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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
I feel like how much can one human being take??? I entered intensive outpatient this week since I was not doing well since suicidal attempt in May. I am on better terms with my husband, though. But our cat of 20 years will need to be put to sleep today. I feel like a chunk of my heart is being sliced away. She was so sweet and gave unconditional love. People keep telling me she was "just a cat" but she was so much more than that. At times she was my best friend and on days when I could not smile, I always smiled when I saw her and touched her. How can I go on without her?
I should probably put this on med board, But at the IOP, I was told that I definitely have a type of bipolar disorder and trileptal was added to prozac and neurontion. Will I ever feel well again???
Posted by IsoM on June 29, 2002, at 14:40:02
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Mandy, I cried & cried when my poor sick 'friend' was put to sleep. That was 8 1/2 years ago & my eyes still mist up with thinking of him. I'm so, so sorry for you & her.
Nothing will replace your kitty. Even in their old age, they're still your baby. The pain is almost as intense as losing a child, if you truly love your pet. Even though nothing will replace her, get another cat. Maybe not a kitten but a grown-up, gentle adult from the pound that wouldn't live otherwise.
I desparately needed another soft, warm, furry body to hold on to & cry into. And you'll have saved a small life. Just get the people there to help you pick one appropriate for you, a real snuggler.
Posted by shar on June 29, 2002, at 21:03:34
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
This is from a web site about pet loss ( think it is www.petloss.com). Often I believe we are closer to our pets than we ever can be to people.
For you and your kitty, Mandy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown
Posted by katekite on June 30, 2002, at 10:16:10
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Hi Mandy,
As a vet, I think I know what you're going through, not completely, but in part.
A friend of yours is about to die. A new kitten is not going to help that, not today. No one telling you she is 'just a cat' is going to make her 'just a cat' because she is and always was much more than that. This is no different than losing a human friend. You've known this friend for 20 years and it is not fair that they can't live our lifespan with us, as any other friend would.
I've met people who would pay any amount of money to prolong the life of their cat just a few weeks when it was completely futile. I've had old codgers sob onto my shoulder, men who did not cry. This kind of pain hits everyone who's pet is a real member of their family. Not everyone will understand, but that doesn't matter at all.
I know from experience after experience, that you and your human family members are probably doing the right thing in putting her to sleep. At 20, putting a cat to sleep is never wrong. Euthanasia is the one gift that we can give a cat that we couldn't give a human family member. There are humans who have to languish and die slowly in pain, but thank god, we do not have to let our pets suffer like that. It makes no sense to prolong a life that has managed to go far past the lifespan of most cats, especially when she surely has medical problems.
The other thing I know from experience, is that time really does help. You will never forget her but it will get easier to think of her. You will get another cat when the time is right, and you will know when that is: for some it might be next week, for others a year or more. It is hard to know how long it will take, but at some point you will be able to think of her without crying, will be able to remember the warm companionship she gave without it hurting. The pain will fade but you will never forget her.
It's a heck of a time for this to be happening.
I'm so so sorry you have to go through this, now or any other time.
Kate
Posted by ShelliR on June 30, 2002, at 21:34:09
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Mandy,
I'm so sorry about your cat. When one of my cats had to die, we buried her in the back year. It hurt so much that I actually wanted to dig her up the next day, even though I knew it was crazy. I just wanted to see her and feel her.
I do have another cat so that helped alot. But the cat that died was my first pet and I don't think I could love any stronger than I loved her.
People without pets don't understand and it is best to stay away from the issue with them.
It will be easier soon. Really.
Meanwhile my other cat is 21, and it is painful to think that she, too, will leave someday in the not to distant future.
Shelli
Posted by krazy kat on July 1, 2002, at 11:21:25
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Mandy:
2 quick things as I run out the door:
>> I feel like a chunk of my heart is being sliced away. She was so sweet and gave unconditional love. People keep telling me she was "just a cat" but she was so much more than that.
Mandy, tell those folks (or ask your husband to) that they have no idea what your relationship to this animal was and that they need to keep their opinions to themselves. To offer support, my family mourned the passing of my "teenage years dog" for about two years (I've had so many pets...). We went through the same process a person would for losing a human relative. And I think that adding a new animal to the house, When you feel that you've grieved her passing, is the best decision.
> I should probably put this on med board, But at the IOP, I was told that I definitely have a type of bipolar disorder and trileptal was added to prozac and neurontion. Will I ever feel well again???
Seems like a viable possiblity (the dx). If you are BP, the trileptal (or another stabilizer) will be the key to your recovery. And I Really like Neurontin as an adjunct. You will feel better. Hang on.
- kk
Posted by Rach on July 1, 2002, at 22:21:34
In reply to Re: Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying » Mandy, posted by krazy kat on July 1, 2002, at 11:21:25
Shar's post made me cry my heart out, even though my cat was put to sleep over 8 years ago.
She was very young, only about 8, but she developed a blood clot that cut off the circulation to her back legs. She remained paralysed in our back yard for about 5 hours before I found her, meowing and dragging herself to me with her front paws.
She was my best friend. You never forget that, never forget the love, and for me, the hurt has never gone away. I cried solidly for three nights after she died, that stomach deep, heart aching crying; most often lying in the bath by myself so I didn't wake my family. Then slowly, it got easier, the pain wasn't a constant companion. But the pain is still there, inside me, along with all the great memories.
This can be harder than losing a human friend, because when that happens everyone is supportive and understanding and there are many channels in place to help you grieve. So its important to look after yourself, take the time you need, ignore anyone who doesn't understand, and definately make sure your med situation is sorted and enough to deal with the trauma.
Remember that we are always here for you.
Posted by Angel Girl on July 2, 2002, at 0:44:06
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Mandy
I don't know you but I do know what it's like to lose a cat that you love so much. I lost my siamese cat when he was 18 years old a little over 3 years ago. I went into a deep depression then and people thought I was crazy, they didn't understand how a cat could mean so much.
But I know how much your cat means to you. It's extremely hard letting go and I still haven't let go of my cat. He was truly my baby.
I have since got two new cats but it was about one year after my precious baby was put down. I needed time to partially heal and I initially felt it was a betrayal of my love for my cat to get another one. Now, I love my 2 cats with all my heart and don't know what I would do without them. They keep me alive.
I'm soooooo sorry that you have lost your kitty at a time that you probably needed her the most. Please take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.
I understand. I truly understand. <hugs>
Angel Girl
Posted by IsoM on July 2, 2002, at 0:58:12
In reply to Re: Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Rach on July 1, 2002, at 22:21:34
...and your post made my eyes well up. I think it's the utter helplessness of our pets when they're ill or get older that hurts us so much. To them, we've always been able to fix things for them - after all, we're their mama as far they know. I feel like I've abandone them at a time like this. No one who hasn't lost a dearly loved pet knows how much it hurts.
Posted by Mandy on July 2, 2002, at 11:36:49
In reply to your kitty, Rach... » Rach, posted by IsoM on July 2, 2002, at 0:58:12
It has been three days now since we held Shadow and had her put to sleep--my husband, who never cries, was sobbing. The house is so empty. I keep finding little pieces of her hair here and there. We had her cremated and will get the ashes tomorrow and bury them in our yard in a special place. 20 years with anyone, man or animal, is a long time, and she definitely was our spoiled little baby. We will wait awhile before deciding on another kitty. Noone could ever replace Shadow. How many cats do you know who insisted on drinking their water out of a special glass on the desk upstairs (and when she was too old to climb up there, she meowed till we put her there)!!! So many lovely memories. Thanks everyone for your support, Mandy
Posted by Angel Girl on July 2, 2002, at 14:41:27
In reply to Everyone has helped so much, posted by Mandy on July 2, 2002, at 11:36:49
Mandy
You're right, no cat will ever replace Shadow. All cats are different and all have their own special little quirks. Take your time to grieve the loss of your kitty before deciding on getting another one. I also got the ashes of my siamese kitty that I had to put down. He was such a huge part of my life that I felt so horrible when he was gone. Now I feel he will always be with me. My family thinks I'm crazy but I'm having his ashes buried with mine. We will always be together.
I wish there was a way to make it easier for you but there isn't anything anybody can do. It even took me months before I could look at any of my baby's pictures and even more than 3 years later, I still cry when I look at them. He is so missed. I know you will always have a special place in your heart for Shadow.
I know this might sound really wacky but I felt a real sense of relief once I got possession of his ashes. I hope you find some sense of peace soon. <hugs>
Angel Girl
Posted by Vanessa on July 3, 2002, at 19:06:34
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how deeply it can hurt. I lost my beloved cat Diamond four years ago, and I still get a lump in my throat when I think of her, her beauty, warmth and love. I've had lots of cats, but she was my favorite. A few years ago I went through a 3-year-long serious depression. I spent most of my time lying on the couch, almost comatose. Every evening, without fail, when she came in from outdoors, she ran right over to me and climbed on my chest, laid down over my heart and put her face on my neck. She stayed that way for most of the evening. And every time I cried, which was often during that period, she came running into my room to comfort me, with a very concerned look on her face. I miss her so much. As far as getting support with your loss, forget the shallow "it's only a cat" crowd. On the Internet are special pet sites where you can grieve as much as you need to and get lots of support from fellow pet lovers. Try "petloss.com" message board.
Posted by Angel Girl on July 5, 2002, at 14:54:48
In reply to Re: Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Vanessa on July 3, 2002, at 19:06:34
Vanessa
I know exactly what you're talking about. Isn't it amazing how much cat's seem to instinctively know that we are hurting and they will come so readily to comfort us.
I currently have 2 cats. My Sammy is like your kitty. He will come and lie ontop of me too. He has really bonded with me since I've been at home so much with this depression. And like you also said, Sammy always comes running when he knows I'm crying as if he needs to make me feel better and his comfort always does help immensely because even though I can't seem to feel love from any of the people in my life, I KNOW that both of my kitties love me.
I think pets can be a great source of comfort when we are suffering. I know mine are what keep my alive for who could love them as much as I could. They are my babies.
My heart goes out to Mandy for her loss and to anyone else who loses their much loved pet during the time they need them the most.
Sending cyber hugs to you Mandy.
Angel Girl
Posted by JohnDoenut on July 8, 2002, at 0:38:16
In reply to Please HELP--Phil or others--now my cat is dying, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2002, at 13:36:00
Im so sorry to hear this. I cant imagine having to go through that. But someone I know just did and we have two cats so I guess it will happen someday. But for now we just love them like they are our children. People who dont have pets dont understand and I think thats why they say things like that, its "only" a cat or something. If they ever did have an animal friend then they would know. I went to that petloss site. It was so sad I couldnt bear it and left. I hope youre ok.
JohnD
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