![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
Posted by Phil on November 6, 2001, at 8:48:30
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
I sleep a lot and pray like hell they fly by really fast. Then, I hang on.
Phil
Posted by Mitch on November 6, 2001, at 9:34:00
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
> Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
I experience a hypomanic rebound on the first few weekdays in January!
Posted by tina on November 6, 2001, at 10:06:04
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by Mitch on November 6, 2001, at 9:34:00
I listen to my body and I learn how to say NO. If I feel anxious, I take a time out from the holiday slew. I DO on the days I feel strong and I give myself permission to NOT do on the days I don't. Plus, I make sure that if anyone asks me what i want for gifts, I say relaxation bath salts, aromatherapy and meditation tapes. that usually lets them know in a subtle way that I can't handle holidays and they don't heap too much on me.
Only do what you feel you can and don't beat yourself up if you can't.> > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
>
> I experience a hypomanic rebound on the first few weekdays in January!
Posted by Shar on November 6, 2001, at 11:38:38
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by Phil on November 6, 2001, at 8:48:30
An approach I've had good luck with also. Thank god for sleep meds.
Shar> I sleep a lot and pray like hell they fly by really fast. Then, I hang on.
>
> Phil
Posted by Jane D on November 6, 2001, at 14:47:35
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
> Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
Rosa - I'm sure there are some people who fit your description but I think for many of us the stress has nothing to do with childhood. My holidays as a child were fine. As an adult though I find them quite stressful for purely adult reasons. The amount of time required to meet family obligations, catch up with old friends, perhaps shop and cook and clean house for visitors, and definately the time spent trying to make sure the kids have a good time no matter what, is physically overwhelming. Mentally (if there is such a distinction), I feel guilty about everything above that I fail to do, reviewing a Christmas card list reminds me of the people I have cut off and New Years always brings thoughts of what I have failed to accomplish in my life or memories of how I felt on previous New Years. Childhood holidays were a piece of cake in comparison. - Jane
Posted by Gracie2 on November 6, 2001, at 17:39:19
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
I also rely on sleep meds, and eggnog with a lot of brandy. I really would like to have a Martha Stewart Christmas and I tell myself some day when I am "well", I'll decorate my banisters with evergreen garlands and make my own wrapping paper
by using stamps and whatever else the hell she does. Until then, it takes all my effort just to get a tree up.
Still, there are a few things I do every Christmas, little rituals that add some meaning to the holiday. I always have to watch "A Christmas Carol" and I play music from Handel's Messiah and Mannheim Steamroller. I figure that maybe if I keep adding these little things every year, Christmas might turn out to be a happy event some day, instead of just an expensive occasion that calls for putting up with one's relatives.
-Gracie
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on November 6, 2001, at 20:54:09
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
> Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
Dear Rosa,
The holidays during childhood were always
happy times for me. I rarely suffer with holiday
depression;, so maybe your theory is right.Glenn
Posted by galtin on November 9, 2001, at 22:45:08
In reply to Holiday Depression, posted by Rosa on November 6, 2001, at 8:20:06
> Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
I have detested "the holidays" for many years. I know some of the reasons. There is the stunning hypocracy typified in advertising of talking giving,love and generosity as a cover for greed and materialism. There are the expectations of relational bliss that are rarely, if ever, matched by reality. There is the stress of preparing and doing, preparing and doing. Then there are the manifold opportunities to see just that selection of people that you have heretofore managed to avoid over the past year. None of this is to mention my innate suspicion of anybody who is excessively cheerful at any time in the year. Plus, on the days around Thanksgiving, and during the weeks of Christmas and New Years I drank a quart of vodka a day. I should mention, though, that my intensity of loathing for these days can not be fully explained by any or all of these factors.Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
Any other ideas, anybody?
galtin
Posted by Rosa on November 10, 2001, at 10:07:05
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by galtin on November 9, 2001, at 22:45:08
> > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
>
>
> I have detested "the holidays" for many years. I know some of the reasons. There is the stunning hypocracy typified in advertising of talking giving,love and generosity as a cover for greed and materialism. There are the expectations of relational bliss that are rarely, if ever, matched by reality. There is the stress of preparing and doing, preparing and doing. Then there are the manifold opportunities to see just that selection of people that you have heretofore managed to avoid over the past year. None of this is to mention my innate suspicion of anybody who is excessively cheerful at any time in the year. Plus, on the days around Thanksgiving, and during the weeks of Christmas and New Years I drank a quart of vodka a day. I should mention, though, that my intensity of loathing for these days can not be fully explained by any or all of these factors.
>
> Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
>
> Any other ideas, anybody?
>
>
> galtinI am married to a "tight-fisted" grouch! It's usually worse around the holidays. Any other suggestions?
-r
Posted by Mitch on November 10, 2001, at 10:45:56
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by galtin on November 9, 2001, at 22:45:08
> > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
>
>
> Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
>
> Any other ideas, anybody?
>
>
> galtinI think what you mentioned is a great idea and I think I know why it is working. During the holidays you tend to get "dragged around" by your family and you don't feel like you have any *control* over any of the festivities. I tend to feel like I have gotten letters from the government forcing me to attend bad movies! If you can "create and control" your own events then they have the potential to be a lot more fun.
Mitch
Posted by galtin on November 10, 2001, at 11:09:06
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » galtin, posted by Mitch on November 10, 2001, at 10:45:56
> > > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
>
> >
> >
> > Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
> >
> > Any other ideas, anybody?
> >
> >
> > galtin
>
> I think what you mentioned is a great idea and I think I know why it is working. During the holidays you tend to get "dragged around" by your family and you don't feel like you have any *control* over any of the festivities. I tend to feel like I have gotten letters from the government forcing me to attend bad movies! If you can "create and control" your own events then they have the potential to be a lot more fun.
>
> Mitch
Mitch,
Exactly. Good way to put it.
galtin
Posted by galtin on November 12, 2001, at 23:08:35
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » galtin, posted by Rosa on November 10, 2001, at 10:07:05
> > > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
> >
> >
> > I have detested "the holidays" for many years. I know some of the reasons. There is the stunning hypocracy typified in advertising of talking giving,love and generosity as a cover for greed and materialism. There are the expectations of relational bliss that are rarely, if ever, matched by reality. There is the stress of preparing and doing, preparing and doing. Then there are the manifold opportunities to see just that selection of people that you have heretofore managed to avoid over the past year. None of this is to mention my innate suspicion of anybody who is excessively cheerful at any time in the year. Plus, on the days around Thanksgiving, and during the weeks of Christmas and New Years I drank a quart of vodka a day. I should mention, though, that my intensity of loathing for these days can not be fully explained by any or all of these factors.
> >
> > Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
> >
> > Any other ideas, anybody?
> >
> >
> > galtin
>
> I am married to a "tight-fisted" grouch! It's usually worse around the holidays. Any other suggestions?
>
> -r
Rosa,
Lay low, get out of the house, and have zero expectations.
galtin
Posted by Kristi on November 12, 2001, at 23:51:07
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by galtin on November 12, 2001, at 23:08:35
A good friend of mine wants me to spend all of the holidays with her. Pre holiday set up: baking, making gift baskets..... wants me to help santa on Christmas eve..... little does she know this will depress me more, since I don't have my own family to be doing this with. Usually I end up skating by the holidays. I hope I do it this year also. It's alot easier here in Vegas... no snow, no cold weather... christmas isn't exactly the same... christmas cheer isn't so relavant. That helps a little. Just a little addage. Kristi
> > > > Many people tend to feel depression, anxiety, and confusion around the holidays? Often we do not know why. It is only after we sit down and sort through what our holidays were like when we were children that we realize the kinds of negative experiences that the holidays brought. Unfortunately, our children may be experiencing similar feelings. How do you deal with holiday depression?
> > >
> > >
> > > I have detested "the holidays" for many years. I know some of the reasons. There is the stunning hypocracy typified in advertising of talking giving,love and generosity as a cover for greed and materialism. There are the expectations of relational bliss that are rarely, if ever, matched by reality. There is the stress of preparing and doing, preparing and doing. Then there are the manifold opportunities to see just that selection of people that you have heretofore managed to avoid over the past year. None of this is to mention my innate suspicion of anybody who is excessively cheerful at any time in the year. Plus, on the days around Thanksgiving, and during the weeks of Christmas and New Years I drank a quart of vodka a day. I should mention, though, that my intensity of loathing for these days can not be fully explained by any or all of these factors.
> > >
> > > Finally, two years ago I took a bold step out of annual martyrdom. I stopped giving or receiving gifts costing over $15.00. I said "no" to four out of five invitations and left early from the fifth ones. I scheduled diverting and pleasant activities-- movies, adventures in the woods, lunches, etc, with people I am close to, reading good books, going new places, and so on. All this has helped me feel less like a self-pitying victim and more like a run of the mill grouch.
> > >
> > > Any other ideas, anybody?
> > >
> > >
> > > galtin
> >
> > I am married to a "tight-fisted" grouch! It's usually worse around the holidays. Any other suggestions?
> >
> > -r
>
>
> Rosa,
>
>
> Lay low, get out of the house, and have zero expectations.
>
>
> galtin
Posted by robinibor on November 16, 2001, at 2:02:05
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by Kristi on November 12, 2001, at 23:51:07
I just put up some articles on the subject on our website. http://www.undoingdepression.com
Let me know what you think about them.
Posted by Rosa on November 17, 2001, at 11:19:03
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression , posted by robinibor on November 16, 2001, at 2:02:05
> I just put up some articles on the subject on our website. http://www.undoingdepression.com
> Let me know what you think about them.Thanks for the article on Holiday Blues. I believe that some of us have legitimate reasons for feeling "depressed" around the holidays. Many of us are from divorced or dysfunctional families.
Posted by Gracie2 on November 24, 2001, at 13:18:22
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » robinibor, posted by Rosa on November 17, 2001, at 11:19:03
Christmas has always been kind of a horror for me.
It wasn't bad when I was young, because my mom likes little kids. But the older the four of us got the less she seemed to like us and by the time we were teenagers, she almost seemed to kind of hate us. She bought us some tokens for Christmas and threw a fit if we didn't cry with joy...she would start screaming, and lock herself in her room for the rest of the day. Now that I'm older, I believe she was clinically depressed, but at the time we had no idea what was going on.In 1985, when we were grown, my oldest brother Shayne was on his way home for Christmas - he was in the Army and had been stationed in the Sinai for six months on peace-keeping duty - when his plane crashed in Gander, Newfoundland. They sent Shayne home in a cigar box. We had been very close
and his death ripped a hole in my life that has not mended to this day. I wanted nothing to do with Christmas for many years, but I went through the motions because I had a small son, and I did it for him. For me, Christmas was a time of mourning.Last year, my favorite Aunt - who was more like a Mom to me than my own mother, and helped raise me-died a terrible, painful death of colon cancer right before Christmas. Right after Christmas, I lost a beloved Grandmother. I started to feel that I was cursed.
This year, my husband walked out on me the day before Thanksgiving. He just suddenly announced that he was leaving to visit cousins in Ohio. We have been together 18 years, and my husband has never talked to or mentioned cousins in Ohio.
Later, I tried to call my sister in Hawaii, and was informed by a Sprint representative that our long-distance calling privilages had been suspended because of "the unusual amount of activity on our Sprint phone card", that we owed over $500 on our bill. I was not aware that we owned a Sprint calling card; it's in my husband's name only. When I tried to question him about the bill on his secret card, he was evasive and nonchalant. Then he packed up his stuff and left, telling me that he needed time to think and that he would let me know whether he planned to stay with me or not after he returned from Ohio...or wherever he is.I took about 10 Xanax and walked around in shock
for awhile. I did not cry. Then I decided the best thing to do was to get as busy as I possibly could. I planned to have another Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday for my family (the ones I have left) and my son, who is 20 now and enjoys cooking, agreed to help me make everything from scratch. I found my husband's checkbook and we went shopping. I didn't buy anything in particular just for myself, but besides the food and good wine and Baileys, I bought new drinking and wine glasses - when my husband gets angry, he smashes glasses against the wall, and I was practically down to jelly-jars. I bought napkins and candles and tiny white lights for the huge ficus trees in our livingroom. I'm going to polish and wax everything. Everything will be perfect.If my husband doesn't return, I will probably go into the business of gun-running for awhile.
(I'm not supposed to own guns, since I've been in a mental hospital, but I know about them since I was in the Army myself for a long time.) My husband owns an arsenal of weapons. We live in a very old, nice house in a not-so-good part of the city, so I will probably keep a gun with a speed-loader and maybe a second gun (the fastest reload is another gun), along with a rifle. Everything else can go. I haven't made up my mind whether to sell the power tools or learn how to use them.I will also probably get a guard dog, maybe a German Shepard or a Rotweiler. I have a Golden Retriever, but he would let strangers in the house and show them where the goodies are if they would play with him for awhile. He loves everyone.
I haven't made any definate plans beyond that. Fix up the house and sell it, I guess. Maybe move to Key West. I have the kind of job where I can find work anywhere, thank goodness.
You guys say a prayer for me and if anyone is lonely on Christmas, write me and I will write you back. This is going to be very hard on me, but I will be okay. I think that Shayne and my anut and my grandmother are looking out for me -
maybe I'm just going crazy, but I feel it.You all take care-
Gracie
Gracie2114@aol.com
Posted by Shar on November 25, 2001, at 23:01:22
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression, posted by Gracie2 on November 24, 2001, at 13:18:22
Gracie,
This sounds too awful; my heart goes out to you. Damn, sometimes it's just too bad we have hopes at all--like when we are young and trusting then get the rug pulled out from under us. And it sounds like that has happened to you over and over again.And (forgive me) who is your husband to dance away from you, determining your future upon his return?? Screw that. I know you from your posts, and I know how strong you are and how fun you are, and you don't deserve that kind of crap in your life at all.
I hope you and your son will set up a new and wonderful holiday tradition that is loving and fun, and has the good simple stuff that warms our hearts.
xoxo
Shar>
> Christmas has always been kind of a horror for me.
> It wasn't bad when I was young, because my mom likes little kids. But the older the four of us got the less she seemed to like us and by the time we were teenagers, she almost seemed to kind of hate us. She bought us some tokens for Christmas and threw a fit if we didn't cry with joy...she would start screaming, and lock herself in her room for the rest of the day. Now that I'm older, I believe she was clinically depressed, but at the time we had no idea what was going on.
>
> In 1985, when we were grown, my oldest brother Shayne was on his way home for Christmas - he was in the Army and had been stationed in the Sinai for six months on peace-keeping duty - when his plane crashed in Gander, Newfoundland. They sent Shayne home in a cigar box. We had been very close
> and his death ripped a hole in my life that has not mended to this day. I wanted nothing to do with Christmas for many years, but I went through the motions because I had a small son, and I did it for him. For me, Christmas was a time of mourning.
>
> Last year, my favorite Aunt - who was more like a Mom to me than my own mother, and helped raise me-died a terrible, painful death of colon cancer right before Christmas. Right after Christmas, I lost a beloved Grandmother. I started to feel that I was cursed.
>
> This year, my husband walked out on me the day before Thanksgiving. He just suddenly announced that he was leaving to visit cousins in Ohio. We have been together 18 years, and my husband has never talked to or mentioned cousins in Ohio.
> Later, I tried to call my sister in Hawaii, and was informed by a Sprint representative that our long-distance calling privilages had been suspended because of "the unusual amount of activity on our Sprint phone card", that we owed over $500 on our bill. I was not aware that we owned a Sprint calling card; it's in my husband's name only. When I tried to question him about the bill on his secret card, he was evasive and nonchalant. Then he packed up his stuff and left, telling me that he needed time to think and that he would let me know whether he planned to stay with me or not after he returned from Ohio...or wherever he is.
>
> I took about 10 Xanax and walked around in shock
> for awhile. I did not cry. Then I decided the best thing to do was to get as busy as I possibly could. I planned to have another Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday for my family (the ones I have left) and my son, who is 20 now and enjoys cooking, agreed to help me make everything from scratch. I found my husband's checkbook and we went shopping. I didn't buy anything in particular just for myself, but besides the food and good wine and Baileys, I bought new drinking and wine glasses - when my husband gets angry, he smashes glasses against the wall, and I was practically down to jelly-jars. I bought napkins and candles and tiny white lights for the huge ficus trees in our livingroom. I'm going to polish and wax everything. Everything will be perfect.
>
> If my husband doesn't return, I will probably go into the business of gun-running for awhile.
> (I'm not supposed to own guns, since I've been in a mental hospital, but I know about them since I was in the Army myself for a long time.) My husband owns an arsenal of weapons. We live in a very old, nice house in a not-so-good part of the city, so I will probably keep a gun with a speed-loader and maybe a second gun (the fastest reload is another gun), along with a rifle. Everything else can go. I haven't made up my mind whether to sell the power tools or learn how to use them.
>
> I will also probably get a guard dog, maybe a German Shepard or a Rotweiler. I have a Golden Retriever, but he would let strangers in the house and show them where the goodies are if they would play with him for awhile. He loves everyone.
>
> I haven't made any definate plans beyond that. Fix up the house and sell it, I guess. Maybe move to Key West. I have the kind of job where I can find work anywhere, thank goodness.
>
> You guys say a prayer for me and if anyone is lonely on Christmas, write me and I will write you back. This is going to be very hard on me, but I will be okay. I think that Shayne and my anut and my grandmother are looking out for me -
> maybe I'm just going crazy, but I feel it.
>
> You all take care-
> Gracie
> Gracie2114@aol.com
Posted by Gracie2 on November 26, 2001, at 11:18:52
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » Gracie2, posted by Shar on November 25, 2001, at 23:01:22
Shar-
Thank you so much for your good wishes. I think I am feeling better all the time. First, while my husband was gone, I didn't have to put up with his constant nagging and complaining; I don't have any clean shorts, this place is a mess, I told you to never use that credit card except in an absolute emergency, you burned the meat again...I mean, it was just nonstop emotional abuse, and it was wearing me down. Even when everything was perfect, there was never a compliment or a thank-you. Just silence.I was frightened for about a day after he left, because it is such a huge adjustment to live alone after 18 years. Then I started to get angry. This is really not typical of me; usually my anger turns inwards, and I get very depressed.
This time I thought - I thought the same thing you did. I thought, who is this person to leave me on a family holiday, and then return to let me know whether I was good enough for him or not? (I
can't throw him out - I tried that once, and he broke a window to get into the house and busted up all the furniture.)After he left, that's when I found his checkbook and went grocery shopping, and bought the napkins and the wine glasses. It wasn't just revenge...I figured he owed them to me, because he had broken all my other glasses.
He told me I could never have a fire in our fireplace, because it was too shallow and the chimney needed to be cleaned. So I bought a Duraflame log (they don't burn as hot as wood) and for the first time in 13 years of living in this house, I had a fire in my fireplace, and it was beautiful. I had a fire extinguisher just in case, but there was no trouble at all.
To ice the cake, I went to my cousin's house and asked to buy her aquarium, because I knew she didn't want it. I have always wanted a saltwater aquarium but my husband refused to let me have one (too expensive, too much work, you won't take care of it). It's a very large aquarium, probably about 5x3 feet. Because my cousin isn't interested in it, it's only about half full of water and has just a couple of freshwater fish in it. The aquarium needs a lot of work and I know they ARE a lot of work, and I need to learn a great deal about taking care of saltwater tropical fish. But I need a hobby and I need to keep busy, and I have a well-paid job until at least Christmas. So that is my Christmas present to myself, since I really don't expect one from my husband. And that's okay.
I'm not sure what will happen now but my best guess is that my husband will stay at the house, although we won't sleep together. He needs to help me get this place cleaned up so we can sell it. There was a lot of water damage before we were finally able to fix the roof, and we have several rooms on the second floor where the ceiling is falling down or we have no ceiling at all, just wood rafters and insulation. I know how to patch and sand and paint and stain, but I can't install drywall or sand floors. (Well, maybe I could, who knows.) But my son is a commercial painter and both my cousin and brother are carpenters, and they have promised to help me.
All I have to do is supply the materials and the beer.So I am doing fine. In fact, I don't know where this strength is coming from, but I thank God for it. My new job will help immensely, but it's more than that. I refuse to curl up on the couch and cry and hope my husband will return to me.
I know there are thousands - maybe millions - of people that are in the position I was in(particularly after the terrorist horror) - feeling alone, frightened, helpless and
hopeless. I pray for them and wish for them some of the strength thas has supported me.Best wishes,
Gracie
Posted by robinibor on November 26, 2001, at 12:29:09
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression - Shar, posted by Gracie2 on November 26, 2001, at 11:18:52
Good for you. Keep taking care of yourself by doing things that give you pleasure. Too often our disease tries to tell us we don't deserve to enjoy life...so when other people tell us that for their own selfish reasons, we are inclined to believe them. Phooey on that.
I've heard that salt-water fish can be a lot of work, too. But they are so incredibly beautiful. I can just imagine a fire in the fireplace, some good wine in your new wineglasses, and those colorful creatures dancing in time to great music.
Posted by Gracie2 on November 26, 2001, at 17:01:52
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » Gracie2, posted by robinibor on November 26, 2001, at 12:29:09
Thank you again for your support, I can use every ounce. I don't believe in shamans or whoever says that you can bring bad karma to people by directing hateful thoughts towards them, (otherwise my mother would have killed my father a long time ago), but I do believe that good thoughts and prayers are helpful.In the meantime, I just plan to stay as busy as possible and try to think of all the things I do have to be thankful for. I am not going to fall apart. In fact, even though everyone else hates her, I kind of like Martha Stewart. She starts her own tiny catering company, working so hard that she is sleeping 4 hours a night, and her husband walks out on her to marry one of her employees.
She keeps her life together and in fact, goes on to be an incredibly powerful, unbelievably wealthy woman. I know she's supposed to be sort of a bitch, but I still can't help admiring her.
I could never be a Martha Stewart - I don't want to make my own writing paper or anything - but I still think she's wonderfully creative and strong as a rock, so she has to be my mentor right now.I dearly hope that everyone else is having a better holiday. I know that dysfunctional families are as common as bird poop, but there still has to be some loving families out there
somewhere.Best wishes to you all-
Gracie the Rock
Posted by LyndaK on November 27, 2001, at 3:07:49
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression - Robinibor, posted by Gracie2 on November 26, 2001, at 17:01:52
Hi Gracie,
I've been interested in your posts because I can identify with the self-centered, controlling, poop-head husband issue. You certainly have had more than your share of grief, and your husband doesn't sound like the emotionally-supportive type. It sounds like, with his absence, you've been able to do things that bring some joy back into your life that you didn't feel free to do before. You sound liberated! May you have many more fires in the fireplace and toasts with loved ones during this holiday season.
You Go, Girl!!!
Lynda
>
> Thank you again for your support, I can use every ounce. I don't believe in shamans or whoever says that you can bring bad karma to people by directing hateful thoughts towards them, (otherwise my mother would have killed my father a long time ago), but I do believe that good thoughts and prayers are helpful.
>
> In the meantime, I just plan to stay as busy as possible and try to think of all the things I do have to be thankful for. I am not going to fall apart. In fact, even though everyone else hates her, I kind of like Martha Stewart. She starts her own tiny catering company, working so hard that she is sleeping 4 hours a night, and her husband walks out on her to marry one of her employees.
> She keeps her life together and in fact, goes on to be an incredibly powerful, unbelievably wealthy woman. I know she's supposed to be sort of a bitch, but I still can't help admiring her.
> I could never be a Martha Stewart - I don't want to make my own writing paper or anything - but I still think she's wonderfully creative and strong as a rock, so she has to be my mentor right now.
>
> I dearly hope that everyone else is having a better holiday. I know that dysfunctional families are as common as bird poop, but there still has to be some loving families out there
> somewhere.
>
> Best wishes to you all-
> Gracie the Rock
Posted by Rosa on November 27, 2001, at 15:38:02
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression - Robinibor, posted by Gracie2 on November 26, 2001, at 17:01:52
I dearly hope that everyone else is having a better holiday. I know that dysfunctional families are as common as bird poop, but there still has to be some loving families out there
somewhere.Best wishes to you all-
Gracie the Rock
______________________The percentage of dysfunctional families is extremely high. Here are a few of the common behavior characteristics.
1. We have feelings of low self-esteem that cause us to judge ourselves and others without mercy. We cover up or compensate by trying to be perfect, take responsibility for others, control the outcome of unpredictable events, get angry when things don't go our way, or gossip instead of confronting an issue.
2. We tend to isolate ourselves and to feel uneasy around other people, especially authority figures.
3. We are approval seekers and will do anything to make people like us. We are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that suggests loyalty is undeserved.
4. We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This causes us to feel anxious and overly sensitive.
5. We habitually choose to have relationships with emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities. We are usually less attracted to healthy, caring people.
** From Friends In Recovery, 1994.
Posted by LyndaK on November 27, 2001, at 23:19:18
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » Gracie2, posted by Rosa on November 27, 2001, at 15:38:02
What's "Friends in Recovery"? A book?
Lynda
> I dearly hope that everyone else is having a better holiday. I know that dysfunctional families are as common as bird poop, but there still has to be some loving families out there
> somewhere.
>
> Best wishes to you all-
> Gracie the Rock
> ______________________
>
> The percentage of dysfunctional families is extremely high. Here are a few of the common behavior characteristics.
>
> 1. We have feelings of low self-esteem that cause us to judge ourselves and others without mercy. We cover up or compensate by trying to be perfect, take responsibility for others, control the outcome of unpredictable events, get angry when things don't go our way, or gossip instead of confronting an issue.
>
>
> 2. We tend to isolate ourselves and to feel uneasy around other people, especially authority figures.
>
>
> 3. We are approval seekers and will do anything to make people like us. We are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that suggests loyalty is undeserved.
>
>
> 4. We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This causes us to feel anxious and overly sensitive.
>
>
> 5. We habitually choose to have relationships with emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities. We are usually less attracted to healthy, caring people.
>
>
> ** From Friends In Recovery, 1994.
Posted by Rosa on November 28, 2001, at 11:35:22
In reply to Re: Holiday Depression » Rosa, posted by LyndaK on November 27, 2001, at 23:19:18
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