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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 2:59:04
Well, depressed again. Just off one AD, waiting for another to (possibly) take effect. Luckily it's spring break so I don't have to attend school in this state, but I'm having trouble filling the days. I need some "coping skills." I usually spend these periods reading, writing, and watching movies... but I could use some new ideas.
Has anyone had any success with goal setting? I used to be very much against setting goals, but it might be worth a try.
I guess there might be a bright side to this... most of my breakthroughs come at my darkest times. I just don't know if I have the patience of my youth anymore.
Thanks,
ChrisWhat did you say about running before we were walking?
Posted by johnX2 on March 13, 2002, at 7:44:00
In reply to help me help myself, posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 2:59:04
Hi Chris,I find that the only way to survive a depression is to take my mind off it. Being stuck with ones own thoughts is the worst enemy. Seems you got this one figured out already. Took me a long time.
My father was really gungho live a well balanced life, etc. He seemed to trivialize my accomplishments. Always pissed me off. I'm obsessive compulsive goal setter/perfectionist. Now, I'm trying to be more laid back and enjoy little things. Maybe we can help each other complement our skill? You seem so nice and easy going. I'm uptight. Very type A.
What kind of goals do you want to work on?
I'm standing on the sidelines rooting for ya!
best wishes,
john
> Well, depressed again. Just off one AD, waiting for another to (possibly) take effect. Luckily it's spring break so I don't have to attend school in this state, but I'm having trouble filling the days. I need some "coping skills." I usually spend these periods reading, writing, and watching movies... but I could use some new ideas.
>
> Has anyone had any success with goal setting? I used to be very much against setting goals, but it might be worth a try.
>
> I guess there might be a bright side to this... most of my breakthroughs come at my darkest times. I just don't know if I have the patience of my youth anymore.
>
> Thanks,
> Chris
>
> What did you say about running before we were walking?
Posted by IsoM on March 13, 2002, at 16:23:11
In reply to help me help myself, posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 2:59:04
Chris, you remind me of two of my sons (at least somewhat). Here you're only 20 (am I right?) & you feel so old. Problems with depression can really age a person mentally, can't it?
I'm all for goal setting. I think it's a great idea. But don't take it too seriously - realise that you're writing in sand alongside the water's edge, not in stone. As the waves of life come ebb & flow, some of your plans may be washed away. But that can be good, if you let it.
What goal setting can do is give you a feel for what you'd like to do, even to solidify vague ideas tumbling about in your mind that you may not even be conscious about. By putting it down in writing, you can actually look back on it in the days ahead to see how you've grown & what's changed. Just because you haven't necessarily reached the goals you wrote down, doesn't mean you haven't reach other goals you hadn't thought about. And some of what you wrote, may now seem not so important after all.
Along with goals you'd like to reach, I'd also suggest writing down what you have already accomplished - tangible or not. Writing down "gained insight & empathy with others" may not have anything physical to show for it, but is far more important than "acquired a house & mortgage in the suburbs". It'll show how you developed as a person of worth. I'd also suggest breaking down goals into subcategories: what you'd like to accomplish next month, next year, & in a number of years. You know, short-term, middle-term, & long-term goals.
You're still young, Chris. This is the time for you to fully develop your personality rather than achieve works. Use them time to travel, if you can. If you can't (like me, limited finances), read & explore other cultures, lands, peoples, viewpoints, go to ethnic restaurants, stores, & shops, museums, etc. develop yourself to the full. Even when depressed, this can be carried on albeit in a somwhat limited way. The best way you can develop coping skils is to be around other people. You don't necessarily have to interact with them, but you can just observe & reflect on other's actions & reactions.
Posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 16:33:45
In reply to Re: help me help myself » christophrejmc, posted by johnX2 on March 13, 2002, at 7:44:00
> My father was really gungho live a well balanced life, etc. He seemed to trivialize my accomplishments. Always pissed me off.
I can somewhat relate; except my parents were more concerned about accomplishments that were trivial, they never cared much about the accomplishments that really mattered to me.
> I'm obsessive compulsive goal setter/perfectionist.
That's part of my problem -- I tend to be quite perfectionistic about goals I set, then I get overwhelmed/distracted/ADD'd and completely lose interest. It's like I get a huge burst of energy and then it's all gone.
> Now, I'm trying to be more laid back and enjoy little things. Maybe we can help each other complement our skill? You seem so nice and easy going. I'm uptight. Very type A.
Sure, I'll take some type A. I definitely have my uptight side, but I'm only uptight about strange things.
> What kind of goals do you want to work on?Getting through this semester, scheduling summer classes, transferring to a better school, getting a job, deciding what I want to do with my life... the usual stuff. I'll probably split everything up into smaller steps to try to prevent distraction.
> I'm standing on the sidelines rooting for ya!
Thanks, I really do appreciate it.
-Chris
Posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 17:43:43
In reply to Re: Goal Setting » christophrejmc, posted by IsoM on March 13, 2002, at 16:23:11
Thanks, IsoM. You're idea about listing already-accomplished goals is great! Breaking them down in long/mid/short-term also makes a lot of sense (and will hopefully prevent ADD self-sabotage, if I can dodge the wooden shoes).
I am 20. I don't know how "old" I feel anymore. I think that I've experienced quite a lot thus far, probably more than many people twice my age. I grew up way too fast, maybe it'll be easier now that my chronological age is closer to my emotional age.
> Use them time to travel, if you can. If you can't (like me, limited finances), read & explore other cultures, lands, peoples, viewpoints, go to ethnic restaurants, stores, & shops, museums, etc. develop yourself to the full.
I love doing this stuff; unfortunately it's hard to do in the suburbs. I want to travel, but I really can't afford it. I think one of my goals should be to make enough money to travel Europe, stay at hostels, ride the trains, and just explore.
> The best way you can develop coping skils is to be around other people. You don't necessarily have to interact with them, but you can just observe & reflect on other's actions & reactions.
Again, I love doing this, but only when I'm somewhere else. It's possible that some of my problems are caused, or at least made worse by the kinds of people in my area... a total lack of culture. The only way I'm going to find interesting people is to push myself to look for them... maybe I should make that a goal.
-Chris
Posted by Zo on March 17, 2002, at 2:54:19
In reply to help me help myself, posted by christophrejmc on March 13, 2002, at 2:59:04
Christopher, you kinda slipped this in, but it is the key to anyone who would follow their own inner life: "most of my breakthroughs come in times of greatest darkness."
I paraphrase because this new system makes me lose the quote--but I wonder what kind of breakthroughs. And if you aren't already following a path.Zo
Posted by christophrejmc on March 19, 2002, at 6:47:33
In reply to Re: help me help myself » christophrejmc, posted by Zo on March 17, 2002, at 2:54:19
> I paraphrase because this new system makes me lose the quote--but I wonder what kind of breakthroughs. And if you aren't already following a path.
Any kind, really. Sometimes it's a personal insight -- an idea that dramatically changes my entire sense of Self. Other times it's an idea for an essay, a solution to a problem, or a new code to write. I guess it just clears my mind so I can think things through more effectively (sorta like meditation?). The only problem is, I haven't been asking many questions lately. I've come so far in understanding myself -- I fear the day when I figure it all out (how boring it would be).
I think I am following a path, but it's not an easy path... I'm scared that if I continue on, I'll end up fucking everything up.
I didn't sleep last night, so please excuse my incoherence.
-chris
Posted by Lou Pilder on March 20, 2002, at 9:35:42
In reply to Re: help me help myself » Zo, posted by christophrejmc on March 19, 2002, at 6:47:33
Christofrejmc;
Job asked;
"But where can wisdom be found?
And where is the place of understanding?
Man does not know its value,
It can not be purchased for gold,
For the price of wisdomm is above rubies.
From where then does wisdom come?
And where is the place of understanding?
God understands its way,
And He knows its place.
He prepared it, inded,He serched it out.
And to man he said,
"Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,
And to depart from evil is understanding."A Psalm:
Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path
Lou
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