say that it is normal to grieve over a loved one that was close for a whole lot longer that than we could even imagine that we could survive that long. So be patient. Take care of yourself and try to remember that she iss still will you. She is just in a position to assure that you do better than better.
Posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 21:01:34
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by monkeypaw on May 22, 2003, at 20:51:32
Thanks Monkeypaw- It just seems like ever since my mom died my brain has been relentlessly pulling dirty tricks on me. It's really hard. I'm trying to grieve but my brain keeps getting in the way. I'm so sorry about your loss- losing your mom is so hard. I miss my mom so much and it seems like every time I take a baby step towards getting back into the swing of things, I become extremely anxious. Maybe I'm just not ready. Thank you for your kind words and reassuring me that peace will come. Peace seems really far away right now.
Posted by monkeypaw on May 22, 2003, at 21:59:45
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks? » monkeypaw, posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 21:01:34
Stop. I will not beat around the bush. Your brain will get in the way. It is a normal path or stage that you will go through. The loss of of mother to a daughter seems to be harder than most. Although i have never lost a child. I think that could be worse. Your brain will test you. Use the old trick and scream to yourselrf STOP. I have found that is does work. Stop being so hard on yourself. You could not have done anything that would have changed this. If i can help in anyway please let me know. if you believe in god that my take you to where you need to be, if you don't then you will find where you need to be. You have not even remotely given yourself enough time to try and make sense of this.l However i have found it never will maake sense. Time will make it eassssier. Please excccuse the typos. I hate to fix things. I thinks my keys may be sticking. if i can help please i am willing in anyway i can.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 23, 2003, at 21:29:01
In reply to Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 20:27:05
has anyone told you have brave and level headed you hve been?
keep that beautiful chin up and smiling....
you are what i wan t to be ...
j
Posted by noa on May 23, 2003, at 23:19:58
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by monkeypaw on May 22, 2003, at 21:59:45
I am so sorry, babs.
Posted by babs on May 24, 2003, at 10:42:18
In reply to Re: Happiness is a warm gun... » babs, posted by justyourlaugh on May 23, 2003, at 21:29:01
Thanks JYL- you almost made me cry! What you siad was vey sweet.
Posted by babs on May 24, 2003, at 10:44:39
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by noa on May 23, 2003, at 23:19:58
Thank you Noa. It helps to know that people on this board care. You have responded to several of my posts in such a kind manner. You are a good person.
Posted by whiterabbit on May 24, 2003, at 19:17:35
In reply to Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by babs on May 22, 2003, at 20:27:05
Babs-
I don't know how to explain this right now, maybe you know it already. Your mom is watching out for you. The next time you're upset, say, "Mom, I need your help." And talk to her.
If you're quiet inside and you really pay attention, you'll get a sign that she can hear you...something will happen so you'll know.
-Gracie
Posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 17:52:05
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by whiterabbit on May 24, 2003, at 19:17:35
Gracie- Thank you. That's what I'm struggling with so much right now- I want to believe that she is watching out for me, I do believe it but I can't feel it. Does that make sense? Right now she feels so far away. My obsessing has gotten so bad I feel like I'm not even grieving. I'm too busy obsessing. It's so hard.
Posted by whiterabbit on May 26, 2003, at 21:43:03
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks? » whiterabbit, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 17:52:05
Babs-
Right now you might not be "receptive" to your mom because your brain has shut down those avenues of thought, and you're obsessing about your boyfriend instead. This is a self-protective mechanism employed by the mind when we're traumatized - your subconcious has locked onto something less painful for you to deal with. Pretty amazing huh.When you're ready, I strongly urge you to read "One Last Time" by John Edward. This guy is the only psychic medium that I've ever believed in - his show "Crossing Over" is just amazing, and has helped me deal with losing my brother and my aunt, who was like my own mom. I talk to them and I know they hear me, and they've helped me...I imagine that my faith in this is so strong because of all I've been through in the last few years, it's a miracle that I'm still here myself. And not out of the woods yet! My husband is leaving me after 20 years, but I handled all that other crap and I'll handle this too somehow. I've got my brother and my aunt AND my grandmother to look out for me, and we're talking about some strong personalities in that group. (Call me crazy...big deal, you should hear what my husband calls me.)
Oops gotta run-
Gracie
Posted by babs on May 27, 2003, at 10:44:53
In reply to Re: Happiness leads to panic attacks?, posted by whiterabbit on May 26, 2003, at 21:43:03
Thanks Gracie- you hang in there. And no you're not crazy- you sound more sane and strong than most people I know. Peace, babs
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