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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by akc on December 12, 2001, at 7:23:19
I don't know if this will ever end. I'm going to try to string together some work today with the eye of going into the hospital soon if this does not break. Something has to give. Or at least, plan on sleeping at my mom's next week the entire time I am there. I just wrote a 4 page letter to my pdoc trying to educate her of my history, my fears, etc. Hopefully, she won't just treat me like some common criminal, some drug addict seeking a high, or something -- that is how she treated me yesterday.
I am scared. This spell has lasted a lot longer than any recently. But off to work I go.
akc
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2001, at 8:54:41
In reply to This is the worst, posted by akc on December 12, 2001, at 7:23:19
Perhaps it's time to start looking for another pdoc? Don't fire this one until you find another, though. My first pdoc made me feel awful about myself and firing him was the best thing I did.
FWIW, your recent troubles sound exactly like my recent episode of agitated depression that lasted from 9/11 to 10/23. (Notice I can remember the dates without looking.) I was completely ineffective at work, had cutting episodes just to stay marginally functional at home, and spent hours rocking on the floor of my closet (actually I recommend that - very womblike and calming). I upped the Klonopin a bit during that period, just to survive. My pdoc was very supportive of this. And you can tell your pdoc that since I have never even seen an illegal drug and have never been drunk even once in my life, seeking relief when in intolerable pain does not make you a drug seeking addict or criminal. It's a shame that being open with your doctor exposes you to so much abuse. I know you, in general, like this doctor, but really...
I'm sorry, but insensitive pdocs really annoy me.
Posted by Krazy Kat on December 12, 2001, at 11:22:51
In reply to This is the worst, posted by akc on December 12, 2001, at 7:23:19
> akc:
I've been refraining from posting because I don't want to upset you further, and I think we have some differing opinions about things. I have been following your posts, though, and am sorry for what you're going through.
I really think the best solution is to try and switch careers. Time and again your career comes up as a very stressful factor. I understand about law school loans and debt (my husband went to law school), but there are other options. He has never even taken the bar.
I know from friends who are lawyers that it is a particularly hard working, and low-rewarding career. I believe they do it mainly because of their love of law.
Admitting that this could help, tremendously in my opinion, is difficult. I had to admit that publishing was really wearing me down, and that business in general wasn't my cup of tea. I felt like a failure for quite awhile.
But I don't really think that's the case at all now. Alleviating the stress, or major stress, obviously doesn't solve the problem. I've had two major depressive episodes since quitting. But it does make you more resilient, gives you more control over your recovery.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
- Kat
Posted by Simcha on December 12, 2001, at 12:16:24
In reply to This is the worst, posted by akc on December 12, 2001, at 7:23:19
akc,
Try to be gentle to yourself.
I had a wonderful therapist that pointed out that I was trying to do too much for someone who was suffering from depression and recovering from sexual abuse. She used to say that I would do more in a day than most of her patients would do in an entire week!!!!
I struggled to appear "normal" to everyone. I over-compensated for my illness. I worked at 300% so that it would appear that I was at the same level as everyone else.
This was not gentle. It was not respectful of my needs at that time. I had to learn to slow down and to allow myself to sleep all day if I needed it. I had to learn to allow myself to simply stare off into space and do nothing every now and then. I had to learn to lower my unreasonable expectations of myself at work and in relationships.
I think that you and I are a lot alike. You sound like you are highly functioning even with all of the cr*p you are dealing with. Perhaps you might need to be a little less functional for a bit. Maybe your body and your mind are telling you to take a break?
I found that as I've eased up on myself a bit I have found more serenity.
Take Care,
Easy Does It..
Simcha> I don't know if this will ever end. I'm going to try to string together some work today with the eye of going into the hospital soon if this does not break. Something has to give. Or at least, plan on sleeping at my mom's next week the entire time I am there. I just wrote a 4 page letter to my pdoc trying to educate her of my history, my fears, etc. Hopefully, she won't just treat me like some common criminal, some drug addict seeking a high, or something -- that is how she treated me yesterday.
>
> I am scared. This spell has lasted a lot longer than any recently. But off to work I go.
>
> akc
Posted by Sourceror on December 12, 2001, at 23:47:03
In reply to Re: This is the worst » akc, posted by Simcha on December 12, 2001, at 12:16:24
akc,
I am starting to think that the hospital might be the best thing for you. I have been following your posts and the little bit of time I have spent with you in the chat room and it sounds like you need a genuine break from life and the hospital may be the only place that you will allow yourself to do that. I see you constantly having to tredge on and you are having no down time for you. I know that you have commitments and people counting on you but what are you really giving them while you are feeling this way. Anyhow I hope this helps a little.L8R,
The Sourceror
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