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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 18:19:28
In reply to Re: OK, guys, Here's a new one. , posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 18:13:45
> I have to say, I really like Tabitha's response better. As you know Dinah, my shrink has his hands full of my problems right now. It's hard to tell what is actually a priority I have so much crap to deal with!!
>
> As far as going back to the store and paying for it, well, I can't see myself getting the nerve. But, I will at least think it over!
>
> I swear, I think I may be addicted to drama. You know the type. One of those people that has to always be in the middle of a crisis to feel important. Maybe that's who I am turning into. But one of those people who tries to keep the crisis underground for a while. Maybe I DO have a split personality. The one that has to be agreeable and sweet as pie and the other that is trying to get sweetness in trouble! That's all I need, a war between myself. Of course, that will take care of having to plan this weekend if I am in battle.
>
> Anyway, thanks for the response, guys.
>
>Miller, I admire the hell out of you for posting about this, it must have been tough. I must say, I agree with Dinah about going back and paying it for it. I think you'll feel so much better about it and it may make it easier to discuss with your therapist. Don't worry about him having his hands full of your problems, it's HIS job to prioritize and you have to give him the opportunity to do so. This may tie in with some other issues.
Take care!
Mik
Posted by BeardedLady on December 31, 2002, at 18:21:57
In reply to Re: OK, guys, Here's a new one. , posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 18:13:45
Whenever I get sushi at Safeway, I steal an extra container of wasabi. They never put enough in with the sushi, and I don't think it's fair to have to pay 35 cents because they're too chintzy to provide an adequate serving.
beardy : )>
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 23:03:37
In reply to stolen wasabi » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on December 31, 2002, at 18:21:57
Thank you for that. I really think I have lost touch with reality somewhere along this path. I did laugh out loud when I read your post. I need more of that. I swear, I hadn't heard myself laugh in a while. (I was, however, close when Dinah was describing her therapist being envisioned as a huge nipple!)
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 23:13:12
In reply to Re: stolen wasabi » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 23:03:37
It would tip you over the edge to laughter.
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 23:31:09
In reply to Re: If you could picture his face.... » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 23:13:12
You know, there are some things about a therapist none of us will ever be able to figure out. Somebody once told me that therapists were never supposed to be shocked.
After having shocked mine a few times, and having read some posts on this site as well as other, we know that isn't true.
The first time I turned my chair around so he couldn't see my face as I told him about something I did certainly took him by surprise. It may have been a liitle out of the ordinary, but it was the only way I could tell him. I didn't want him looking at me while I got it out.
If I ever need to tell him he represents a big nipple for me to suckle on, I will certainly turn my chair around again. (I will, however, QUICKLY, turn it back around just for the expression on his face.)
-Miller
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 1, 2003, at 0:59:10
In reply to OK, guys, Here's a new one. , posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 17:31:21
You should really go pay for the bottle! You'll be embarrassed when you walk in, but they'll believe the story -- and you'll feel a lot better afterwords. Plus, you can enjoy the adrenaline rush as you're walking up to the customer service desk. :D
How's life in Milwaukee? Madison is the same as always -- a faux liberal city.
Posted by BeardedLady on January 1, 2003, at 7:35:44
In reply to Re: stolen wasabi » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 23:03:37
I'm glad it made you laugh. With regard to the bottle, you should do whatever makes you feel best. If you feel you "got one over" on the company by stealing their overpriced goods, okay (but don't do it again!). If you'd feel less guilty returning it, do that.
I haven't stolen anything in a long time. They changed the wasabi in the sushi to something twice as strong that comes in a packet like catsup, so I haven't needed more than my single-serving allotment!
I wish you good fortune this year.
beardy : )>
Posted by wendy b. on January 1, 2003, at 17:43:23
In reply to OK, guys, Here's a new one. , posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 17:31:21
Well, jeeze, the cashiers in my overpriced (and overly inflated sense of itself) supermarket don't know the difference between red cabbage and radicchio, so who am I to tell them how to do their jobs??? I like paying the 69 cents per lb, rather than the $4.69 (or whatever the hell it goes for, I don't look any more)...
And while I'm at it, I'll tell you that this same supermarket sells bulk mushrooms, and you can weigh your own produce on a scale that also dispenses the label for the product, so I punch in the code for 'brown mushrooms,' when I'm really buying portobellos. Hey, they're brown, too, right?
Everyone's done this kind of thing, dear Miller, and you are ok. It's NOT going to blow the ears off your therapist, either, s/he's heard far, far worse. I do get the sense that you do this not to feel important, as you say, but to feel alive at all. Like, you're only really alive when there's some crisis or other happening to you in your life... Common, everyday life is depressing for some of us, I know that firsthand. I'll admit, I've been lurking, reading your other posts here the last few days. I am trying hard not to be that same way. I've had enough excitement for one life - I'll bet you have, too.
With much admiration for your courage and continued strength (even though, from what I understand, you don't feel it),Wendy
(BL: who knew you were a wasabi-thief?!)> So, being almost 36 years old, having a steady job, and being the person I am, can anybody answer WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING???
>
> We got our year-end bonus yesterday. Every year my husband says I can spend it as I want. All of it. It doesn't matter if it is $100 or $10,000. He said that I can blow it on clothes or "girlie" stuff, or stuff for the house, whatever.
>
> Today I went to the bank. I cashed the check and put some in the savings account (like a good girl). I had over $500 on my purse. I am in K-Mart buying an $80 toothbrush, new sweats, and general stupid stuff that I wanted. I am walking down the aisle filled with contact lense solutions. I was looking at a little bottle of "lense rewetter" solution. (Just eye drops to wet lenses.) It was priced at $7. I decided that just isn't worth the price. I started to continue down the aisle. Yep, you guessed it, I STOLE THE BOTTLE!!!
>
> What is going on with me?? I swear by the time I left the store I had forgotten I did it. WHen I was emptying the car of all my stupid purchases, I saw it and remembered. How juvenile can I get? Why am I doing this? YIKE!
>
> -Miller
>
>
Posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 8:37:11
In reply to Re: OK, guys, Here's a new one. , posted by bookgurl99 on January 1, 2003, at 0:59:10
Milwaukee is good. Other than the rash of stolen merchandise from the local KMarts, that is! It's trying to snow down here. I don't think it will accumulate.
Will you be watching the big game on Saturday? It will be a real miracle if Farve can pull this one off.
Posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 8:39:10
In reply to Re: stolen wasabi » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on January 1, 2003, at 7:35:44
Thank you for the well wishes. I would do the same for you, however, I would be afraid of jinxing you!!!
-Miller
Posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 8:43:46
In reply to Re: goings-on in the produce aisle » Miller, posted by wendy b. on January 1, 2003, at 17:43:23
Thanks for you encouraging words. Today is the day I will have to 'fess up to my shrink. I am already feeling the migraine coming on.
He (my shrink) probably has heard worse. However, I dread the look on his face when I tell him. (I am envisioning him rolling his eyes in disgust.)
It seems in the last couple of weeks I have made decisions that surprise even myself. After 20-plus years I have started smoking pot again. What gives? Yikes!!
-Miller
Posted by BeardedLady on January 2, 2003, at 8:58:07
In reply to Re: stolen wasabi » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 8:39:10
> Thank you for the well wishes. I would do the same for you, however, I would be afraid of jinxing you!!!
Why would good wishes jinx me?
beardy
Posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 9:42:39
In reply to jinx » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on January 2, 2003, at 8:58:07
If I root for a sports team, they lose. If I hope for something, it soesn't happen. When I wish someone "good luck" they never get it. It's best not to jinx you, especially at the start of a new year!! If I did jinx you, 2003 would seem like a decade for you.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 11:23:50
In reply to Re: jinx » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 9:42:39
Meant in good will from someone with similar delusions of power. :)
Dinah
Posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 11:32:24
In reply to Wow!! Such power you have!! ;) » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 11:23:50
The good news is that everything I touch doesn't turn to shit. Otherwise, my computer would stink, huh?
-Miller
Posted by wendy b. on January 2, 2003, at 22:08:35
In reply to Re: goings-on in the produce aisle » wendy b., posted by Miller on January 2, 2003, at 8:43:46
> Thanks for you encouraging words. Today is the day I will have to 'fess up to my shrink. I am already feeling the migraine coming on.
I hope that went well - what happened? The migraine? Did you manage to keep that at bay?
> He (my shrink) probably has heard worse. However, I dread the look on his face when I tell him. (I am envisioning him rolling his eyes in disgust.)
Shrinks are trained to NOT roll eyes in disgust. If they do that on the test, they don't pass...
Seriously, you will not disgust him. He might be concerned, but making judgements on your 'moral fibre' is not his job (that's reserved for family members...), and he will know how to deal with the issue in a constructive way.
> It seems in the last couple of weeks I have made decisions that surprise even myself. After 20-plus years I have started smoking pot again. What gives? Yikes!!Again, dear Miller, you are not shooting heroin, so take it easy on yourself. OK? Pot makes some people mellow out, relieves their anxiety. I personally have a paradoxical reaction to it, which, in my case, is good; it hypes me up, gives me motivation to do things, especially housework, or repetitive tasks. Since one of the symptoms of my depression-bipolar illness is apathy ('what's the use in doing ANYthing?'), and since I always feel rotten about how little housework I manage to get done (as though this were an indication of MY moral fibre), I really enjoy a good smoke whenever I can get it. So, no harm done unless you're selling it on the playground... The fact that pot is still illegal makes my blood boil, but that's another conversation.
Anyway, my best to you,
Wendy
Posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 8:50:41
In reply to Re: Pot and the produce aisle » Miller, posted by wendy b. on January 2, 2003, at 22:08:35
Thanks Wendy.
I did manage to keep my migraine at bay for the most part. I took MANY Advils. That seemed to help.
So, I went to my appointment. Since this was my first session since Christmas, he started from there. When I worked up my nerve to enter my theiving into the conversation, he refrained from rolling his eyes. (Thank goodness.)
His main concern was WHY I did it. All I can remember thinking at the time I did it was "Fuck it!!" Since I had no ready answers for that, I ended up with three assignments for next weeks sessions.
1) I need to list traits that I believe motivate me. (Some examples are that people may be motivated from competition, the need for love, the need for spiritual morality, etc.)
2) I need to finsh the phrase: "I am the type of person..." His examples were "I am the type of person who needs my life organized" Or "I am the type of person that is very guarded with my emotions" That sort of thing.
3) I am supposed to figure out what the phrase "Fuck it" means to me. Is it from anger, or defeat or excess energy?
All of these assignments are supposed to help me figure out what type of person I am so I am better able to arrange my life to fit my psychological dynamics. Needless to say, after thinking about these things all night, I am most concerned about the assignment to finish the phrase "I am the type of person..." Everytime I think of it, I have a disclaimer. BUT, ALTHOUGH, HOWEVER at the end of each description. He won't be happy with that.
As far as the pot goes, I did not get into that with my shrink. (Saving the best for last?) Anyway, I am not so worried about that issue. I know, right now anyway, I am doing it to try to settle down and relieve some tension. I don't drink so I feel this is an alternative I can live with for now.
Let me know your thoughts on all of this. Has anyone ever had to do assignments such as these? Has anyone ever gotten anything from doing this stuff?
-Miller
Posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 11:38:56
In reply to Re: Pot and the produce aisle-- Rated PG13 » wendy b., posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 8:50:41
They work wonders for me. I'm into behavioral therapy and think it really works and helps to change behaviors that need changing.
I thought you were planning to tell your shrink about the other stuff. When might that happen?
beardy
Posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 13:12:40
In reply to I love assignments! » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 11:38:56
Well, I only have so much courage. I was able to work the theiving into a conversation. It's wierd, but I don't know how to just "bring stuff up" to him. Any ideas?
I feel funny having assignments, but I am thinking a lot about them, so I guess it's probably working.
-Miller
Posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 14:07:07
In reply to Re: I love assignments! » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 13:12:40
Miller:
I'd give him your posts--print them out and give them to him at the end of a session. Just tell him you can't bear to tell him face to face, that you're too ashamed or embarrassed. He will know what to do.
I really do think he can't help you effectively if you don't tell him that important aspect of your personality and that important, person-molding period of your life.
Good luck to you. Keep us posted. Get yourself a nice notebook at the dollar store for writing your assignments in. Or buy a fancy one--whatever will keep you motivated to write. That in itself is good therapy.
beardy
Posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 14:17:02
In reply to suggestions and assignments » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 14:07:07
Thanks for the advise. I will think about it. I am so scared. I'm not sure I will have the nerve.
But, on the 13th he and I are doing some "concentrated sessions" which we scheduled after my last suicide attempt. Maybe I could give it to him then, if I am feeling more comfortable. Chinese water torture seems an easier way!!
Thanks for the encouragement about the assignments. I am thinksing about starting on it tonight when I get home from work. I'll start the easy one. (The definition of my phrase.)
-Miller
Posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:00:09
In reply to Re: Pot and the produce aisle-- Rated PG13 » wendy b., posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 8:50:41
Miller, you mentioned on another thread that you experience a lot of guilt. Just a thought (and forgive me for the armchair analysis here and if I am being impertinent)--could the shoplifting have been a substitute place to "hang" your guilt feelings--ie, maybe easier to obsess about that than about the more difficult stuff you've experienced in your life? Or, by shoplifting, you somehow maintain the image of yourself as someone who has reason to feel guilty or someone who is somehow "bad"?
I read this book once about cognitive therapy for personality issues and I found it helpful for myself--not the whole book or all the approaches, but there was a checklist, kind of an assessment of the "schema" we have about ourselves--the deep rooted core ideas we believe about ourselves. The idea was that our problems serve to either avoid coming into awareness of these ideas about ourselves (because they are so painful) or our problems can also serve to maintain these ideas about ourselves (like stealing to maintain the idea that one is a bad person). I think the book is called "Cognitive Therapy for Personality Disorders: a Schema Focus" . If this link doesn't work, I'll try to get the exact title. Anyway, I found this book very helpful for myself. After I read it I brought it up in therapy and it allowed me to develop more insight into my thoughts and behaviors, and kind of launched us in a new direction for the therapy. Warning: it was also painful for me to read, but helpful.
Posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:03:11
In reply to Re: suggestions and assignments » BeardedLady, posted by Miller on January 3, 2003, at 14:17:02
"Cognitive Therapy for Personality Disorders : A Schema-Focused Approach"
by Jeffrey E. Young
Posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:45:04
In reply to suggestions and assignments » Miller, posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 14:07:07
Good idea from Beardy. Way back when, in my previous therapy in another city, during the first few years of therapy, it was very hard for me to bring things up. I would just freeze with anxiety in the sessions. So I started writing letters to the therapist. Sometimes it would be right after the session, to explain how I was feeling in the session when I couldn't explain it in person, or to react to something in the session, etc. SOmetimes it was to introduce something I couldn't bear to introduce in person but wanted him to know (you know, the shame factor). Over time, the letters evolved into writing letters, but instead of mailing them, I brought them into the session. First, have him read it. Later, he asked if I would read it out loud, and I got used to that. This finally evolved into feeling ok just bringing stuff up. But it took a while.
Nowadays, I usually feel ok about bringing things up, but even so, last year, after I wrote something on babble, I did bring it in and read it to my current therapist.
Posted by Miller on January 4, 2003, at 11:21:02
In reply to Re: suggestions and assignments, posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:45:04
Noa,
Thank you for the suggestions. I may look into that book. I will have some time on my hands in the nest couple of weeks. I am hoping to be able to do some reading that my help me get my "shit together".
-Miller
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