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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 47. Go back in thread:
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 14, 2002, at 22:56:26
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
Hi babyb, welcome to the board
Hey, I remember being 19. I'm 26 now. I can say that in a number of ways, 19 is good but 26 is better. Being a little wet around the ears, you're just making your first strides into adult life. That's a lot to deal with, on top of feeling depressed.
Here's the thing about depression and self-esteem: when you're already feeling down on yourself, you'll tend to interpret the experiences around you in a negative fashion. I've heard of it described as a 'negative filter.' Mix that with a sensitive personality -- which it sounds like you have -- and you end up feeling like you're responsible for making everyone and everything happy. Because this is impossible, you end up beating yourself up for being unable to do so. So basically, in depression, you end up finding things in the world to reinforce the (untrue) belief that you're stupid, worthless, or overall pathetic. Does any of this sound familiar?
When you're in this state, it takes conscious effort to start noticing the good in yourself and in the world. I started by writing down 3 things I was grateful for from that day in the morning, afternoon, and evening. That way I sort of had to pay attention to the good in life.
The other thing it takes a while to do is trust yourself to make the best choices for yourself and your happiness. Keep in mind that you are not personally responsible for anyone else's happiness. So, if you don't like your job, and can find other work, then it is in your best interest to quit it for you. You don't need to force yourself to stay in it for anyone else. After all, no one else needs to live your life for you.
Back when I was 19, I had a similar situation. I stayed at a college that I couldn't stand, mostly to keep my parents and my boyfriend happy. It took several years for me to have the guts to leave that city and attend the college I wanted. And it's not that I have serious regrets about it, but I'm sure that I would have been more successful in school if I hadn't had to spend so much energy on forcing myself to stay in a situation that didn't work for me.
Anyways, these are the ramblings of a slightly older woman --
Good luck, write if you want,
bookgurl99
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 23:02:12
In reply to Re: Is it just me?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 14, 2002, at 22:56:26
BookGurl,
Thank you for the helpful advice. That does all sound familar...kinda scary..hehe
I really do wanna do good at my job and be successful, not just for other people but for myself as well. And yes I do think I have a sensitve personality. I guess that is something that I have to work on. I think that I will try comming up with 3 things that I'm gratful for as you mentioned.
Posted by Lini on July 15, 2002, at 8:54:02
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
The great thing about quitting is that you don't have to worry about those you left behind. Yea! (I know, you're a good person, but if they're mad that you left for a job that suited you better, than they're not concerned enough about you!)When I was in highschool (I'm 25 now) I had to call people and do surveys for the Housing and Urban Development Board. Most people hated to hear my voice on the other end! But, I kinda turned it into a game, using different voices or trying to imagine what it was they were doing the moment before the phone rang. (I loved answering machines as well) Anyway, it made the rejection less, since I was just playing around. (healthy? I don't know, but it was helpful!)
Are there ways that you can promote ad space without having to use the phone? Designing billboards, flyers, visiting businesses in person? Maybe you could write out a script for yourself if you do have to use the phone? Anyway, some ideas. Best of luck!
-L
Posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
In reply to I will have to stop with this thread » babyBella, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 21:37:49
After leading B on for 4 or 5 posts, saying that you were excellent in an area where she had trouble, implying that you had advice to give, and then just bowing out... Pretty uncaring it seems; not supportive, imo. If you have advice to give to someone in pain, and your goal is to help that person, then you will give it--even if it takes 5 posts and has to end up on the faith board.
If you choose another "path" of action like bowing out, it is hard to believe you really planned to help at all. People do what they want. If you wanted to help, you would.
This distresses me, that you or anybody would do that to a poster here. It doesn't feel honest or ethical to me; it feels like game-playing.
I apologize to you, B, for this occurrence.
Shar
Posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:51:59
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
I used to hate calling people on the phone when I was setting up surveys and things like that. I did a bit of cold-calling for ad sales for my sister's newspaper. It was very tough. The thing I learned from that was training is really crucial if you want to sell for a living. I do part-time retail now, my first foray into that area, and there's quite a bit about it that feels unethical to me, so I modify it to fit my values. I don't win awards, but I can live with myself.
If you can find another job that would feel better to you, I encourage you to do that.
About people not liking you. This is very dangerous territory to get into, assuming that people don't like you or are angry with you and that it is because of you. Age 19 is a great age to learn (1) that you can't read people's minds so you can't really know what they are thinking about you; (2) there will always be people around who are happy to rain on your parade, or be unfriendly, etc.--and who knows why? (3) the people who apparently dislike you simply don't "get" how valuable you are and what you have to offer, they are poor simpletons; and (4) for those who are unfriendly, a great big smile and a warm hello is good revenge.
I'm 50, and it took me well into my 40's to learn there is just no accounting for taste, and people can be fickle with their approval, and the MOST important thing is living in a way that is acceptable to YOU. Living by your values and what is important to you. Then, if people don't approve of your choices, so be it. You aren't there to live in the way THEY want you to, or in a way that makes THEM more comfortable.
If you try to please people, turning this way and that, ending up like a pretzel--there will be someone else who doesn't like your new style. It's a no win situation.
My second tidbit for living is, it's not so much about you being understood or understanding others, as it is about you being accepted and accepting others. That includes accepting yourself.
That's all for me.
Shar
> Lately I've been feeling really down. I take my meds reguarly but I feel like my life is falling apart. And I'm only 19! LOL I'm pretty sure that everyone at my new job hates me and further more I'm pretty bad at it. I have to call people on the phone everyday and try to get them to run ads with us. And it's really hard for me to do so I don't make much money for the company. And I feel like if I quit (even if I find a new job first) everyone will be really angry with me. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do?
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 13:59:19
In reply to Pretty cold, Lou, posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
Shar,
Thank you for your response to my posts to Babybella. I would like to establish a thread here on this topic, but there were many reasons why I made a decision, right away, to not continue the thread. One reason is that I have reason to believe that the thread could be inappropriate because it is about a topic that is not essential to the goals of the board. I asked myself if it would be proper on this board to give a course on writing poetry, and I thought that that would be something that would not fall into the purpose of the board. And there were other reasons , also. But I will post the rest if you can tell me why it WOULD be proper on this board to do so. Do you mean that anyone can use this board to , let's say, tell others how to overhaul an automatic transmission?
Lou
Posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:32:58
In reply to Pretty cold, Lou, posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
I'm sure it was well meant, but when someone is desperate, I feel, its better to not respond at all or just say, 'Sorry I can't help, but I'm thinking of you, and will check in (if its genuine) Than perhaps unintentionally lead someone on.
Most people can handle disappointments on a good day, but I know for me on a bad day, something normally insignificant,like an unreturned phone call! can be devastating.
Posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:40:35
In reply to Lou' respnse to Shar's post, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 13:59:19
Still not sure I understand, but it doesn't involve me, but I apologize for my hasty reaction.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 14:51:19
In reply to Lou, didn't see your response to shar, , posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:40:35
Shar and Gabbi,
Another reason that I stopped the thread was that the length of the thread would be extensive. Now I would like to continue with the thread, but how could I justify the thread on the social board at all,for it involves my faith that I can not separate from the topic, which means that it would have to be on the faith board.
Could you give me a suggestion as to how I could post the thread?
Lou
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:00:41
In reply to Lou's response to Shar and Gabbi- part 2, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 14:51:19
Shar and Gabbi,
Another reason that I stopped the thread was because I thought it might be considered "business" instead of support. Could ask Dr. Bob to make a determination on that and if he OKs it, I will continue.
Lou
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:12:21
In reply to Lou's response to Shar and Gabbi- part 3, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:00:41
Hi Lou,
What makes of cars did you sell that summer in Cincinnati? My dad worked as business manager of a Chevrolet dealership for 21 years.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:14:08
In reply to Pretty cold, Lou, posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
Shar,
I do want to continue with the thread, but I was afraid that the thread would be like some of my other threads and cause an uproar again. It is not that I am bowing out, it is taking a time-out to see if the thread would be approved by the admin.
It is my intention to help others here with my posts, but I have to remain in the perameters of the board. Now could you tell me, and you have been here a long time, how I could post the topic knowing in advance that The City of Peace and The Rider on the White Horse is going to be involved?
Lou
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:19:37
In reply to Re: What Makes of Cars Did You Sell?, posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:12:21
Mark,
I sold Fords. I sold 40 cars a month, every month, and the dealership's best salesperson sold 12 per month. They asked me how I was able to triple their best person's sales.
Lou
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:21:06
In reply to Lou's response to Shar -part5, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:14:08
Hi again Lou,
Your question was for Shar, but I happen to be on line right now, so I hope you don't mind my offering one possible answer.
You could start a new thread on the Faith board on Sales and Service, for instance, and point people there.
The title of your post to babyBella here could be "See Sales Thread on Faith Board" and click the "no message" box.
For the social part, you could continue here.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:22:14
In reply to Lou's response to Mark H's post » Mark H., posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:19:37
Wow! That is awesome, Lou!
Many thanks,
Mark H.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:26:41
In reply to Re: Take It to the Faith Board? » Lou Pilder, posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:21:06
Mark H,
If it went to the faith board as "sales and service", wouldn't you have to rename the board just "sales and service advise" without the faith and then establish a whole new board?
Lou
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2002, at 16:01:05
In reply to Re: Take It to the Faith Board? » Mark H., posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:26:41
Lou, I think Mark's suggestion was excellent, and I'm sure Dr. Bob would let it go on the faith board. But I'm not Dr. Bob and I understand your caution. Didn't Dr. Bob invite you to contact him by email when you weren't sure about a post? Perhaps that would be best. Then you could be helpful while feeling secure about your actions within the parameters of the board.
Best wishes,
Dinah
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 16:07:38
In reply to Re: Take It to the Faith Board? » Lou Pilder, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2002, at 16:01:05
Dinah,
Thank you for your interest in this administration matter. I have emailed Dr. Bob, and we can wait for his response. Thank you for pointing out that you understand "my caution".
Best wishes,
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 15, 2002, at 16:37:35
In reply to Lou's respnse to Dinah's post » Dinah, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 16:07:38
Thank you all for your concern. I didn't mean to make such an upheaval (spelling?) or mockery of the board. I was simply asking for some advice on how to not be nervous. I didn't mean to make anyone mad at Lou, although leading me on with no definate answer was annoying..lol At any rate I do apologize for this whole incident
babyB
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 17:27:38
In reply to Re: Lou's respnse to Dinah's post, posted by babyBella on July 15, 2002, at 16:37:35
Hi babyBella,
No need to apologize at all. We're all sorting out what type of posting works best on each board at the moment. Social is the least specific of the boards, and your posts are appropriate here.
If I understand correctly, Lou's faith is integrated into many different aspects of his life, so he is being sensitive to others by realizing that what he intended to share with you was about to include matters of spiritual belief that might be more appropriately expressed on the Faith board.
If you're new to these boards, welcome! My advice is to give others the benefit of the doubt whenever you can, and to take everyone's advice (including mine) with a grain of salt.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 17:31:22
In reply to Re: Take It to the Faith Board? » Mark H., posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:26:41
Lou,
I don't think it would require a new board. Matters of faith include all aspects of life, including our work. In fact, it's the application of faith in daily life that most interests me. Pure theory often leaves me scratching my head.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
> Mark H,
> If it went to the faith board as "sales and service", wouldn't you have to rename the board just "sales and service advise" without the faith and then establish a whole new board?
> Lou
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 17:47:21
In reply to Lou's response to Mark H's post » Mark H., posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:19:37
Lou,
How were you able to triple their best person's sales? Selling 40 cars a month is a remarkable achievement, even in a city 5 times as large as Cincinnati. Wow! I'm sure the dealership was sorry to see you go -- how could you leave a position in which you were so successful?
Best wishes,
Mark H.
> Mark,
> I sold Fords. I sold 40 cars a month, every month, and the dealership's best salesperson sold 12 per month. They asked me how I was able to triple their best person's sales.
> Lou
Posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 17:53:10
In reply to Re: Lou's respnse to Dinah's post, posted by babyBella on July 15, 2002, at 16:37:35
Oh gosh,
I'm new here too though I don't act like it. I think if my first letter had had such a domino I would have been mortified. You are a sensitive person, and so am I. I think what happened took on a life of its own, and (my opinion) is that now its simply being used as an example to establish what belongs where, and the principles involved should something like this occur again then at least there will be some sort of "standard"
Don't let it scare you off! I've read boards from previous sessions and things like this have happened before.
Finding this place has been such a huge help, and fun, so much genuine support I hope this didn't make you think you set off a landmine you didn't.
Posted by babyBella on July 15, 2002, at 18:31:13
In reply to Don't let it scare you! Baby Bella » babyBella, posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 17:53:10
I just didn't want my first post to make ya'll mad at me. It appears as though no one is. That's good. I plan on sticking around here, although perhaps with less controversial posts
babyB
Posted by Phil on July 15, 2002, at 18:45:44
In reply to Re: Don't let it scare you! Baby Bella, posted by babyBella on July 15, 2002, at 18:31:13
bB, You are young articulate so to me that says...head shop. *That's a joke, sorry.
How about something you would enjoy? Do you like the outdoors? Do you like music? Sell CD's.
Work at a zoo. Join the circus.
Phone sales suck, I'm sorry. Outbound phone sales requires skills that 99% of people don't even want. I've done it. There was no amount of prayer or anything else that could motivate me.
Depression and rejection are a bad, bad combination.Have fun,
Phil
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