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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 26. Go back in thread:
Posted by sienna on March 18, 2003, at 19:27:19
In reply to I am just not feeling well., posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 19:17:05
You are having phone calls at work?
im sorry you dont feel well. can we do anything? can you call your therapist? is good if you are allowed to call. what are youfeeling like?sienna
Posted by noa on March 18, 2003, at 19:38:02
In reply to hello dinah, posted by sienna on March 18, 2003, at 19:27:19
Me either, Dinah. I just keep repeated that mantra, "it's just one bad day, that's all. Don't make too much of it." But I just feel yucky. I hope I'm not getting sick.
I went to the dentist and that was a really lousy way to spend the morning. Very unpleasant. Getting a crown. Temporary crown feels very wierd, and I keep worrying it will fall out. Have to wait 2 weeks for real one. Headache, sore mouth, etc. I did take some ibuprofen, should kick in soon.
Just tired and moody all afternoon. Yesterday, I was irritable all day at work. Didn't work today. Besides dentist, had heating fixed (yay, one good thing).
But I'm going to bed early. Forgot to fill my adderall scrip--HATE when I do that, so have to find an all-night pharm. and go first thing in morning before work to get it filled. That can be an adventure--hope they have it in stock. Some pharmacies always make me feel like the Brinks truck has to roll up with no less than 6 armed guards in order to get the adderall filled. And it would be so much better if it could be called in!! ARGGHH. Just whining here. Whine Whine Whine.
Just feel yucky.
Hope you feel better. You didn't say exactly what was wrong.
Go ahead and whine right back at me--give it your best shot, girlfriend!
Posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 20:38:52
In reply to hello dinah, posted by sienna on March 18, 2003, at 19:27:19
I'm not feeling well is just my euphemism for I'm about to melt down big time.
Constant phone calls at work about being behind. Constant trying to catch up. People at the office trying to help in the most unhelpful ways.
Pressure building and building. The weekend was a nice reprieve but Monday just started right back up again. And a meeting Thursday about my lateness in meeting deadlines. That's the biggie. And I just am not sure how I will take it.
And the pressure builds and builds, and I just don't know what to do with it.
I want so badly to be a good girl, and to do what I'm expected to do. But I know I don't do it well enough. It's totally my fault. And as much as I know that, I just can't seem to bring myself to do better.
So then I feel rage at myself for not doing what I know I should do.
I just don't feel well.
Posted by sienna on March 18, 2003, at 22:08:06
In reply to Re: hello sienna and noa, posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 20:38:52
i know that feeling all too well. how long did you work there for? maybe theres a different job that would be better for you. Doesnt soudn liek a suportvie atmospere.
That meeting thrusuday sounds like very hard to me. I know i would have a hard time with it. What happens when you melt down? I think it might help to call your therapist. i dont know.
is there anyway to maybe priorityze stuff and then make a checklist and try that?
Im so sorry i havent had a job with deadlines in a long time i had a hard time with it too.I wish i could help more.
sienna
Posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 1:55:21
In reply to Re: hello sienna and noa, posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 20:38:52
Aw Dinah, that wanting to be a good girl, that puts you in such a bind if you're in a place where the expectations are unrealistic. Does anyone meet their deadlines? Or is it just the culture to constantly demand more from everyone?
If the deadlines are realistic but you can't meet them, then what's getting in your way? Is it the high-stress office causing you too much anxiety? Do you maybe try to do the job too well, when you really need to cut corners a bit? I just know you knock yourself out trying to meet deadlines.
I can't believe you're in any way a bad employee, and most definitely not a bad person. I wish I could help. I hate to see you driven to the point of collapse.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 3:17:09
In reply to Re: hello sienna and noa » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 1:55:21
It's definitely not one of those places where they try to squeeze more from you. In fact, I would guess my bosses are concerned for me, hence the "help" that wasn't very helpful. It's a small family sort of place where I've been working for years and years, all but the last two or three rather successfully.
What happened? A retirement of my immediate boss, and a spreading of my work among many bosses. Which leads to two problems. Problem one is that I answer to too many bosses, and since I try to please them all, there is no schedule setting, and I am poor at schedule setting. This is a problem which I address frequently, with limited success, because I keep trying to please the many. Problem two is that I no longer have a boss who is familiar with the work I do, so I no longer get the help that I used to get and have to do more myself, and I have extra responsibility because I don't feel I'm getting the supervision level that I'm comfortable with (because I didn't want to be a boss myself, and want someone in the boss position). It also means that the remaining bosses have no real idea what I do or how I do it or how complex the whole thing really is, and their suggestions and "help" is not all that helpful because it is unbelievably unrealistic. And my efforts to tell them exactly what I do need fall on ears that just can't understand because they've never done the work from the ground up.
And yes, I do try to do a very good job rather than cut corners. That never used to be a problem, and was in fact an asset, but no longer. And my poor OCD brain has trouble coping with that.
They really do try to help, and try to make it easier for me. I have, unfortunately, broken into tears enough at the office that they are concerned. But what I can't get through to them (or get through to myself that I'm just not going to get it and must make accomodations to the reality of things) is that what I need is what my old boss gave me. A liason between myself and the outside world (because the constant calls make me nuts, literally), a structured and realistic schedule, and just the right amount of pressure to keep me on task but not so much that it makes me fall to pieces in an extremely unproductive manner.
As you see, I've got a pretty good grip on the why, but I've got no real concept of how to get it done. I'm not even sure it's possible.
Posted by beardedlady on March 19, 2003, at 7:37:01
In reply to Re: hello dinah, posted by noa on March 18, 2003, at 19:38:02
> Me either, Dinah. I just keep repeated that mantra, "it's just one bad day, that's all. Don't make too much of it." But I just feel yucky. I hope I'm not getting sick.
This is a great attitude to have. Once I adopted it, I started sleeping better. It's hard to really believe it when you start, but, eventually, it becomes the truth. (YMMV, of course.)
> I went to the dentist and that was a really lousy way to spend the morning. Very unpleasant. Getting a crown. Temporary crown feels very wierd, and I keep worrying it will fall out. Have to wait 2 weeks for real one. Headache, sore mouth, etc. I did take some ibuprofen, should kick in soon.
I had a dream last night that I was at the dentist, and he had decided he should fill three teeth--two because the cavities were deep and the other because it was next to one that needed a filling, and it was my only unfilled tooth in my whole mouth.
I complained to him that I needed two crowns on my upper left (which I do in real life), and I should get those, but they take two hours, and I don't want to be in so much pain. The dentist came toward me with the needle and said, "Chew on the other side." (Of course, this was the side getting filled!)
> Just tired and moody all afternoon. Yesterday, I was irritable all day at work. Didn't work today. Besides dentist, had heating fixed (yay, one good thing).
It was a bad full-moon day all around.
Tonight, let's all drink a glass of wine to toast that yesterday is over.
beardy : )>
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 19, 2003, at 7:47:23
In reply to Re: hello sienna and noa, posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 20:38:52
*hugs* All I can do is offer a pin to pop the balloon of pressure and stress...
Is there no way you take take some sick time off work.. just some real time to recuperate and get your self together again.. weekends just aren't long enough for that.
Hang in there sweetie.. half way through the week
Nikki xx
Posted by lauran on March 19, 2003, at 11:04:03
In reply to whine, whine, wine » noa, posted by beardedlady on March 19, 2003, at 7:37:01
Beardy, the dream story gave me a very good chuckle and that is how I'm starting out my day. Thanks!
Posted by beardedlady on March 19, 2003, at 11:38:12
In reply to Re: whine, whine, wine » beardedlady, posted by lauran on March 19, 2003, at 11:04:03
Posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 11:56:38
In reply to Re: an overview of my work problems » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 3:17:09
I get it now. You are suffering from poor management.
I've had that too-many-bosses syndrome too. I answer to several little bosses on individual projects, and still have a 'real' boss who sometimes gives me too little guidance, and sometimes gives me too much.
It upsets me to have more than I can handle, and have to either say 'no' or else leave jobs unfinished, resulting in all the little bosses being unhappy with me. My real boss has told me I don't have to please everyone. He once asked my why I thought it was my job to keep the little bosses happy. I was sort of aghast. I thought that was my job!
It's hard to cope with. I've grown into it some, and learned that when I have to say 'no' to a task, to tell the little bosses that they'll need to go thru my real boss if they can't accept my decisions. If I did not have that backup from the real boss, I'd probably be a much more grumpy and frazzled employee.
I like to please everyone, and be able to do a good job, but sadly that isn't possible given my current workload. I did insist that my real boss tell me the relative priorities of the projects, and tell that to the little bosses also. That doesn't really satisfy everyone, but it makes it less my responsibility.
It sounds like you have all little bosses and no real boss, and also nobody (boss or otherwise) with expertise in your area to fall back on for help. No wonder you're not coping well. The job that once fit you fairly well (with your old boss) no longer fits.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 12:00:57
In reply to Re: an overview of my work problems » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 11:56:38
And my own skills are lacking in the areas I would need in order to compensate. :(
Posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 12:29:30
In reply to Re: That's it precisely! » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 12:00:57
Well hon, it's either a growth opportunity (if you think you can grow into the new demands) or just plain time to quit! Only you can decide, and I know how difficult that one is. You can't make a wrong choice though. If you stay you get credit for trying very hard to rise to a huge personal challenge, and if you leave you get credit for taking care of yourself.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 13:52:38
In reply to Re: That's it precisely! » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 12:29:30
You obviously have the advantage of me in maturity. :))
I thought I'd just continue to butt my head against the wall until the wall or my head broke.
Posted by sienna on March 19, 2003, at 15:22:22
In reply to Re: That's it precisely! » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 13:52:38
Tabitha is really good at explainging all of that. I think it is really hard decision, i know i had trouble at my last job and tryied to quit but they didnt want me to, which was surprising because i thought they all hated me, but then we all got laid off becuase of the dotbomb. Anyway, maybe think about what you liked about your old boss and make a list of what would be helpful and what isnt helpful and try to go over it with your bosses or those other people?
It would at least let you see some of what you need in a job and if you need to leave, it would help you in knowing what to look for next.
hoep that helps some
sienna
Posted by noa on March 19, 2003, at 17:13:50
In reply to Re: hello sienna and noa, posted by Dinah on March 18, 2003, at 20:38:52
Me too. You describe well how I get so overwhelmed. AARGGHH!!!
Don't ya sometimes wish you could just tell em all to just f**ing go away and leave you alone??
Posted by noa on March 19, 2003, at 17:19:44
In reply to whine, whine, wine » noa, posted by beardedlady on March 19, 2003, at 7:37:01
Thanks, beardy.
This made me laugh:
>>and the other because it was next to one that needed a filling, and it was my only unfilled tooth in my whole mouth.>>
Full moon, you say? Oh yes, I knew that, but just forgot. Maybe going out and baying at the top of my lungs would have helped!
Today was less agitated, but I was rather out of it at work--just got the bare minimum done today.
Posted by noa on March 19, 2003, at 17:21:10
In reply to Re: an overview of my work problems » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 11:56:38
Tabitha said it well! Ugh, I would also have a hard time working under those conditions.
Posted by noa on March 19, 2003, at 17:22:26
In reply to Re: That's it precisely! » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 12:29:30
For her next career, Tabitha will become a superb management consultant!!
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 17:55:57
In reply to Hi Dinah, posted by sienna on March 19, 2003, at 15:22:22
Would you enjoy being a management consultant?
Posted by shar on March 19, 2003, at 22:16:59
In reply to Re: That's it precisely! » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 12:00:57
Posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 22:38:32
In reply to Re: I think Noa is right, Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 17:55:57
yipes, here I thought I was playing 'career counselor'.
No maturity here, just experienced at being in bad work situations. :-(
Posted by Jonathan on March 20, 2003, at 0:41:54
In reply to Re: an overview of my work problems » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 3:17:09
Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2003, at 8:04:05
In reply to I hope your meeting today will go well for you (nm) » Dinah, posted by Jonathan on March 20, 2003, at 0:41:54
I've done all I can to prepare. The rest is out of my hands.
Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2003, at 12:32:55
In reply to I hope your meeting today will go well for you (nm) » Dinah, posted by Jonathan on March 20, 2003, at 0:41:54
I was told explicitly that my performance was not acceptable in the matter of timeliness of my work. I was also told that my performance was excellent in terms of the quality of my work.
So we hashed out possible solutions, and with the post I wrote in mind, I proposed what I thought would help. They proposed what they thought would help. And we attempted compromise.
Now we'll see if anything really gets implemented.
This is the end of the thread.
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