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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Mair on November 26, 2001, at 22:23:00
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Cass - is this guy your therapist too or does he just monitor your meds? If not the former, do you have a therapist?
Mair
Posted by robinibor on November 26, 2001, at 23:02:05
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Please call someone else. How about checking on one of the Suicide hotlines?
I found this on the website at www.metanoia.org and there's another good site at www.save.org
Send an e-mail to The Samaritans or Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S. Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call another psychotherapist or a minister or rabbi; call someone who is likely to listen.
Please try again.
> Today has been a roller coaster. First thing this morning, I had left a message with my pdoc's exchange saying that it was urgent. He still hadn't called by 3:00, so I called again and left another message. Around the middle of the day, I got a little potentially good news in terms of finances. I felt a little better. But when I called my pdoc again later, the office had already left. I can't believe he didn't call me back. I also had left him a message last Friday. Why would he ignore an urgent message from me? I owe him money, and his secretary has been upset about it. I've even wondered if she didn't give him the messages, but I doubt she would stoop that low. I am devastated. Doesn't he care if I live or die? I'm alive, as you all can tell, but you have no idea how much I'm teetering on the edge. I have one foot in life and the other in death. I feel like someone who is terminally ill. Death feels so close.
Posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 23:24:46
In reply to Re: Suicide » Cass, posted by Mair on November 26, 2001, at 22:23:00
He is my therapist.
Posted by kiddo on November 27, 2001, at 0:22:32
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Does he have a pager, after hours emergency number? If you need to-go to the ER, they'll get ahold of him for you....There are crisis lines you can call-if it gets that bad, call me! I'm not doc/therp, but I've been there, and can listen.
Kiddo
> Today has been a roller coaster. First thing this morning, I had left a message with my pdoc's exchange saying that it was urgent. He still hadn't called by 3:00, so I called again and left another message. Around the middle of the day, I got a little potentially good news in terms of finances. I felt a little better. But when I called my pdoc again later, the office had already left. I can't believe he didn't call me back. I also had left him a message last Friday. Why would he ignore an urgent message from me? I owe him money, and his secretary has been upset about it. I've even wondered if she didn't give him the messages, but I doubt she would stoop that low. I am devastated. Doesn't he care if I live or die? I'm alive, as you all can tell, but you have no idea how much I'm teetering on the edge. I have one foot in life and the other in death. I feel like someone who is terminally ill. Death feels so close.
Posted by akc on November 27, 2001, at 6:31:04
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Cass,
I am glad that you are still here. I cannot believe that your pdoc did not call you back. When he does call -- and he will -- express your anger -- and you have every right to be angry. And tell him everything.
I hope you reached out elsewhere. I am glad you continue to reach out here. You mean so much to us here.
How are you today?
I care about you.
akc
Posted by Phil on November 27, 2001, at 7:24:08
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Cass,
Even though you were flying by on a roller coaster, your post was very much appreciated.
By the way, it took me 10 years to pay off my first shrink. Owed him around 2000.00 but never could get my shit together.
I finally wrote about 40 $50.00 checks dated one month apart and told them this was the only way I could do it. He had a lot of turnover in staff but I think every one of them hated me!!!
He never threatened me with collection agencies, etc. Must have known I was busy losing my house and all my credit. That was 15 years ago..somehow, I didn't go nuts. Not any further nuts anyway.
Sorry to ramble..it's just good to hear from you.
As the above Dr. always used to say, "We're pulling for you." I always wanted to ask,"Who the hell is we?"Phil
> Today has been a roller coaster. First thing this morning, I had left a message with my pdoc's exchange saying that it was urgent. He still hadn't called by 3:00, so I called again and left another message. Around the middle of the day, I got a little potentially good news in terms of finances. I felt a little better. But when I called my pdoc again later, the office had already left. I can't believe he didn't call me back. I also had left him a message last Friday. Why would he ignore an urgent message from me? I owe him money, and his secretary has been upset about it. I've even wondered if she didn't give him the messages, but I doubt she would stoop that low. I am devastated. Doesn't he care if I live or die? I'm alive, as you all can tell, but you have no idea how much I'm teetering on the edge. I have one foot in life and the other in death. I feel like someone who is terminally ill. Death feels so close.
Posted by nightlight on November 27, 2001, at 8:09:19
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Dear Cass,
I've been reading for years, but didn't post much-depression, no energy, responsibilities (I barely met).
But, I am SO glad to see you posting!!!
Ye gods! That therapist!!!I would be very angry. Ya know, 'the best revenge is living well' or simply *living*.
I had s/t similar happen to me, I was so enraged, I immediately started seriously hunting for a new doc. I got different meds, much more (medical)support, and miraculously, began to feel a bit better. But it took that anger to thrust me forward. Just my experience.
Please stay~nightlight
> Today has been a roller coaster. First thing this morning, I had left a message with my pdoc's exchange saying that it was urgent. He still hadn't called by 3:00, so I called again and left another message. Around the middle of the day, I got a little potentially good news in terms of finances. I felt a little better. But when I called my pdoc again later, the office had already left. I can't believe he didn't call me back. I also had left him a message last Friday. Why would he ignore an urgent message from me? I owe him money, and his secretary has been upset about it. I've even wondered if she didn't give him the messages, but I doubt she would stoop that low. I am devastated. Doesn't he care if I live or die? I'm alive, as you all can tell, but you have no idea how much I'm teetering on the edge. I have one foot in life and the other in death. I feel like someone who is terminally ill. Death feels so close.
Posted by Fi on November 27, 2001, at 12:15:45
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 26, 2001, at 22:13:32
Today was dreadful- well done for getting thru it. I hope you will follow the suggestions on talking to someone else (and looking for a new pdoc, when you can face it). Meanwhile, every day/hour/minute you get thru is an achievement- well done.
It should be just a little easier if you talk to someone... You want to be around to give your pdoc a hard time (surely not replying to an urgent call counts as some sort of malpractice- maybe you could sue him and he would owe *you* money!)Fi
Posted by sar on November 27, 2001, at 12:36:06
In reply to Re: Suicide » Cass, posted by Fi on November 27, 2001, at 12:15:45
dear Cass,
how are you today? i hope that you'll post...as you can see, many people are concerned about you...
your therapist sounds like a complete tool. i had one very similar to that and wrote her 2 very controlled letters explaining why she was fired and why i was sticking her with the $500 bill. and i suppose she realised she was in the wrong, for sh hasn't tried to bill me since.
sorry about the little detour there...is there anything that makes you feel slightly better? i'm sorry to hear how ill you feel, i know it can feel absolutely desolate...what can i say to you, sweetheart? just that i wish you'd talk to us.
love,
sar
Posted by shelliR on November 27, 2001, at 16:50:45
In reply to Suicide, posted by Cass on November 23, 2001, at 23:57:55
Cass, I wish you would write today. I think it's important to all the people on the board who care about you. I think you owe it to be straight with us, and let us know if you are safe.
If you're not sure whether to kill yourself, it is obviously not the right time to make that move. You can always change your mind later, it you die there is no changing of mind. Except that a lot of people fail and end up living with brain damage.
Living with brain damage is not always something that you can change. But the other things you can change, not immediately unfortunately, but with a plan, and safety until you are ready to implement the plan.
Both Judy and Sar and others had an excellent suggestions. We can support you, but you are the one who has to make the change in thinking. Break down the reasons that you want to die in a very concrete list. Also the things you love and the people who care. Maybe you could tell us (that would be really brave) or maybe pick someone on the board that you feel very close to and e-mail that person.
If you write each thing down, you can start working on solutions. It is not an I hate myself, want to die feeling. There are specific things that are pushing on you. Write down about you financial problems. Who do you really owe money to that it will make a remarkable difference in their lives if they got the money. Probably no one. Probably all have a place to live and enough to eat. If it's credit card stuff then you can work on finding one of those credit card places that help you manage your debt.
Do the same with your illness. Is it physically very painful. If so then maybe you can get drugs that will help you. If it stops you from doing things you like doing, maybe there are ways to change that. Sometimes it is just time.
Anyway, obviously I don't know the specifics, but I think there is no problem that is too big that it can't be handled in some way besides dying. And we can help you look at each one and see that broken down they are not awful enough to kill yourself over. Especially because you like yourself and like life. With other people that is so much of the battle. With you, you can actually start with the concrete things that are tipping you over.
But first, I hope that you are safe, and can share that you are safe. When someone comes on the board saying that they are deciding whether to kill themselves it makes us all very scared. Scared for you and scared for the parts of us that have sometimes had to hold on in the same way that you are now.
Shelli
Posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 21:27:41
In reply to Re: Suicide » Cass, posted by shelliR on November 27, 2001, at 16:50:45
I'm still on a roller coaster ride. Today I was driving, and I heard a beautiful song from "Cirque du Soleil," and I felt uplifted and started to think of all the wonderful, caring people I know, including all of you. I felt euphoric. Then I got home and spoke to my pdoc who finally returned my call. I couldn't express how hurt I felt that he hadn't returned my urgent phone call, and I couldn't help but feel that the money issue had contributed to his neglect. You can't have well-being without having a lot of money. Then I felt like, why on earth didn't I take all those pills? I go up and down. We talked about my going back on an antidepressant. I heard that Prozac recently became available in generic form, and I suggested that I might be able to afford that. I spoke too soon though. I called the pharmacy to check the price and it hasn't gone down that much. I need to be on something very badly. I'm not very stable, but don't worry too much about me. I think I'm out of the woods. I hope I am. Thanks.
Posted by Katey on November 27, 2001, at 22:46:57
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 21:27:41
are there any free clinics in your area? or (U.S.) the county health board should be able to help you a little. im so glad that your out of the woods Cass, you have no idea how much it made me light up to see the last post from you. Be strong and keep going. also, replace your b*stard pdoc, and threaten him with a malpractice suit if he tries to bill you. Keep going Cass, youre out of the woods, now lets get back to town.
Happy to see you,
Katey
Posted by sar on November 27, 2001, at 22:55:19
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 21:27:41
Cass,
thanks for posting...i'm glad you're feeling a little bit better.
re: meds...i have no income, and United Way directed me to a psychiatric clinic in my city that sees patients for free, or on a sliding scale basis...you take your last 6 paycheck stubs, and they decide how much you'll have to pay. i'm on 4 meds that are pretty expensive, but i don't pay a cent.
this makes alot of sense because the mentally ill are often unable to hold down a job or work to their potential, etc. anyway, i am sure that your city must have a similar clinic. check the phonebook.
from what i know, Barr Laboratories makes the generic version of prozac, and they have exclusive rights on it for one year, so it's not that much cheaper. but in a year, it's up for grabs. (THIS COULD BE WRONG. SOMEONE PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'VE GOT THE DETAILS ALL MIXED UP.)
i've found that some doctors can be very ruthless when it comes to bill-paying. this hurts my heart because you spill yourself to them, and then you get this neatly printed paper with numbers on it. i think that the best docs let patients slide a bit...
if you're not very stable, do you think something fast-acting like a benzo would calm you down? the first time i was hospitalised they gave us xanax PRN...it was a lifesaver. antidepressants take too long to kick in in a situation like this...
Cass, this is close to my heart, and i'm glad you're a bit out of the woods. it takes awhile, though...please keep us updated.
at my worst, i used to visit a sandwich shop after my pschyoanalysis sessions. it was very fancy and the sandwiches were about $7.00, cappucinnos $3.00, and i would eat this delicious meal outside and cry. it was a good indulgence.
can you see how many people are rooting for you?
love,
sar
Posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:11:58
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by sar on November 27, 2001, at 22:55:19
Hi Sar,
I'm stunned to find out that this clinic pays for your meds. What kind of clinic is it, County? What is the name of the program that pays for meds? I've never heard of anything like it. I spend lots of money on meds. I could really use help like that. I'm very appreciative of your input and everyone else's.
Posted by shelliR on November 28, 2001, at 0:47:39
In reply to Re: Suicide » sar, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:11:58
> Hi Sar,
> I'm stunned to find out that this clinic pays for your meds. What kind of clinic is it, County? What is the name of the program that pays for meds? I've never heard of anything like it. I spend lots of money on meds. I could really use help like that. I'm very appreciative of your input and everyone else's.Cass, almost every drug company has a program which gives out their drugs FREE if you qualify. Look on this site: http://www.phrma.org/patients/
Some of the companies will let you apply; others make your doctors call to get the forms. It works; I've done it. They either supply your drugs to your doctor if their a narcotic like ritalin, or give you a volcher to get it free at the drugstore.
If you need any help, write back and we can find you more specific sites for your meds. Really.Shelli
Posted by Phil on November 28, 2001, at 6:03:35
In reply to Re: Suicide: not » Cass, posted by shelliR on November 28, 2001, at 0:47:39
Posted by mair on November 28, 2001, at 9:30:45
In reply to Hi Cass..Don't miss ShelliR's post^^^^^ (nm), posted by Phil on November 28, 2001, at 6:03:35
Posted by sar on November 28, 2001, at 10:39:39
In reply to Re: Suicide » sar, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:11:58
> Hi Sar,
> I'm stunned to find out that this clinic pays for your meds. What kind of clinic is it, County? What is the name of the program that pays for meds? I've never heard of anything like it. I spend lots of money on meds. I could really use help like that. I'm very appreciative of your input and everyone else's.Cass,
the place i got to is called the Center for Health Care Services. when i called the suicide hotline several months ago, they directed me to this place. as far as i know, it is a city service, but i would imagine that most medium-to-large cities have a place like this.
or, as Shelli said, you could get the drugs directly from the companies.
just know that there are several options.
Posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 13:52:31
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 21:27:41
Just wanted to say WELL DONE. Its a big achievement just getting thru really bad days, and you've done it several times. Just keep going one at a time..
I have had days like that and know they seem to go on for ever. To show how things can change, I'm off for 3 days in Barcelona (Spain- I live in UK) tomorrow- never thought I would do things like that again.
Fi
Posted by Sourceror on November 28, 2001, at 18:21:17
In reply to Re:Well done, Cass » Cass, posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 13:52:31
Keep up the fight (and it is a big fight to keep going from day to day) and you will find new little tid bits to hold on to. I have been following your posts from day one and I would find myself rushing in after work just to see if you had posted something new so I could know you were still in the fight. Keep going no matter how tough it gets....
Posted by adamie on November 29, 2001, at 12:02:56
In reply to Re: Suicide » Cass, posted by Fi on November 25, 2001, at 13:31:41
try doing some new things if you are insistant on dying. some new things just for the heck of it. buy some lotto scratch tickets. they can be fun for that single second. and do you want to get married? me is here. if you have nothing to lose then why not try some abnormal things? and admitting yourself to a clinic or mental hospital can be good. the change of lifestyle can be enought o temporarly get rid of suicidal thoughts at least a bit.> You already know from the previous messages how much members of this group are rooting for you.
>
> I would add a few of the cold facts which help keep me going sometimes, about suicide.
> 1. It causes enormous pain and anguish to the people who love you(including your dog), and sends out ripples of distress to everyone who knew you. Far more than with an 'ordinary' death.
> 2. It breaks the taboo on suicide in the family, making your relatives more likely to do it in the future.
> 3. There is the risk it doesnt work and you end up with more medical problems to deal with.
> 4. You might have better times in the future- you dont know that now, and may find it impossible to believe, but at least allow the possibility. If you stop now, you wont stop the pain as you wont exist anymore. There isnt a stage 'after' when you will feel better.
>
> Something a therapist has said is to point out it is killing someone- murder- which is just as bad even tho you are doing it to yourself.
>
> Please, please talk to someone (like a crisis line) now- dont wait. And as people keep suggesting, your pdoc as soon as possible.
> If hospitalisation is suggested, think a little before dismissing it- keeping alive is incredibly important, even if it doesnt feel it just now.
>
> You have links with life, and are sad at the idea of leaving it, and have contacted us. Keep going a bit longer; decide to get help on Monday, not OD.
>
> Fi
Posted by Cass on November 29, 2001, at 13:21:19
In reply to Re: Suicide: not » Cass, posted by shelliR on November 28, 2001, at 0:47:39
Hi Shelli,
Do you think you could help me find info. about Prozac and Neurontin?
Posted by shelliR on November 29, 2001, at 16:21:40
In reply to Re: Suicide: not » shelliR, posted by Cass on November 29, 2001, at 13:21:19
> Hi Shelli,
> Do you think you could help me find info. about Prozac and Neurontin?Prozac is now generic, but still very expensive, so I would apply for Eli Lilly's progrzm:
ELI LILLY AND COMPANYName of Program : Lilly Cares
Physician Requests Should Be Directed To Lilly Cares Program Administrator
Lilly Cares
P.O. Box 23099
Centreville, VA 20120
1 -(800) 545-6962Product(s) Covered By Program
Most Lilly prescription products and insulins (except controlled substances) are covered by this program. Gemzar® is covered under a separate program
Eligibility
Patients must be U.S. residents. Eligibility is determined on a case-by-case basis in consultation with each prescribing physician. Eligibility is based on the patient's inability to pay and lack of third- party drug payment assistance, including
insurance, Medicaid, government-subsidized clinics, and other government, community, or private programs. Inpatients and those who can obtain drug reimbursement from any source are not eligible. Requests for replacement drugs cannot be
honored; Medications are provided directly to the physician for dispensing to the patient. Quantity of supply is dependent upon type of product being prescribed. All Lilly medications must be used as recommended in product labeling.Other Program Information
Forms to qualify a patient for the program will be provided to the physician. On this form, the physician is requested to provide prescription information, including signature and DEA number, and to confirm the patient's ineligibility for otherforms of outpatient drug coverage. Additionally, the patient is requested to provide pertinent information and state financial need.Subsequent request for same patient requires another prescription and restatement of medical and financial need.
Program guidelines may be subject to change.
Cass, I'm on my way out now, but I'll try to find the same information about neurotin in a couple of hours.Shelli
Posted by Phil on November 29, 2001, at 17:34:06
In reply to Re: Suicide: not » Cass, posted by shelliR on November 29, 2001, at 16:21:40
Hi Cass, I just got home and since Shelli was on her way out, I found your info on Neurontin.
Hope you're feeling okay..let us know when you feel like it.PFIZER INC
Name Of Program
Pfizer Prescription AssistancePhysician Requests Should Be Directed To
Pfizer Prescription Assistance
P.O. Box 230970
Centreville, VA 20120
(800) 646-4455Product(s) Covered By Program
Most Pfizer outpatient products with chronic indications are covered by this program. Aricept®, Diflucan® and Zithro-max® are covered by separate programs.Eligibility
Any patient that a physician is treating as indigent is eligible. Patients must have incomes below $12,000 (single) or $15,000 (family). Patients must not be receiving or be eligible for third-party or Medicaid reimbursements for medications. No copayment or cost-sharing is required by the patient.Other Program Information
Specific forms are not required. The physician must write a letter on his or her letterhead to Pfizer stating that the patient meets income criteria and is uninsured for pharmaceuticals and enclose a prescription for the desired product. The letter must be signed by the prescribing physician. Products are shipped to the physician for redistribution to the patient. Products are supplied to the physician in stock packages, usually 100 tablets or capsules. It may take up to four weeks to receive the product. Refills are obtained through physician resubmission of request. Pfizer reserves the right to limit enrollment of patients.
Posted by Greg A. on November 29, 2001, at 22:04:17
In reply to Re: Cass-Neurontin program info, posted by Phil on November 29, 2001, at 17:34:06
Cass - did you get the message that a whole bunch of people care about you? If you have that effect on relative strangers . . . well who knows??
Lots of helpful advice here.
Just let us know what you need!Take Care
Greg
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