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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 2:07:06
I thought it would never happen, but I'm now about five years out of the severe body/food issues thing.
I was pretty mad to figure out that "being fat" body image wasn't my main problem, or real, or a problem at all but a smokescreen. Puking was a problem on a practical level (lots o' hours and dollars spent at the dentist) but also just a coping mechanism.
I still have some body issues. I feel a bit attached to being "a large woman" (dress size 16) so when I drop below that, which happens when I eat whatever I want and exercise when and how is enough to manage the depression, I get panicky and stop the exercise and eat lots of junk, which is REALLY BAD for my moods.
Anyone else been/going through food/body issues? How often are these wrapped up in depression?
It's funny, when I was in the thick of it I thought everything would be great if I could just get over those problems, and now I sometimes miss that simplistic thinking. I've come a long way, it's been a lot of work ... and I can't put it on my resume.
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 29, 2002, at 4:08:37
In reply to eating and body issues and depression, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 2:07:06
I have trouble feeding myself. I mean it's hard for me to bother to eat, I'd rather just ignore my hunger (and hunger headaches) all day, then at night I end up eating too much and poor quality food. I tend to have an empty refrigerator most of the time. I can't keep junk food in the house or I'll eat it exclusively.
When I do go food shopping I have ridiculous guilt over whatever I buy. Like my cart is advertising something negative about me. No matter if it's healthy food or junk, I find a reason to be ashamed.
Posted by automated lady on August 29, 2002, at 9:35:44
In reply to eating and body issues and depression, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 2:07:06
I know my body issues and my depression are inseparable. I don't vomit or starve, though - just binge constantly - and as a result no one believes I actually have an eating disorder. The fact is that my whole life revolves around being addicted to sugar (and not being able to function without it); denying myself happiness, friendship or hope because I don't feel I deserve it, being too fat; and HATING myself for being so fat and ugly (whether I am or not is unimportant). I am obsessed both with my weight and with my face, and I find it hard to go out because there are too many mirrors in public places that I can't stand looking into, but can't stop myself. Even when I am trying to concentrate on other things, thoughts about how fat/ugly I am get in the way. I know my depression will never go away unless this gets sorted out, but I have never found an antidepressant that helped. I attended Overeaters Anonymous meetings for a while, but there aren't any where I'm currently living. I have wasted what should have been the best years of my life obsessing about these things, but have no control over it all. How did you start to recover from your food issues?
Posted by Ted on August 29, 2002, at 10:51:54
In reply to eating and body issues and depression, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 2:07:06
<Sorry, I like buttin' in on other peoples' discussions again. And I babble too much.>
M, T, and AL (welcome, btw),
Body issues are not a common problem among men, but I have them too, at some level anyway. I took a test in some women's magazine while waiting for a doctor once to see if I had an eating disorder. It was one of those "0-10 points, no; 11-35 points, unlikely; 36-60 points, yes; 61+ points, definitely, see your doctor right away" sorts of things. I got something like 36-38 points: definitely in the "yes" category, but at the low end. I know I have an eating disorder, and I know when, where, why, and how it started in my life. My problem is that I can't reverse it or its long-term effects.
I feel ugly, not because I'm fat (which I am, btw), just because. I felt ugly when I was in highschool sports and in *excellent* shape. I have always avoided looking at myself or photos of me, which is difficult when getting a haircut or when shaving. I avoided cameras as much as possible until adulthood. Why? I don't know. Maybe because my sisters always teased me by telling me I was ugly.
I am a binge junk food eater and I can't help it. No, I am a binge eater, period. I can eat two lunches and still have dinner. Fortunately I don't do this often. I try to get enough exercise, but I don't. (Most would say I just don't try hard enough.). My weight is climbing and has been for 20 years. Lucky for me, airline seats are still big enough. :-)
Control of depression hasn't helped yet. If anyone has a solution, I'm all ears.
Ted
Posted by fiona on August 29, 2002, at 11:16:36
In reply to Re: eating and body issues and depression, posted by Ted on August 29, 2002, at 10:51:54
I have always had a problem with food and self image, ever since I was about 8 years old. Even then I thought I was fat, although I probably only weighed 50lbs. My mum was constantly making an issue out of food, and it became a very negative thing in my life. When I was a teenager she used to tease me about the size of my bum and compare it to my friends. "Oh look at the size of your bum compared to Gillians tiny behind" she would say. Gillian had bulimia and I was a normal size, weighing 115lbs at 5'4in.
When I left home for the first time, I went crazy with food, because no one was with holding it anymore, I could do whatever I wanted. Since then I go through phases of binge eating then feeling guilty afterwards. I hate the relationship I have with food, but I never seem to get out of the cycle of bingeing, feeling bad so then I eat more as a comfort. It also doesn't help that my mother is still the same and makes harsh coments about my appearance in the interest of "trying to help". That kind of help I can do without!
These are issues that I am dealing with with my therapist, so if I get any good tips I will let you know!Fiona :)
Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 11:33:53
In reply to Re: eating and body issues and depression » Medusa, posted by automated lady on August 29, 2002, at 9:35:44
Hi automatedlady,
> I know my body issues and my depression are inseparable.
That's a start!
>I don't vomitI did this just at the end. For almost three years back-to-back without exception, I was abstinent in an OA Greysheet group. (Heard of them? They're hard core!) Then I went through an ugly breakup, and suddenly couldn't keep my weighed-and-measured-and-committed-to-my-sponsor meals down - the nausea and self-disgust were so bad, my body just forced vomiting. My sponsor had no idea how to deal with this, but I clearly wasn't abstinent any more by that group definition, even if I hadn't "eaten" or "slipped". So I ended up really eating, bingeing and vomiting, and that went on for a year or so. But most of my years of eating problems were overeating and bingeing, and I always fit through doors so noone believed I had a problem.
>addicted to sugarI believed this for a long time, too. My current perspective is that OA is conducive to lifelong eating problems - it arrests the symptoms, but leaves the root problems intact with plenty of room to flourish. Once I legalised, truly legalised sugar and everything else I wanted to eat, my body was able to start asserting its desire for ... vegetables. Yup, sometimes I want a big bowl of salad. Other times I want potato chips, and open a huge bag and then after two or three I lose interest.
---
hey I have to run, but I'll come back to the rest of your post. This is interesting stuff for me - I wonder if I'll be able to one day look back on the issues I have now the way I do on the extreme eating, and, I think it's important for me to look at what went into that accomplishment.M
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