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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
I am a frequent reader of posts on this group,mainly med oriented.Yesterday my son was killed in a car accident.I cant relay the total sense of complete desolation I feel.He was only 20 years old,had been having trouble with opiates
(oxycontin in particular)went to detox and was about to be awarded his 40 day clean certificate.
My ex wife notified me last night when i got back to my shop from a job.She is maybe even in worse shape than me.I spent the night at my sisters,and know now how even though caring,people dont really know what to do when the unthinkable happens.By this morning I felt I had started to wear out my welcome.Please say a prayer for my beautiful child,my ex and me.I dont know how I am going to deal with the funeral,and for that matter the rest of my life with him gone
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 13:30:00
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
I'm so sorry. I can't begin to understand how it feels to lose a child. But as a mother, my heart goes out to you.
My prayers will be with you and your family.
Dinah
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 23, 2003, at 13:42:52
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
This must be a terrible time for you.. my thoughts are with you and your ex wife
Nikki xx
Posted by coral on March 23, 2003, at 13:53:01
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Dear Rickoshay,
My deepest condolences to you and yours. What an awful tragedy.... words seem so inadequate.
Coral
Posted by lauran on March 23, 2003, at 13:53:52
In reply to I'm so sorry » rickoshay, posted by NikkiT2 on March 23, 2003, at 13:42:52
I hope you know that we are here whenever you need to share. My heart goes out to you.
Posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 14:14:12
In reply to Re: I'm so sorry » NikkiT2, posted by lauran on March 23, 2003, at 13:53:52
Thank you for taking the time to respond,this just seems so unreal,I keep going over in my mind,what did he realize just before he hit the tree..did he know..was he in any pain please God no.
Posted by sienna on March 23, 2003, at 14:45:08
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Hi rickoshay
im so sorry for your loss. I wish i had words that could erase it. My thought are with you.
Sienna
Posted by lostsailor on March 23, 2003, at 14:51:40
In reply to Re: I'm so sorry, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 14:14:12
When my dad passed in 1988, I was told by a friend that though the Lord has taken him in body, he will never take your memories from you.
I don't know if this helps, but I have personally seen many friends suffer and some even die with opiate abuse or ramifications from. perhaps at that last momment, he was proud for the both of you to know he was "clean." a prayer just went out from me to all those "upstairs" to bless you all.
please post if you need us. we are here for you and your ex.
~tony
Posted by daizy on March 23, 2003, at 15:22:40
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
So very sorry at this tragedy.......
Prayers for you and your son.
Posted by mair on March 23, 2003, at 16:20:09
In reply to Re: childs death, posted by daizy on March 23, 2003, at 15:22:40
I'm sure each of us who is a parent has imagined how unfathomably awful it is to lose a child. I have a soon-to-be 18 year old son, and what has happened to your son, is a nightmare I've had countless times. My heart goes out to you and your ex in a thousand different ways.
Several years ago, shortly after i first came on this board, one of our posters lost his 18 or 19 year old daughter when she was hit by a car while crossing the street at Disney World, of all places. I think he found the Board an important refuge and source of support and I hope you do too.
Mair
Posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 20:26:40
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Posted by gabbix2 on March 23, 2003, at 20:50:33
In reply to I'm so sorry (nm) » rickoshay, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 20:26:40
Posted by kara lynne on March 23, 2003, at 22:42:17
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
I keep scrolling past this thread feeling so helpless. I want to say something but feel like anything I have to say wouldn't come near touching your pain. But I can't scroll past it anymore without at least telling you that you and your son are deep within my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you in the hope that you find the healing and strength you need to get through this, and that you are surrounded by love and support.
Posted by wendy b. on March 23, 2003, at 23:24:34
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
... Rick, you are in shock, it's impossible to digest such a thing. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my daughter, die from grief I'm sure. I can only imagine your pain, and that of the boy's mother... I hope your friends - here and elsewhere - will be able to absorb some of this for you, and help you move on.
Wendy
Posted by bozeman on March 24, 2003, at 0:10:06
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Words fail me. I am just so sorry.
Both you and your ex have my prayers.
bozeman
Posted by lil' jimi on March 24, 2003, at 13:36:39
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
> I am a frequent reader of posts on this group,mainly med oriented.Yesterday my son was killed in a car accident.I cant relay the total sense of complete desolation I feel.He was only 20 years old,had been having trouble with opiates
> (oxycontin in particular)went to detox and was about to be awarded his 40 day clean certificate.
> My ex wife notified me last night when i got back to my shop from a job.She is maybe even in worse shape than me.I spent the night at my sisters,and know now how even though caring,people dont really know what to do when the unthinkable happens.By this morning I felt I had started to wear out my welcome.Please say a prayer for my beautiful child,my ex and me.I dont know how I am going to deal with the funeral,and for that matter the rest of my life with him goneDear Mr. Oshay,
Oh, friend-who-I-have-never-met, my family and I grieve for your devastatingly tragic loss. Words fail to convey our condolences for you and your son’s loved ones. Despite their inadequacy, I make this effort out of our compassion for your suffering. I apologize for my doomed failure in advance. I had to try.The hurt I feel for you must begin with “What if we lost our son?” and my tears now run down my face at the thought of that which you must endure and which I have not the strength to even imagine. We love him so. So, friend, I cry for you. I had just posted to Ms Pumpkin yesterday that I hadn’t cried in a while. People here at work may ask me why I am crying. I will tell them that a friend of mine lost their son day before yesterday. I am truly and very deeply sorry.
About grieving and crying: these are things to do in increments and at intervals to achieve the necessary beneficial relief and to work toward the goal of reaching beyond the sadness, one day. It is work that must be done, but it can’t be done all at once or it would crush us and it may not be avoided or it will make us explode. It is best done regularly and a little at a time, with “a little” measured by how much strength we have available and how much support there is to protect us in our suffering. We must suffer, yet we must control how much we suffer, for our self-preservation, while we are suffering. Not an easy task, especially while under the worst of circumstances. Helping other family and friends with their suffering can offer a blessed diversion from our own pain, sometimes, for the benefit of everyone. Helping your ex and helping your son’s grandparents may offer you the greatest consolation. I hope these suggestions are not too presumptuous.
I would hope also that you would be able to consider that your son is now beyond all pain and suffering now. I would hope that your faith lets you know and feel that he is with you in spirit and watches over your family from a place of comfort and safety. My faith feels he would protect you from this tragedy and wants you to not hurt any more than you have to. I pray that your faith is even stronger than mine that it may support you through this disaster. Again, I do not mean to be too presumptuous, my friend.
From my faith I pray that every positive force in the universe come to your aid and help to bear you and all of your loved ones up in this time of such profound sadness. Your devastation is compounded by your struggle with meds in our battle against neurotransmitter disease. Resolve to take the best care of yourself that you can that you may be of help to your family and therefore take to yourself every support to give you strength for these dark days ahead.
Know that you are not alone. We are here. Post when you feel up to it. I will go wash my face now. My co-workers don’t have to know that I was crying for my friend-who-I-have-never-met.
Do Take Care of Yourself,
~ Jim
Posted by whiterabbit on March 24, 2003, at 19:12:59
In reply to Re: I'm so sorry, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 14:14:12
If your son died from head trauma, I'm sure he felt no pain. If he realized that he was headed for a tree, it was over in seconds. No pain.
Unfortunately, your pain has just started. Please allow family and friends to help you whenever they reach out. Even though there isn't much that anyone can say or do to relieve your pain, they care deeply and desperately want to help. Allow them to do anything that they offer to do that you surely can't deal with yourself right now -
grocery shopping, cooking, whatever. The important thing here is the human contact and love involved when they offer to help, and when you accept their help. This is NOT the time to be alone! At least, not for long.My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself,and allow others to care for you.
Your son is safe in God's hands.
-Gracie
Posted by WorryGirl on March 25, 2003, at 17:45:17
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Posted by shar on March 25, 2003, at 21:53:14
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
I believe you are right that nobody knows what to do or say, but I believe you are wrong to think you have worn out your welcome. (Of course, I don't know your situation, but...)
Many people understand that there really is nothing to say except "I'm so sorry to hear about your son" and after that is the comfort extended by you being able to be with family in silence, if you want.
Please take time to be with others, especially if you are prone to depression (I don't know your dx). It's bound to be odd and awkward, but also comforting. Anybody who loves you will want you with them.
Shar
Posted by noa on March 26, 2003, at 17:57:34
In reply to Re: childs death, posted by mair on March 23, 2003, at 16:20:09
Rick,
I am so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine how painful this must be.
Mair wrote about a member of this community who lost a daughter in a hit and run. His name is CamW.
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Phil on March 26, 2003, at 19:39:49
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
rick, I am terribly sorry for your son and for you and your ex wife.
I'll say that prayer...
Posted by Cam W. on March 27, 2003, at 19:12:57
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
Rick - I am the guy who's 18 year old daughter was killed while she crossed a street in a crosswalk. The guy who did it admitted that he was speeding, but he was only charged $100 for failure to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk (this was less than a third of what he paid for his last speeding ticket). Also, he carried $10,000 insurance on a $30,000 truck. Also. he filed for bankrupcy, so he is off scott-free for manslaughter....
Sorry, don't get me started.... I will reply with condolences and perhaps some minor insights into things you will have to deal with in the coming days. I just had to vent.
BTW - The accident happened June 5, 2000, and the crosswalk lights still aren't fixed. Gotta love America!
- Cam
Posted by fi on March 28, 2003, at 16:21:54
In reply to childs death, posted by rickoshay on March 23, 2003, at 13:23:31
My brother died many years ago. I remember the acute shock and distress for all the family at the start, and deep sadness afterwards. Its a long,hard haul, but we have all reached the stage when we can think of him and smile with the good memories, and the sadness isnt so acute.
I'm *not* saying its quick or easy, or that it in any way means that you value the person who has died any less, or have forgotten them.
But just to say it wont always feel as terrible as it does now. Be kind to yourselves.
Fi
Posted by tina on March 31, 2003, at 10:41:04
In reply to Re: childs death » rickoshay, posted by Cam W. on March 27, 2003, at 19:12:57
This is the end of the thread.
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