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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
I fell for my family's stuff AGAIN!!! My brother isn't going anywhere. He left as if he was going to his new base and just turned up back home. And meanwhile his girlfriend called looking for him. He hadn't lied to her. This is the whatever time he lied?
And everytime I get upset and everytime it turns out to be a lie. My mother SWORE she talked to commander this time. She SWORE it.
D*mn it!!!
When will I learn to see through them?
Am I insane? Stupid? A big gullible nitwit?
I am TIRED of being jerked around by these people I had the enormous misfortune to be born to.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!
Posted by lostsailor on February 22, 2003, at 20:21:08
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
I think Tolstoy said that ..."every family is dysfunctional in thier own manner" I may have paraphased that--so maybe the "" are not really in order.
we're here when you need us!!
~tony
Posted by Emme on February 22, 2003, at 20:31:45
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
Ack. Families. Hard to get away from their schtuff, isn't it? I'll share a BIG HUGE primal scream with you! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Emme
> I fell for my family's stuff AGAIN!!! My brother isn't going anywhere. He left as if he was going to his new base and just turned up back home. And meanwhile his girlfriend called looking for him. He hadn't lied to her. This is the whatever time he lied?
>
> And everytime I get upset and everytime it turns out to be a lie. My mother SWORE she talked to commander this time. She SWORE it.
>
> D*mn it!!!
>
> When will I learn to see through them?
>
> Am I insane? Stupid? A big gullible nitwit?
>
> I am TIRED of being jerked around by these people I had the enormous misfortune to be born to.
>
> I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!
>
>
Posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 21:01:40
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
You are a caring, loyal, and empathetic person, who can't just cut others off at the knees, however much they've hurt you in the past.
I'm so sorry that your family members are so wrapped up in their own individual egos and dramas that they are putting you through such hell and stress. I find it truly tragic when some people can only make themselves feel better, by causing pain to those they perceive "better" than them. You do realize that's probably why they do it, right? Because you've moved a thousand miles away and tried to build a new life founded on sound principle, not head games.
There's nothing I can say to take the sting out of what they've done. But I'm sorry you're going through it.
bozeman
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 21:35:40
In reply to Nothing is wrong in being a caring daughter » Dinah, posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 21:01:40
I'm sorry bozeman, I must have given the wrong impression. That wouldn't surprise me after well over a week of a few hours to no sleep. But I just *want* to move a thousand miles away. In reality I live less than ten miles away and they're used to relying on me. That was ok before I had my son, although it annoyed my husband no end how enmeshed we were. But they don't understand that my family has to come first now. My brother has borne the brunt of their demands while he's been home. I don't blame him for wanting to be away, but these announcements that he's been called up and actually packing up and leaving only to return a couple of days later is just plain weird. I can't figure out what the point is. And I don't want to. I just want to be away from it all. Perhaps if some or all of them get the mental health care they obviously need, this would help me feel like I could deal with them. Or as my therapist says - "And *you're* the one in therapy?!!!!"
Posted by Ginjoint on February 22, 2003, at 23:38:42
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
Hey sweetie...
Dinah there's nothing wrong with you for wanting to believe your own family. But you are in a bad way right now, and maybe you should consider not taking their calls for awhile, or SOMETHING. You just can't continue in this fashion.
I think bozeman described it well with a statement about how your family is too wrapped up in their own egos and dramas -- while doing so, they are stretching you to the breaking point. I'm not sure why they would lie about your brother leaving for the service -- there must be more to that than I'm aware of. If you're worried about cutting off contact because they are a big part of your son's life, I have to wonder what they are teaching him...that it's O.K. to behave amazingly selfishly and passive aggressively? That it's O.K. to lie to you, or to make you very upset? Jeez, Dinah, I sure don't mean to sound like I'm coming down on you (that's the very last thing I mean), but it's just that your parents anger me. You really gotta look out for yourself around them. When I'm trying to fall asleep tonight, I will think good strong thoughts of clarity and independence (as best I can, anyway), and send them your way.
Ginjoint
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 10:31:24
In reply to Re: What the f$@ is wrong with me!!! » Dinah, posted by Ginjoint on February 22, 2003, at 23:38:42
At least for a while.
At any rate, I told them I never wanted to hear that my brother was being called up again - never. They could tell me when they received a postcard from somewhere else.
My father's unbelievable anger, my mother's drama, my brother's lies. I have enough on my plate without them. Maybe when I'm feeling better I can cope with them again. When work isn't so overwhelming, and my mother in law is better. But right now they're making me sick and I have to protect myself before something breaks within me. And I'm afraid I'm just too close to that for my comfort.
But I did sleep last night (thanks to an extra dose of Klonopin). Maybe that will help me feel less fragile.
Posted by jodie on February 23, 2003, at 13:28:37
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
I just read your post. I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
I ALWAYS fall for my family's stuff again!!!No you are not insane, stupid, or a nitwit.
I read that you got some sleep with an extra dose of Klonopin (I am so immune to the stuff, wish that would work for me). That is great!!! You have been so stressed and tired lately, you need it.
I wish I could give you some suggestions for your problems. I am bad at that though. My thoughts are with you (does that count?). So many people here are really great at giving advice though.
Anyway, I am really tired right now, and medications have me feeling strange. I hope this post makes since. I'll probably re-read this tomorrow and not remember typing this. I haven't been posting much because of this. I need about a week of sleep, then maybe I'll feel like myself again.
I hope you can continue to get some sleep. Like I said my thoughts are with you.
Take care, talk (type) to you soon.
Jodie
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 18:10:39
In reply to Re: What the f$@ is wrong with me!!! » Dinah, posted by jodie on February 23, 2003, at 13:28:37
Thanks for thinking of me. It counts plenty.
I do feel more grounded after a night's sleep and actually didn't get much accomplished today.
That's good because I feel less ready to crack. That's bad because I have to face the people at work today who will not be happy that I haven't accomplished much.
I'm sorry you're having so many problems with your sleep. I hate medicine head. Did they change your meds to try to attack your insomnia?
I hope today will be different for you.
Posted by jodie on February 23, 2003, at 19:49:47
In reply to Re: Hi Jodie, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 18:10:39
Hi
I am still taking Klonopin, Adderall, & Paxil CR. I am calling my pdoc tomorrow to ask her about clonidine. My son takes it as needed to help him sleep. He has had problems with insomnia since starting stimulants. Clonidine (Catapres) is commonly prescribed to people with ADHD for insomnia/hyperactivity. Since nothing else works for me, maybe I'll give it a try.
I've had a pretty lazy day & actually caught some zzz's here & there. I feel a little better. I'm tired right now. It's only 9 pm & I'm actually going to TRY to go to sleep. Wish me luck!!!
I hope people at work give you a break about not accomplishing much. You have a good excuse!!!
Thank you for the post. I'll check in tomorrow. I hope you sleep well again tonight.
Jodie
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 19:57:05
In reply to Hello » Dinah, posted by jodie on February 23, 2003, at 19:49:47
Posted by jodie on February 23, 2003, at 20:00:45
In reply to Re: Good luck! And sweet dreams! (nm) » jodie, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 19:57:05
Posted by shar on February 23, 2003, at 23:23:34
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
Posted by tina on February 24, 2003, at 8:35:45
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
There's nothing wrong with YOU Dinah. There's plenty wrong with THEM though.
I know what it's like getting sucked into the family stuff. I get so upset I make myself sick sometimes.
The only thing I have been able to do is distance myself from the offending family members or keep saying to myself over and over "it's not my problem, it's not my problem" but it's damned hard, I know.
I'm sorry you get hurt and taken advantage of so often. I wish there was something I could do.
take care
tina
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 24, 2003, at 10:02:29
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
> I am TIRED of being jerked around by these people I had the enormous misfortune to be born to.
------------------What makes you deal with them so frequently? I had a horrible time during my late teens with my father, so after I moved out, I just didn't talk to him that often. Why bother going out of my way to make him feel good when all he did was make me feel bad? After a while, he came around quite a bit, and now things are much better. Still, I'm nowhere near as close to him as my other siblings, and that's fine. I used to deal with him out of a sense of obligation ("he's my father"), but at some point, it's important to realize that just because someone is related to you doesn't mean that you owe them anything, or should have to suffer abuse from them. If nothing else, taking some time off from your family could help you gain a clearer perspective of the situation. Spend the time focusing on your own family. If you feel guilty about not talking to your family on their timetable, consider how they would react to you if you pulled the same stunts they seem to pull on you. Why should you have to tolerate a double standard? Make them appreciate that you expect fair treatment, or you won't deal with them. It's a perfectly legitimate stance. We tolerate things from our family that we would never tolerate from friends or strangers, jsut because of a sense of familial obligation (guilt). Consider that they don't seem to be plagued by any such feelings themselves.
I hope I'm not being too preachy, but I've just been through a similar situation with my girlfriend's horrible mother, and trying to get her to take a stand (which has helped a lot).
Posted by Gabbix2 on February 24, 2003, at 14:34:45
In reply to Re: What the f$@ is wrong with me!!! » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 24, 2003, at 10:02:29
Dinah, I didn't read all the posts, so pardon if this has already been said. But I think you're only *problem* is that its really hard to believe that someone would do that, when you yourself
can't fathom doing it.I think its the same reason I keep believing people who are not good for me and falling inot the same crap. How can you possibly imagine being so incredibley deceitful, so your instinct is to take there word for things, even hesitantly.
Sometimes I think it makes it worse after a couple of times. I can think "Well that can't possibly be doing it again...." (sigh)I'm sorry you had to go through it.
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2003, at 22:10:56
In reply to Re: What the f$@ is wrong with me!!! » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Gabbix2 on February 24, 2003, at 14:34:45
Even today after blowing up over the weekend over their nonsense, I was halfway believing my mother. They just always sound so believable. And I get worried that I'm doing them a disservice by judging them so harshly.
It's just hard to figure out where the boundaries should be. I'm trying though. You should have seen how enmeshed we were a few years ago. :(
Thanks for the validation, everyone. Sometimes it's hard even for me to believe that my parents are for real.
This is the end of the thread.
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