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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by leh on December 27, 2001, at 2:24:59
I've experienced depression for as long as I can remember. Winters and losses are especially difficult. I've experienced 3 major 6-months-in-bed depressions and usually feel very low during the winter months. I have taken antidepressants on and off for about 6 years, off only mainly due to finances.
My son was diagnosed BP a few years ago and recently I have begun to wonder about my history. I move a lot: 9 different homes in 10 years; change work frequently: 5 different lines of work in the past 10 years; relationships with anyone, while intense, last maybe 2-3 years tops; I have little or no control with money: credit is out of the question. Education is incomplete.
Watching my son go through manic episodes, I know that I have never been full blown manic. Yet there are consistent periods of time that I am creatively energized. September October, for one. Most of the time I try to do things that are short-lived, as I'll either lose interest in them or find I have to wait until I'm in the mood to do them. And the mood doesn't ever last too long.
I know that my history appears pretty manic, although my personality is not. I have read generalized descriptions about cyclothymic temperament, which does seem to fit, but cannot locate personal experience writing. I mean, I'd like to know more about living with cyclothymia, how it manifests in your life, how you experience it, how you deal with restlessness, if you have goals and how you set and achieve them.
I rarely even notice depression setting in and have to see unwashed dishes or ask myself when was the last time I washed my hair. These are the initial tipoffs for me. My friends notice other things, like isolation and withdrawal. But I have no clue how to identify a cyclothymic-style mania and, frankly, I've always considered my energetic periods to be my normal times. But I get in over my head with things, overcommit myself, take on huge projects, am financially ridiculous, and don't even see it coming.
If you have any experience you can share with me, I'd be really grateful. While I don't really want to get into a medication discussion, I do wonder how meds affect you, what they do to your energy level and/or focus, how and if they've helped and in what ways.
Thank you so much.
Posted by allisonf on December 29, 2001, at 8:17:48
In reply to Anyone here cyclothymic?, posted by leh on December 27, 2001, at 2:24:59
Hi Leh,
I was just diagnosed with cyclothymia a few months ago. Reading your story, there's definitely some overlap in our experiences. Like you, I have had much difficulty commiting to jobs, career paths, education, work projects, and relationships. I haven't moved around as much as you have, but I have often felt that I wish I could just up and leave. While I've had problems with anxiety and panic attacks on and off for the past 10 years, this spring was the start of my first real hypomanic episode (tho I have been experiencing these sort of highs since I was a teenager and just never had a name for them). I had all the typical symptoms of hypomania--talking so fast that my words would stumble over each other. Sleeping very little, but feeling highly energized. Writing and writing and writing (I have had a really hard time coming down to earth about the notion that I will be a great author someday!)--I think I have filled up more of those blank books in one summer than I did in the past 3 years! Lots of expansive thinking--I spent one whole day (I'm not kidding) coming up with just the right description for the voice of a rock star I idolize. Some spending sprees, but not too out of control--mostly just on books and wine, nothing weird. Incredible, ovewhelming desire for sex and alcohol that so clearly comes when I'm up & disappears when I'm down. Unlike you, I've never had a true depressive episode (yet), but have lately been rapid cycling and having some very low periods (I can't even imagine them getting lower...)In terms of focusing on goals and acheiving them, I'm still working on that! Most of the things I accomplish, I have done in a sort of compulsive way during my frenzied periods, but then find that I later reject what I've accomplished as not good enough or something I don't want. Does that make sense?It sounds like your experience, while mostly manifesting itself as depression, could be more bipolar. You know, I read someplace recently that people with bipolar (like your son) much more often have a family history of people with bipolar rather than a family history of people with unipolar depression. That would point to you having some bipolar tendencies. You mentioned that you had been on some AD, maybe you could try a MS in that mix and see what that does. I have been on neurontin lately, without much success and am just going off it to try Depakote. Have you had any experience with those drugs thru your son?
Best of luck to you and keep me posted.
Take care--
Allison
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